New In Town
by Salix
Aftermath
[reviews]
Buffy was pissed. How could Willow just run off like that? Ok, so maybe punching the wall that was right next to Willow's head was a little much, but she shouldn't've just taken off. But what made Buffy really mad, what was really eating her up inside, the thing that made her stay in the room while Willow ran off was the fear that had been in Willow's eyes. Her girlfriend had been afraid of her. She had been afraid that Buffy was going to do something that would physically harm her. And the blonde knew that it was all her fault.
She punched the wall a couple more times, putting a few more holes in it and then she left the room. Now that she was calmed down enough to think rationally she knew that she had to find Willow. They needed to talk, they needed to work through this, and hopefully they would still be a couple when it was all over with. She looked through all of the rooms upstairs before she went downstairs and started to look for the redhead. But she couldn't find her anywhere. She went into the kitchen last and asked the guy managing the drinks if he had seen the redhead. He pointed her to the backyard so that's where she went.
She stepped out onto the back porch and took a deep breath of the cool night air. She looked around and noticed a large swimming pool and also a little porch swing that was over by the rose bushes. She couldn't help but think how nice it would have been to sit out here with Willow, holding her hand and gently swinging back and forth. But now all of that is ruined and it's all her fault. She saw the pool house and noticed that a light was on. She stood there for a minute and wondered if Willow would really go into someone's pool house if she were upset.
The more she thought about it the more sense it made. Willow would never go anywhere by herself at night because of the dangers that Sunnydale has to offer, and she wouldn't let some drunken boy give her a ride home and she wouldn't call either of their parents because Joyce would flip out if she found out that they were not at the Bronze and her parents still aren't talking to her. So a little time to herself in a pool house made the most sense.
She thought she heard more then one voice as she got closer to the house. Maybe she was wrong, maybe Willow didn't come out here after all. It could be a couple of teens in there getting with the naughty. That was always a possibility. But she had to make sure. She walked to the front of the pool house, her palms actually sweating with nervousness. She hid behind the big bush by the front window and peeked inside. She actually thought her heart had stopped when she saw the sight before her. Her face was drained of all color. It was almost too much but she couldn't tear herself away.
She saw Willow straddling Quinn's lap, her shirt and bra where off and thrown on the empty couch cushion. Willow had her hands on Quinn's shoulders, his hands were holding her upper arms to help her balance. Her eyes were closed, her head thrown back in pleasure, her hair swaying from side to side from her body's movements while the boy that she barely knew was given free reign over her chest. Buffy watched as he licked and sucked on Willow's breasts, the exact same breasts that Buffy had been groping on an hour or so ago. Over her shirt and bra of course but she had still been groping.
She watched until she couldn't handle it. She couldn't hear the words that were being spoken but she could tell that Willow was saying 'don't stop'. She just couldn't handle this. Her head was spinning until she thought she was going to fall. She turned to her left and threw up all of the contents in her stomach. After a few good dry heaves she looked back into the pool house, and watched through teary eyes as a guy, a guy of all people, ravaged her girlfriend.
Or ex-friend because there was no way Buffy was going to stay with her after this, no matter how much Willow begged. If she even begged. She did break up with her up in that room, maybe Quinn was her post-breakup-comfort-sex. Buffy shook her head, the anger that she had felt earlier in that room tripled and she remembered that Willow had said she wasn't ready to sleep with her or anyone else.
Well, she wasn't about to let Willow do something she would only regret, what kind of ex-girlfriend would she be? Or at least that's what she thought. She was really pissed off and was going to stop Willow because Willow was still hers. She wasn't about to let anyone else have her no matter how possessive that sounds.
She kicked the front door in causing the two to jump off of the couch with surprise and fright. She saw Willow grab her discarded shirt and covered herself up with it. She saw the tears spring into Willow's eyes, but she ignored them. All she could feel was blind hatred, and all she wanted to do was smash Quinn's head against a wall until it turned to mush.
"Buffy, tha-" Willow started to say but Buffy cut her off. She was too pissed to try and hear any excuses. She wasn't about to stand there and have Willow try to justify this when they had been caught. If the wrong person had peeked in through that window this news would be all over Sunnydale High the following Monday. Luckily it had been Buffy and not one of the gossipers at school because if she was going to kill Quinn she didn't want a bunch of pesky witnesses.
"Don't Willow. I don't want to hear it right now," her voice was like fire and it burned the redhead, causing the tears to fall. Buffy slightly noticed the bruises on Willow's arms where Quinn had been holding onto her. She also noticed the bruise on Willow's wrist from where she had grabbed her and forced her to turn around earlier before the fight. The looked over at Quinn with pure hatred.
"Give me one good reason why I should let you keep your head," she said and slowly took three steps forward. He didn't back away, but he did look a little scared. He also didn't answer her. He was trying to speak, but it wasn't working so well at the moment. He was...flustered at the moment, so speech wasn't really his strong point. Buffy was vaguely aware of Willow looking over at Quinn, the same fear she had looked at Buffy with was now directed at the teenage boy. She then slowly backed away from him and stood a few feet behind Buffy.
"She was upset, I was just trying to help," he said, trying to vindicate his actions, but Buffy was having none of it. So he knew that Willow was upset and he persuaded her in a time of need. She was also aware that Willow is responsible for her own actions, but they would talk about that later. Right now she just wanted to kill this guy for touching what was hers.
"She was upset, and you took advantage," she said loudly and he tried to explain again but she cut him off, not willing to listen to anything that came out of his mouth. She took another intimidating step towards him. "Oh stop it. I know all about your way of thinking. You're nice to a girl, you do a couple of good deeds to get on their good side, get them to lower their guard around you. And then you wait for that perfect opportunity when they're drunk or when they're so upset that they'll do anything to feel comfort. I know because I used to think like that. I used to be like that, and I will not let you be Willow's mistake "
Faster then a blink of an eye she was in his face and punched him so hard that he flew five feet back and landed hard against the wall, knocking the picture off of it. He clutched onto his broken, bleeding nose. She turned back to Willow and saw the redhead had already put her bra and shirt back on. They both had tears in their eyes as they stood in front of each other. Willow was about to say something when she saw Buffy being thrown across the room.
"You bitch! It's all your fault that she's so upset. You're the one that pushed her, tried to get her to do something that she didn't want to do, and you're blaming me because she wanted me instead of you " he yelled and within two seconds Buffy was on her feet and standing in front of him, ready to attack. But then Willow got in between them, pushing Buffy back a little as she faced the guy.
"I never wanted you You forced me to do those things. You said that you could make the hurt go away if I opened up to you," her voice was started to waver and then she turned around to face the blonde. Hopefully still my blonde, she thought as she looked deeply into the hazel eyes that now looked a little confused as well as pissed off. The look would have killed a lesser being. "Honest Buffy, I didn't want him to, he made me. He's so much stronger, and he wouldn't let go." She started to cry and Buffy was about to reach out and comfort her when Willow was pushed onto the couch by Quinn.
"Oh stop with the sob story, you wanted it you filthy-" he didn't get another word out because Buffy had hit him in the side of the head hard enough to knock him unconscious. She watched as his body hit the floor with a satisfying thud and then she looked over to her left. Willow was sitting on the couch, her face in her hands, crying really hard. Buffy sat down next to and tried her best to comfort her but the redhead wouldn't allow herself to be touched. This was all just too much, she needed to get out of here, and now. She stood up and wiped the tears away, still not looking at the blonde.
"Lets go," she said and started to walk towards the door. She knew that no matter how mad Buffy was she wouldn't let Willow walk around by herself at night. They walked in silence, keeping a little distance in between them. Willow was sniffling a lot and every few seconds she would wipe away the tears that were trying to run down her face, but she wouldn't allow Buffy to comfort her. Even though she wants to be comforted, she wants Buffy to wrap her up in her arms and tell her that everything is going to be ok, she isn't going to allow herself to give into that desire. She can't allow herself to receive any type of the blonde's affection before they have their big, very much needed, talk.
They walked into the house, both expecting to be yelled at by Joyce for being late, but they weren't. They had surprisingly made it back five minutes before their curfew, all of that drama had gone down in a span of only three hours. Buffy wanted to say something to Willow, say anything to try and defuse the situation but the redhead was up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door before she could get a word out of her mouth. Then Joyce walked in from the kitchen and saw Buffy's disordered state and became concerned.
"Buffy, what happened?" she asked and moved a little closer to her. Buffy wouldn't look at her, afraid that her mom would be able to see right through her, be able to see the shame for what she had done. She looked down at her shoes instead, and noticed that she would need to wash the mud and little bit of vomit off of them in morning.
"I pulled another Andrea," she said under her breath, remembering the bad parts of her past. She looked in Joyce's general direction but her eyes would not rest on her mother, still afraid of being found out. "Nothing, we had a fight, I really don't want to talk about it right now. I think I'm just gonna go to bed." She rushed up the stairs before her mom could question her even further. She washed out her mouth and brushed her teeth extra hard, drawing blood from her gums, before she changed for bed.
Sleep did not come easy for either girl that night, and they spent most of it tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position. Willow could not stop crying and it killed Buffy on the inside, her slayer hearing allowing her to hear every sob, every hiccup for breath, every word spoken. The guilt that she was feeling was astronomical, and she silently vowed to never drink again, and she vowed to not break this vow like she had broken the one she had made a year and a half before moving to Sunnydale.
She just couldn't handle it anymore. It was now almost five in the morning, and Willow was still awake, still crying. She refused to just lay there and listen to it while her girlfriend is in pain. Even though she's mostly the reason for that pain, she still had to do something. Even though she isn't sure that she and Willow are still together, she was going to leave it all up to the redhead and she would keep her emotions under control, not matter how difficult it becomes.
She got out of her bed and crept down the hall. She slowly opened the door and walked in, making sure not to make a sound. She quietly closed the door and stood there, watching the girl known as Willow as she cried, her face buried deeply in her pillow, her body shaking violently under the covers. Buffy couldn't help but tear up as she made her way over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and softly placed her hand on Willow's back, gently rubbing up and down. But the redhead flinched at the gentle touch and she didn't look up at the other girl, she only screamed into her pillow.
"Go away!" she yelled loudly. Buffy removed her hand but she didn't leave, she was too afraid of what might happen if she did. "Get out, get away from me!" Her words hurt but Buffy knew that she deserved them after what she had done tonight. She couldn't believe that she had allowed herself to drink as much as she had. But when she's having a good time she just gets caught up in the excitement of it all, and she gets carried away. At least that's the excuse that she uses, since she's still in denial that she has a potential (if not already) drinking problem.
"Will, please. I'm so sorry for what I did. I know that I can never make it up to you, there's nothing I can do that will ever make it ok, but I just want you to know that I really am sorry. I'm not saying that this is an excuse, but when I drink I just can't control myself and I get too carried away. But I promise that it will never happen again. I swear on my life that I will never do anything to hurt you ever again." By the time she was done talking Willow had grown silent. The anger was coming off of her in waves but she was too tired to really do anything about it. She sat up in her bed, her face tear-stained, and she clutched her pillow to her chest in a defensive manner.
"How could I ever forgive you? If I hadn't've stopped you when I did you...you almost raped me. How can I forgive you?" she said the last part as an after thought. Buffy felt even more guilt ridden by Willow's words. She hadn't even thought of that. How could she be so stupid? "And I would never cheat on you, not willingly, and especially not with Cordelia. We've been talking more lately, and sneaking off because she doesn't want her friends to see us being nice to each other but we're just, well I'm not too sure what we are, but if anything we're just friends. I was stressed out and she was helping me, as surprising as that may sound." Buffy looked into Willow's eyes wanting to hold her hand but not wanting to push her in any way possible. She had done enough to stress out the redhead for one night, and she didn't want to add to it.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I was just angry. I know that you would never cheat on me. What was stressing you out so badly that you talked to Cordelia about it?" she asked and then looked down at her hands for a few seconds before she looked back into Willow's eyes. She watched as Willow took a deep breath and let it out slowly and then dropped her gaze, and stared at her finger nails.
"You," she said and then paused. When she was met with silence she decided that it was now or never. "I was freaking out because I knew that you're ready to go further in our relationship and I'm not. I just...I didn't want you to be mad at me, and I didn't want you to break up with me just because I'm not ready to have sex with you. You're right, after our first date I thought I was ready because I was very...overwhelmed, and I just wanted to be closer to you. I realize now that I wanted to be closer emotionally not physically.
"I'm not sure when I'm going to be ready, and I'm not sure if it's going to be any time soon, and if you really do love me like you say you do then you'll be able to live with that because love isn't just about sex, and when I finally am ready I want to know one hundred percent that I am, because I don't want it to be a mistake or a regret. Even if we don't last as a couple I don't want to look back and say: 'I should have waited, I shouldn't have slept with her'. I want to be able to look back and say: 'I loved her with everything I had, and I'm glad she was my first'. I just-I just don't want you to be a mistake," she said and looked into Buffy's understanding eyes. Eyes that told Willow she knew exactly what the redhead was talking about.
Without thinking, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Willow. There was a moment's tension but then the redhead relaxed and allowed herself to hug Buffy back. The blonde started crying and Willow let go of her pillow and started to rub her back, trying to calm her down. She wasn't too sure what had brought on the sudden tears but she wanted to make them stop. She felt like she should be the one being comforted, as selfish as that may sound.
"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I love you so much, please don't leave me. I need you, Willow. Please, please take me back," she heard Buffy beg into her neck. The one that's still covered in all of the hickeys, a reminder of everything that had happened tonight. "I'll do anything, please don't leave me." They tightened their grip on each other and Willow couldn't help but start to cry as well. It was very disheartening to hear the blonde begging like this even though they both thought that she should be.
"I'm not going anywhere," Willow said, and then Buffy started to cry tears of relief. She was just so happy she could die. She felt herself becoming tired, as the night's events started to weigh her down. She guessed that Willow felt the same way because she complied when she felt herself being pulled under the covers. They fell asleep in each other's arms, snuggled under the warm blankets. They were both glad that this fight was now somewhat behind them, and Buffy was going to make sure that she works her ass off in sucking up to the redhead, trying to make everything ok again.
Surprisingly they both woke up before Joyce and Buffy was able to sneak back into her own bed before her mother woke up and found them like that. They would both be grounded for a long time if they ever got caught sleeping in the same bed, even if all they did was sleep. They both felt worn out and knew that it was going to take a couple a days to get over the physical exhaustion of their fight and then everything that had occurred after it.
She had fallen asleep five hours earlier, only to be woken up by the feeling of someone sneaking into her bed. She opened a groggy eye and saw Willow slowly making her way under the covers. Her face was still covered in tear-stains, and her hair was a rats nest from all the tossing and turning, but she needed to be close to Buffy, she needed to feel her body next to hers. She hadn't been able to fall asleep again after Buffy had left her room, and for five hours she had laid there, until noon rolled around and she figured that Joyce wouldn't be mad if they took a little nap together, as long as the door was left open, of course.
"Hey," Buffy said as Willow pulled the covers over her body and tired to get comfortable. Buffy rolled over onto her side and faced the other girl. They both smiled very small tired smiles and Willow allowed herself to be spooned in the warm embrace of her girlfriend. She was glad that they were girlfriends again, only being broken up for a couple of hours, but she was still upset with everything that had happened, the things that Buffy had done and said. There were still a couple of things that were bothering her and she knew that if this was going to work then they needed to be completely honest with each other.
"Buffy, when you were yelling at Quinn last night you said that you used to think like him, you used to take advantage of other girls, is that true, did you really do all of that stuff?" she asked and she felt Buffy tense. She knew that the blonde was going to withdraw just like she always did whenever Willow asked about her former girlfriends or any other people she might have gotten close with.
"Please, I need to know. If we're going to make this work then we need to be one hundred percent honest with each other. Just tell me, I promise I won't get mad, and I'll try as hard I can to understand." She felt Buffy let out a big sigh and she started to rub soft circles on the arm that was wrapped around her, hoping that small gesture would help coax the blonde into telling her what she wanted to know.
"I only did it once. There was this girl, Andrea, that I was interested in. She said that she was straight and that she would never want me. And we were at a party one night and we bumped into each other at the drink table. We were both drunk, but she was a lot drunker then I was. She didn't even remember who I was at the time. I led her upstairs into someone's bedroom. She said no at first but after a while she just gave in. In the morning I regretted it because I had taken advantage of her while she was drunk, and I wouldn't have done that if I hadn't been drunk at the time. It's just, when I drink it's like the better part of my mind gets shut off and I don't think with logic, I think with emotion and my body's desires.
"She never forgave me for what we did, what I did. I was her big mistake, even though she wasn't a virgin when we slept together, she still hated me for it. I can still see that shocked, and angry look on her face when we woke up the next morning. She threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone, and I still haven't forgiven myself. I practically raped her Willow, just like I almost did to you last night. I don't know what I would do if you weren't able to stop me. It makes me sick to think that I almost stole one of the most precious things about you." By now she was crying again, and Willow had turned around in her embrace and was cradling the other girl to her chest, and rubbing her back. She waited until Buffy was calm and the last of her tears and hiccups were gone before she started to talk.
"I need you to promise me something," she said and she continued when she felt Buffy nod her head. "Promise me that you won't drink anymore. I don't want you to end up doing something that you'll regret. Will you do that for me?" She felt Buffy nod her head again but it just wasn't enough. "Tell me, please, I need to hear it." She felt the other girl inhale deeply.
"I promise I won't drink ever again. For you, I won't do it anymore. And I also promise that I won't rush you at all, and the next time you feel like I'm pressuring you just tell me and I'll stop. I'll try my best to control myself but I need to know what's ok and what's not ok. Will you do that?" she asked and Willow nodded her head yes. Now that they had gotten the last part of their long talk over with the two girls were reclaimed by sleep, and they feel asleep in each other's arms again not too sure what the future would have in store for them but knowing that as long as they have each other everything will turn out ok.
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Sorry if this one was a little lacking and not as good as the others but I'm running on Coca-Cola and Skittles right now and it's kind of difficult to write when you're hopped up on sugar.