Leaving Her
by Salix
A Daughter's Thoughts
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Buffy sighed heavily and started to rummage through one of the boxes. She needed to relax, and to stop thinking about the past like this. It would only drive her insane. She pulled out the bottle of vodka she had bought a few miles back and opened it and took a long swig. She wasn't an alcoholic or anything and she rarely drinks, but right now she just needs to relax. She didn't want to hunt for the glasses right now so she just drank straight out of the bottle. She limited herself and stopped drinking after a few more long drinks but she kept it in her hand.
There was still so much that needed to be done here. They didn't have any beds yet, and would be staying in a hotel tonight until they could buy some tomorrow. Luckily Buffy inherited a lot of money from one of her relatives that had passed away a couple of years ago. They were going to use most of the money for a college fund for Emily but it looked like that was shot to hell. She shook her head, trying to rid her mind of the bad thoughts but they just kept coming. She didn't want to get drunk to forget because she didn't want to develop a problem, that's the last thing she needs right now.
She still can't get the look of Willow's face out of her mind. That last look as she walked out the door. Willow was so hurt and begging her not to go, but even more, she was begging Buffy not to move too far away. The blonde had decided a couple of days ago that she was going to leave. She was just too unhappy and they couldn't make it work anymore. She was going to pack up her stuff, most of her daughter's stuff, half of the dining ware, and then leave. She had planned on just picking Emily up from school and taking off, but she knew that she couldn't deny Willow a goodbye. So with a lot of reluctance Emily had gotten in the car, after crying and telling her redheaded mother that she loves her.
She didn't want to leave Sunnydale, it was the only home she's ever really known. She loves both of her parents, and she thinks that they still have a chance. She just doesn't think that they're working hard enough. They still love each other, she can see it in the way they look at each other, but other things are getting in the way. Like work. That was always a problem, she knew. The lack of intimacy was another problem, but it was caused by the work. Well not so much the work itself, but the long hours at the office that the redhead always puts in. She had changed jobs after that first fight but this new company wasn't proving to be much better.
She had been silent on their drive. Her mom had tried to talk to her, to get her to talk, but she refused. She just looked out the window as they drove past the cities and then came to a hotel to rest. She still didn't want to talk. She was just so angry that they were moving this far away. How could her mom do this to her? Sunnydale is where they belong, but no, her blonde mom thinks that moving all the way out to Connecticut will serve them much better. What the hell is there to do in Connecticut anyway? As angry as she is she understands why she had to come. Her mom needs her. Her redheaded mom has family there in Sunnydale, she has Xander and Anya and Giles, but out here her blonde mom has no one but her.
She's sitting her room now, well her new room. The apartment isn't very big, a two bedroom, with a little kitchen and a little living but an ok sized bathroom. She didn't know how long they were going to be here and she just wanted to go home. Back to her friends, back to her other mom and her uncle Xander and aunt Anya and grandpa Giles. God, how could her parents be so stupid? Being sixteen, she has all of the answers to their problems they just won't listen to her. She's tried again and again to get her point across, to share her ideas, but they were too busy fighting to listen to her.
It was all really simple if you think about it. They could take the money that's supposed to be for her college and use it to buy some office space. Then Willow could start up her own computer company because she's the smartest person that Emily knows when it comes to computers. (She's lost count as to how many times her redheaded mom has hacked into the school computer system to find out if she's getting good grades or not.) Then, once the business gets going they could build up a great reputation and then expand. They would make a lot of money that could be used for a college fund, Willow wouldn't have to work so often because she could hire people to do it for her. The two would be able to spend more time together, and that would make both of them happy. And them being happy would make Emily happy because then they wouldn't be fighting all of the time.
It was just so simple, but they don't understand. Being away from each other isn't going to solve anything. It's just going to cause them more pain and heartache. They're just going to suffer more, all three of them, because her blonde mom had moved them so far away. She wishes that they could be in Rome again. They were so happy there. Those were the best of their years, in Emily's opinion. Not only could her parents not keep their hands off of each other, but they spent more time with her. They had gone out and done things as a family, instead of Willow having to work all the time, and making promises that were just broken later.
Her favorite memory that she has and holds dear is of her thirteenth birthday. Before all of the fighting, and the disappointment, and broken promises and tension. Her birthday had fallen on a Friday that year so her moms let her stay home. They spent the entire day at the mall, picking out all sorts of things from CDs to clothes to movies. They let her get most of what she wanted, keeping the spending money a little limited because otherwise she would have boughten the entire mall.
After they got home they put all of her stuff away and she watched as her redheaded mom used magic to decorate the house. It was so amazing to see and she felt special because her parents had pretty much given up on magic and slaying because they wanted a normal life. Soon after that the guests arrived. Xander, Anya, their baby boy named Nicholas, Giles and even her aunt Dawn had flown all the from Rome to come and visit. She was so excited to see Dawn because of the long distance the brunette doesn't visit very often at all so whenever she does she makes sure to spoil her niece. It wasn't all family, Nikki showed up as well. Those two have been friends ever since they moved back to the states. Her mom is a practicing witch and also works part time at the Magic Box.
When the birthday cake was brought out and everyone started singing Willow did some type of magic and sparkles started to fly all over the place, making the dark room seem to glow. When she made her birthday wish and blew out her candles Willow did something else so that the room lit up with bright red and green sparks that hung in the air. It was the most magic Emily had ever seen her do, and it was nice, knowing that her mom was only doing it to make her happy.
That was the last good birthday that she had. Her mom either had to work up in her home office or at the one in town. Her fourteenth birthday was the worst. Willow had forgotten all about it and Buffy went up to get her and they got into a big fight. Doors could be heard slamming and the shouts could be heard from down the street. Emily went with Xander and Anya back to their place, both of them very pissed off because the two parents couldn't stop fighting long enough to enjoy their daughter's birthday and make it special for her. Emily ended up sneaking out of Xander's house to go spend time with Nikki.
Nikki was a bad influence, just like Janice had been for Dawn. The two girls were always sneaking out to go to parties and stuff like that. It wasn't until they turned fifteen that the drinking began. They wouldn't get completely wasted or at the same time. They would trade off so at one party Nikki would drink and Emily would stay sober to keep an eye on her and make sure that the boys didn't try to take advantage and then at the next party Emily would drink and Nikki would play protector. It was their system of doing things, and it worked very well.
Emily smiled when she pulled the photo album out of her backpack. She started to flip through the pages of her youth. Most of the earlier pictures were of her and her parents. They would go out on a picnic and would invite Xander and Anya so that Xander would take pictures. There were a few of all four women, some of them had Xander but most of the were of the three Rosenberg-Summers girls. Her favorite is the one when they're on the merry-go-round. Willow and Buffy are sitting on two of the bars facing each other, Emily is in between them looking at the camera and smiling while her parents have their arms wrapped around her. The two older women are looking into each other's eyes and you can see the love and the happiness in them.
The more recent ones are of Emily and her friends. There's one of her and Nikki over at Emily's house. The picture was taken without them knowing at the time. They were both in the bathroom, looking into the mirror while they did their make-up. They said that they were going out to the Bronze but they really went to a party at Nikki's boyfriend's house. They had a lot of fun that night. Emily ended up losing her virginity to this cute guy named James that she had been madly in love with at the time. She was the one who broke up with him afterwards. It was just too awkward talking to him and being around him after he had seen her nude and been inside of her. Her moms never found out about that and for all they know she's still innocent.
She took a deep breath, willing the tears away before they had a chance to build up. She misses her house so much already. She has a feeling that she isn't going to like it here. There was just something about this town that screams 'small minded republicans'. In no way is she ashamed of her parents and she's very quick to defend their life style. She knows that love that runs that deeply could never be wrong or evil. She's been in a couple of fist fights at school because some kids just didn't see things her way. She let out a frustrated sigh. If only her parents could see things her way now then they would still be together. She's going to be miserable and it's all their fault.
"Emily, come here please!" she heard her mom yell. She rolled her eyes and walked out into the living room. She was just so tired of everything, she wanted to lie down and never get back up. She saw her mom, sitting on the musty looking couch, an open bottle of vodka in her hand. There wasn't that much gone and she knows it's because her mom is afraid of developing a drinking problem. That and she just can't hold her liquor. She sat down on the couch, and quickly grabbed the bottle out of her mom's hand and took a long drink. She coughed at the burning it created in the back of her throat and wiped her lips off before handing it back.
"Since a lot is going on and it's been a really long day I won't yell at you for that. But no more drinking. We moved here for a fresh start, so all of your old bad habits are going to be left in Sunnydale, that includes smoking, drinking, sneaking out, and singing while you get ready in the morning." The last part was supposed to lighten the mood, but all Buffy got was an eye roll and a deep sigh out of her daughter. Who still hadn't said a word since they left Sunnydale one week ago. The last words she had spoken had been 'I don't want to leave, but I have to. I love you so much'. Those words had been to Willow as they hugged one final time before Emily got in the car.
"I thought maybe we'd drive around town, see if we can find a diner or something so we can have some dinner. I have all of your school stuff...somewhere so tonight I can find them and tomorrow we can get you step up at the school here, ok?" she asked and looked into the sad blue eyes. Behind the sadness she could see the pain, the anger and also the hope. Hope that she and Willow would get back together and they would all become a family again. But it just wasn't going to work that way. They had tried, but it just didn't work.
"Look, Em, I know that you're probably really pissed at me for leaving and taking you with me, but sweetie, I need you here. I can't do this by myself. Your mom will be ok, she has Xander and Giles but here I don't have anyone. Do you understand that you're the most important thing in my life and I can't survive without you?" she asked a placed a hand on her daughter's knee. It was recently that she had developed a taste in the tomboy fashion. So right now she was wearing dark blue jeans that were baggy in the legs but tight in the waist, a black t-shirt that hugged the right places, studded black bracelets, very dark eye make-up, and a lip piercing. Buffy hated the look but she figured that she should let her daughter express herself, then they wouldn't fight and Emily wouldn't have to rebel.
She watched her daughter nod her head and then look down at her very short fingernails that she had painted black on the car ride here. She just looked so sad, but Buffy could tell that she was trying to be strong. She had picked that up from both of her parents. The stubbornness as well. The eye roll she most likely picked up from Buffy, but the thing that she does that she either picked up from someone else or inherited from one of her biological parents is the cuticle picking. Whenever she gets nervous she'll pick at her cuticles until they bleed and it drives both parents crazy.
Buffy leaned over and embraced her daughter in a tight hug. She wanted Emily to cry, to get all of the sad out but she refused to do so. She simply hugged her mom back, sniffled a lot, and then when they let go at the same time she went back into her bedroom to look at the photo album some more. Buffy was worried but she knew that all they needed was time. They would adjust to this place, to it being just the two of them, and then they would move on with their lives.
They drove around for a while, Emily being silent the entire time and Buffy being worried. It was very unlike her daughter to be quiet. She couldn't help but think back to all the times the three had gone out to eat. There was this really nice little family diner on the outskirts of Sunnydale, only about half an hour away from their home. They used to go to that all the time. They were there so often that the workers knew them by name and knew their orders by heart. They even had their pictures up on the walls from one of Emily's birthdays, her twelfth if Buffy is remembering correctly.
She and Willow woke up really early that morning. They had gotten dressed and ready to go and then went into Emily's room to wake her up. They knew that they ran the risk of being physically harmed. If you try to wake the girl up before seven thirty especially on the weekend things can get violent. She is just not a morning person at all. Just trying to get her up for school was hard enough but they were waking her up at five-thirty on a Saturday. Things could get really ugly if they weren't careful.
So the two snuck in really quiet and laid down on either side of her on the bed. Her long black hair was a total mess. One leg was sticking off of the bed out from under the covers. One arm was under the pillow and then grabbing on the headboard. She was lying her stomach, her head turned so she was facing the window. They were careful not to touch her just yet. They didn't want her to move around and then wake up before they were ready for her. They just enjoyed the piece and the comfortable bed. They looked at the girl that they had raised and had done a pretty good job. They found each other's eyes and smiled with pride and joy. They joined hands, their arms stretching above Emily's back. It's moments like these that they wish they could freeze and be like this forever.
But then it was time to wake sleeping beauty herself. Willow bent down and placed a soft kiss on Emily's cheek, causing the girl's lips to twitch. She did it again, a lips stick print was left on it and she fought off the laughter that wanted to escape. She looked over at Buffy who was smoothing out the girl's hair so that she could get a better look at her face. She too leaned over and placed a quick kiss on her cheek, right on top of the lipstick print. Emily started to move around and groaned. She grabbed her pillow and pulled it over her head.
"Emily sweetie, it's time to wake up," Willow said in a sing-song voice. Buffy had to fight not to laugh. She started to rub her daughter's back, hoping that it would help wake her up. All she did was groan and move around. Willow tried to gently move the pillow out of the way but the girl had a death lock on it and wouldn't let go. "It's your birthday, we have something special planned." She was hoping to gain her attention, but it didn't seem to be working. She just groaned again and she said something but it was too muffled because of the pillow.
"What was that honey? We couldn't hear you," Buffy said and continued to rub her back. She watched with amusement as Emily quickly picked the pillow up and rested her head on top of it. She reached over to her little nightstand and picked up the fuzzy pink alarm clock. She turned over onto her back and held the clock really close to her face, her eyes were still a little out of focus with sleepiness. It took her a minute or two to finally remember how to read a clock and then she groaned again.
"It's five-forty-five in the morning! What is your guys' problem?" she said a little angrily and threw the clock across the room. It hit the dresser and landed in the laundry basket. She turned over onto her stomach again and hid her face in the pillow, willing herself to fall back to sleep. But her insane parents wouldn't let her. They had this weird idea that it would be fun to wake her up at an irrational hour to start the celebration of her birthday.
"We're going to go Reggie's, we thought it would be fun to be the first ones there. So please, baby, get up and get dressed. You know how cranky your mom gets when she doesn't get her morning coffee," Buffy said and received a playful slap from Willow. All the kid was willing to offer was a very unpleased groan. She sighed heavily and then sat up in the bed. Her pink pajamas with little birthday cakes, plus the messed up hair made her look so cute and Buffy wished that she had a camera. They were in fact the first people there, beating the cook and waitress by ten minutes. Jesse and Donna let them in and they enjoyed a fabulous breakfast, all of them drinking coffee, Emily for the first time, and Donna even took some pictures of the birthday girl and her parents. When she got them printed she gave copies to the moms and hung some of the others up on the bulletin board.
Now they were in a new town, trying to find a new diner that they would go to almost every morning for food. Buffy likes to cook after she learned how when they lived in Rome, but in the morning the though process required for using a stove is just not there. She drove up and down all over the place until they found a small diner. The very first words out of her daughter's mouth since they had left Sunnydale three days ago where:
"Luke's Diner? You're kidding me right? God, I hate small towns. Why couldn't we move to L.A. or San Francisco? We'd get out of the small town life and still be close enough to visit Sunnydale every once in a while. Instead of being in the middle of nowhere like we are now."
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It won't be as jumbled from here on out. The next chapters will be of the presant so there will be very few flashbacks and I'll try to make it a little more clear as to whether it's from Buffy's point of view or from Emily's. The confusion should die down a lot, but if it doesn't just mention it and I'll work harder at making it easier to read.