Loving Willow Til Death Do Us Part
by Rin
8
[reviews]
Willow cried in Fred's arm all night, and neither girl got any sleep. When 8 o'clock rolled around, Fred urged the redhead into the shower, and helped her wash off before the meeting with Buffy. The brunette wanted to see Willow happy, and ever since she returned for the break, the girl was only a shell of herself.
Now, Willow was on her way to the Espresso Pump to discuss her future with Buffy...which in turn predicted the future for her and the brunette. Willow wasn't sure what to think. All those months of being ignored, hardly touched, hardly kissed. Granted, Buffy's mother was ill, and Glory was beating her every time they had a face to face...but the blonde could've at least acknowledged her presence every once in a while.
When she walked into the coffeeshop, she found Buffy was already there, and looked just as tired. Willow imagined none of them got any sleep last night. Emotions were running way too high, and she almost hated to disturb Buffy's pondering into her coffeecup, as though she could see her reflection, and didn't like what she saw.
"Hey..." Willow stood over the table, unsure what to do. There was another mug sitting on the table, untouched, and still steaming slightly. "Sorry I'm late."
"I was early..." Buffy took a deep breath, and looked up at the redhead. "I ordered you a mocha. Figured we could both use the caffeine."
"Listen, Buffy..." Willow just stood there.
"No. Just...not yet. Sit with me a minute?" Buffy's eyes pleaded with the redhead, who only nodded, and took the seat. "So...you're back with Fred now?"
"No. Yes. I don't know." Willow was surprised that Buffy just jumped into the conversation. She figured it would be awkward at first, or their tempers would raise. "It just happened last night. We hadn't...it wasn't planned."
"I get that. I do. You were happy with her. You'll always love Fred." Buffy's tone was baffling. Willow expected the girl to sound heartbroken, torn, defeated, anything but this blank, hard-to-read voice. The redhead could always read the blonde but right now...it was impossible. Buffy's shields were working overtime right now. "I'm sorry I just...showed up last night. I should've called but I was afraid you would hang up."
"I wouldn't have hung up." Willow closed her eyes, and wrapped her hands around the cooling mug. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that. Like I said, it just happened..."
"No need to explain. We're...not together. You're free to be with Fred if you want." Buffy was being way too mature about this situation. "I...I just wanted to talk."
"We're talking now." Willow was still upset but seeing Buffy like this broke down her barriers, and the undying love she still held for the blonde came rushing through. "I'm worried about you."
"Why? Mom's okay. Dawnie's safe." Buffy didn't mention herself. Truth was, she was never fine without the redhead by her side.
"Yeah...but you. You're the one I'm most worried about. I...we..." Willow took a deep breath. "I'm not sure what to say, or even do here."
"I'm not, either. I just know I want to talk to you. These past few months have been..."
"...unpleasant, I know." Willow smiled forlornly, and reached across the table, snapping her hand back when she realized it wasn't a good idea to touch Buffy if she wanted to keep her calm.
"We should at least find a way to be civil. I didn't just lose my love; I lost my best friend." Buffy swallowed hard. "I came over last night, ready to beg you to take me back, tell you how much of an idiot I was...but now? I'm not sure..."
"You don't wanna be with me anymore?" Willow was about to start crying harder than last night.
"NO! I mean...no, I DO wanna be with you. I'll always wanna be with you...it's just...I'm not sure that begging would do the trick. We have a lot of things to work on, if we ever decide to try again...that you could take me back. Everything just happened at once, and I wasn't ready for it."
"Are you ready now?" Willow knew the answer but wanted to hear Buffy say it.
"I'm not sure." Buffy ducked her head. "Sure, Mom is okay now but Glory is still out there, and school..."
"I can help you with that."
"School or Glory?"
"Both..." Willow sent soft eyes to Buffy, pleading with the blonde to know everything about her. "If friends is all we can be right now, then friends it is. I just know I can't live without you in my life. I'll take what I can get...and who's to say you won't be ready in a couple months? We both have things we need to work on, things we need to get through first."
"Will..."
"I know, Buffy. Let's...let's just be friends right now. If that's all you know you can give me one hundred percent of, then I'll take it. I'm not sure that my heart can withstand another heartache."
"I know." Buffy just watched, as Willow stood, and offered to pay for the untouched mocha. "Leaving?"
"I...um...I kinda left Fred just sitting at the house, and well...I don't wanna be rude...I mean, we're still friends and all. I just...I'm not..."
"Wills, it's okay. I may not want to know the intimate details but Fred is a part of you. I've always known that. I...I'll try to deal with it if she becomes a part of you again." Buffy closed her eyes. "Though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurting."
"I know." Those two words were said a lot the past few seconds...but it was true. They did know. They would always know.
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"You're sure this is okay?" Fred snuggled into Willow on the couch. Christmas break had been a series of never-ending events, and it was nice to relax with the next semester on its way.
"More than..." Willow just wrapped her arms tighter around the brunette. After that first 'fluke,' it seemed the flukes kept on coming at random. Finally, the two decided to just get together again, see what happened. Buffy knew about this but it was never mentioned around her. Willow would still find herself staring at the blonde all the time, studying her expressions, movements, emotions.
"You think it was wise to let Dawn visit their dad this weekend?" Fred was skeptical on her reemergence in the group. She would come down for the weekend, or Willow would drive up to L.A. It was the beginning of freshman year over again.
"Buffy thinks it'll be good to get her away for a bit, while Glory is on the rampage." Willow tried not to mention the 'b' word around Fred, since it was obvious the girl was uncomfortable. "It helps that Angel is keeping watch."
"Yeah, I'm just glad he still..." Fred trailed off, hurt knowing that it was true for Willow as well.
"...what?" Willow was curious, as she kissed the brunette's forehead.
"...loves Buffy." Fred didn't want to look in Willow's eyes, knowing what she'd find there. Willow's sudden quietness and stillness said enough. "I've got a test in physics Monday, so I should head home early tomorrow."
"Okay...do you want help studying?" Willow was glad for the change in subject.
"Nah...I'll just study when I wear you out..." Fred's sultry tone was not to be mistaken. She had Willow right now, and she had every intention of making full use of that fact. She just wasn't sure how long that would be enough...
"Is that a challenge?" Willow recognized to the tone immediately, and sprang into action. The movie theatre would be there next week...