North and South...and West
by Rin
Changes
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Willow's eyes barely stayed open when she was at home. Taking double loads of lessons, and studying in the library for hours was taking its toll on her finally. It had been almost a year, and she had barely been able to make love to Buffy, let alone care or tend to her own needs. The last time they'd been anywhere close to intimate was the beginning of the semester, right after Christmas.
The redhead could tell it bothered Buffy. Honestly, it bothered her just as much. It wasn't from lack of wanting or trying. She would just fall asleep before anything could happen. It was frustrating, and it was damaging their marriage. Buffy wouldn't say anything but it was obvious from her tight voice and pained expressions. They barely even kissed anymore, just a simple hello peck here and there.
The good news was that summer was approaching, which meant three months of no class, and time to reconnect. The final tests and papers were due next week, and Willow was working hard to stay at the top of her class. A friend of Sam's had even offered her a position for the summer, working as an aide in his cases. Willow was tempted to take the offer but decided it was better to work on her family life instead.
Walking in the house, she noticed that all the lights were already out, and there was hardly any noise upstairs. This wasn't the first time she'd come home to find everybody in bed. She'd managed to close the library down again. 'One more week,' she kept telling herself. If they could just hold on for one more week, then she was completely theirs for the next three months. After that, she'd enter into her final term, and her degree would be complete. They could start preparing to move to Charleston.
Tiptoeing through the house, she decided to forget dinner, despite her tummy's protest. She was too tired to do anything but...well, she was too tired to even climb the stairs. Willow started to climb them, only to find her legs weren't moving. Sighing, she pulled off her vest and tie, loosened her top buttons, kicked off her shoes, and crashed on the couch. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the throw pillow, and the blanket didn't even make it to her hips before falling to the floor.
That's how Buffy found Willow the next morning. She was worried because she didn't see any of her husband's dirty laundry in the basket. The redhead had been coming home and leaving at such odd hours, and it was usually dark. This worried the blonde more than she cared to admit. Even through the frustration, Buffy still loved Willow.
Taking a deep breath, she let it out, as she sat down on the couch. Pushing those long red locks aside, she just let her hand feel the cold of Willow's cheeks. That familiar warmth was even gone. There was always love and devotion behind those tired green eyes but it wasn't enough sometimes. The redhead lost too much weight, and her hair was past her shoulders. She had to pull it back anymore, showcasing that prominent widow's peak.
"Objection..." Willow's dreams weren't even about her anymore.
"Oh, Will." Buffy let the tears fall again. It seemed all she did was cry lately, tired of being alone, tired of feeling unloved.
"Mommy?" Samuel was holding his blanket, and standing at the top of the stairs. Buffy wiped her tears before pulling the blanket on Willow further. It was Saturday. She could sleep in a little longer.
"I'm comin', baby." Buffy bent over to kiss her husband's forehead before walking back up the stairs to get Samuel to help make breakfast. Maybe they'd surprise Willow, and have the meal ready before she awoke.
It wasn't the case, though. Willow came trudging into the kitchen, smelling biscuits in the oven, and apples on the stove. It had been too long since breakfast was up before she was.
"Hey, you two." She pulled her hair back in a ponytail before leaning over to kiss Buffy's cheek, and pick up Samuel. "One more week, and I'm all yours again."
"One week? What about today?" Buffy didn't mean to sound bitter. She just hadn't been able to touch her husband in almost five months, let alone have more than short 'polite' conversations. She missed those deep, passionate, all-consuming moments. Maybe she was right. Maybe Will did change.
"Please? I'm trying. Just give me one more week, Buffy. I promise." Willow took a deep breath. It was killing her not to be able to hold more than a five minute conversation of pleasantries. "We'll go to SunnyDale, and see your family. We can even take a trip to California, see Xander and Anya. For three months, you have my undivided attention."
"Before you go right back to ignorin' us for another five?" Buffy moved the apples from the stove before pulling the biscuits from the oven. If Dawn and Ms. Calendar hadn't kept her company, she wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't have moved back to the plantation with her mother.
"Please, Buffy? I'm doing this for us." Willow ran her hand over her face, her muscles stretching as her sweaty palm and fingers hit them. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she stopped herself from yawning too openly.
"You look sick. When you are home, all you do is sleep. We barely see you anymore. You haven't...we haven't...since Christmas! Last night, you couldn't even make it upstairs. Is it me? Are you tired of me?" Buffy was scared of Willow's answer. After all, she'd asked that same question to her father when she was eight, only to have him walk away from her.
"I could never be tired of you, Buffy. You and Samuel are the only things that keep me going. I love you. I want to give you the world." Taking a deep breath, Willow came over, and wrapped her floured wife in a tight embrace, stroking those blonde locks she loved so much. "Our lives are always going to be difficult. I hate it but it's the truth. If I could think of a better way to secure our future together, I would. I hate that I can't stay awake long enough to kiss you like I want. I can't stand the fact that I've missed so many bath times and stories I could've told. Whenever I'm sitting in the library, I have to stop myself from crying because the only thing I want to do is come home, and crawl into bed with you. I have to work ten times as hard, and I'd work harder if I thought it would help me keep you safe."
"I don't wanna feel safe. I wanna feel loved, and right now, that emotion is seriously lackin'." Buffy cried into Willow's shoulder, and held on tight. It was the closest they'd been outside of sleep. "I miss you so much."
"One week, okay? That's all I have left before I'm yours, and hey, next term won't be as tough because I only have my final year courses. I'll be working in the field more than studying, and I'll take better care of myself. I'll even go to the barber finally."
"I will miss curlin' your hair when you're asleep." Buffy smirked a little through her tears.
"What?!" Willow laughed at her wife's 'I'm teasing' face. She'd missed that face. "One more week. We can make it. I promise you."
"Daddy, go pee?" Samuel tugged at Willow's pants.
"Of course, bubba. I'll take you." The redhead gave Buffy one last kiss before picking up Samuel, and taking him to the outhouse. It was better than the doghouse, though.
--
"How are you feelin'? Tummy all better yet?" Buffy walked into the bedroom, and handed Willow a bowl of soup. "We'll try solids again tonight, okay? The doctor was very strict about your eatin' habits."
"Thanks, sweetheart." Willow looked up from her position in the bed. She was on bed rest for two weeks, and the doctor was giving her a tonic to help build strength again. When she wasn't trying to keep food down, she was asleep. Ms. Calendar had even cut the redhead's hair to below her ear, so she wouldn't have to visit the barber. "I'm sorry I've taken away two weeks, maybe more. I really just wanted to be with you."
"Yes, well, we both knew better. I want to see you healthy and well, so that we can take that trip to South Carolina. Mom promised she'd make us her cornbread and peach cobbler. Everyone sends their best wishes for a fast recovery." Buffy helped Willow eat the soup. She was starting to look much better, and there was actually a little color in her cheeks. On occasion, the blonde would tease her husband to add a little more color.
"I think I'll be fine to start taking small walks, and doing a little lifting soon. I'll be back in shape in no time. You'll see. I'll be the man you married again. I promise." Willow finished her soup, and attempted to wash a little bread down with the buttermilk. "I can't stand not touching you still."
"Soon, dear. I'll need you in top health again if you plan on makin' up for lost time." Buffy smirked, and batted her eyelashes. Willow's cheeks flushed slightly, and she pulled the blonde in for a light kiss. "Mmm...the kisses will taste better, too."
"Sorry. I can..." Willow made a gesture, ready to get out of bed but the blonde held her in place.
"No gettin' up. That's not just the doctor's orders. Those are mine, too. I'm not kiddin' when I say I'll need you at full strength. We have almost an entire year's worth to make up." Buffy winked before smoothing Willow's sweaty hair back, and kissing her forehead. "Now, you stay put, and I'll bring Samuel up to take his nap with you again today. I now how you both like that."
"Very much so." Willow relaxed in the bed, and watched her wife leave the room with the tray of dirty dishes. "I wish I could get better faster."