Hellmouth Living
by Red
Hellmouth Living
[reviews]
Hellmouth Living...redone
book 1
Red
Joss' folk.
BW pg16
Summary: This was originally done as a W/S. I was rereading and decided it's so darn funny, I HAVE to make it a BW. The most evil of evil has come to Sunnydale...it's a good thing.
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Willow ran faster than she had ever run before. Although the Magic Box was only a few blocks away, it seemed like miles. Her heart was pounding so hard, she feared it would beat a hole in her chest. The rubber bands she once knew as her legs were aching and her emerald eyes shone with a fear like none before. That was saying a lot, considering that she lived on the Hellmouth.
Seeing Giles' shop up ahead, she found new strength and took off, all focus on getting herself safe behind the locked door.
"Honey? Where do you want the new display?"
Giles looked up from the register to Joyce Summers.
"Hmm, how about, over by the candle shelves," he replied.
She smiled, then motioned to Spike. He nodded and moved the cardboard display. Normally, he wouldn't be caught undead playing the decorator for the bloody Watcher. However, he would move heaven and earth for the Slayer's mum. She was one of the few people he truly cared about. Whenever he was having a bad day, Joyce would always fix him a cup of hot cocoa with lots of mini marshmallows and let him spill his guts to her. She was the closest thing to a mother he had ever known. Yes, he would do anything in the world for her.
"How's that, luv?"
Before she could answer, the door flew open and Willow burst in.
"Thank the goddess you're here! " she cried, looking at Giles as she fell onto the floor.
Spike was at her side in an instant. He picked her up and carried her over to a chair at the table. Giles and Joyce joined them.
"Red, what happened? Are you hurt?" Spike asked, while carefully examining her for visible injuries.
Willow shook her head. " I'm fine, " she managed to spit out. " But we've got trouble. Big, big trouble, we've got. "
Joyce and Giles exchanged a look.
"Tell me what it is, pet, " Spike said, his demon close to the surface. "Tell me, and I'll rip it's throat out."
"No, you can't. It's not that easy. It's bad, it's a bad that's more bad than any bad we have ever had," she replied, her breathing finally beginning to return to normal.
"Willow, calm down. Now whatever this is, we will take care of it."
She looked at Giles.
"You don't get it, Giles. This time, we can't take care of it. Not William the Bloody, or the Scoobies, or maybe even Buffy!" Spike's brow shot up. "Not even all of us together, Giles. This time, no one can save Sunnydale."
Giles started to say something but Joyce stopped him.
"Willow, honey," she began, kneeling down in front of the trembling redhead. "What can't we save Sunnydale from?"
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"Xander! You are not paying attention!"
The tall, dark haired young man turned to the blonde.
"An, honey, I see and I like."
"Which one?"
"Uh, that one."
She held up the curtain.
"Xander, this is the exact same one you said that you didn't like half an hour ago."
He furrowed a brow. " It is? "
Anya sighed disgustedly and put the curtain down.
"You haven't paid one second of attention to anything that I have been saying," she angrily stated, glaring at him. " How are we supposed to redecorate the apartment if you won't pay attention? "
"I'm sorry, honey, really. I'm just so tired."
"Yes, well, I can see how spending the day watching soap operas with Spike can tire one out," she sarcastically replied.
"Hey, it was just one soap! Besides, we weren't just watching. We were trying to figure out who put Timmy in the well. You could say we were, honing our investigative skills."
"Yes, just as you were two days ago when both of you were up all night playing Clue on Willow's computer, while I searched through hundreds of carpet samples."
"Hey! I won three out of five games!"
"Well then, perhaps I should give you a lollypop, or maybe a balloon."
He sighed, got up from his chair and stepped over to her.
"I am sorry, " he said, wrapping his arms around her. "I promise to help with the decorating from now on. Forgive me?"
She tried to stay mad, but couldn't. His embrace was tight, his eyes warm and his body was pressing into hers. Why did she have to be such a pushover?
"You're forgiven, " she softly said, hugging his neck. "But anymore being naughty, and I'm going to spank you."
He raised a brow and smiled.
She frowned for a moment, then said, "Anymore being naughty, and I will not spank you."
Before he could get a word out, she pulled him to her and kissed him.
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"I got her!" Buffy quipped, as Cordelia began to fall.
Catching the brunette in her arms, she moved to the sofa and gently put her down.
"Nice catch," Gunn noted.
"I'll get the aspirin," Fred said, hurrying out of the room.
Buffy knelt next to Cordelia and gently stroked her hair.
"How ya doing, Cordy?" she asked.
"Sunnydale," she muttered. "You have to get back to Sunnydale. It's bad. It's a bad, bad thing."
Buffy felt her heart wrench. "Willow. "
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Large, gray, the ugliest thing she had ever laid her blue eyes on. She was ready to vomit and would have, were it not for the plush, beige carpet that covered the length of the floor.
"Kenneth!"
"Yes, oh most gifted one?" the young, well - dressed vampire cooed, rushing down the hall to her side.
"What is that hideous thing doing in my living room?" she demanded.
He cast his yellow eyes across the room and jumped at the site.
"I have no idea how it got here, one of magnificent taste. I would never allow such a vile creature in."
"Well, it IS in and I want it out, NOW!"
"Of course, as you wish, my decorating queen." He bowed his head, nodded and hurried away, leaving her alone.
"When I find out who is responsible for this," she mused, approaching the generic lazy boy chair. "I will saute his insides and make sweaters for my dogs out of his flesh."
"Over there," Kenneth ordered, as two older vampires accompanied him back into the room.
"Get rid of it! Now!"
They quickly removed the offending piece of furniture. When they were gone, she turned to Kenneth.
"Find out who brought that into my home."
"Consider it done, your crafty highness."
"Also, I want those photographs. This town needs a makeover and I plan on starting tonight."
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Angel glanced at Buffy, who was anything but happy.
"Plan on talking once we get there?" he asked, as the classic black car passed the, Welcome To Sunnydale, sign.
"Oh, I plan on talking alright!" she snapped. " I plan on giving this big bad whatever a piece of my Slayer mind. I was planning my, kidnap my girlfriend getaway weekend...this, whatever, interrupted that. Not a smart thing to do. Will and I haven't had alone time in, what month is it?
He hid a smile. She was adorable.
"Well, as soon as it's taken care of, you two can sneak away for a few days. That Gooklok demon friend of Lorne's says the place is available all month."
She turned to him, brow raised.
"There is a hot tub, right?"
He answered her with a huge grin and she smiled.
"Make it a week."
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"This is bloody bad, Ripper."
Giles nodded in agreement.
"Yes, it is. But we can handle it. Wesley said that Buffy and Angel were on their way and if needed, he and the others would come."
"Anya and Xander are on their way over," Joyce said, hanging up the phone. "How's Willow?"
Spike shook his head. "Not well. Look at the poor thing."
They glanced over to the office. Willow was sitting on the sofa, her knees tucked up under her chin, rocking back and forth.
"Is there anything we can do? " she mused. " Perhaps give her something that will help her rest.?"
"A drink might do the trick." Giles offered.
Spike nodded. " Where's that brandy, Ripper?"
"Cabinet in the storeroom, top shelf."
Spike left to retrieve the bottle. Joyce shivered and Giles put his arms around her.
"You alright, luv?"
"I'm scared, Rupert. I've never been this afraid before."
He pulled her close and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"We'll beat this, Joyce, I promise. We'll work together as we always do and we'll win."
She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes. In his embrace, it was hard to not feel safe.
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"This is where we begin."
Kenneth looked at his mistress.
"And where would that be, fairest doily diva?"
She thrust the photo at him and he looked it over.
"That is the exact reason I came to this town," she stated, taking a sip of her wine.
"It is atrocious, oh sparkling diamond."
"It's beyond atrocious, Kenneth! Look at that carpet! And that sofa! Oh, and do not even get me started on the table setting!"
He shook his head in disgust as he studied the picture in his hand.
"Should I tell the boys to head for Rebello Drive?"
Martha Stewart grinned evilly as she answered, "Yes."
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"That bitch!"
"Buffy, calm down."
"Giles, I was planning Willow time, " the Slayer seethed, glaring at him. " W_i_l_l_o_w time...time I desperately need, might I add. Now, not only was that planning disrupted, but look at my Willow. She's a mess! A trembling, teary eyed, scared to death, mess!"
"Buffy, honey," Joyce began, putting an arm around her daughter. " I know how much you have been looking forward to some time alone with Willow. I'm sure once this is over, you two can get away for a few days. "
"Oh I so plan on it, trust me, but at the moment, we need to deal with this. "
"I say we cut the bloody bitch's throat!"
"So can't believe I am actually saying this," Buffy said. "But I 'm with Spike."
"It's a good idea in theory, " Giles replied, removing his glasses. "But I'm afraid it isn't that easy."
"He's right," Angel agreed. "I've had my battles with her in the past. She's not your average demon."
"Why wasn't I invited to the party? "
All eyes turned to Willow, who was standing in the office doorway, brandy bottle in hand.
"Will, honey, I thought you were resting," Buffy gently said, starting towards her.
"I was, but I got tired, so I'm here," she stated, swaggering over to the table where the gang sat. Once there, she took a swig of the brandy, then added," Buffy, you're back. And ya brought Angel. " She giggled. " A-n-g-e-l. Angel and Buffy, sittin' in a tree." She furrowed a brow. "Hey, she's my tree sitter."
She frowned, then tried to sit down. Before she missed the chair entirely, Buffy slid it under her and she plopped on it.
"Whatcha drinking there, sweetie? " Buffy asked, raising a brow.
"The nectar of love, " Willow answered, going for another swig. She stopped and giggled. "Oh wait, that's what I drink when we're alone."
Giles cleared his throat and Spike grinned huge.
"We thought a drink might calm her down," Joyce pointed out, ignoring the last comment as her daughter took the brandy from the redhead.
"Hey! Bad, bad slayer! Gonna have to spank you!" She giggled and tried to get the bottle back.
"Maybe you shouldn't have left the bottle in there with her," Angel softly noted.
"We didn't think that she would, well, that is-" Giles stuttered.
"We didn't think the chit would slosh it all down, " Spike finished for the older Englishman.
"More brandy," Willow purred.
"No more," Buffy gently stated.
"More Buffy," Willow giggled. "And brandy...Brandy makes me randy, " she sang, pulling the slayer down to her and dragging her tongue over her neck.
Angel stifled a chuckle, Giles cleaned his glasses and Joyce turned away so the others would not see her smile. Buffy attempted to stop a potentially naughty sitch.
"Will? Willow? Earth to naughty redhead, whose so gonna get a spanking if she doesn't behave," the slayer scolded, whispering in Willow's ear then pulling away.
Willow looked up, grinning wickedly and started to speak, but the front door flying open stopped her.
"Buffy!" Xander cried, stumbling in behind Anya. "We saw her!" He tried to catch his breath. Anya leaned against the counter.
"You saw her?" Angel clepped, his dark eyes on the breathless couple.
"Where?" Spike growled, game face on.
Xander and Anya exchanged a glance, then looked at Joyce. No words needed to be said. Buffy growled, as did Angel and Spike. Giles stood, Joyce started to but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.
"Stay here, with Willow, " Giles gently instructed.
"I wanna go, " Willow said.
"No, Will, you stay here, with mom," Buffy ordered, kissing her mate softly on the lips. "Be a good little witch and when I get back...well, um..." She whispered, once again, in her lover's ear.
Willow purred, prompting the slayer to blush.
"Mom, take care of her, please."
Joyce nodded and hugged her daughter.
"I can fight the bitca, too," Willow pouted." Kill the bitca! Kill the bitca!"
"Uh, has the Willster been a drinkin'? " Xander whispered to Buffy.
She nodded. "They thought it would calm her down. I know you can, baby, but not this time, " Buffy said, brushing Willow's bangs out of her eyes.
"Please," the witch begged, trailing a finger up Buffy's thigh.
Buffy swallowed hard. "No, Will, be good." She whimpered. "Please."
"My crummy bummy doesn't love me anymore," Willow sighed.
"Crummy bummy? " the room quipped in unison, their eyes on the slayer.
Buffy cleared her throat. Joyce and Giles exchanged a raised brow.
"Did she say bunny?" Anya cried.
"Crummy bummy, my sexy slayery crummy bummy," Willow sang.
"Will, sweetheart, you know I love you," Buffy gently said, kneeling down in front of Willow. "That's why I want you to stay here. If anything ever happened to you, I couldn't bare it. "
Willow smiled. "Oh, you are so very the sweet. "
She wrapped her arms around Buffy and hugged her tight.
"And she is so very the drunk," Xander muttered, eyeing the half-empty brandy bottle.
"Ya think? " Spike sarcastically cooed.
"I'll stay too," Anya volunteered. " Drunk Willow is funny."
"An, baby, there is nothing funny about drunk Willow."
"Oh, I'll tell ya what I want, what I really, really want!" Willow sang, playing with Buffy's hair so that she had two, perfect blonde horns.
"Ok, " Xander stated, smiling, " That was funny."
Buffy gave him a look as she stood, smoothing her hair down.
"Buffy likes it when I'm a Spice Girl, dontcha baby? I'm Witchy Spice. "
"Excuse me, " Giles piped in. "But there is the matter of that wretched fishwife to attend to "
"Yes, big evil to slay...I love you, Will." She kissed her softly on the lips.
" I love you too, my crummy bummy."
Buffy smiled and Spike rolled his eyes.
"Xander, you stay here," Giles instructed. "Buffy, Angel to the back and grab the weapons. Spike? " He tossed the vampire his keys. "Get my car."
Everyone hurried off and the Englishman turned to Joyce.
"Be careful, Rupert," she said, kissing him.
He kissed her back, smiling. "Always my luv...always. Keep the doors locked. Anya?"
"I know," the ex demon replied. "Research. We're on it. Xander, let's
go."
They disappeared to the back, passing Angel and Buffy, fully armed, on the way. The Slayer looked at her mother, who smiled.
"Kick her butt, sweetie," Joyce said.
"All the way to Spain."
Buffy glanced at Willow, who was amusing herself.
"Kill the froggies! " she sang, hands waving in the air. " Run them over with the cherry flavored tricycle! "
"Please, do not let her drink anymore, " Buffy begged, looking back at her mom.
"We all fall down in the pudding pool! "
"Don't worry, " Joyce assured her." That is not a problem. "
"Buffy? Spike and Giles are waiting in the car."
"Go, save the world, again. I'll take care of Willow."
"My name is Willow, too!" Willow quipped.
Buffy kissed her witch one last time, then followed Angel out the door.
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"This place is even worse than the photo," Martha mused, cringing as she surveyed the Summers home. "What is that?"
Kenneth moved to the coffee table and looked down.
"It appears to be a plastic coaster, my divine demoness of décor," he replied, a look of disgust on his vamped face.
"I believe that we have discovered why this town is known as the Hellmouth," she stated, her blue eyes scanning.
"Mistress of fine interior!"
She turned to the vampire that was hurrying down the stairs.
"What do you have there, Bradley?" she asked, seeing the pink object in his hand.
"It's a pig, oh perfectly ensemble one," he replied, holding it up for her to see.
"It's absolutely hideous! Burn it, now!"
"Don't you dare hurt Mr. Gordo!"
They turned to the new voice and found an incredibly ticked off Slayer, Angel, Spike and Giles at her side. Martha smiled evilly.
"The Slayer, " she cooed, locking eyes with Buffy. "I thought you were no longer with us. Word is that you are cashiering at a dollar store in Fresno. "
"Word is wrong," Buffy replied, giving her the most ferocious glare she had. "And if you think that for one minute, you are doing anything to my house, you are, too."
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