Hellmouth Living
by Red
conclusion
[reviews]
Hellmouth Living...redone
conclusion
Red
Joss' folk.
BW pg16
Summary: Buffy and gang take on the biggest baddest of all big bads...then she and Will get spanky with it.
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" Is she still doing it? " Xander asked.
Anya glanced over to where Willow rested on the floor. " Yes. "
The redhead giggled madly as she continued to play with the chicken's foot. Anya went back to her research but Xander was having trouble concentrating.
" Xander? " Willow sang. " Xander? "
" Will, my bud, trying to work here, " he said, turning to her.
" How did the chicken cross the road? " she inquired.
He sighed. " Not how, Will, it's why. "
" I know why, " she replied. " I need to know how, cause I got one of his little feet! " With that observation, she burst out into a stream of crazy giggles.
Joyce popped her head out of the office. " Everything ok? "
" Fine, " Anya noted, not looking up from her book. " Willow, in her alcohol -induced state, is finding that playing with a chicken's foot can be quite amusing. "
Joyce cracked a smile, then went back to her own research. Willow finally calmed down and Xander resumed his work. His brown eyes back on the large, Martha Stewart Cookbook in front of him, he became quickly engrossed in a brownie recipe. Anya was digging through table settings and in the office, Joyce was working on summer gardening. The trio was so into their task, that none of them noticed when Willow chicken foot in hand, quietly crawled to the workout room, where she let herself out the back door.
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" I always knew the Slayer was white trash, but this is even trashier than I imagined. "
Buffy didn't flinch. " Ya know what, Martha, you're about to die. And THAT, is a good thing. "
She lunged at the decorating diva, taking them both to the ground. Within seconds, the room was full of well dressed, male vampires and Angel, Giles and Spike went into action.
" Ya bloody poof! " Spike growled, punching Kenneth. " Lapdog for the bleedin' decorator of the bloody underworld! "
A long - haired blonde vamp sent Giles crashing into the coffee table, then pounced. The watcher reached into his pocket and came out with a newspaper ad. The vamp screamed when he saw it, jumping back before it touched him. Giles quickly got up, keeping the Wal-Mart ad in front of him. Two other vamps saw it and backed away.
Across the room, Angel was disposing of several vamps, courtesy of the Colt 45 bottle in his hand. The screams of his next victim echoed through the house, as he continued to pour the malt liquor onto the vampire's now burning flesh.
Buffy was having a bit more trouble with the Demon Diva. In the struggle, Mr. Gordo had been dropped several times, but had once again, been picked up by Martha, who was now smothering the Slayer with him.
Angel tossed Spike another bottle of Colt. The English vampire took a swig, then finished off the squirming vamp under his boot. Giles and his trusty Wal-Mart ad had driven away the rest of Martha's minions, leaving just the diva her self to deal with. Angel reached down to pull her off of Buffy, but found it impossible. After several failed attempts, he growled. Martha looked up at him and laughed.
" Forget it, Angelus, " she said. " Only one who is pure of spirit in style can remove me from her. " She glanced at Giles and Spike, then added, " And none of you are. "
" What about me? " Willow purred, from the doorway.
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" No, Xander, it's taupe. "
" An, honey, I know taupe when I see it and that ain't it. That is a beige tablecloth. "
" It is not! It's taupe! "
" Beige! "
" Taupe! Taupe! "
He glared at her for a moment, then yelled, " Oh Joyce! We need you out here! "
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Martha stared at the redhead standing in the doorway, her hold on Mr. Gordo loosening enough for Buffy to push him off of her face.
" Think I've got, true style spirit? Well, at least enough to pull you off of my mate and then kick your overly priced merchandising butt? " Willow purred, stepping into the house, a canvas bag in her hand.
Spike smiled, Angel and Giles exchanged a confused look.
" Will, get out of here, " Buffy ordered, straining to see her.
" Willow, " Giles began. " It isn't safe- "
" Giles, " she cut him off. " Do shut up. "
His brow shot up, as did Angel's. Spike laughed.
" Did she just tell Giles to shut up? " Buffy cracked.
" Did she just tell me to shut up? " Giles muttered.
" Leave here, witch! " Martha snapped.
" Or what? You'll sick Smith and Ireland on me? "
Another laugh from Spike and this time, Angel joined him. Martha growled, then began choking the Slayer. Willow lunged at her, still clutching the canvas bag, sending a surprised Spike crashing into Giles. Grabbing a handful of blonde hair with her free hand, she pulled hard.
" You witch! " Martha snarled, her hands leaving Buffy's neck and flying to her now hairless head.
" You wear a wig? " Angel gasped, his dark eyes, wide.
" Bloody hell, " Spike groaned.
" Ewww! " Buffy quipped.
" Well, " Giles mused aloud. " She's obviously much drunker than we thought. Why else would she tell me to shut- "
" Giles, shut up, " Willow said, tossing the faux hair aside. Then, looking down at Martha, she said, " Get up. "
Martha glared at her. " Make me. "
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" Well? "
Joyce studied the picture closely.
" Tell him, Joyce. Tell him that is taupe. "
" That is so not taupe. "
" Well it certainly isn't beige. "
" It certainly IS beige. "
" You wouldn't know beige if it bit you on the bottom. "
" You wouldn't know taupe if it stood two inches in front of you. "
" You wouldn't know beige if it gave you an orgasm! "
" Well I'd at least know that it WASN'T you! "
The ex demon gasped, mouth open, eyes wide. Xander smiled smugly. Joyce kept her eyes on the book in her hand, but shook her head.
" I don't know, kids. This looks tan to me. "
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Willow was on top of Martha within a second, yanking her off of Buffy and shoving her across the room. The decorating diva crashed into the coffee table, then rolled off and onto the floor.
" You are such a phony! " Willow exclaimed, walking toward her. " You have everyone thinking that you're the Queen of Décor! Well I've got news for ya. I know the truth. "
Martha looked into Willow's eyes and for the first time in a long time, felt fear. Scurrying across the floor, she soon found her self backed into a corner, the redhead standing over her. Buffy, now on her feet, rubbed her neck, watching along with the others, as Willow moved in for the kill.
" Your real name is Matilda Lou Skeezhog. "
" Matilda? " Buffy piped.
" Lou? " Spike crowed.
" Skeezhog? " Angel coughed.
" Twice, " Giles mumbled. " She told me to shut up, twice. "
" You were born in the wagon of a travellin' show, " Willow continued. " Your mama would dance for the money they would throw. When you were seventeen, you got a job wrestling pigs. At age nineteen, you met a demon that made you an offer you couldn't refuse. "
" You met Brando? " Spike excitedly exclaimed.
" Brando's a demon? " Angel furrowed a brow. " I didn't know that. "
" Who's Brando? " Buffy asked.
" She's never told me to shut up. "
" He offered you something you had never had, but always wanted, " Willow went on. " Style and good taste. "
" No! No! It's not true, any of it! " Martha shrieked, putting her hands over her ears.
" Oh, but it is! " Willow cheerfully sang, smiling madly. " You sold your soul to Dick Clark in exchange for becoming the Queen of Décor. "
Buffy furrowed a brow. " Who's Dick Clark? "
" I bloody well knew that bloke wasn't human! " Spike cried.
On the floor, Martha was curling up into a ball, her body trembling.
" Unfortunately, " Willow noted, reaching into her bag. " He forgot to tell you that you weren't indestructible. Oh, he led you to believe it, naturally. But it was a lie. "
She held up a plain, white cotton sheet and smiled. Martha's eyes grew wide and she began to moan.
" I see that you know what this is, " Willow stated, her smile growing. " 160 thread count, so NOT what you're used to. "
And with that said, she threw the sheet onto the demon. There were a loud, thunderous crash, a flash of lightening and a moment later, a pile of ash where Martha had been. Willow sighed, a deep, satisfied sigh then turned to face the others.
" Well, sheet, " Spike chuckled.
Buffy ran to her witch and threw her arms around her, hugging her tight Their lips met and they shared a hungry kiss. Spike and Angel looked at each other.
" Bloody hell, " Spike quipped. " Drunk Willow kicks major demon arse. "
" I was going to say the exact same thing, " Angel noted.
" She hasn't even shushed me before. "
They looked at Giles.
*****
Cordelia fell into The Groo's arms and he took her to the sofa. After a few minutes, her eyes opened and she smiled.
" She's dead, " she said.
" Angel and Buffy killed her? " Fred quipped.
" I knew they could do it! " Gunn bragged, giving Fred a tight hug.
"Yes, well, I am certainly glad to be rid of that hideous creature, " Wesley stated, folding his arms over his chest. "Hurrah for Buffy and Angel!"
" Angel and Buffy didn't kill her. "
All eyes fixed on Cordy.
" But you said- "
" She was dead, Wes. I said that she was dead. "
" If not Angel and the Slayer, then who? " Gunn inquired.
Cordy smiled proudly. " Willow. "
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" She did this twice, Joyce. Two times she told me to- "
Joyce shut him up by pressing her mouth to his.
Angel handed Xander a glass of champagne.
" Thanks man, " Xander numbly sighed.
" Chubbs, it's ok. Red is fine and the demon of décor is no more. " Spike smiled. " Told ya I was a poet. "
" I didn't even know she was gone, " he groaned, lowering his eyes. " I was so busy arguing about a stupid tablecloth that I didn't even notice that my drunken, best friend was gone. "
" We didn't notice, " Anya sadly noted.
" Guys, hear my words, " Angel said, looking at them. " Willow is fine. Martha is dead. We are trying to celebrate here, hence the bubbly. I bought 5 bottles, drink up."
Xander managed a smile and took a sip of his drink.
" So, " Anya mused, accepting a glass from Spike. " Where are, Willow and Buffy anyway? "
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Willow moaned as her jeans were ripped from her body, grinned as she was bent over the desk, purring loudly as slayer hands moved over her now bare bottom.
"Naughty, naughty witch," Buffy huskily rasped, fingers slipping between very wet witchy thighs. "Disobeying your slayer."
"The naughtiest," Willow breathed, opening her legs more and raising her bum higher.
Buffy grinned and stepped back, quickly removing her own clothing and grabbing the strap on from the bedside table drawer, along with the bad girl paddle. Willow looked over her shoulder...and smiled big.
It truly was, a good thing.