Starting Line
by Rin
2
[reviews]
The remaining months of school seemed to fly by, and Buffy and Willow were almost inseparable. Wherever one was, the other was bound to be, and to top it off? Willow had actually stood up to Cordelia Chase on numerous occasions. The redhead was beyond ecstatic that this amazing, gorgeous, popular blonde had chose her and her wacky friends over easy acceptance. After she got over the fear that it was all a big joke, Willow started to completely warm up to Buffy.
She had recognized her confused feelings as obvious hero worship at the beginning but as Buffy continued to flirt daily with her, Willow had developed a full-blown crush on her new friend. The feelings would get stronger every day, and they found themselves holding hands, or cuddling together under a blanket while watching a movie. Just little things to some people but major to them.
Tonight, they were supposed to have their first sleepover, since Buffy's mom had to go out of town to an estate auction for a few days. Willow had agreed to keep the blonde company for the weekend. They even invited Xander (who was majorly crushing on Buffy, too) to hang out and watch movies with them. They'd rented a big stack of all kinds of flicks, even allowing Xander to choose a few. Jesse was sent away to military school back east by his parents, so they never saw him anymore.
"Good night, Xander..." Buffy finally managed to get the guy to leave the house, since Willow had fallen asleep on her lap an hour ago.
"You sure you don't need help? I can...you know...carry Will upstairs...to your room..." Xander was having his B/W/X fantasy again, the one where the two girls go at it, and invite him to join. He'd noticed how Buffy flirted with Willow without abandon, and how Willow blushed and loved the comments.
"I think I can manage." Buffy smirked, as she closed the door. Making her way back into the living room, she turned off the television, and wrapped the blanket-clad Willow up in her arms. She had learned a few months ago that the redhead was extremely lightweight, and she had no problems carrying her around. Maneuvering her up the stairs was a different issue. As she scooped the girl up, Willow wrapped her arms around Buffy's neck, making it a little easier to get up the stairway.
Laying the girl down on her bed, Buffy saw how the moonlight brought out Willow's hair, and she leaned over slightly to kiss her forehead. When she moved back up from the lingering kiss, she saw that Willow's eyes were staring back at her. Smiling, the redhead wrapped her hand around Buffy's neck, and pulled her down into a gentle kiss. It was soft, tentative, and a big surprise on the blonde's part. She didn't have time to respond, as Willow fell back asleep.
"Oh my..." Buffy raised her hand up to her lips; they were still tingly from the brief contact.
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The next morning, Willow awoke from the best dream ever, as she attempted to stretch her limbs. She found she was held in place by another small arm, and she tried to remember how she got up to Buffy's room. The last thing she remembered was 'Apocalypse Now,' and her head on the blonde's lap. Smiling, she realized it was Buffy's arm around her, and she started playing with the fingers draping over her stomach. Studying the small hand, she wondered how this small girl managed to attract her complete attention.
"Morning." Buffy woke when she felt somebody playing with her hand. After the brief kiss, she'd changed into her pajamas before crawling into the bed beside Willow. She didn't remember spooning her but it didn't appear to bother the redhead, since she wasn't panicking.
"Hey..." Willow's dream was still fresh in her head, and she wondered if Buffy's lips tasted the same. Turning over, she saw the blonde staring back at her.
"You fell asleep, so I carried you upstairs." Buffy moved stray red locks from Willow's eyes, and watched as the girl's glossy, hazel glaze closed in content.
"You could've woken me up." Willow smiled, and leaned into the hand still on her face. "Your hand is warm..."
"Sorry..." Buffy moved her hand back, realizing she was still cupping the redhead's face.
"It's okay. I...I liked it. It was nice." Willow smiled, and stared at Buffy's lips, still curious.
"What do you wanna do today?" Buffy realized that the redhead probably didn't remember kissing her last night, so she didn't want to embarrass her friend. However, the way that Willow kept looking at her mouth made the blonde think otherwise. 'Maybe she does remember...'
"Doesn't matter." Willow scooted closer to Buffy, and gripped their hands together. "How are your hands so warm?"
"Your hands are freezing." Buffy was shocked at the simple gesture, and her hormones started to go crazy. "Want some..."
"...breakfast? I'd love some. Maybe..."
"...pancakes?" Buffy couldn't believe how incredibly adorable Willow was in the morning. The redhead always talked about how she's grumpy girl in the morning. She appeared to be the complete opposite. "I'm not the best cook but I'd love to make you pancakes."
"I can teach you..." Willow found herself nothing but toothy grins this morning, as she leaned her head a little closer to Buffy.
"Will it be a hands-on demonstration?" Buffy saw Willow scooting closer, as though she were going to kiss her again. She couldn't help but flirt.
"If it'll help you learn..." Willow smirked, a somewhat evil smirk, as her eyes got heavy-lidded.
"I learn better with your hands on me." Buffy panicked, as she realized she'd actually said that out loud. "Um...that is to say..."
"It's okay, Buffy. I...I like you, too...that way." Willow turned twenty shades of red, as she watched her friend's reaction. "I just don't...know what to do..."
"Willow Rosenberg doesn't know what to do? Is this a first?" Buffy was teasing her but stopped when she noticed the worried smile on the redhead's face. "Hey...it's okay to like girls."
"It's not that. I've liked girls for a long time, even Xander knows that." Willow swallowed hard.
"Then...is it me? Am I coming on too strong? Do you not like me like that?" It was Buffy's turn to swallow hard.
"I just told you I did..." Willow tucked wild blonde locks behind Buffy's ear, as she cupped her face. "I just don't know what to do...because I don't want to lose you as a friend. I've never been this close to anybody, and I'm afraid of what'll happen if something does happen. I just...I don't want to lose you...and...and Xander likes you. I don't want him to think I'm stealing something of his. He's sensitive to rejection, and I don't think that finding out his best friend is dating his major crush would be good for his self-esteem."
"Will, calm down. It'll be okay. I know you care about Xander, and that you don't want to hurt him but I don't like him like that. I like you...more than I've ever liked anybody in my life. I understand, though...if you just wanna be friends..." Buffy took a deep breath. It's not how she pictured this conversation would end. She'd fantasized for months on how she'd get Willow to date her. Now, they were talking about it, and it was going the complete opposite direction she'd imagined.
"I want to, Buffy...believe me, I do...but it's just..." Willow was devastated. This was nothing like her dream.
"...Xander. I know. I get it, Wills. No big deal."
"But it IS a big deal. Buffy, I've never liked anybody this much, either...and, and...it's not like I can just turn these feelings off and on when I want them. This is so hard...especially since we're really having this conversation." Willow rubbed along Buffy's forehead to erase the furrowed brow. The blonde decided immediately that she could fall asleep in an instant if the redhead continued that simple motion.
"I can wait..." Buffy wasn't sure she could but she'd try.
"Wait until what, though?"
"For Xander to get over his crush, for him to get a girlfriend, for you to talk to him about us. I don't know...whichever comes first..." Buffy sent her pleading eyes to Willow.
"I can't just come out and say, 'So, Xander...Buffy and I were talking, and we wanna date, so you can't like her anymore.' Even that would change our friendship. We've been together since kindergarten. I can't just give up on that over a girl. When I told him about me liking other girls, I promised him we'd never let a girl get between us." Willow sighed. She wanted to be with Buffy so bad, to see what her lips really tasted like, no longer wondering, or relying on dreams. "Can we just be friends?"
"Of course, Wills. I'll take anything I can get from you. And who says we still won't wind up together in the end? There is such a thing as happily ever after." Buffy felt her heart break, and she was no longer hungry. "Wanna sleep a little more? It's still early."
"That sounds okay." Willow watched as Buffy turned her back to her, and curled into a ball. She missed the warmth.
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Summer breaks are usually filled with beach parties, pool parties, night parties, and the Bronze. For Willow Rosenberg, her summer break consisted of reading, playing on the computer, and honing her hacking skills. Buffy was gone to stay with her dad for the summer, while Xander was busy helping at his dad's store. She would sometimes go visit him, or occasionally go out to the Bronze on Friday but most of the time, she just stayed at home.
She barely heard from Buffy, just a simple postcard from Los Angeles, and a handful of phone calls. They tried not to talk about their mutual admiration, or the fact that they'd almost kissed that morning. Instead, they stayed on safe ground, talking about trips to the mall, and the upcoming school year. They wouldn't spend any time alone, always going out in public, or having Xander or Joyce around to monitor. It was a mutually silent decision to help decrease temptation.
Junior year started tomorrow, and Xander and Willow found themselves making an ice cream run. They'd done this every year before school started. This year was no different. No change in routine. No interruptions. The redhead found she missed those interruptions from Buffy more than usual.
"Xander, do you still like Buffy?" Willow continued eating her ice cream like it was a normal conversation. She didn't mention the fact that Buffy had rejected him when he'd finally found the nerve to ask her out.
"Are you crazy? Just because she said no doesn't mean my feelings changed." Xander threw out his ice cream, his hunger diminished at the nauseating reminder that he'd been rejected.
"What would you do if I liked Buffy, too?" Willow wouldn't look Xander in the eyes. "Just a hypothetical question."
"I'd ask to watch..." Xander's lusty grin was changed when he saw the scolding look from Willow. He'd promised her not to do the typical guy thing when she talked about being with other girls. "Okay...well, it'd be weird...but I think Buffy is one tough cookie to crack."
"What if she liked me back?" Willow was running out of ice cream fast.
"I don't know, Will. I don't think I could see it happening but for your hypothetical scenario? In all honesty, I would rather see her with you than somebody else, even if it would kill me to see you together." Xander could tell Willow had a crush on Buffy but knew that the redhead would never do anything on account of their friendship. He was glad they'd made that pact about not letting girls come between them. He really couldn't stand to see Willow with Buffy, though he'd never outright say it.
"I figured as much." Willow closed her eyes, and reigned in her breathing. It was for the best, anyways. If losing Buffy felt anything like this, then she wouldn't want to risk the relationship.
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School started, and still no sign of Buffy. The blonde was either transferred back to Los Angeles, or avoiding her altogether. Willow decided on the latter, though she'd feel better if it were the former. Sitting down at lunch, she found herself alone under her tree again. She hadn't been alone under this tree since Buffy's first day last semester. It was weird to have those same old feelings of abandonment. Xander was forced to help in the cafeteria all year (because of Snyder, the new principal) because of his habit of skipping school on a regular basis, so the redhead didn't even get to see him briefly during the hour.
"Is this seat taken?" Buffy knew she'd find Willow here. It was their spot.
"Hey! When did you get back? I haven't heard from you in a month. I was starting to think that you'd changed schools again, and weren't coming back." Willow's eyes went wide, as she noticed Buffy was wearing the yummiest outfit. "You cut your hair."
"Oh...yeah. I decided it was time for a change." Buffy grasped at her short locks, and scratched her neck. "So...where's Xander?"
"He's on lunch duty all year. Wait until you meet the new principal." Willow rolled her eyes, not wanting to think about the evil man.
"Oh, I did...that's where I was all morning. In his office, getting the lecture. I barely managed to avoid lunch duty myself." Buffy finally relaxed. She was worried about Willow's reaction to her absence but the redhead was as friendly as the day she'd left for Los Angeles. "What happened to Principal Flutie?"
"There was an accident at a zoo...there were pictures in the paper." Willow shuddered at the memory of that morning paper. She wasn't able to eat anything all day because of those gruesome pictures. "Hyenas."
"Oh..." Buffy saw the redhead's face, and decided not to probe any further. If she really wanted to know, she could ask Giles the librarian for old newspapers. "So...how was your summer?"
"Uneventful. Yours?" Willow wasn't sure where to begin. It was strange and exciting seeing Buffy again but she tried not to let her emotions go wild. She'd just talked to Xander about there possibly being a relationship, and he'd voiced that it would bother him. Her devotion to his friendship wouldn't allow her to act on her feelings, no matter that it kept getting harder every day.
"Um..." Buffy wasn't sure what to say. She didn't want to make Willow feel bad because she'd had an eventful summer.
"It's okay if you had fun. Just because I'm a spaz doesn't mean you are." Willow smiled, trying to hide her jealousy that other people got to hang out with Buffy all summer, and she had barely heard a word from the blonde. "Are you excited about school this year?"
"Yeah...we only have two years left before we're finished. How can I not be stoked about that?" Buffy smiled, and took Willow's hand in hers. "I thought about you all summer. I got you something."
"Buffy...you know we can't..."
"I know, and I've tried but I can't get you out of my mind. That's why I never called but it still didn't work. You're still all I think about." Buffy reached into her purse, and pulled out a seashell.
"Okay..." Willow took the shell from the blonde, and examined it. There was a painting of a willow tree on it, which caused the redhead to smile. "Thanks, Buffy. I'm sorry I didn't get you anything but it would've been the same old Sunnydale stuff."
"That's okay. I saw this, and couldn't help but get it for you." Buffy watched the girl's eyes light up, and it took all she had not to lean over and plant a big wet one on her lips. It was so tempting, especially since they were alone.
"Let me buy you a mocha, then...after school. You can tell me all about your visit with your dad." Willow saw the blonde smile, and wanted to just take Xander out of the game. 'Why is this so hard?'
"It's a deal." Buffy let go of the redhead's hand, and they ate lunch in a semi-comfortable silence. Neither knew what to say, or rather...where to start.