Starting Line
by Rin
12
[reviews]
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Two months since the breakup with Fred, and Willow finally felt like she could breathe freely. The only time she had trouble was when Riley was around...and he was around a lot. Apparently, he and Buffy had started...doing it, so they were always touchy feely, and it made the redhead angry with jealousy. She hated that she hadn't said anything before, she wanted to get back at Buffy by sleeping with somebody else (though that idea was nixed quickly, since she couldn't even do it with Fred), she wanted to run away, she wanted to slap Xander...hard, maybe even time machine magicks, if such a thing existed. Anything...just to avoid having to deal with the fact that they'd missed their chance again.
Argh!!!
Every time they get close, it all blows up, and something goes wrong. Buffy obviously must like Riley, or else she wouldn't have slept with him. It's written all over her, she doesn't have to tell her. When she does come back to the dorms, she smells like him, and it only angers Willow more.
That's when Willow realized SHE was the one that had screwed up this time. Because of their intimacies, she hadn't confided in her best friend, hadn't trusted herself and Buffy to stay just friends until she could deal with her heartache. Could all of this Riley business been avoided if she'd been honest? No wonder Buffy was mad at her when she finally told her. No wonder the blonde stayed at Riley's more than usual. It was her revenge.
Another month passed...and another...and soon the school year was over. Another year without any Buffy/Willow goodness...well, okay, there was SOME goodness...but no naked fun time. It was high time for some naked fun time!
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"What now, Buffy?" Riley was frustrated. Every time they did it, she would just lie there. She never even acted like she liked it.
"Hm? Oh...um...nothing, why'd you stop?" She couldn't figure out why she let him do this. It's not like she liked it. Sure, it felt good sometimes but it was nothing compared to just one kiss from Willow.
That was another story. How could the redhead not tell her? All of her anger and sadness rolled into one, and she went on fuckfests with Riley every night, sometimes she'd be responsive but most of the time, she'd be doing just this. How much longer could she avoid the redhead? They had barely said two words to each other since she'd found out about the breakup. It's just...gosh...how could she keep that a secret?
"You're doing it again." Riley lost his erection, as he climbed off of Buffy. It just wasn't fun when she wasn't responsive. It was always hard to tell her mood.
"Oh...sorry. Don't mean to." Buffy pulled the covers over her body.
"Why don't you just go talk to her?" Riley knew it was the redhead. He knew Buffy was both sad and angry at her best friend; he also had a suspicion that his girlfriend had a thing for the girl. Willow this, Willow that, and then a few months ago...her anger went threefold, and Willow was never mentioned again. He'd always see that look in her eye, though...the one she'd get when she talked about the redhead. The one he wished she'd have when she talked about him.
"It's complicated." Buffy didn't want to talk about this, and especially not with Riley.
"It's obvious you need her in your life. Maybe then I could read your moods better. You've gone almost five months without talking to her, and the entire time, thinking about nothing else." Riley sighed before he risked a glance at his girlfriend. "Just go talk to her. Take your other friend with you, if you need."
"That'd probably make it worse." Buffy closed her eyes, and tried to get some sleep. Riley recognized that he shouldn't say anything more, so he let her.
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"You'll never guess who we ran into at the beach yesterday." Xander was enjoying his ice cream cone. He was glad they decided to stick to this tradition, even if college semesters did start later.
"Dracula?" Willow giggled behind her own vanilla mocha scoop.
"I wouldn't think His Holiness, the Dark Prince would be caught dead at a beach...get it? I slay myself sometimes." Xander took another long lick through his chuckles. Things were going great with Anya, with work, and with the apartment. His neighbor's radio playing was vacation compared to living underneath his parents.
"So, who did you see then?" Willow couldn't help chuckling herself. It was good to get out of the house. All summer long, she'd been cooped up in the house with her books and computer. Even Fred came to visit a few times, and she was numb. Ever since Buffy stormed out on her the last night they talked, the night she told her about the breakup, Willow had been numb.
"Remember Tara? The girl that always had a thing for you?" Xander had actually stayed true to his word, and did nothing to hurt the Buffy/Riley relationship, as per request from Willow. If he'd listened to the redhead three or four years ago, this all could be avoided.
"Yeah..." Willow was tentative to answer. Of course she remembered...how could she forget? Tara was her first kiss when they were ten. They were friends until middle school, when everybody got separated into classes. She had barely said a handful of words to the girl in high school but always saw her staring, except it wasn't that creepy staring, and it always flattered her...but then Buffy came along, and she forgot about the staring.
"She looks really good, actually. She's sorta lost her stutter, too. College has been good to her, and you'll never guess where she goes..." Xander elbowed the redhead, getting her attention. He must've elbowed too hard because Willow was left chasing her ice cream to the ground, pouting in mock anger at the young man for making her drop her ice cream. Instead, she dealt vengeance by stealing the rest of his mint chocolate chip.
"UC Sunnydale. I'd seen her briefly on campus once or twice. Never thought anything of it. Why?" She was always too busy warring between Buffy and Fred to pay much attention.
"I told her you were single, and gave her your number, so don't be surprised if you get a call when the semester starts." Xander walked backwards fast, avoiding the anger and surprise emanating from his friend. "Now, before you get all dark witch Willow on me, think about it? She's cute, you're both single...Buffy's out of the picture. Why not move on? Try to be happy again? Don't you think you deserve that?"
"At least you're not coercing me to talk to Buffy anymore. That's an improvement." Though was it really? She wanted to so much but she had a feeling that the blonde was the one that needed to initiate contact first. Five months, and nothing? She wasn't holding her breath anymore.
"It'll be good. You can get out of the dorm some, and not stay locked in your room by yourself like you were all summer." Xander fell back in stride with the redhead.
"I was not locked...and I went out! You came over, Fred came over...we did things. I left sometimes. How else was I going to go grocery shopping?" Willow knew it was mostly true. Except for those few necessary trips to the supermarket and tonight, she'd stayed in her room, mostly so it would be easy for Buffy to find her when she was ready to talk.
"Just...if Tara does call, don't hang up, okay? If nothing else, she'd be a good friend."
Willow found she couldn't argue.
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The semester started, and all was calm. When Willow hung up her chocolate poster, she had a fleeting memory of Buffy conducting her on placement. She sighed at the memory.
When Tara had called, they wound up talking for a good two hours before agreeing to meet for coffee. Turns out, the blonde had looked up Willow last year, and came knocking but there was no answer. She had given up until running into Xander at the beach. It had become a ritual after class to meet for coffee, or just to walk around campus. They weren't datey; Tara had a girlfriend, was madly happy, and the happiness just rubbed off on the redhead. On their latest walk today, they wound up holding hands like two old schoolmates (which they were). The carefree mood was ruined when she caught Buffy's eyes. The two just stared at each other across the quad. Willow holding Tara's hand, Buffy parked on the grass between Riley and his friends.
Willow was doing her homework, crouched over her laptop, coffee in her lap, pencils tucked behind both ears, and one in her mouth. The knock at the door caused her to put the coffee on the desk, and place the pencil beside it...after the initial panic from her break in concentration. Answering it, she saw Buffy standing there, shuffling her feet, looking nervous.
"Hey." Willow was shocked. This was the last person she expected to see.
"Hi." Buffy swallowed hard, willing her emotions to calm. "Mind if I come in?"
Willow shut the door behind her, and watched Buffy take in the room.
"I like your room. I can see you living here." Buffy looked at her feet before risking a glance at the quiet Willow. "I need to apologize. I should've...I'm sorry."
Willow just stood there, not saying a word. What could she say? Why would Buffy come now? Halfway through the new semester? Hadn't it been seven months since they'd talked?
"I've been such an ass...I'm no better than Xander, probably worse. I hate myself for not being a good friend, and for you thinking that I wouldn't be a good friend, that I'd pressure you into something you weren't ready for, and I'm sorry for dating Riley, and I'm sorry I didn't say anything until now, and I'm..." Buffy didn't get to finish, tears threatening to spill, as Willow just glided over, and wrapped her in a hug. That's when Buffy's tears officially fell. "I'm sooooo sorry, Wills."
"Shh...it's okay. You're here now; that's all that matters." Willow ushered them to the bed, and kept her arms around the blonde. It took several minutes before Buffy calmed down enough, and her body stopped shaking. "Okay now?"
"Better, thanks." Buffy wiped her eyes with her coat sleeve. "I shouldn't have waited so long. It's been too long."
"You're here now." Willow smiled, as she wiped at Buffy's tears with the pads of her thumbs.
"I don't know what it is...my jealousy at seeing you with Tara? I haven't even been able to touch Riley this summer...yet the days kept passing, and soon, I realized it was probably too late, and it turns out I was right." Buffy couldn't figure out why Willow looked upset.
"So...the only reason you're here...is because you saw me with Tara?" She knew it wasn't logical to get angry...and it wasn't like her own jealousy didn't make her take action sometimes.
"Yes...no...I don't know. I won't lie...it's part of it. I forgot what it felt like to see you with somebody else. It drove me crazy." Buffy fell onto the bed, letting her upper body relax slightly, her hair pooled out around her head in flowing waves. "Riley gave me an ultimatum. If I don't talk to you, then he'd break up with me. Little does he know that talking to you would probably lead me to break up with him. Irony's funny that way."
"So...you saw me with Tara, and thought...oh, hey, I want Willow again?" Willow stood up and started pacing. Buffy sat up, and watched the redhead chew her thumb. "It's doesn't work like that, you know? You can't decide you want me one minute and not the next, and only when it's convenient for you. I don't work like that. If anything, I work NOT like that, and you should know that...for a fact. I'm finished with that damned staircase of yours. If you want me, then just say so...but only if you want ME, not because you saw me with somebody, or because your boyfriend gives you an ultimatum....but...but...because you can't live without out me, which is obvious you can, since you haven't spoken to me in over seven months, and..."
"Wills..." Buffy tried to interrupt but the redhead just kept going.
"...you can't just barge in here, like you belong here, and expect me to be all, 'yeah, sure, Buffy.' It doesn't work like that. So, no more stupid staircase. I'm done with it. No escalators, either. It's a pure elevator ride, and the only floor you can get off is Willow. I can't handle all these stops. Better yet..." Her face was starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen.
"Wills..." Buffy stood to stop her friend, who was still ranting.
"...let's do away with floors and steps altogether. We're on even playing fields now. We're on the same level." She'd been holding this in for too long, and it was all coming out in one breath...but now she could barely breathe, and her stomach muscles tensed and ached from the pressure.
"I know." Buffy stopped Willow's pacing by holding the redhead in place by her forearms. "Breathe, Wills."
"Breathe, good idea." She took several breaths before she had to sit down from dizziness. The blonde just followed. "Sorry, sometimes I bottle up too much. It's not good to let things fester this long."
"You could've come to me, you know? You didn't have to wait for me to come to you." Buffy grabbed Willow's sweaty hands, and stared at them. Still so soft, even through the moisture.
"No, I really couldn't. The way you left...I should've told you. I just didn't trust myself. I was afraid that I'D jump in too soon...before I was ready. I didn't want to ruin our chances because I moved too fast. In retrospect, I see how it hurt more with what I did." Willow bowed her head, and watched their conjoined hands. Buffy's palms were starting to get sweaty now, too. "I wanted to, believe me. I just...you had to come to me."
"I wouldn't have let you do anything you weren't ready for." Buffy's smile was soft and loving.
"I know that now but my heart hurt then. I wasn't exactly thinking clearly." Willow closed her eyes. "That period after the breakup was nothing compared to these last seven months, though. At least Fred and I still talked."
"I really am sorry." Buffy willed her nerves to stay calm. "So...what now? Hard part's out of the way."
"I don't know. I really don't...but I don't think we can just go back like we were. We're not the same people we were." Willow bit her lip, willing herself not to get too tempted to just fall into Buffy here and now. It wouldn't be good...for either of them. They still had some unresolved tension and issues to deal with.
"Maybe...I don't know, we could start fresh? Is that possible? Am I too late? Are you in love with Tara?" Buffy swallowed hard, the spit hurting her throat as it went down.
"Tara?" Willow was confused. "Tara has a girlfriend. We're not...is that really what you thought?"
"Well, how could I not? You were all smiley, and giddy, and holding hands. I told you I was jealous. I think Riley wanted to smack me because I wouldn't shut up about seeing you two together this afternoon. It's the first time I've said anything to him about you in months. Hence, the kicking me out until I resolved it." Buffy kicked at the ground, all of a sudden shy and unsure of herself. The confidence from earlier relinquished quickly. "So...when we start over, then...do you think we could...start over...the way we've always wanted? Do you think that'd be possible?"
"Oh..." Willow didn't say anything for a few minutes, the proposal hanging in the air.
"We would go slow, really slow if you'd like. You set the pace." Buffy glanced at her feet one last time before catching Willow's gaze, her confidence slowly returning. "Willow, would you like to go out...on a date with me...maybe next week?"
"Oh..." Again, Willow was tongue-tied. It was so easy...all this struggle, and it was easy. She was one word away from everything they'd both ever wanted. "Let me think about it."
"All the time you need. I'll be waiting on you this time." Buffy stood to leave but Willow pulled her back down.
"Yes." Willow swallowed hard, trying not to act too excited, trying not to just take Buffy right there. "Pick me up next Wednesday...8 okay?"
"It's perfect." Buffy stood again, and this time Willow let her, only she followed her to the door. "It's a date, then. Wow..."
"I know." Willow leaned her head against the door's edge, watching as Buffy exited her room and stood in the doorway.
"Okay, so next Wednesday, here, at 8...for our date." Buffy left with a big smile on her face, mirroring the one on the redhead. That is, until halfway to her own room, she realized she still had a boyfriend. This would not go over well.