Finding Her Way Home
by rebelrsr
Chapter 28
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: Pretty much everything after the Gift.
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Ivy for the preread and Zigpal for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
A/N2: I'm mixing parts of S6 and S7 with very little regard to canon. For purposes of the fic, Dawn is over the age of consent *wink*.
"We had a Slayer dream telling me I shouldn't work at the DMP?" Willow asked in confusion.
Sleep-dazed hazel eyes blinked at her for a minute before Buffy burst into laughter. "Um, I'm going out on a limb here, but no. I don't think the dream had anything to do with your future as a Food Services worker, Wills." Her somber mood broken by Willow's question, Buffy went on. "How did I get back here? The last thing I remember is seeing Mom in the Training Barn."
Willow's eyes shot open. "Your mom?"
"Yeah." Buffy's levity faded. "Mom. She showed up when I finished my workout." Tears welled and overflowed. "God, I knew it wasn't her. She felt...she felt evil. My Slayer senses were freaking out. It didn't matter, though. I wanted it to be her, Will. I just wanted Mom back."
Their positions didn't do much for cuddling. Willow rolled over, pulling Buffy nearly on top of her. "Shh, sweetie. Come on. You need to calm down." Their link swelled with the Slayer's grief and despair. Willow blinked away tears of her own, head and heart pounding from the emotions battering her.
Exhaustion finally slowed the tears. Buffy's eyes drooped closed, her sobs tapering off. "She was disappointed in me, Will. I tried so hard. I know I wasn't the daughter Mom wanted. Why didn't she understand that?"
Willow stared up at Buffy's closed lids and tear-streaked face. "Buffy, your mom did understand about the Slaying. That thing you talked to earlier wasn't Mrs. Summers, no matter how perfect the illusion. You have to believe me, sweetie. That was so not your mom."
Buffy wasn't ready to hear that. "I know that. I do, Will." Buffy's voice wavered. "That doesn't mean it didn't have a point. How many times over the years did I not do what Mom wanted, though? Getting kicked out of Hemery, not going to Northwestern,-"
Jumping in before Buffy could go through the entire laundry list of imagined failures, Willow cupped the blonde's face in her hands, thumbs feathering over her cheeks. "Stop." Buffy struggled under her. "Buffy, stop." Willow kept her voice soft yet urgent. She waited until Buffy grew still. "I know you guys had problems when you first moved to Sunnydale. After you finally told her about the Slaying, did your mom ever say she was disappointed? Even once?"
"She wanted-" Buffy began.
"That wasn't what I asked." Willow refused to let her wife avoid the question. "Did she say she was disappointed?"
The muscles under Willow's hands bunched and flexed.
"Buffy!" Willow snapped in exasperation.
"No." The single word emerged in an explosive breath. "No, she never said it once she found out about the Slaying." New tears leaked from beneath Buffy's eyelids.
Using her thumbs, Willow gently brushed the moisture away. "Of course, she didn't, Buffy. Your mom loved you." Shifting so she lay pressed against Buffy's left side, Willow tried to keep her wife talking. "What happened earlier, sweetie? You weren't really yourself after we talked to Giles."
Buffy merely shrugged, avoiding eye contact.
"You can talk now, or you can talk later," Willow allowed, her voice firm. "Just remember I'm not going away, and you aren't going to avoid this conversation." Giving in to the hurt and betrayal their blocked link caused, she continued in a louder voice, "Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Or, if you can't talk about it, why won't you open the link? Let me feel what's bothering you?"
"Will," Buffy started, responding immediately to the sound of repressed tears in Willow's voice, "there's nothing wrong."
"I'm supposed to believe that?" The question was shrill. "Buffy, you've told me absolutely everything about your life almost from the minute we met. Goddess, I knew more about you and Angel than I was ever comfortable with. We've shared so much while we were 'just' friends. Why is it so hard to talk to me now?" She paused, green eyes wide and tear filled. "Are you sorry?" Willow's voice shook. "About the bond?
Silence stretched.
Stifling a sob, Willow rolled away and climbed out of bed. She hurriedly donned her clothes, shivering in the large room. It was so cold. Even fully clothed Willow couldn't get warm. She hadn't gotten more than a few steps toward the table when strong arms wrapped around her from behind.
Holding herself stiffly, Willow fought to hide the sobs wanting to tear from her throat. "I'm so sorry, Will." Hot liquid soaked through the back of Willow's shirt where Buffy's face pressed.
"Me, too." It was all the redhead could manage.
"No," Buffy disagreed, "you don't understand."
Despite her best efforts, a sob slipped out. Willow slapped a hand over her mouth, hoping to contain the rest.
"Oh God, what have I done?" Buffy's hoarse whisper barely registered through Willow's grief. The Slayer moved away, gently turning Willow to face her.
Willow bit her lip at Buffy's pale, drawn appearance. Rather than looking rested from her magic-induced nap, the Slayer looked worse. Her eyes were dull, the pupils completely dilated. The hands gripping her shoulders trembled. "Buffy," Willow couldn't help saying, "maybe you should sit down."
"In a minute," Buffy responded flatly. "Will, we need to talk."
All of Willow's hard won control shattered. "Really?" The word was loaded with sarcasm. "I thought you'd decided I wasn't worth talking to."
Buffy pale face flushed brightly. "No, Will, that's so not it. I don't...I don't know how or where to even start." She stared pleading at Willow.
Feeling incredibly tired from the emotional roller coaster of the last few days, Willow dropped her head. "Alright, Buffy. Do I need to play Twenty Questions? Can you give me an idea? Point me in the right direction?"
"I can't do this anymore," Buffy mumbled.
The world wavered. Willow felt hot and cold at the same time; a shrill ringing sang in her head. Afraid of the answer, Willow barely managed to whisper through numb lips, "Do what, Buffy?"
"This." Buffy waved her hand around the room. "Be The Slayer; save the world again, all with a cheery smile and rousing speeches."
For the first time since waking, Willow smiled. Relief made her almost giddy. This she could handle. As long as Buffy wasn't saying she wanted out of their marriage..."Buffy, if you'd said that last week, we would have had problems. Now, though, we have options." When the blonde regarded her quizzically, Willow grabbed her in a tight hug. "Faith's back and willing to help, there are who knows how many Potential Slayers who will be joining us. There's no reason for you to do this alone. Goddess, you may not have to do it at all. Mom retired. Why couldn't you?"
***
"I've already forgiven you, Faith." Dawn smiled at the shell shocked Slayer. "And if Willow and Buffy want to get rough, I'll protect you."
Faith smirked at that. "Thanks, D. Never had anybody want to take care of me. Anything else on offer with that?"
"Please. Get a room, will you?" They'd forgotten about Kennedy, huddled on the bed. The Potential glared at them. She pointed to the burned corpse. "And take that with you."
"Damn, D. You got me so riled up, I forgot all about Mr. Crispy." Faith winked teasingly at Dawn. "Too bad Junior here had to break things up. I was getting all set to show you my skills."
Dawn giggled.
"Hey, what's so funny? I could definitely use some of that." Xander poked his head into the room. Blood stained his shirt and pants.
"Whoa, Xan, you OK?" Faith straightened, all joking gone.
He nodded. "There was another one in Amanda's room. Kirstan and I took care of him. Things got a little messy." He eyed the corpse on the floor. "You carry a blowtorch in your pocket?"
"Yeah, it makes lighting up so much easier." Faith grinned and then grew serious. "You sure you're alright?"
"I'm good. Kirstan did most of the work. I just ran in and finished the job once he was down. It's his blood." Xander looked away. "They're human. I wasn't..."
Faith swallowed hard, going very pale. "Fuck. I didn't realize with the fire and all." She glared at the form on the floor. "We may need a new game plan. Kirstan still next door?"
Xander nodded. "I think so."
"Alright. Let's get the trash taken out." Faith nudged the body in front of her. "I think we need to move up our timetable and stop doing so much talking. The First's on the move, and it looks like we're targets." She glanced at Kennedy. "Get dressed, Junior. Round up the other two Potentials. Nap time's over."
"Who said you were in charge?" Kennedy sprang out of bed, stepping into Faith's personal space.
A cold smile stretched across the Slayer's face. "Step back, kid, or I'm going to put you through the wall. This ain't the time." Ignoring the sputtering from the Potential, Faith bent and slung the charred remains over her shoulder. "D, find Giles. I don't care if he's hiding out drinking tea or whatever. We need him to hit the books and find out what these things are."
Not bothering to see if the two girls followed orders, Faith carried her grisly cargo out the door and down the stairs. People huddled in the narrow hallway at the landing. "I've got a place out by the Training Barn." Jennifer stepped away from the others and motioned for Faith to follow her. "Do you need a hand with that?"
"I've got it. Can you walk me out, though?" Faith looked at the older woman, hoping to convey her need to talk without having to come out and say it.
She received a narrow-eyed glance and a nod. "Sure. Let's get that thing out of the house before the smell sets in too much." Jennifer looked at the group still standing in the hallway. "Get the living room ready, guys. Food and drinks all around." No one moved and a slim eyebrow shot up. "Now!" Bodies scurried for the kitchen. "Goddess save me from curious kids."
Faith shifted her burden and followed the complaining Jennifer outside. Squinting against the bright sunlight, she took a deep breath and got started. "I'm thinking the group planning on going to Sunnydale is staying put."
Green eyes watched her intently. Jennifer tilted her head, considering Faith's comment. "That's not a bad plan." She crossed her arms over her chest, quietly continuing, "I'm wondering, though, why you seem nervous all of a sudden?"
"What did B and Red tell you about me?" Faith asked, working her way toward answering the question.
"Nothing." They reached the Barn, bypassing the entrance and continuing on the path around the rear of the building. "Dump the body here. I'll have Kirstan or one of the girls start a pyre later."
Grimacing at the thought, Faith shifted the corpse from her shoulders, leaving it lying on the ground in a pile with the blood-stained body of its companion and some other trash. She stared at the two bodies for a long minute, arms wrapped over her stomach. More bodies. There was no way around it if the First sent more of these to the ranch.
Jennifer let her stand in silence. Once Faith turned away from the body, though, the redhead stated, "You never answered my question."
"I'm getting there," Faith responded moodily. She started down the path in the opposite direction of the house. "You and your girl don't have a clue about anything."
"Kirstan's a Slayer. We know plenty." Faith smirked at the bite in Jennifer's voice.
Faith stopped, leaning against a split rail fence blocking access to a pasture. "You don't know anything. B and her crew, they've already faced things you haven't even met in your nightmares." Her voice was harsh as she continued, "I'm one of those things."
She saw Jennifer's eyes widen.
"We ain't got time for me to spill the whole freaking story. Take my word for it, you'd be better off if I could head back to town." Faith half-turned, locking her eyes with Jennifer's green ones. "We can't afford to split the crew. You and T need to get the beacon spell going now."
"We're all set for the spell," Jennifer said. "I'm still waiting to hear why I should be so afraid to have you here."
Faith clenched her fists, sweat slicking her skin and her shoulders stiffening. "My last address was the California Institution for Women."