Finding Her Way Home
by rebelrsr
Chapter 29
[reviews]
Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: Pretty much everything after the Gift.
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed by //. Thanks to Ivy for the preread and Zigpal for the beta and encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
A/N2: I'm mixing parts of S6 and S7 with very little regard to canon. For purposes of the fic, Dawn is over the age of consent *wink*.
"OK," Jennifer responded, green eyes wide, "I wasn't expecting that." She moved next to Faith, leaning against the fence. "Why?"
The moment of truth. Faith kept her eyes on her hands, gripping the wooden rail so hard she splintered the rough post. Bile burned her throat and stomach. Could she really tell this woman about her past?
"Faith?" She flinched at the hardness in Jennifer's voice. It was as if Willow's mother sensed the danger Faith represented.
"Murder One and assault," Faith blurted, adrenaline coursed through her and all her muscles tensed against the need to run.
A moment passed. Then another. Birdcalls and wind rustling through the trees were the only response.
Finally, Jennifer pushed away from the fence. "Murder?" Although her face was carefully blank, her voice shook slightly. "That's...It was a mistake, right? Why didn't your Watcher and the Council help out?"
"It wasn't a mistake," Faith ground out. "My Watcher," her lips twisted bitterly, "and the Tweeds in England tried to kill me." There, it was all out. The whole truth, if not the whole story.
Unfortunately, the information seemed to be too much for Jennifer to handle. She took a quick step away before hurrying toward the house.
Faith maintained her stance when Jennifer walked away. Her vision blurred, and moisture dripped onto the backs of her hands. Redemption so sucked. Sobs choked her, and Faith struggled to breathe around the pressure in her throat.
Rapid footfalls sounded from behind. Sniffing and dragging a hand across her eyes, Faith straightened. "Giles and everyone-" Dawn's voice started and then stopped abruptly.
Not turning, Faith replied, "Spit it out, D. The gang's doing what?" Her voice was huskier than usual.
It wasn't going to be that simple. Dawn ignored the conversational nudge. "Faith, are you alright?" Faith heard her take a few more steps, could almost feel the younger girl behind her.
"Five by five, D." She congratulated herself on the firm tone until Dawn snorted. Head dropping tiredly, Faith rubbed her eyes. "Let it go, Dawn," she pleaded. "Just...let it go."
"Only because we don't have time for me to kick your ass." Dawn sounded mad.
"Wow, D." A flicker of amusement helped Faith shove the pain deep inside. Spinning, she forced a grin. ""What would B say if she heard you talk like that?"
Blue eyes glared at her. "Like Buffy has any room to talk."
Striding forward, Faith looped an arm around Dawn's shoulders. "See, that ain't gonna work. I'm supposed to be taking care of things while the girls rest up. I'm sure Big Sister's going to want a report on things." She grunted when a sharp elbow poked her side. "Damn, D, what was that for?"
"For treating me like everyone else," Dawn snapped as she tried to pull away; Faith didn't let go. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I mean," the taller girl rushed to explain, "Buffy had been a Slayer for three years when she was my age."
Faith absorbed that statement in silence for a minute. "Yeah, she was." Faith sighed, dropping her arm from around Dawn's shoulders, letting it rest around her waist, instead. "I think we all kinda forget that."
"Why?" Faith bit back a grin. Damned if Dawn didn't sound like a three-year old with that question.
"Can't speak for the rest of the gang, D." Faith stumbled to the side when Dawn shoved her. "Give me a minute, damn it. I was trying to explain." Leaning her head on Dawn's shoulder, she hunted for the right words. "I guess, for me, you're like...the way I want things to be. You know, happy and innocent. Not all fucked up."
She could feel Dawn's stare. "Like you?" Faith swallowed hard at Dawn's quiet question.
"It doesn't get much worse than me, Dawnie." Tears threatened again. Cursing her sudden lack of emotional control, Faith gritted her teeth. She needed to be strong. Buffy and Willow were counting on her to keep the Scoobies on the right track. Breathing deeply and blinking rapidly, Faith refused to cry.
"Oh, yeah. The big, bad Dark Slayer," Dawn mocked. She gripped Faith's fingers where they rested against her hip, not letting her pull away. "I remember it all, Faith. Well," she backtracked, "I remember what the monks put in my memories. You aren't that person anymore."
They were at the back door to the house now. Faith stopped walking and turned to face Dawn. "D-" Her voice squeaked on the word and she had to clear her throat before continuing. "It means a lot, you thinking that. You gotta know, though, it doesn't work that way. Me and Fang talked a lot while I was in prison. Whatever I do now, it don't change what I did in the past." She met Dawn's eyes resolutely, not hiding anything.
A slight flush colored Dawn's cheeks. "I understand that, Faith." Smiling, Dawn threw her arms around Faith, hugging her tightly. "I just want you to know, I know you've changed."
Dawn's words and her hug warmed Faith deep inside. Teetering on the edge of laughter and tears, she returned the embrace, face buried against Dawn's shoulder. "God, D," she whispered raggedly, "you have no idea what that means to me." The earlier tears returned, refusing to be held off again. They soaked Dawn's shirt.
"The rest of the gang will figure it out." Dawn stroked Faith's back, not pulling away. "I'm just smarter than they are about certain things."
Faith laughed through her tears and pain at Dawn's self-satisfied tone and leaned back. Peering up into Dawn's eyes, she felt more at peace, more confident than ever before. "Thanks, Dawn." Faith raised a shaking hand, softly stroking the younger girl's face. She took a deep breath, amazed at how much better she felt. Dawn's eyes darkened, and Faith's palm tingled. For a minute, Faith was sure she felt...something, a whisper in her mind, a warmth surrounding her heart. She blinked, realizing she was up on her toes, lips nearly brushing Dawn's.
"Faith?" Dawn's voice was soft and deeper than normal. Faith could feel the other girl's heart pounding against her.
"We..." she started before losing her train of thought. There was something she needed to do. What was it? Faith leaned in closer, mesmerized, when Dawn licked her lips.
***
"Retire?" Buffy looked at Willow, hazel eyes wide. "Can I retire? I mean, I know you said Kirstan did. Giles never said anything about being able to just quit. It was always 'duty...blah, blah, blah...kill demons and save the world....blah, blah, blah...die an early death."
Willow dropped her arms and moved to sit on the end of the bed. Tucking her legs underneath her Indian style, she said, "I don't see why you can't, Buffy. With Faith out of prison and back on the right side, you have more options."
Almost giddy at the thought of not being solely responsible for saving the world, Buffy grinned. "Let's plan on it, then. We can travel even more than your parents." An awkward silence fell. "Well, um, the Rosenbergs. We can visit more countries than the Rosenbergs."
Giggling at Buffy's excitement, Willow held out a hand. "Come here, silly."
"Hey, who're you calling silly, Hirsch?" Mock scowling, Buffy stalked toward her wife. "I'll have you know, I am perfectly serious." She ruined the image by diving at Willow, pinning her to the bed, and tickling her. "See? Look at how serious I am." Cheating slightly and using Slayer speed, Buffy out-maneuvered Willow's squirming and writhing. "Perfectly serious, that's me."
"Buffy!" Willow gasped, flushed and breathless. She batted at the fingers seeking out —and finding — all of her most sensitive spots. "Please!"
Stilling her fingers, Buffy sat back on her heels and watched Willow hiccup and shudder on her way back to normal. "Thank you," she said softly.
A warm hand cupped her face. "For what, baby?"
Avoiding the question, Buffy turned her head and kissed Willow's palm.
"Buffy?" Willow tried to sit up. "What's going on in your head right now?" The mood had shifted again. Buffy hunched forward, hands rubbing restlessly on her thighs.
"I..."Buffy finally met her gaze. "I'm sorry for blocking the link. I knew you were trying to help. Something kept telling me to keep you out." Tears gleamed on her cheeks, and her voice dropped to a whisper. "You're my best friend, Wills. Before anything else we are to each other, you're my friend. Why can't I talk to you? What's so wrong with me that I run and hide every time something goes wrong?"
Willow bit her lip. She'd wondered the same thing as she'd battered against the blocked link. "Buffy, I can't answer that." Buffy flinched, dropping her head, and Willow reached out to tilt the narrow chin back up. "Let me finish before you go all Depresso Gal again, OK?"
"OK." Buffy sniffed and scrubbed at her eyes.
Starting slowly, giving herself time to find the words, Willow continued, "If this were the first time, Buffy, I might think you didn't want us to be together." She grimaced ruefully. "Goddess, I did think that earlier, when you said you didn't want to do this anymore. I should have known better.
"From the minute we met at Sunnydale High, you've always pulled away when things got tough." Lost in memory, Willow's voice softened, and she smiled whimsically. "I used to admire that, you know. Me, I just get all flustery and babble."
It was too much for Buffy. "No! Willow, you-"
A single finger pressed against her lips. "Listen, would ya'?"
"Don't wanna," Buffy pouted. "I don't want to hear how you're so pathetic, and I'm so perfect."
Willow blushed. She hadn't been planning to say that...had she?
"Remember, Wills, best friends. I know you better than anyone else on the planet." She leaned down, kissing Willow softly. "Let's make a deal. You don't beat up on yourself, and I won't duck and cover when I get scared."
Wrinkling her nose, Willow looked into Buffy's eyes. Buffy made no attempt to look away, and Willow slowly nodded. "What did you have in mind to seal the deal?"