One Last Shot
by Whedonist
Chapter 7
[reviews]
Disclaimer: Previous disclaimer's still stand.
A/N: I got nothin'.
Chapter 7
They crashed into the apartment door. Buffy was having a hard time getting the key in the lock as Willow was leaving a hickey on the blonde's chest.
"Wills, b-baby, wwwaiiittt. I nee-need to fffoccus."
Willow looked up into the flushed face of her soon to be lover and laughed. Waving her hand over the door, the locks released and the door swung open. Buffy grinned at her and then unceremoniously threw Willow over her shoulder in a caveman like fashion. The redhead erupted into laughter.
"Buffy, hey cave slayer put me down. Before this goes any further, I want to talk to you."
Buffy grunted and beat her chest. "No talk. Touch."
"Buff as much I appreciate the enthusiasm. Please?"
"Spoil my fun. Fine." Buffy placed Willow on the ground and looked into her eyes for reassurance.
"As much as I want to, and really I do really really want to. Are you sure about this? We aren't moving to fast? It took us less than 24 hours to get together, but I'm trying really hard not make mistakes. I'm not going anywhere right now. We can wait."
"Wills, you suck at math right now. It took us 9 years to get together. And I'm all gung-ho because you are. If you don't want...then uhm...we can wait. I just thought that with the touching and the nibbling you were giving me a green light."
The mood turned south pretty quick. Willow slumped back into the couch and saw the shoulder's of the slayer sag.
Sometimes I just shouldn't talk. Damn mouth. She looks so small like that. *Sigh.* Well there goes the mood. I didn't mean to upset her. I just needed her to understand that it just wasn't about the sex. Goddess this is going to be harder than I thought.
Standing up she walked over to the blonde and grabbed her shoulder. Buffy stepped back out of the way.
"It's ok Wills, I get it. Uhm. I'm just gonna go to bed. Goodnight."
"Buffy, god damnit, wait a minute will you."
Buffy heard the anger in the witch's words and stopped. Willow silently gave thanks that the slayer had stopped. Walking up to her, Willow grabbed her hand and pulled them both to the couch. Willow sat sideways to face Buffy. Wanting to make sure that she was direct and clear, she forced Buffy's head up and looked into the hazel eyes of her girlfriend.
"Don't. Okay. No putting walls up Buffy come back to me. I didn't stop because I don't want to. I stopped because I do and as much as it's killing me not to have you. I want to do this right. If we go to bed together, what's to stop it from becoming just about sex? You're good at ignoring the emotions and going after the physical. I want to be more than a notch in your bed post. Do you get that?"
It took a moment for Buffy to find her voice and when she did it was small, "No, not really. Why would you think that it would just be about sex? I haven't done anything to make you think that."
"Buff, we haven't been around each other in over a year. I'm here one day and all this emotional stuff is brought up and sure I initiated it, but I was serious when I said I want to do this right. I want no regrets with you. If this goes further tonight, I'm afraid you're going to shut me out. It's not like you haven't before. It's not like I haven't shut you out before. Sex is the easy part Buff. I want with you what Tara and I had in the beginning of our relationship. Trust, understanding, sure there were moments when we both could have throttled the other, but at the end of the day we knew where we stood. I'm not saying we have to wait a long time, but I need to get to know you again. You're a bit different and I've changed some too. So I was hoping that we could settle on some making out and snuggles?"
The witch smiled at the slayer hoping to lighten the mood. Buffy nodded and let some tears slip down her cheek.
Swiping at her face she sighed, "I've cried more in the past 5 days of you being here than I have in the last three years."
Willow smiled and leaned in to kiss the tears away once again. "Well, crying isn't always a bad thing. It seems like you're long over do. When was the last time you cried?"
"Honestly, with Tara."
Willow nodded and pulled Buffy to her feet. "How about those snuggles now?"
Buffy nodded and they walked back to her room.
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Willow looked down at the sleeping blonde and stroked her hair. Buffy had fallen asleep a while ago and had left Willow wide awake.
Tare, if your listening some help might be in order. I don't know why I never saw it before. She's so lonely and shut off. I should have done something back in Sunnydale. Why didn't you ever tell me? Oh, that's right you had started to and then you died. I'm sorry I didn't listen more. I need to get through to her and I'm not sure how. I know sex isn't it, but I can only talk so much before I sound like a broken record. What do I do?
I see it there, the love she has, but the darker stuff maybe the slayer part or maybe it's the remenence of a girl who's carried the world on her shoulder for too long. I need to make that go away. She doesn't have to carry that burden anymore. I think she still does to some degree. I remember a talk we had our freshman year about Buffy and the slaying and you said something then about her and the crap that goes along with the gig. I probably should have paid more attention.
I emailed Giles about taking up a permanent residence here in the city. I might take myself out of the game entirely. He gave me some such nonsense about duty, but I just can't seem to care. I think I'm needed here more. My only problem is I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe enroll at NYU and hope for the best. It's been forever since I've thought about an actual career. The fall back could always be computers, but I want to do something that can make a difference in a non-mystical way. I'll have to look into my options. I'm not sure what they are at this point, but I have to start to somewhere. If Buffy doesn't want to live together, I need to find a place to live to.
I am staying close by. No more of this traveling crap. I told Giles and the rest of the Council yesterday. He seemed resigned and I think he kinda knew it was coming. He should retire himself. The group they have now is good. With Xander, Dawn, Wood, Andrew, and Faith on the board it should be okay. Then I'm not sure if Xander and Faith are going to want to continue with it because of the baby. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Tomorrow, what to do what to do? I need to take her out on a date type date. I'll have to plan in the morning before she gets up. What would Buffy like? What does Buffy like? Shoes, clothes, movies, music, ice skating, ice cream...hmm...We did the shopping thing today, we haven't been to the movies, but what's playing? No concerts cuz you can't talk at those to loud, I can't ice skate and you can't have a full day of ice cream...
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Buffy stood under the hot spray of the shower. She had been there for at least 20 minutes and had been thinking of the red head the entire time.
I don't get what happened last night. We were so close, but she pulled back. Was it me? Did I do something wrong? Shit. Wills, what am I going to do? What do you want from me? Am I that screwed up that she's starting to realize that I may not be good for her? Lord knows I haven't been good for anyone else I've been involved with. Angel lost his soul and I sent him to hell. Riley, I don't even know where to start with him. Spike, I don't know who screwed over more who in that whole debacle. Then there was Justin, boy-oboy, that was well, he nearly died and never talked to me again. I didn't mean for it to go that far. *sigh*
Summers, you should just cut your losses now and tell her to go away, you weren't meant for the happily ever after's. That's been proven time and time again. Spike was right. Darkness it's what I am. Sure it sounds dramatic, but I can't explain it any other way. I tried to connect with her, but I can't. I can't let her see what's inside me. I can't poison her. Should I tell her today or wait. Wait for what? It's just going to hurt her more in the end. Sooner is best.
I'm sorry Willow, but in the end you will see it's better this way.
Besides, I'm no use to her anymore. Protector of the innocent. Rrriiiggghhtttt...How can you protect something when it doesn't exist? I tried to protect Xander and Willow and let's take count of how that went. Xander left his fiancé at the alter, to get back together with her and then she died. Oh yeah, and he lost an eye. Willow. When I met her she was sweet, pure. She was everything that was lacking in my screwed up world and then she had to go and be my friend. She wanted to help and I let her. I let her become addicted to magic because she thought she had to save me. She brought me back and the innocent Willow died. She died when I was resurrected. Then I was too wrapped up in my own pathetic excuse of a life to realize that I should have helped her. I should have been the slayer, her friend and helped her when she needed me the most. I left her in the cold. Some friend, some protector. What the fuck have I been thinking? Pipe dreams and fantasies. She needs an equal not a crippled excuse for a retired slayer.
Shutting the water off, Buffy stepped out of the shower and ran right into the girl who was occupying her mind.