Ghost
by sailor80
4
[reviews]
The house was too noisy to Buffy. Xander and Giles snored and video games beeped and jangled in the basement. Buffy looked at the clock. It was just after 4 a.m., and she heard an unfamiliar phone ring one time. The video game noises stopped, and someone came up from the basement. It had to be Dawn, going to bed, finally.
Buffy turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She didn't want to feel anything, but didn't know how to stop it. A flood of memories ran through her, and the sick feeling she had at seeing Giles, looking like time had caught up with him, and Xander, the eye patch still in place, had been the worst. Faith was, well, Faith, someone Buffy loved and hated and one of the two people she could still tolerate.
And Dawn. Dawn was an adult now, all the gangly, jangly energy replaced by something almost zen. She was beautiful, and Buffy wondered whether if she looked at Dawn and closed her eyes, she would still glow green.
She needed to move, but mostly she needed some silence and a place to be alone. All of those places were occupied now. She rolled out of bed and went to Willow's room, all the habits of being the Slayer back in the forefront now, as she moved from shadow to shadow, avoiding the floorboard that squeaked.
Buffy stood beside Willow's bed and watched her. Willow's eyes opened and she looked up at Buffy, then raised the blankets in an invitation. Buffy didn't respond, just continued to look at Willow until she asked, "What, honey?"
"Make them leave, Will. I promise I'll be good."
Buffy's tone, so desperate, forced Willow to swallow back tears. She sat up and scooted to the bedside. "They won't be here long," she said softly. She reached tentatively for Buffy, and took her hand when she didn't back away.
"I can't breathe."
"It's all right, Buffy." Willow stood up and put her arms around Buffy.
"Did you see them?" Buffy asked. "It's my fault."
"No, baby, it isn't your fault."
"Make them leave, please. Please. I promise I'll do whatever you want, Will."
Willow felt Buffy become more and more tense, and struggled to maintain control of her emotions. "Stay with me, Buffy," she said softly, and reached back with one hand to throw the covers aside. She sat down and moved back in the bed, pulling Buffy along.
Buffy went with her unwillingly, and let Willow pull her close. Her body wasn't enough to drown out the other noises in the house, and Buffy left after only a few minutes. She went down to the basement, stopping on the bottom step when she saw Faith's face reflected in the dark television screen.
"Why're you up?" Faith asked.
Buffy didn't answer. She walked through the room, to the gym and closed the door, hoping that Faith would get the message and leave her alone. Faith watched her, assessing Buffy's condition. She was even skinnier than she had been last time Faith saw her, but Faith still wasn't certain which one of them would win a fair fight. She ignored Buffy's not so subtle request and joined her in the gym.
At first, Faith stood and looked around. Willow had built this room for Buffy, she could tell. There was regular gym equipment, but there were other things, too: a pommel horse, uneven bars, low and high balance beams and the huge empty area. It was better thought out than the workout area in Cleveland, and Faith made a few mental notes for changes to be made when they returned.
Buffy hadn't bothered to wrap her hands before beginning to pound the heavy bag. It swung away from her with each blow, then back into fists that were all ready bleeding from split knuckles. Faith didn't say anything. She caught the bag at its arc and held it away from Buffy.
"Go away, Faith."
"Nope." Faith took one step forward, returning the bag to its neutral position.
Buffy struck it again, and Faith held it in place. Neither of them said anything as Buffy beat her hands into a bloody mess. Soon, each strike squelched on the leather and drops of blood flew. When Faith could stand it no longer, she shoved the bag into Buffy, knocking her from her feet.
Buffy scrambled up immediately and charged Faith, who caught her and held her immobile. Buffy struggled against her, but at Faith's command to stop, she did, surprising them both. Buffy's harsh breathing echoed in Faith's ears, and she recognized the look in Buffy's eyes, having seen it in her own on so many nights. "Ah, shit, B," she said softly.
"Don't you dare," Buffy growled.
"What?"
"Don't feel sorry for me," Buffy said.
"Oh, pity me," Faith mocked her. "Why the hell would I feel sorry for you? You got everything you ever wanted."
"You don't know what I want."
"You keep telling me I don't know about you, B, but I do. Every time you open up a little, I feel it." Buffy struggled against Faith, who let her go. "You got the same choices you always had. Suck it up, B."
"Fuck you, Faith."
"I think Red would get pissed about that," Faith smirked, and ducked the fist that flew at her face. "Temper, temper," she admonished.
The door opened and Buffy spun around to see Dawn. "I heard noise," she began, and stopped when she saw Buffy, spattered with blood from her session with the bag. "Damn it, Faith," Dawn said to the younger Slayer.
"I didn't do it," Faith said softly.
"C'mon, Buffy, let me fix you up."
"Go away, Dawn. I'm fine."
Dawn laughed at that. "You're a worse liar than Xander."
"I'm fine," Buffy repeated.
Dawn ignored her words and crossed the room. She grabbed one of Buffy's hands and examined it. It was covered in drying blood, but there was no injury apart from a tiny rip on one knuckle, and that closed while Dawn watched. She raised her eyes and looked at Faith, then at Buffy, and released Buffy's hand.
"What's going on?" she asked softly.
"Go away," Buffy repeated. Having Faith on top of her was bad enough; adding Dawn to the mix made her throat close, as if the two of them were taking in all of the air in the room. When neither of them moved, Buffy walked between them, and disappeared from their sight on the stairs.
Dawn looked at Faith. "What's going on?" she repeated. Faith shrugged, and Dawn asked, "How bad is she?"
"On a scale of one to insane, I'd go with insane," Faith said, her tone too casual for Dawn's liking.
"I'm not a Slayer," Dawn told her, "but I can make your life miserable anyway."
Faith laughed. Her day was complete. She'd fought with Buffy, and her boss had threatened her. If she could get Giles to yell at her in the next 12 hours, she'd consider it a bonus. She felt Dawn's glare and forced herself to look contrite. "She was beatin' on the bag." Faith cocked her head and swore softly when she heard an exterior door open and close.
She pushed past Dawn and grabbed her jacket on the way. She put it on while climbing the stairs, and zipped it closed while she followed Buffy's footprints in the snow. Faith began to jog, and caught up to Buffy in less than a minute. She put her hands around Buffy's waist from behind and lifted her. Buffy resisted, but Faith had her arms pinned to her sides and somehow avoided her kicks.
"We're not doin' this again, B," Faith said. "No more runnin' away, no more tryin' to hide. You got a problem with me, deal with me, but don't you dare do this to her again."
"I'm going for a walk," Buffy said through clenched teeth.
"Nobody goes for a walk in the middle of the fuckin' night, and besides, I ain't chasin' your stupid ass all over the country in the middle of fuckin' winter."
"Put me down."
"Nope. We're goin' back to the house. It's too damn cold out here for anybody 'cept Eskimos."
Buffy tried another tactic. She went limp. Faith took advantage by tossing Buffy into the air and catching her over her shoulder. She ignored Buffy's fists pounding her back. When they got back to the house, the kitchen was lit up. Willow was dressed, and opened the door to let them in. As soon as the door was closed, Faith dumped Buffy onto the floor. "That's two I owe you," she told Buffy and went down to the basement without saying anything to Willow.
Willow looked at Buffy, glad to see that she had dressed warmly before going out. Buffy met her gaze. "I went out to get some air."
"You can understand why Faith would think otherwise," Willow said.
Buffy got up and stripped off her winter gear. She left it in a pile on the floor and got a cup of coffee. She leaned against the counter, her fingers wrapped around the mug, inhaling its warmth. "I don't understand anything anymore."
Willow looked at her, but Buffy wasn't there. She had the look that told Willow she was listening to something only she could hear. After a few moments, Buffy put the mug down and left the kitchen. Willow picked up Buffy's coat, hat, gloves, and scarf, and returned them to the closet. Then she went down to the basement.
Faith was in the gym, cleaning Buffy's blood from the bag. "Leave it, Faith. I'll get it later."
Faith continued her work. "I didn't want you to see this."
"I see it all the time."
"How long has she been like this?"
"As long as she's been here," Willow sighed. "We'll have a couple good days and then something sets her off. I never know what, or how to bring her back."
Faith dropped to her knees, scrubbing at the dried blood on the mat. "I woulda let her go a long time ago."
"That's the difference between us," Willow said softly.
"Nah, the difference between us is that she loves you." She finished and stood back up. "Dawn saw her."
"She all right?"
"Dawn's always all right." Faith yawned, and Willow took the hint.
"I'll see you later," she told Faith, and headed back upstairs.
Willow got a cup of coffee and sat at the expanded kitchen table. Having all of them here was no easier for her than it was for Buffy. Like Buffy, she tolerated Faith; the others made her feel varying degrees of guilt. She thought back to Buffy, standing beside her bed, offering promises they both knew she couldn't keep, and got up. She went to Buffy's room, surprised to find it empty, then to her own. There was a lump under the covers, but Willow checked anyway. It was Buffy, hiding under the blankets. She looked back at Willow with wide, dark eyes. Willow leaned down and kissed her forehead, then lowered the blankets over her again.
She returned to the kitchen. Xander was sitting at the table. "Hey, Will."
"Hey, Xan. You're up early."
"It's about the only time I can get anything done without somebody insisting on 'helping' me."
"Want some breakfast?"
"Sure."
Willow went to the refrigerator and got out bacon and eggs. She turned on the oven, got a baking sheet from the cabinet, and foil from another cabinet. She covered the sheet with foil and arranged the package of bacon on it. Her motions were methodical, and Xander watched her, frowning. He knew they'd changed, they'd all changed, but this woman was far from the Willow he had known all his life.
"What's the plan?" he asked.
"I don't know yet. I want to talk to Giles first."
"You should talk to Dawn, too."
"I will."
"I meant, with Giles. She runs everything, keeps track of the research and stuff."
"I will," Willow repeated. "Scrambled all right?"
"Fine."
Willow cracked four eggs into a bowl. She added seasoning and whipped them.
"Anything you need me to do while I'm here?"
"Like what?"
"I dunno, replace a light switch, put in new windows, you know, the usual stuff."
"I don't think so, but if you find anything that needs to be done, feel free. Tools are in the garage."
Xander got up and got a second cup of coffee. He pulled plates down from the cabinet, and returned the egg carton to the refrigerator. He got out ketchup and jam while he was in there, and put them on the table. He put bread in the toaster but didn't push it down. Before returning to his seat, he got cutlery for both of them.
"We'll need another setting," Willow told him, and he did what she asked without questioning her.
Moments later, Giles joined them. Xander got up again and filled another mug with water. He put it in the microwave, and dropped a tea bag into it before putting it in front of Giles.
Willow put plates in front of them moments later. She got one for herself and sat at the table.
"Good morning, Willow."
"Morning, Giles."
"This is lovely, dear. Thank you so much."
"You're welcome."
"Did you sleep well?" Giles asked.
"Not really," Willow answered, but didn't elaborate.
They ate silently, and when the finished, Xander cleared the table and began cleaning up. Giles looked at Willow, and she finally looked back at him.
"Tell me how you came to believe what you think about Buffy," he said.
Willow took a deep breath and ordered herself not to babble. "She told me she sees ghosts, and that they talk to her."
"Does she know who they are?"
"Yes."
"Did she tell you who?"
"Yes." Willow took another deep breath. "Tara," she said quietly, and both men heard in that one word all of the feelings Willow still had for their dead friend. "And Mrs. Summers and Ms. Calendar." Willow saw the pain in Giles' face at the mention of both of those women.
"Did she tell you what they said?"
Willow nodded. "She said they forgive her, and she doesn't understand why."
Xander slid back into his seat and looked from one to the other. "Why would they haunt her?"
"I don't know that she's haunted," Giles said.
"So what, she's crazy?" he asked.
"Perhaps," Giles answered thoughtfully. He looked at Willow again. "I don't suppose you've been able to get her to a doctor."
"No. I'm afraid they'll lock her up." Willow watched the remains of her coffee as she swirled it around the bottom of her mug. "She would never forgive me for that."
"No, I don't suppose she would."
"I keep hoping it's something easy," Willow said, and couldn't keep her voice from breaking. "Something like, Slayers aren't supposed to live so long, but if they do, here's how to fix them."
"Buffy is the longest-lived to date, but I've never read about anything like that." He finished his tea. "I'll ask Dawn to work on it. She's the best researcher I know, apart from you," he told Willow.
She nodded and got up. "I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Make yourselves comfortable and call me if you need me."
As soon as she was out of sight, Xander asked Giles, "What do you think it is?"
"I don't know." Giles removed his glasses and put them carefully on the table. "None of the things Willow describes point toward anything specific. It is entirely possible that Buffy is mentally ill."
"That would explain a lot, even before now."
Giles took a few moments to consider Xander's comment. "I don't believe so," he said finally.
Willow closed the bedroom door quietly. She had forgotten how exhausting it was to deal with people on any other than a superficial level, and wondered whether she had made a mistake in calling them here. She undressed and got back into her pajamas and crawled under the covers with Buffy.
Buffy was still awake, and latched onto Willow. "Please make them leave," she asked again.
Willow couldn't take anymore. She began to cry, silently shaking against Buffy until the first sob came out. Buffy's arms tightened around her, and they stayed huddled under the blankets while Willow cried herself to sleep.
When she woke, Buffy was rocking them both in the same tight back and forth motion she used to comfort herself. Willow stayed curled under Buffy's chin, uncertain what to do. Buffy kissed her head, and Willow raised her face. Buffy's next kiss found her lips. "Please," she whispered.
Willow didn't know what Buffy was asking for, but kissed her anyway. Buffy's kisses were hungry and possessive, her hands cool against Willow's skin where she had pushed Willow's pajamas aside. A knock on the door made them both freeze.
"Willow," Dawn called. "I think I found something you should see."
"Be there soon," Willow answered, and kissed Buffy again. She got no response this time, and brought her hand to Buffy's cheek. Buffy's hands remained still, one between her shoulder blades, the other just past the waistband of her pajamas. "Stay with me, baby," she said softly, and kissed Buffy again.
Buffy's hands went back into motion and she returned Willow's kiss because Willow had chosen her, and would make them wait. Buffy unbuttoned Willow's top, and Willow pushed Buffy's shirt above her head, trapping Buffy's arms in it for a moment. While Buffy freed herself, Willow removed Buffy's underwear and her own pushing them and the pajama pants away in one motion.
She moved on top of Buffy, pressing their breasts together while she kissed Buffy again, and pushed her fingers into Buffy's tangled locks. There was another knock at the door, but Willow ignored it, even as Buffy stilled beneath her.
Willow put her mouth close to Buffy's ear and whispered again, "Stay with me, baby."
Buffy made a soft noise in reply, and slid one hand between them to squeeze Willow's breast. She locked her attention onto the redhead above her, wanting her world to contain only the two of them. If Willow could do that, she would do whatever Willow asked, no matter how difficult. She could swear allegiance to Willow, but not to herself, and not to the world that continued to move because of her.
Willow hoped she had remembered to lock the door. Anything Buffy wanted came before whatever the others needed from her. Still, she didn't want them coming in, even though there was nothing to see; they were still under the tent of bedclothes, holding in the heat they generated. Willow pushed herself up a little so she could look at Buffy.
Buffy looked back, steadily meeting her eyes for the first time in what felt like forever, and half a second later, pulled her down into another kiss.
Willow got out of bed later because she knew she had to. Buffy had slipped into uneasy sleep after they made love, and Willow hesitated to leave her. She quickly showered and dressed, and stuck her head under the blankets to kiss Buffy's cheek and tell her she'd be back soon.
She followed noise to the basement. Giles was reading in one of the recliners. Dawn had a laptop open on the bar, and Xander and Faith were playing Mortal Kombat while talking trash to each other. Willow went to the bar and stood beside Dawn. "What did you find?"
"You aren't gonna like this," Dawn said quietly.
"Please tell me there's not a prophecy."
Dawn nodded and Willow whimpered. At the sound, the other three whipped their heads around, whatever they were doing forgotten for the moment.
"I can't tell if it's all ready been fulfilled or if it's new," Dawn continued.
Willow remained frozen, all eyes on her. She blinked slowly, wondering whether she should just do as Buffy asked, send them all away and let them tend to the world and its needs. Then she could rejoin Buffy in the warmth of her bed and let it fall down around them. "No," she said softly.
"It talks about the rebirth of the Valley of the Sun," Dawn continued, as if she hadn't heard Willow.
"No," Willow said, a little louder this time. "No prophecies, no more destiny. That's not why I asked you to help."
"But," Dawn said.
Willow cut her off with another firm, "No. If that's all you have, then go home, or to Sunnydale or wherever, but leave her out of it."
"But," Dawn said again.
"I don't care," Willow said harshly. She spun on her heel and walked away from them, choking on the realization that eventually she would return to hear what Dawn had found, if only to find the loophole that would keep Buffy safe at her side.
"What the fuck?" Dawn said softly. She turned on the stool and looked at the others, but they were looking at the stairs. Dawn rolled her eyes. There was always drama, and those three always froze at it, afraid that they would have to become involved somehow. She reached into her computer bag and pulled out a pad and pen. She began copying the words from the screen. Behind her, the others returned to what they had been doing.
Willow went into her room and made sure the door was locked. She shed her clothes quickly and slipped under the covers. Buffy was warm to the touch for a change, except Willow noted with a quick intake of air, her feet, now wrapped around Willow's calves. She pulled Buffy to her, pleased when Buffy came willingly. "You awake?" she whispered.
"A little."
"Need anything?" Buffy shook her head, and Willow felt it more than saw it. "You should eat soon," Willow said.
"Will they be there?"
"They're downstairs right now."
"I can't stand seeing them," Buffy said, nearly whispering.
"I know, I'm sorry," Willow answered. "I thought they could help."
"Will you send them away? Please? I swear I won't leave you."
Willow closed her eyes against the tears that wanted to come. Buffy was so frightened of the others, except Faith. Willow was fairly certain that Buffy was angry at Faith. That was the normal state of things between them, one of them always upset with the other for something only they knew.
"Just a few more days," Willow said soothingly, deciding that moment that things would be resolved by years end. If it meant she and Buffy had to leave, they would. Willow had Buffy's passport. They could go anywhere, and the others would never be able to find them again. She felt Buffy's tremors and decided that she could find a way to live with Buffy however she acted. If she was a little crazy, who could blame her? If there were ghosts, Willow would learn how to see them, to take some of that burden from Buffy.
Buffy began to rock against her again, and Willow tightened her arms around Buffy. "I've got you. I won't let go," she said quietly. It took a long time for Buffy to become still against her, and longer still for her breathing to even out into sleep. This time, Willow remained with her.
When Buffy woke, Willow's arms were still around her, her hands moving in small circles. Everything was fine in those first seconds after she woke, and she kissed Willow's shoulder before looking up at her. Willow kissed her gently. "We need to eat," she reminded Buffy gently.
"Not hungry," Buffy answered childishly.
"You need to eat anyway."
Buffy sighed. "I know." She rolled away from Willow's side, onto her back. "I'll be there in a little while."
Willow got out of bed. Buffy listened to her dress, the opening and closing of the door. She finally got out of bed and scurried to the bathroom attached to Willow's bedroom, jumping impatiently into the shower before it reached her favored temperature. As much as she wanted to keep Willow's scent on her, she saw no reason to confirm anything the others might believe. Plus, appearances were important. If she looked fine to Dawn and Xander and Giles, and didn't talk about what she thought or saw, they would accept that there was no problem. They would return to their lives and leave her here with Willow, and if they were lucky, leave them there forever.
Buffy wrapped in towels and hurried to her room. She closed the door and dried herself and began to dress. Socks, thermal pants and shirt, another pair of socks, sweatpants, a turtleneck and finally, a sweater. She combed her hair without looking, not caring that tangles broke off with each stroke.
Before opening the door, Buffy took a deep breath. She stepped into the hallway and listened. It sounded like only Willow in the kitchen, the others in the basement. She went to the kitchen, looking around carefully. Willow stood at the stove making grilled cheese sandwiches. She occasionally stirred a pot of what Buffy hoped was tomato soup on another burner.
"I asked them to leave us alone," Willow said. She turned off a burner and poured soup into two wide, shallow mugs. She transferred the sandwiches to a plate, and Buffy removed it from her hand. They sat at the table, and in the time it took Willow to eat her sandwich, Buffy ate three and finished her soup.
"Thank you," Buffy said.
Willow smiled at her although her forehead frowned. "You're welcome." She pushed her unfinished soup away. "They'll be up in a few minutes."
The basement door opened, and they both looked at Dawn, who stopped and looked uncertainly from one of them to the other. Seeing them together in the kitchen reminded her of times she'd rather forget. "We're ready," she told Willow.
"I thought you were coming up here."
"Oh. We thought you, um."
"I'll be there in a minute," Willow said.
"I think you both," Dawn began, but stopped at Willow's glower. "All right," she said, and returned to the basement.
"I'll go with you," Buffy said.
"You don't have to." Willow returned her attention to Buffy.
Buffy picked up their mugs and moved to the sink. While she washed them, Willow gathered the other things and brought them to her. Willow watched Buffy wash the dishes. She couldn't think of a way to keep Buffy from coming with her, and deep down, she didn't want to face the others alone.
Buffy dried her hands and turned to Willow. She recognized Willow's thoughtful look, and broke her train of thought with a kiss on the cheek. "They can't be any worse than the Council," she said.
"They *are* the Council, Buffy."
Buffy frowned while she tried to reconcile her mind to the reality that Willow was correct. The people downstairs, her family, were the new Council of Watchers, Buffy and Willow merely their pawns. "At least they pay us," she said.
Willow grinned and cautiously teased Buffy. "Couldn't tell it by your wardrobe."
"Who moved nowhere near the Mall of America?"
Willow laughed. Buffy's words, her tone, her wry smile, were a throwback to a time when their lives were easy, when they studied in cemeteries and held hands in the sunshine. Willow offered her hand and Buffy took it. Their fingers interlaced as they took the first step toward the basement.