Buffy's Hell
by gnome
Chapter 3
[reviews]
First week of classes is over and I thought I'd celebrate with a chapter! So here you go! Hope you enjoy it!
Keeping clear of the sunlight he walked in and went down to the basement. At least there he could yell and shout, the room being sound proof once the door was closed. Walking down the stairs he began cursing words in every language he knew. As soon as he heard it open again he stopped and looked at the figure descending the steps.
Anya looked at him and knew his problems. "Who do you think it was?" There was usually one person they went to. Each and every time they woke. The need to tell what was untold forced them.
"It's bloody obvious." Speaking through clenched fangs, his face morphed as he remembered his time in hell. Everything that he could imagine, and even some he couldn't, it all happened. Then the beatings, the rape, the torture would happen. Over and over, a sick cycle they played. He wanted to cry. His body burning with the almost physical memories, his minds eye replaying all the games he was forced to act in.
Anya nodded, silent for once. While Spike continued to pace the small area, pausing only when he heard the door open.
"What's going on?" She wasn't sure what else to say. All of a sudden Buffy's back yet still too far away to touch.
Moving closer to the redhead Anya took her hands in hers. Moving the two to the bench before starting this conversation, she knew it would be hard on the woman and wanted to do it as gently as possible. Just because she was usually outspoken and crude, didn't mean she was when the time came. Those other times were easy and simply, this was anything but.
"Willow, hell is very different than here." It was obvious, yet it told so much. "When someone is sent to hell they are played with. From beatings and torture to something worse to rapes and killing her, there's even times when they place you in an environment exactly or similar to where you feel most comfortable. Places that you consider home." Pausing she waited and saw the hurt and sadness enter green eyes.
"In these dimensions though, it's different. They play out your worst fears. They make you watch people die. Watch the ones you care about most pass. They can even make you do it yourself."
"They bloody give you hope and make you think you have a chance! Only to rip it away again!" Spike was beyond pissed. It had taken him years to get through it and now it was all back.
"So she thinks this is still hell? That we didn't bring her back?" The thought of Buffy going through so much nearly killed her. Knowing that she had more than likely, watched them all die multiple times. The horrors she must have witnessed in her 200 years there pained her.
"Yes, she can't let her guard down Willow. You have to understand that they toyed with her. A part of her will always be there. Waiting for them to show up and do it all over again." Anya was trying to convey what it was like, but you couldn't truly know unless you were there. The witch simply nodded her head, trying to comprehend it all. Taking a small risk the blond asked a question. "Who did she speak with first?" Shooting a glance at Spike both knew it was important.
Noticing the glance between the two she shook her head slightly. "I think it was me. I woke up and she was sitting there watching me." The other two gave an agreeing nod, closing their eyes for a moment.
"She told you, didn't she?" It was more of a statement than a question.
"Told me what..." but her answer was quickly cut off.
"We both know what Willow. You can't hide it from us." His voice was a tad hard as he spoke, more from his own experience than her answer. "She told you she loved you."
Taken back by his answer she could only give a small nod, her voice not able to work at the moment. He knew it, both seemed to.
"You are her bit of peace." Her voice was soft with sadness laced in it. "You are the one she goes to. In all her hell, you are her heaven."
Everyone was quiet. Willow quickly got up and bound the stairs, getting back to Buffy.
"You know, sometimes, I think I'm still back there." Spikes words hit her ears before the door closed behind her.
Going straight up the stairs she saw her family processing what had just happened. Reaching Buffy's room she gently knocked on the door before opening it ajar. "Buffy?" The slayer was under the covers, shivering.
"Hey Wills," her voice shook slightly with her body. Walking over she saw her laying there on the bed, under the blankets trying to get warm. Asking with her eyes she saw Buffy smile and scoot back a little. Lifting the blankets she climbed into bed and wrapped her arms around her friend.
"It's ok Buffy. I've got you." Whispering in her ear she felt the body in her arms start to sob. "I know what you think, its ok." Her voice conveying that she in fact did know. Only making her cling tighter to the redhead.
"I'm sorry," Buffy started to apologize but quickly found green eyes locked on hers.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Her voice was stern, but with love than anger. "Nothing."
The two held each other for hours until Buffy fell asleep, exhaustion finally taking over and forcing her to rest. Willow stayed with her. Holding her and whispering gentle words in her ear. She wanted to know more, wanted to understand better as to help her long time friend.
The hacker was lost in thought when two arms squeezed her tighter. The blond snuggled closer to the warmth. Absolutely loving the feels she was having and the ones surrounding her.
Waking up rather quickly she pulled back and sat up, looking around. 'What's going to happen this time' sighing she caught sight of who was in her bed.
It happened so fast that the redhead didn't know what to do, or think. Buffy suddenly pulled away and went into full slayer mode. Finally looking back at her she noticed the puzzled expressions on her face.
Deciding it might be best if she summed up what happened yesterday she spoke up. "Hey Buff, you look confused so I'll tell you what happened. Earlier you came home, you think you're still in hell, we had a Scooby meeting and then you fell asleep." Figuring that was a good enough summary she waited for the other girl to say something.
"Would you mind staying with me a little longer?" There was hope and fear in her words. Still not knowing what was going on, Buffy figured one of the best things she could do was take advantage of the little time she had.
Opening her arms she waited for the big bad slayer to fall into them. The two lay there, neither speaking though both were thinking.
Buffy seemed like she wanted to talk, but was forcing herself to stay quiet. Willow gently began rubbing the girls back, content at the moment just holding her. Hearing a rumble from the slayers stomach she pulled back a bit. "Do you want to come with me or stay here?"
No longer afraid of what her family thought of her she climbed out of the warm bed. Willow got out too, sending a caring smile her way. Buffy gave one back, it wasn't forced but wasn't full, still a somewhat tired example of one.
Exiting the room they headed downstairs into the kitchen. Looking around the gang must have left or gone to bed, it being dark outside and the area vacant. Rummaging through the fridge, Willow pulled out sandwich fixings and began making enough for her and Buffy. Finishing up she filled two glasses with milk before joining her friend, who was sitting and watching her from her seat by the counter.
They both ate quietly. Buffy took notice that what she was eating tasted better than she remembered. Taking comfort in it she continued to eat until all her sandwiches were gone. A small happy smile graced her features at this 'present' she was given.
Willow chuckled a bit at the surprised/happy look on the blonds face. She saw the amusement play across the witches face. "Tastes better than I remember," she couldn't remember something tasting so good in many years.
Picking up the dishes Willow put them in the sink before returning back to Buffy's side. "Come on, let's get you back in bed." Gently taking her hand she led the way, even though both knew the way. It was something the redhead needed, that little bit of physical contact kept her grounded. Her was mind was still a maze of thoughts.
Buffy let Willow lead the way. She knew her friend was figuring things out. She had her 'thinking face' on and it was in full use at the moment. The two made their way back to the bed before sitting on it, one girl on each side.
The hacker was thinking about everything that had happened so fast. First Buffy's back, then she kisses her, and then she finds out, not the whole story but a part of, why her friend is so different.
The slayer had her head down, focusing on her hands in her lap. She didn't know what was happening and it scared her. All she really wanted to do was to be holding Willow. She had spent years without her, years that she couldn't see, hear, feel, or smell her redhead. It wasn't always good times when she saw the girl, but it was her love.
Looking up the witch noticed Buffy's saddened features. Leaning over she wrapped her arms around those strong shoulders. It was an emotion overload and there wasn't much else she could do for now except cry. The tears streaming down her face were of happiness and extreme pain and sadness.
Wrapping her own arms around Willows waist she held her girl close. Closing her eyes and letting out some of her own emotions.
It was Willow that pulled back first, though she kept her arms around Buffy. "I-I..." she didn't know what to say. Taking a deep breathe she tried again, but didn't know where to start.
Buffy wasn't dumb, she knew there were questions behind those green eyes. Smiling a little she figured she could start it. "You don't have to be afraid Wills, you can ask me anything."
Shaking her head a little she looked confused. "I'm not scared." Pausing for a moment she thought of the right words. "I just — don't want to push you. I don't want to hurt you." Those were the right words.
Slightly taken back by the softness and caring she heard and saw. "You can ask me Will, I'll tell you anything you want to know." Not something she really wanted to do, but she could never deny her Willow anything.
"You don't think you're back right?" Stopping she saw her friend nod her head. "So you think something bad is going to happen again?" Another nod followed. "Is there anything I can do? I mean to try and convince you or help you feel better or or..." she was at a lost for words, she just wanted her friend to feel like she wasn't in hell.
Sighing she let all the air out before taking a deep breath. "I don't think there's any way you can convince me. I'm sorry. I mean, I wish I was back, but part of me will always be waiting, you know? It's like, this is just a very, very nice version of life, but any moment something will happen and I'll wake up back there." She wanted to believe, wanted it with all her soul, but it scared her. If she believed then she could be hurt again.
It tore Willow into pieces, seeing her best friend back only for her to still be in hell. "You think this is all a trick." It was more of a statement, but she got a nod anyways. Tears were freely flowing again.
"Please don't cry Wills, I'm sorry, I'm so-" but she was cut off before she could continue.
"You have nothing to be sorry for Buffy." Thinking for a minute she paused. "I'm here for you. I won't push you, but let me be here for you."
She couldn't stop the words as they fell out of her mouth. "I love you so much." Hiding back into those warm arms she held and cried with her friend.
"I love you too, Buffy." She meant to say it in a family, friendly sort of way. It came out sounding like it, but with an edge of 'in love' underneath.
It might take me some time for the next chapter but I hope you guys liked what I'm doing with this! Feedback is always welcome and wanted!