Thirteen Steps -5- Weak & Powerless
by Valyssia
Dreams
[reviews]
5:30pm arrived and the alarm went off on Willow's wristwatch. Buffy was grateful. Though they had made impressive progress, she found she had a headache that was amplified by the pangs of hunger. They'd skipped lunch, and she was about to die, or that's how she felt.
"Well I'm satisfied...how 'bout you? Oh...honey you look terrible," Willow said looking up to see the dark circles under Buffy's eyes and the strained expression on her face.
Buffy stood up and stretched, "I'll be fine...just a headache and I need food. Once I eat I should be good to go."
"Well we did the last two boxes from up here. No moving to watch or feel so... I think we can just leave the toys with Mr. Giles and...head home... Though I would like to keep that marvelous box Faith gave us. It might be handy in the future," Willow said, trailing off down the hill to get their supplies.
Once reunited with Giles by the pond, Willow guided Buffy to sit and kneeled behind her to rub her temples and her neck. "Buffy and I are beat. We're going to head home Mr. Giles. We did the last two boxes from a distance all at once. We're ready...we can meet tomorrow to talk strategy in the morning."
"Very good... I'll test a round or two from each box. You may leave all of this, ladies. I'll clear it up," Giles said in a chipper voice. "Oh yes...and thank you for your work here. You've done an incredible job."
Willow smiled at Giles and helped Buffy to her feet "Better dear?"
"Yeah...thanks, Will...some." Buffy said in a steadier voice.
"Take me home then," the witch said, putting her arm around Buffy. "Oh Mr. Giles... If you would please keep the bulletproof box here. I want it. We'll be over to pick things up in the morning. I assume the rest of this will go back to Faith as soon as possible?"
Giles nodded as he spoke, "Yes, I had planned to send it tonight if I can manage it. There's too much here that could cause serious trouble for us."
"The tuning fork belongs to Miss Hartness. Could you see it's returned, please?" Willow said with an appreciative grin.
"Indeed...now run along and tend to yourselves," Giles said with a wave.
Returning the wave Buffy and Willow began the walk back to where Bernadine was parked.
"Sure you're going to be okay to ride, Buff?" the redhead said in a concerned voice.
Buffy smiled as she spoke, "I'll be fine. You sound like my mom...just chill."
Willow swatted the Slayer playfully on her butt for the comment.
The trip home was uneventful. Willow worked to restore Buffy to a clearer state as they moved. Feeding her just enough energy that they were both on about the same footing when they arrived...
The cabin smelled of smoked salmon when they entered. The girls had been and left. Thankfully the food was still quite warm and Buffy wasted no time sitting on the loveseat, beginning to eat. There was a glass of white wine poured for each of them, and a bottle of Pinot Noir sat chilling on the table with a note in front of it from Miss Hartness, extending blessings.
"She must think we have reason to celebrate." Buffy smirked between bites.
Willow nodded adding, "I'm sure she knows."
"I may just make it to that tonight. Maybe..." Buffy said considering the wine. "My head feels loads better just for this," she held her glass up, "and the food."
"I'm glad you're better... You had me worried. I thought I'd pushed you too far. The whole idea of having the nurse you back to health made my head hurt." Willow said with a concerned glance.
"Nah...nothing like that... I just have a really high metabolism. Missing a meal can really make me feel terrible. I need to just not do that again if we're working together. Actually, I could just stand to not do that again, period." Buffy said with a smirk.
"Fair enough...feed and water the Slayer properly. Check. Think I can remember that. I've just not seen you get that bad for it," the witch said with a pensive glance.
"I usually don't. It was the two things together. I'm usually breaking things with my hands and feet. Not my mind." The Slayer snickered with this admission as she continued to work at her dinner.
Willow nodded, "Yeah... I wanted to talk to you about that. It's possible that with all of the work we've been doing some of your latent natural talent may remain on the surface. I'm not sure. I'd like to see you test it once you feel better."
"Really, what do you mean?" Buffy said in a curious voice.
The witch sighed, "Well you see everyone has some potential to tap into the magicks. I think yours is fairly strong, but unused. It might be the demon part of the Slayer thing I feel. Most demons are naturally magickal. Though, there are foot soldier types that wouldn't know magick if it bit them on the backside. You know...like the one Ethan turned Mr. Giles into. It's hard to say what they used to make the magick of the Slayer come to life. Anyway...I'd like to test..."
"So would I..." Buffy continued to eat obviously turning what Willow said over in her mind.
"I don't think you'll ever be more powerful than pencil floaty stuff, but that will get you a stake in a tough spot. Could be very handy..." Willow raised an eyebrow, considering the Slayer as she took another fork full of rice.
"Yeah...that would be useful. I had no idea back in Sunnydale what you did or how you did it. I just knew you got things done. This has been a pretty amazing experience for me, Will. It's like the computer thing. Park Willow in front of machine... apply coffee and doughnuts...wait for results to appear. Pretty amazing," the Slayer smirked.
"I've enjoyed the sharing. You're a pretty talented partner on many levels," the witch said with an evil grin.
Buffy laughed, returning the grin. "So, what should I do to test this? I feel much better for the food."
"See that pencil on my desk? You can start there. What you have to do is will the air around the pencil to thicken. When you feel it use the air to lift the pencil... Try to stay calm. Like I said years ago... It's about emotional control. Just relax and feel it," the witch said in a soothing voice. "I can steady you while you try, but I won't be doing anything to the object, alright?"
"Sure." Buffy set her empty plate aside and began to concentrate. Imagining what Willow had described as she did the pencil began to shudder. The Slayer smiled feebly, took a deep breath and said, "That may be it for the day. I don't want that headache back."
"You can try again when you're feeling yourself. If you'd like a hand I'll be here. I just started working it on my own until I got it. You were there." Willow smiled and pulled the Slayer up close on the small sofa.
"I think I want to break into this bottle of wine. I could use the release and with a full stomach it'd take the whole bottle to actually get me tipsy. Would you like a glass?" Buffy said considering the wine bottle.
"Absolutely...I could stand to find the fun myself... Not too much fun but...well a couple of glasses of fun. I'd rather not be hung over tomorrow when we go see Mr. Giles," Willow said with a slight scowl.
Buffy cleared the plates and went into the back room to wash them at the small sink. Returning she uncorked the bottle and poured wine into the two fresh glasses that sat next to it. She breathed in and took a sip. "Oh this is wonderful," she said passing the second glass to Willow. "It's almost smoky."
Willow breathed in and took a small sip, "Wow...that is good. I may pass my two-glass minimum. Make sure to tuck me in if I do."
"So Will... This is prolly the worst timing ever...even for me...and you're gonna think I'm out of my mind when I ask, so... Just cut me some slack... I've almost never heard you talk about marriage. How do you feel about it?"
Willow was a bit stunned by this sudden shift in topic, "Well Buffy... Jewish people tend to take that subject very seriously. When we marry we consider it to really be a 'for life' sort of thing. There's little concession at least amongst the more orthodox types. Younger people across the board seem to be treating it more flippantly. I don't. If and when I marry it will be for life. No compromises and no regrets."
Buffy took a sip of her wine breathing in appreciatively, "Okay so now comes the bit where you'll say I've lost it and try to leave without upsetting the unstable slayer." She ran her finger thoughtfully around the rim of her wine glass and shifted position so she could look at Willow. "There's been a lot of rumbling here of late. I've been sort of watching it with mixed interest. I suspect that we'll have the ability to actually get married before too much longer."
"I think we should eventually... I think we should buy that piece of property from the would-be Watcher's Council that we first worked magick in...you know...our clearing. I have money from the insurance on my mom's house just sitting in an American bank. Anyway...I want a house and a dog... and a relatively normal lifestyle to return to once the day's slay is in the books. I'm willing to work to take this if I have to. I suspect it'll be no harder than the asking. At least the house and dog part...the rest is sort of up to you," Buffy concluded, by taking another small sip of her wine, and mentally preparing for the fallout.
"So you're asking me to marry you in fifty words or less? Are you sure you've thought this through completely?" Willow said in a curious voice.
Buffy sniffed to stifle a chuckle, "Of course not...you know me better than that, Will. I'm action girl. I lead with my heart and fall on my ass." Taking another sip of wine she continued, "Not so much. I'm not looking for some sorta huge commitment from you tonight...then again, maybe I am... I just know that it's like you said... If I really want happiness in life I'm sorta gonna have to make it. Sittin' around waiting for my life to normal up...not gonna happen. I've been waiting for nine years or so now for things to move back into the 'normal girl' camp...for my trouble I've been paid up with...well you know...things not getting any more so..."
"I dunno...it's sorta addictive...like cigarettes or something. I start thinking about having a life that's outside all the horror and the violence... It's just that I can't help it... Then comes the, 'let's be realistic' stuff... Okay so when I look at it what can I actually have? You get the idea...I know I'm making all sorts of the sense...that's not... I guess I just want something that's real...and this us thing...definitely real... After knowing you for as long as I have... Well we've sorta been through the surprises." Buffy laughed and took another healthy gulp of her wine finishing off the glass and turning to pour more.
Willow stared at the Slayer with a smirk on her face considering her. You know it's my job to ramble nervously. I feel cheated.
"So what do you think?" Buffy tried to prod the witch into speaking; looking a bit worried for the effort.
"I think that was a ramble that made even me proud. You'll notice I'm not backing toward the door either...and you were making sense... Well sorta... I want you to listen to me and consider this...no fair getting upset at me... It's just that your happiness has almost nothing to do with me or our relationship...I mean yeah...you seem happier now for my influence, but really...you're not going to find happiness with me or anyone else until you can just be at peace with who you are. You'll always be searching...wanting something different." Willow was staring pensively off into the corner of the room. She turned offering her glass for Buffy to fill before she continued.
Accepting the glass she resumed, "I think it's funny when I sit and consider the rest of the world. All those people out there trying to be less ordinary...looking for some way to leave their mark... Then I look at you and well...you're everything they crave, and you want a life more ordinary. It's a real juxtaposition of views... Anyway...you should look at what you have and be proud of it... You really are extraordinary in ways most people can't dream of." Willow stopped, fingering the edge of her wine glass and took a healthy sip.
"Looking for things to ground your self in is different. The house and the dog sound wonderful...just nothing small and yippy for the dog part... Having some sort of space you can feel comfortable in is of the good. I'd love to share that with you. I say we get on the details and work through the problems we have in front of us now," the witch gave a heavy sigh and looked into the Slayer's eyes.
"So...that's a, no?" Buffy said looking hurt.
Willow smiled warmly and continued, "Absolutely no...on the no... It's a yes with a great big pause... Definitely something I'd love to see happen...even something I can see happening. I can't think of anyone I'd want to make that commitment with more. Everyone I ever let in my life was jealous of you on some level or another because they knew what you meant to me. With the exception of Oz...and Oz was just different...well you know... They all knew that I was in love with you. Can't really blame them for being upset, but at the time there wasn't anything I could do. So...yes... Give me the time I need and I'll give you the commitment you seem to want." Willow took another sip from her glass. Smiling she added, "I'm not going anywhere."
"You noticed the word eventually, right? I wasn't saying we should run right out. I just thought it was really cool that we could even think that sort of thing. I mean there's no chance in hell right now that we could if we were still sitting in America. Place is a horror show for people like us. Here though...we can talk about it with real intent and sorta begin to plan that way. I'm with you on the wait...you're right we do need time, but dreams are as important as the time thing. Having something to look to off in the distance and focus on...sorta keeps you going in a straight line... If you stare at the side of the road...you end up tastin' ditch..." Buffy chuckled and took another healthy sip from her glass.
Willow smiled affectionately and took Buffy's hand.
"So does this mean we are engaged or am I just really confused? If so I think the rings might be a plan. In fact...well...may be a plan anyway just for the shopping. Shopping...seriously of the good." Buffy said with a smirk.
"I suppose you could say that... We might be engaged to be engaged at this point but...well that's just confusing... So yeah...we can do the meeting with Giles to plan this little home invasion. God! It just occurred to me. We'll be going to Sunnydale for the first time since we reduced the town to a crater. That should be eerie...special and fun," Willow said with a furrowed brow.
"You're right...it should be all sorts of heartwarming. Just the old gang and thirty-some-odd new friends trying to make the place safe for the rest of the world again... I'm going to need more shoes when we're done. I can feel it," Buffy snickered and took another sip of wine. "So you were saying?"
"Oh...Oh yeah... We can go out post party planning and see if we can find something we both like...the ring thing..." Willow smiled and turned around to lie on Buffy's lap. Looking up at her lazily, she reached a hand up and brushed her cheek.
Buffy smiled softly and pulled Willow up on her chest cradling her head in her arms she kissed the witch. Withdrawing she said, "So we're engaged and it was my idea? Humm...if you'd shared that with me last year when we were standing over the crater of our old home I'd have thought you'd snapped. Strange how things change, isn't it?"
"I didn't have that little detail then. I can't predict the future either...not in my skill-set. Now if you need your computer fixed...I'm your girl." Willow set her wineglass on the table and rolled over to restrain Buffy. She took the Slayer's glass and set along side hers. Taking her partner's wrists she pulled them up over her head and pinned them to the arm of the couch and leaned in to deliver a passionate kiss. She moved to run her tongue along the Slayer's jaw line and nip playfully at her neck.
Pulling back she considered Buffy for a moment then said, "I think I want a shower. Wanna come wash my back?"
"Yes, please..." Buffy said with a smirk in her best Willow impression.