Thirteen Steps -5- Weak & Powerless
by Valyssia
Seven Deadly Sins
[reviews]
Buffy lay in bed groggily trying to rouse her self from sleep. She looked over at the clock on the nightstand. 7:03am it announced annoying her even more. Well I guess I'm up...shower...clothing... Food had better not be too far off. I think I'll sneak out to the kitchen and make something while Willow sleeps in a bit. She looks like she's sleeping well...dreaming...
The Slayer moved silently around the room, taking care not to wake her partner. The only thing she couldn't do silently was the shower. Thankfully the running water didn't wake Willow, Buffy reflected as she hastily dressed.
She made her way to the common room and set about preparing eggs and toast. She extended a few kindnesses to the witches that had gathered for their morning meals. Coffee...I think my head will feel better with some protein and caffeine.
I still get butterflies before we go off and do something monumentally stupid that I think might work. The mission is what matters. It's more of that leading thing. If anyone gets hurt I always feel I'm to blame. Buffy whipped eggs with some milk and melted some butter in a pan. Omelets... cheese and ham... Yum! That'll work for the breakfast part...
I never would have asked Will the question I asked her last night if my life wasn't so funtastic. Don't regret it...but not many girls have to wander off the next morning to plan a trip deep into the belly of yet another beast. Seems to just be me, really...well and her...for the planning part that is. The making it happen element has changed a bit...used to just be us, Giles and Xander, the Slayer's mind raced, as she stood using the tip of a fork to score through the egg to allow it to cook through. She flipped on the oven to heat so she could use it to keep the first omelet warm while she made the second.
All I've ever wanted is a normal life and...all I've gotten for that want is stabbed, shot and bludgeoned. Greatly abbreviated life span, sharp, sharp knives...Anya... How accurate was that? Too damned accurate for comfort... Gotta love Anya... Miss her more for the loving part... Another one of those screwed up missions I led that resulted in the loss of a friend. Buffy placed the ham and shredded cheese on the first omelet, watching as it melted, she folded the egg.
The majorly messed up part...this is just the start of what will be a long campaign. I know we'll be busy for several, many years doing just this. Planning and next time more likely, the killing...with any luck this time we can avoid killing... First omelet done...in the oven with you...
Mechanically she went about making number-two. Willow was right about the long engagement thing, but still she understands... She knows how much I crave a life apart from the horror and bloodshed...something I can retreat to that's clean, white and neat...sans demons and vampires...or worse... Crazy bastards with a regiment of soldiers on their six ready to kill me... Jesus! This is gonna suck!
Buffy went over to the cupboard to find a carafe to put some coffee into and emptied the pot, then went about making more. Cheese and ham on number-two...Thank god this is almost done...I'm starving now! Working magicks with Willow was worse than slaying.
Buffy popped some bread into the toaster with this thought. No non-fat yogurt after that...between the gianormous amounts of sex and the magicks...I may well lose weight and I'm not sure I can afford it. Dunno how Will does it. I never had any idea that working magicks was that hard. Though I guess we're sorta playing near the top rung of the ladder...hope to hell we don't fall off.
Alright...food ready... Buffy plated up the second omelet, grabbed the toast, applying butter and jam to it in route. She found a tray to carry the cups and dishes on... Waving to the ladies she made her way out of the common room kitchen and back to the cabin.
Stealing into the cabin, Buffy gently woke Willow with kisses, coffee and food.
They ate quietly together and when Willow went to take a shower, Buffy loaded up dishes to return to the kitchen. She stood and silently washed them despite the growing level of traffic and noise in the room. Leaving again, she offered a wave and a few more kindnesses. I am so not ready for the company of strangers this morning. I need to just get hella going on the planning, so I can go back to the almost normal part of my life.
"Thank you for breakfast...that was yummy!" Willow said, somewhat more awake for the shower. "How long you been up?"
"Oh I dunno...about an hour or so... We should get going on this planning thing," Buffy replied hoping she was not being insensitive.
*
They spent the remainder of the morning working through the details of the mission and attending the videoconference with Giles. With all of the specifics settled, the meeting was winding down...
"Willow, if you would please stop by my office when you return here," Miss Hartness said in a pleasant tone.
"Okay... Shouldn't be too long," Willow said with a smile.
"Thank you for the time," Giles concluded as they said their farewells and well wishes. With this the display went blank.
"Can we have a moment with you alone, Giles? Let's take a break and grab a coffee," Buffy asked in a low voice.
"Certainly...I could use to step away," Giles said, and with that announced he would be absent to the room.
Slayer, Watcher and Witch all placed their earpieces on a vacant section of table and trailed off out of the room. They passed through the kitchen grabbing cups for themselves, and walked moments later out onto the drive.
Buffy took her perch on Bernadine and Willow came over to her sipping her cup.
"Giles... I've been pretty unhappy in Scotland and most of it's the shared housing. Will and I were talking last night and I hoped that I might convince you to allow us to buy a piece of land with the intent of building a home," Buffy said in a subtle questioning tone, taking a drink of her coffee.
"Well I'm not sure it would be good for you to stray too far. Again Buffy, the girls there need you," Giles said not entirely sure he understood what was being asked.
Buffy smiled softly before she spoke again, "I wouldn't be far. We'd like an acre of land next to the driveway down in the wooded area just off the road from the castle. We'd be easily within walking distance and on Bernadine I'd be under a minute away."
"Ahhh...I see... Yes, you'll have to check to see what the laws are regarding you owning property in Scotland. You'll probably have to become a citizen, but I see no trouble with that. In fact, I'll just sign the property to you once you sort the details. The council might even consider building the dwelling. It might be simpler to not do anything in terms of breaking up the estate and just build the home for you, but if you would like to own it I would understand," Giles concluded in a kindly voice.
"Whatever's easiest...I have no objections to the ownership except that we all have an understanding that it's my space...well mine and Will's. Once this latest crisis has blown over I'd like to start this. I want a place to call home again. I've missed that feeling. I actually feel more settled here in Willow's cabin even if I've been living out of a suitcase," Buffy retorted with a distant, reflective look on her face.
"Yes, once you've had that, it can be hard to part with. I often find I miss my flat in Sunnydale. I enjoyed it there." Giles reached out to embrace the two girls. "That's easily remedied."
"Willow and I will be headed into Westbury today after we visit Miss Hartness. I can take a phone with me in case you need me for anything," Buffy offered.
"Take one only if you want to. We'll manage here. Enjoy the day together. You both deserve a bit of calm before the storm," Giles smiled, said his farewells and took their coffee cups.
"One down..." Buffy said as she tossed her leg over Bernadine.
Willow smirked, and gracefully moved into position behind the Slayer pulling up close to kiss her neck.
Buffy caressed her witch's thigh and they made their way to see Miss Hartness. "I sure hope this doesn't take long. I'd really like to, for once, take Giles advice. He's right this time," she said over the wind noise.
"We'll see... She may want to discuss some of the finer points of the magicks we need to use during the siege," Willow said into the Slayer's ear.
"Well we'll know soon enough," Buffy said turning Bernadine into the coven's driveway.
They were promptly standing outside Miss Hartness' office. Willow knocked and announced herself.
"Ahhhh yes... Do come in dear." The older witch called from inside.
Willow smiled warmly, "What seems to be the trouble?
"Amy has been asking for you. It would seem she sensed you. Very unfortunate, I should have taken more care," Miss Hartness said in an apologetic tone.
"Any ideas why or has she not said?" Willow asked in a concerned voice.
"Well one could speculate but I would rather not. No, she's not said anything specific other than she insists on seeing you. Actually she's been quite fussy about it...very uncooperative... I felt it best to simply grant her wish. We can't do anything for her with the state she's in," the older witch shook her head sadly. "I would rather not put you two together so soon, but I see not other choice."
"Well I guess I'll go see what she wants then," Willow said with a shrug, as a look of worry washed over her face.
Buffy took the redhead's hand. "We'll go...and don't think you're going to leave me."
"It might be best if she did Buffy, but I understand why you would want to go so I defer to Willow's judgment," Miss Hartness said in a pensive voice.
"Arguing with Buffy, when she has her heart set on something...pretty much pointless. Lead on," Willow replied, feeling a bit more relieved for her Slayer's presence.
Miss Hartness led them out of her office and across the lawn to one of the larger building where the coven worked.
"We have her powers bound still. She is quite harmless. After you," the older witch offered opening the door.
Amy was seated at a table looking like she might have swallowed a bug when they entered. There were various other women around the room surveying her.
Willow took a seat across from her and looked at Amy expectantly.
Buffy stood behind Willow surveying Amy's movements.
"Why'd you bring me here?" Amy hissed.
Willow looked through Amy...almost like she was watching the wall for movement. "It was that, kill you or let you go. Given the options I chose the only one I could live with."
Amy regarded Willow with utter contempt. "You should've killed me. Given half a chance I'd do the same to you. I'd rather die than be here." She rose swiftly and lashed out at Willow, hooking her three middle fingers in a swiping motion directed at the redhead's throat.
Buffy leapt the long narrow table, catching Amy's hand pulling her over backwards. She picked the woman up by it and set her back in the chair...leaning down with her hand clamped over the witch's shoulder so she couldn't move again.
"Brought a slayer lap dog again? Couldn't face me alone even with my powers bound? You're a coward, Willow Rosenberg. Look what they've made you. You were the most powerful witch I ever knew. Now you're a pet to these people," Amy spat in Willow's face as she finished.
Willow looked down, and using her shirt, wiped her face.
"Well that's just about enough of that..." Buffy said in an even tone...she took Amy's wrist and pulled her to her feet. Wrenching hard she brought the witch's right arm behind her back. There was an audible pop as the Slayer pulled up and began to push Amy over to the wall next to the door.
Amy whimpered as her shoulder dislocated. Tears welled up in her eyes.
Using her right hand she removed the scythe from her back then spun Amy around, planting her firmly against the wall. In one fluid motion too fast to track with the eye, she brought the scythe up to Amy's throat placing the lower blade point under her chin. Blood erupted and ran from the spot. Amy stood like a fish on a hook, sobbing.
Buffy felt Willow coming up behind her and motioned her away saying, "You say you want to die...you would rather die than be here? Be clear now because I'm your fairy godmother come to grant your wish." The Slayer dropped the scythe away from Amy's throat and catching it, left handed she let it fall to her side. She took the witch's injured shoulder in her right hand and leaned in.
Amy tried to move away but she found that the Slayer was pinning her too tightly. She shuddered with the pain as she felt the pressure increase and resolved herself to just stand still.
In a motion too swift for the rest of the room to take in Buffy curled up her right hand into a half fist and punched Amy in the throat. The Slayer felt Amy's throat pop under her hand as it collapsed and slipped behind the muscles of her neck. She let the witch fall to the ground, choking for air but unable to breathe.
A gasp issued from around the room and Willow tried to approach again with a horrified look on her face.
Buffy turned to look and met the redhead's eyes in a cold stare, "Stay back, Willow."
Willow stepped back dutifully.
Amy was writhing and gasping...her body had started to shake uncontrollably. She felt the Slayer pull her away from the wall by her leg and sit across her stomach, pinning her to the floor.
Buffy stared into the gasping woman's face and said; "You see the trouble with dealing with me is that I won't make it quick. I'll break every fucking bone in your body before I allow you to harm anyone here...especially Willow. So let's go through this again? Wanna die? If you do just lie there...you will." The Slayer reached down and touched the side of Amy's face almost tenderly, as she writhed beneath, her laboring for air, but unable to draw any in. The witch is getting weaker...I can feel it.
"Not so chatty now, eh...? Okay... Let me lay this all out for you. Simple it up a bit... We're not in high school anymore Amy. You're playing with the big girls now. The mind games and the lofty drama...not gonna to fly... I'll gut you in a second if you try that shit again." The Slayer brought her scythe up across the witch's shoulders and leaning in, she press her firmly to the floor to control the convulsions.
Keeping eye contact with the terrified woman, Buffy spoke in a gentle hiss, "These women want to help you. Unlike me they can still see something useful in you. I'm not sure what. Don't much care. Willow risked her own neck to rescue you out of some sense of personal obligation. I would've broken your neck... But you see... Willow's better than me. She's a bigger person. She'll help you if you let her. But you're just too stupid." Buffy slapped Amy's face...more of a pat really but hard enough she knew it would sting. "Stay with me...don't pass out."
Amy gasped and trembled beneath the enraged Slayer...her eyes revealed a look of abject terror. She was dying and she knew it.
"All you have to do is indicate you'll be good. Don't really care how you do it either...nod or whatever...don't give a shit...just tell me. And if you are lying to me...if you try to run...if you do anything except exactly what these women tell you to..."
Amy tried to scream...her body shook...her eyes rolled...it looked as though she might go unconscious.
Buffy didn't seem to notice, she went on, continuing her thought. "I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth and they'll be finding your fucking body for weeks. We clear? I'm The Slayer, Amy...not lap dog. I've sworn to protect human life but...you need to understand that there are lines I draw... You cease to be human when you take a life...or with intent try to take a life. You tried to take Willow's life. So...what's it gonna to be? It'll all get better...with just a nod," Buffy concluded in a gentle voice.
Buffy saw a vague nod from the witch. It was bared perceivable, she was too close to unconsciousness to do much more. The Slayer laid the scythe down beside her and using the tips of her fingers, she pressed into the woman's neck. Pushing the muscles aside, she lifted gently on the back of Amy's throat and it popped into place.
Amy gasped and choked, drawing in air once again.
Miss Hartness looked utterly mortified.
Buffy rose and turned her back on Amy as she heard her start to vomit. The Slayer said in a cold voice, "She'll be fine."
Willow was sobbing into her sleeve...
Buffy left the building and headed straight for Bernadine, tossing the scythe onto her back as she moved.
Still inside the cabin Willow and Miss Hartness kneeled down beside Amy.
"We should take her to a doctor," Willow sniffled, she couldn't believe what she'd just witnessed. I've never seen any signs that Buffy could be that malicious.
Miss Hartness said flatly, "We can tend to her as well as they can. Ladies please come and help me with these wounds. We need to calm the pain first then reset her shoulder."
"I need to go find Buffy, Miss Hartness. I need to know what happened. I've never seen her be that openly cruel to anyone before in my life. I'm frightened...for her and myself... I'm sorry..." Willow ran out of the building. Bernadine...she always seems to gravitate toward Bernadine when she's hurting. Goddess, I hope she hasn't gone.
Buffy was sitting sidesaddle very calmly on the Ducati when Willow got there. She looked at her fingernails and glanced up to see a tearful Willow.
"What happened, Buffy? I can't understand... Why?" Willow sobbed.
A tear rolled down Buffy's cheek... She wanted to pull Willow up close, but knew she couldn't and it broke her heart. "Willow she meant to kill you. Didn't you see it in her eyes? Couldn't you feel it?"
"What?" Willow stopped and looked at Buffy like she might be a stranger.
"You didn't see that? After all of the fights you've watched? She was striking at your throat when I stopped her. She wanted to kill you. When she said she'd rather die herself... Well...I couldn't stop myself. She needed to see what she was asking for. She needed to look death in the eyes and decide. She may have a chance now. I know I won't be welcome here anymore, but I had to. True terror was the only thing that was going to bring her back. I gave her what she needed. She was biding her time waiting for an opening to hurt someone," Buffy finished in a flat voice, tears rolling down her face.
Willow stood trying to grapple with what she heard, "You were trying to help her?"
"In a round about way I was trying to help her, yes. I meant every word I said. If she harms another soul...especially a soul I'm sworn to protect...she'll die painfully. She's gonna to have to decide what she wants more now...life or revenge," Buffy looked down at her feet as she spoke. "I should go... I know you won't want to be around me after that. I'm sorry..." With this she began to sob. She picked her leg up and tossed it over Bernadine and fell onto the gas tank weeping.
Willow walked up to her and started to caress the Slayer's back.
Buffy wrapped an arm around Willow's legs and continued to cry, "Can you forgive me?" she said thickly through her tears.
Willow reached down and lifted Buffy up to face her. "I'm not sure I understand. I think I need some time. You may be right. That was one of the most horrifying things I've ever witnessed...mostly because it was you," she said tearfully.
Buffy tried to collect herself she was still sobbing, "Losing you would kill me, Willow. I need you to understand, but I'm not sure I could in your place. I'm the Slayer. Do you really understand completely what that means? I know you say you do...killing demons and vampires...the good fight...all that...but think back... There was a time when I was willing...to kill Anya...to kill you..." she shuddered, "in the name of being The Slayer..."
Willow gave a soft nod and started to cry again. "I know Buffy... You were trying to protect us. Thing is...when you kill another human being... Deliberately and without remorse...that makes you..." The witch stuttered, sobbed and then collected her self enough to continue. "That makes you exactly one thing...it makes you a murderer. It makes you... No, not you..." The witch shook her head slightly as she said, "Me," in a firm voice. "No better than...well...the person I killed." Obviously struggling to complete the thought she added with a small gesture of her hand to silence Buffy, "It took me a long time... I had to go to the other side of the world to see it. I don't want that for you."
Buffy was stunned, all she could manage was to sit and watch the witch as she worked to gather her thoughts.
After several minutes of silence Willow finally managed, "The thing I don't get is... If Amy was trying to kill me, why didn't I feel it?"
Half struggling to speak Buffy said, "My guess is that you hold too much guilt over that part of your life...I dunno...that's just a wild guess. I know you say it's about emotional control. It would seem to me guilt would toss that control out the nearest window. I'm totally clueless...about magick...you lead...I follow, "she shuddered again as she finished.
Steeling her self against the flood of emotion Buffy said in a flat voice, "You should go see Miss Hartness and make sure they're taking care of Amy. Be careful of her. Make sure Dawn is nowhere near her...even in the state she's in now she may try to hurt you or... Keep your distance and guard up. I need to go for a bit. I have to clear my head and you need time to think," Buffy fished the key to Bernadine out of her pocket and started the Ducati. She pulled away and didn't look back. I'm not even going to stop and get my helmet. I just need to get out of here. I wish I hadn't been there, but if I hadn't Amy might have really hurt or worse...I dunno... Think I'm pretty much back to...fire bad...tree pretty...