Thirteen Steps -9- Crimes
by Valyssia
Tears for a Stranger
[reviews]
Without the skin, beneath the storm, under these tears the walls came down. And the snake is drowned and as I look in his eyes, my fear begins to fade recalling all of those times. I could have cried then. I should have cried then.
Think the walk mighta been a bad idea. Or at least...maybe I should pay more attention next time. Not sure how much more of the 'other people's problems' thing I'm up for. Next time? May not be a thing. The last two hit my quota. I'm so not cut out for being a counselor. Did the test run at Sunnydale High... Big fun...only one fatality...but really...got the listening part down...it's the separating myself from them I totally suck at. I'm just not that cold. Think ya'd sorta have to be completely cracked to wanna do that job.
Buffy stood in front of the bathroom mirror removing her makeup. Not good...my dark circles have dark circles... She brushed her teeth and flossed with a dull look on her face. "So...time for bed... Wills is awake, but maybe she'll understand," she mumbled to herself.
Never used to get this tired. Will did warn me that the change would be mostly physical. Got the memo. I guess it's like the stuff you read about the 100 pound woman who picks up a car to free her trapped child. Same thing, only I run that way all the time...makes sense. Funny how getting everything you ask for hurts like hell more often than not... Buffy slid into bed, feeling Willow turn over to face her. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.
Willow pulled the Slayer up close and asked in a gentle voice, "Where you been? It's really late."
"Sorry...went for a walk," Buffy replied in an exhausted, distant tone.
Willow smiled wryly, caressing the side of Buffy's face. "Musta been some walk. You're normally home for supper."
"It was a thing. I followed the moon, heading east until I hit a farm and then I turned around. Not sure how far or how long...hours... I guess I needed it." She turned her head to face Willow, taking in the look of vague amusement and mixed compassion.
"Sounds nice...exhausting, but... Can I guess from the upset that our mystery guest is not so much a mystery anymore?" Willow's expression turned curious.
"Scooby-age accomplished... Now can I shove it back in the box? It made me miss the good ole days again; when our problems were just hell gods, uber-vampires and mayors who wanna be demons," Buffy responded. As she spoke, her face warmed, a sardonic grin finally settled over her features.
"Really? She's not dangerous is she?" Willow appeared concerned.
Buffy snickered. "Only to herself and maybe me, but not like you think. Don't worry, she won't hurt me."
"Huh? Do you know what kind of demon she is?" Willow queried, furrowing her brow.
Buffy sighed loudly. I knew this'd happen. I'm way too tired, but I can't bail on it...not even close. "If you wanna go all researchy again...think succubus."
"But, she said it was her father," Willow replied, looking amused once more.
Annoyance filled Buffy's voice as she said, "Okay...so whatever they call the boys, Will. I'm tired as hell...be nice." She turned her head to face the ceiling, hoping the witch would take the hint.
"Incubi," Willow offered, trying to be helpful. Wow...must have been really bad. Buffy's normally lots more patient. "Did she try to seduce you?"
"Pretty much...didn't go so well. Add suggestiony stuff and shape changing to the list if you look," Buffy whispered, closing her eyes.
"Wow. And you're sure she's safe? I mean you...well you're a lot different than most of the girls," Willow suggested, appearing troubled again.
Buffy glanced over at Willow long enough for her to perceive the seriousness on her face. "I'm absolutely certain." She turned back to look at the ceiling and closed her eyes. "Willow, sweetheart...I know you're curious and worried. But don't be, please... I'll explain it all over breakfast, but now...well...I can barely keep my eyes open."
"I'm sorry...I'll let you get some rest. Come here," Willow offered. Feeling Buffy turn and put her head on her shoulder; she began to absently stroke the Slayer's hair as she considering the few details. Definitely rare...incubi don't normally produce even remotely human offspring. Wonder what happened? I mean this girl is way human. Soul just doesn't happen in non-humans...it's the thing that makes us unique. Still lots more questions than answers, even with the knowing what... I'll look at it again tomorrow, she concluded, shutting her eyes and relaxing for sleep.
***********
Not sure whether I should've done that. Choices...do I spend an hour of my day dwelling on the horror that is my life? Or do I just give Will the memories and let her spend the hour? Second choice seemed so much the easier. I mean we got that whole thing figured...why not use it? Could be 'cause of the hour...it's still there...only I get to wonder what the hell she's thinkin' while I wait. Big fun. Starting to get nervous...she just kinda drifted off into busy head mode... Not time to talk yet. Guess I should be happy we have each other's habits pretty much down. If she were actually mad, she'd be yellin'.
Buffy stood at the stove, browning a large ham steak and making scrambled eggs. "So, Will...ya plan on eatin' with me?" Buffy called out, plating up the food. The puppies were both dancing around her feet. She cut a bit of fat from the steak and gave them each a treat.
"Be right there," Willow replied, bouncing down the stairs.
Buffy placed a plate, cup of coffee, napkin and utensils in front of Willow, making the same arrangements for herself as she went. Seating herself at the breakfast bar, she began to eat in silence waiting for Willow to speak. The unfortunate part of the sharing is that she got it all...just like she was there in my skin. It's my memory after all. Waiting patiently for her to speak is the best move. In terms of honesty...can't be more.
Willow sat down and started to eat, absently thanking Buffy for cooking a few bites in. She deserves to stew a little bit...not so much. Thing is, we know each other so well...she's likely not bothered...doesn't feel it. She knows I'll talk when I'm ready. Right now...hungry... Once my tummy's full we can go sit on the couch and actually discuss it. I have tons to say. Not about what she's dreading though. In fact, knowing Buffy she'll probably get upset if I say much about that. Maybe I should just to let her get it out of her system. She was obviously angry about being told what she felt last night. I would be too.
Finished with breakfast, Willow stood up to clear the dishes and cookware, setting the kitchen back in order. She smiled once at Buffy, who was patiently watching her, just to set her at ease. No reason to go overboard on it...she knows. She freshened up their coffees and took Buffy's hand, leading her to the couch. Gently taking her into an embrace, she whispered, "Thanks for giving me some time."
Withdrawing slightly so she could look at Willow, Buffy smirked as she asked, "That all it was? Sure you weren't being a little mean?"
"Me? Never...I'm an angel." Willow leaned in and kissed the Slayer.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "So, whatcha think?"
"Lots...in fact, I'm not sure where to start. I can tell you all sorts of interesting things about what you heard last night. Think it might be best for you to begin. I've seen that dull, bored expression on your face enough to know that the walking encyclopedia thing only goes so far." Willow smirked, taking a seat on the couch and pulling Buffy down beside her.
"So, you aren't upset?" Buffy prodded, still looking a bit nervous.
Willow thought about this for a moment before answering. "Not so much...I mean I understand being curious. And truth-be-told, you'd sorta have to be dead from the neck up to not find her attractive on some level. I do. She's one of those odd people that I think just about everyone would have some reaction to. More homophobic women might be instantly jealous of her. The thing that's truly surprising, like you said...she came here looking like something we'd never notice. And now...well... she's definitely not that." Willow shrugged slightly and looked at Buffy to comment.
"Yeah the thing that struck me was the androgyny and almost agelessness. One minute, I'd look at her and she'd look almost like a young boy or girl...hard to say...next she'd look like some exotic French model or somethin'. Could that be magick, or is that just her?" Buffy asked, appearing curious. She swung her body onto the couch and laid down with her head on Willow's lap, looking up at her.
Willow sighed, considering what she'd seen, as she absently began to play with Buffy's hair. "You know...I've not had much time with her and I totally get why now. Thing is...I don't think she'd consciously bother to hide from you. I didn't sense any magick. Though we are talking memories. I sorta know what to look for a bit better than you do, though. With me, it's more instinctual. What you know is taught. Big difference... Anyway...no, I think it's just her." Pausing for a moment, she added, "You know she's totally in love with you, right?"
"Didn't need the tip, but thanks." Buffy rolled her eyes again, turning to pick Chakti up and lay her on her stomach. She started to inattentively pet the puppy. Lakta put her paws on the couch, wanting attention too, and soon Buffy had the pair of them lying on either side of her.
"Well she's... You need to be careful with her. Be very plain about what you expect. Things like this can get messy quick. You reacted to her enough she knows you're attracted. That's actually not a good thing. Though for her...sensing that sorta stuff...might be instinctual too. Like me with the magicks." She looked down at Buffy, making eye contact. Noting that the Slayer seemed buried in puppies, she collected Lakta and placed her puppy next to her on the arm of the sofa.
Petting the pup, she stared pensively at Buffy for a moment, adding, "And you've got the extra complicated bit of badness there...she's only 16. Doesn't much matter how she looks...she's emotionally abused and immature. The way she reacted to the rejection was all about that. You can't expect her to be rational. You need to be firm and consistent."
Buffy sighed deeply, appearing slightly annoyed. "Yeah...I got most of that for myself. And more with the complicated...I needed more. Well, I can't cut myself off from her. She'd totally wig so..."
"No, no, you definitely can't...she responded to you. That's likely to be a rare thing. Though, I found it interesting that she included me. There might be some hope I can be more of an influence. She's clearly freaked out by me on a more base level, but the rational parts of her know enough to separate. I'm different, and she knows it. I think we should go see her this afternoon together, as a couple. She deserves to at least understand that you shared your memories and didn't just tell me a story. There's a huge difference effect wise."
"Seems fair...and you're right. It should force her to see exactly how coupley we are. Just the fact that you didn't go all wigged over it." Buffy took in the look of seriousness that passed over Willow's face and couldn't help but say, "Oh boy...here it comes," to herself in a whisper. Starting to giggle because Chakti was licking her chin, she pushed the pup back down to her tummy and said, "Be good."
Willow shook her head, appearing mildly amused, but that soon passed. "Look, Buffy, you know you can never let her touch you, right? I'm not sayin' you would, and this is so not about me. This is business. This girl's an operational nightmare. She could undermine everything we've built here. Right now we have hundreds of girls under our various roofs. Most of them are with us with parental permission...some we've taken as wards of the state. That's part of what makes this whole thing so sticky...such a mess..." She sighed heavily and looked down at Buffy to gauge the level of upset she'd caused before continuing.
Buffy took advantage of the pause to mumble, "You must not think much of me."
"This isn't about me...its business. What I think doesn't so much matter. Giles would say this if we gave him the chance. We aren't, so...doin' my job. We're dealing largely with minors. We had to couch that in all sorts of legal crap. Privately run organizations that deal with troubled teens...that sorta stuff...stuff I don't expect you to ever care to understand. I need to talk to Giles and the others about her. Her mother could cause us some real difficulty. I'm not saying we'd ever toss her on the street, but we need to look at keeping her legally. Her mom seems like the type that might see the potential for money. I plan to suggest we just give it to her. Save the trouble. Buy the girl...sounds sick, but it's not our sickness."
Willow sighed once more, taking in the look of disgust Buffy was giving her. She's right on the edge of really pissed off...need to be careful. "I'm not worried about you, Buffy. Please settle down."
"How's this not about me...you're acting like I could..." the Slayer spat, sitting up to take a drink of her coffee.
Willow gave Buffy an annoyed glance. Sounding exasperated, she continued, "Not you...her...think about it... Why in the hell do you think I've been so concerned about knowing what kinda demon? Now we know...it's actually that much worse. I still want to know exactly what kind so we can gauge how powerful she actually is. What you saw last night might be the tip of an iceberg. I know for a fact as she ages she'll get stronger."
"I don't think she would do that. She understands what it is to be used. She'd never do that to me. I mean, for all the mess you point out, fact is, she's just mistaking compassion for love. Way I have it figured, for someone that hasn't seen a ton of compassion it could be way confusing," Buffy offered, getting up to refresh their coffees. "Anyway...fix the operational stuff...as you say. I'll handle the emotional stuff. Feels weird sayin' that...bit of role reversal."
"Of course...you're right. Still, we have to approach this like adults. Protect the business and protect the girls. If we don't, there's huge potential for badness. We're dealing with a young woman who's been severely sexually, physically and emotionally abused. One allegation of impropriety...badness on new and interesting levels..." Willow paused for a moment, grateful that Buffy seemed to be settling down. Well, that was the hard part. She sighed, considering how to continue.
"I want to start working with the team to teach them some of what I taught you. Seems a good time. Resisting charms could be massively useful for them." Willow stood up. "Let's take the pups outside again." She accepted her cup of coffee and picked up Lakta.
Walking into the morning sun, Buffy set her puppy down to play, taking Willow's hand. "You know I'd never hurt you like that, right?"
"I know, Buffy." Willow replied, watching the puppies roll around in the leaves.
"Okay, so...now that's settled. Tell me about the deer thing. Seems the next biggest threat." Buffy sat down in a patio chair, motioning for Willow to join her.
"Oh, that? Yeah...totally true and pretty brilliant in a sick, twisted way." Willow smiled, thoughtfully.
"Get out...you can do that? Well, not you, but..." Buffy replied, appearing amused.
Willow snickered. "I could teach any of the girls to do it. Doesn't matter how mundane. It's a natural order thing. Actually has root in many indigenous cultures...big with the native peoples of the Americas. The fundamental premise is that lower life forms, like deer, know they're food. On a base level they understand this."
Taking a sip of her coffee, Willow continued, "So...you have a really hungry shaman thousands of years ago who notices that when he projects himself...you know that astral projection thing we played with...he can inhabit the bodies of lower animals and, in effect, drive them to him. Like you would a car. Toss a spear and dinner's on." She laughed, turning to Buffy to await a reply.
"That's cute...so they just took this and used it to another purpose. So not good." Buffy sighed, making eye contact with the witch.
"No it's not. You can sorta get an idea why I have such a great respect for indigenous cultures though. That wasn't really about Mom. They figured all sorts of really simple stuff out that's incredibly useful and easy to do."
Buffy appeared amused as she spoke. "Look, Wills...caught the last half dozen shows of 'save the native peoples'. With ya...love ya and all... Back on topic...what do we do about this other thing?"
After a look of mock offense, Willow's expression finally broke into a subtle smile. "We do exactly what Zayin suggested. Just be more attentive. This doesn't threaten me. In fact, if you give me a couple of days, I can tell you with fair accuracy who these people are. I have an idea already."
"Of course you do. I'd be totally disappointed if you didn't," Buffy replied, taking another sip of her coffee. She whistled to the puppies who seemed to be interested in something in the side yard.
Willow tromped off into the yard, collecting the wandering pups. "Let's go inside again so we don't have to worry about these two so much. If you wanna be outside we can go out on the deck."
"Sure." Buffy picked up their coffees. Passing through the kitchen to refresh them again, she set off for the upstairs deck.
"Glad Xander was nice enough to puppy-proof this." Willow remarked, taking a seat at the patio table.
"Yeah...it was nice of him. Sorta feels like child-proofing the house. I think they look more like you." Buffy dodged a swipe as she seated herself at the table, placing Willow's coffee in front of her.
"This next bit will prolly make you think you need to check my temperature. Don't, I'm fine. I want you to send Bernadine off to the shop to be rebuilt and buy yourself another bike. I don't care what. Just get one. You've been complaining for a while that she needs work. I expect that machines like her just run harder and as a result, wear out quicker. Fix it. There's enough to spend. Just don't touch savings." Willow smiled, waiting for Buffy to go all bouncy.
"You mean it? Really? Can I have two?" Buffy asked, awaiting the explosion.
"What in goddess' name would make you think you need four motorcycles?" Willow queried, appearing both amused and annoyed.
Buffy appeared sheepish as she began, "It's simple really. I want something that we can both ride on and be comfortable. It can be cheap and Japanese. There's some nice stuff out there, and I'd prolly buy used. The MV will never be ridden. I want to actually have a mechanic come out and put it up for extended storage."
Sighing deeply, Buffy paused momentarily to consider the look of mild amusement Willow was giving her. "Bernadine is just sentimental. I can't get rid of her. If you're willing, I'll just clean her up really well and put her downstairs...no mechanic needed...least not now. So...this fourth motorcycle...the one that's causing you to have kittens...I want a real racing motorcycle. One that's not for the street, or if it is...it's right on the edge of what's legal."
"Japanese or European?" Willow asked, knowing it made a huge difference in cost.
"Japanese would be fine. In fact, it's actually better. Stuff seems to take more abuse," Buffy replied, appearing hopeful.
"Okay, but you're taking me with you. I get final say on the budget stuff. I'm not going to starve because you're compulsive. No more motorcycles in the house after Bernie...thats it," Willow concluded, giving Buffy a look and rolling her eyes.
"Really? Ya sure?" Buffy looked excited.
"Yes really...and new gear too. I want you safe," Willow added. "Can't tell you not to ride. So..."
"You know, I love you," Buffy said with a smile.
"You should...actually it's as much your money as mine. Same for the house, but..." Willow replied, smirking and shaking her head. "You owe me...you can start by paying attention."
She watched Buffy put on her best attentive face before she began. "So...I know we've talked about this stuff before...well, not so much, but enough. Thing is, I could tell you that this whole thing was a horrible conspiracy orchestrated by the Jews, Catholics, Lutherans, Mormons, Wiccans... You pick your favorite religious sect."
"Don't have one. The whole religion thing leaves me pretty cold, Will. I find it mostly creepy." Buffy took another sip of coffee. Looking into Willow's eyes, she perceived a hint of annoyance.
"You totally shouldn't. Religion is actually a very beautiful thing at the core. People, that's what's creepy...they tend to twist things that are fundamentally good to their own ends. Make them serve their needs. The purest of concepts can be perverted." Willow paused for a moment to take a sip. "Does that make some sorta sense?"
"Sure, Will, but I have no clue where you're going with this," Buffy replied, staring pensively off into the forest.
Willow sighed softly before she continued, "You'll see... Anyway...religion in general is just an attempt to provide comfort by explaining things; the stuff most people just haven't the experience to understand. I can say the word 'heaven' to you...it actually conjures an image...a vague sense memory. Most people...completely clueless... They have religion, and through that they have faith... Faith that things will be okay...if they just believe... Very beautiful."
"Okay...so religion is of the good. Help me out here, Will. Gettin' a bit lost." Making eye contact briefly with the witch, Buffy returned her gaze to the forest, scanning the trees.
"It's simple, Buffy. I'm likely gonna have to tell you that a religious sect, a pretty obscure one, was at the root of all this. I just don't want you to lump the entire group of people into the bad column. You shouldn't do that any more than you should say that because Zayin was used for sexual magicks, all things in that column are bad. Some of those concepts are equally beautiful. In fact, we've practiced more than a little of that ourselves. You may not have recognized it to be that, but... It's the people...not the ritual." Willow paused to consider what to say next and finally asked, "Have you ever felt hurt or used by me?"
Buffy made eye contact again as she said, "Never."
Willow smiled, taking Buffy's hand. "Let me show you something." She sat up slightly, and pulling a small red silk pouch out of her jeans, handed it to Buffy. "I know you've seen this before and probably thought it was just another witchy quirk. It is... Take it out and you'll understand. Careful...just the quartz."
Buffy tentatively opened the little pouch. Carefully inspecting the contents, she located a shard of quartz and pulled it out. The morning sun lit it, casting a rainbow onto her shirt. "It feels warm," she said, sensing her hand go slightly numb to the wrist. She cast a questioning glance at the witch, closing her hand over the quartz.
"It's you, Buffy," Willow replied, matter-of-factly.
"Me?"
"Yes, here...let me help." Willow relaxed a bit, offering her empathy to the Slayer. "Feel it now?"
"Sure, I felt it before. So, you've been storing me here when we make love?" Buffy smirked, returning the quartz to the silk pouch. "That's pretty neat."
"It is, isn't it? The thing is, it's not just a quirk...I mean yeah...having a little piece of you with me all the time...may be quirky. It's potentially really useful."
"Useful how?" Buffy queried, appearing amused.
"Well, you know that sex has the potential to heal. So does this. In fact, it's not just potential, it does. You have the skill to do that yourself if you'd like. Just cleanse the quartz and channel the energy. No big. I keep some sea salts stuff in the pouch to keep my energy from corrupting the crystal as I carry it. Quartz is a great conductor...too good in fact. It's easy for things to get all jumbley. The powdered rose petal...that would be the sentimental part... It's from a rose you gave me. Makes the whole thing smell nice, too."
Willow slipped the pouch back into her pocket, smiling warmly at Buffy. "Think it might be time to switch to water. I'm all coffee'd out. Wantsome?"
"Yes, please," Buffy replied. She watched Willow leave, then making a quick trip to the lavatory herself. She returned to the deck, scooping up Chakti and placing her in her lap.
Willow returned moments later, placing a bottle of water in front of the Slayer. "So, you see...it's still all about the intent. There's good, bad and things in between in just about everything."
"Got that. And yeah...I have a minor problem with religion. I tend to snap to the bad 'cause I've seen the bad so much. That, and well...some of the imagery is just too brutal for me to think 'good,'" Buffy offered. Starting to inattentively play with Chakti, she once more turned her attention to the forest.
Willow beckoned Lakta over and picked her up, absently petting her. "I can appreciate that. Depending on whom you ask...you might be told that having a gun can mean you won't go hungry; I personally just call the animal over and cut its throat, but for the more mundane that can be absolutely true. Will you ever hear me say...?" She looked around in mild disbelief. Buffy was gone. Turning to look into the forest, she realized what had happened.
Buffy was already out of view when she said the words to open her thoughts. Will, stay there...I'll be back in a few. Don't worry...and listen this time, please.
What's wrong Buffy? You seriously scared the hell out of me. Willow got up, picking Chakti up off the table where Buffy had obviously left her. She set the pups down and went to the railing, peering out into the forest.
Don't be scared...just call the police. Stay there...you don't want to see this. Coming back... Buffy turned to head back to the house and found that she couldn't help but look over her shoulder. She almost retched as she did. Good one Summers...follow your stupid impulses and not your head, why don't you? Setting off in a hard run for the house, she thought, what in the hell could do that?
See what? Huh? Willow got up to get the phone as instructed. Do what?
Don't ask...just stay...almost there. Call Xander next...he needs to come down. Entering her code, she burst through the front door. "Are the pups inside?"
"No," Willow replied, absently trying to pay attention to the phone.
Buffy ran upstairs, collecting both puppies and bringing them in the house. She sat in the living area patiently waiting for Willow to finish with the calls.
Willow looked expectantly at the Slayer for answers once the calls were made. She could feel the level of upset and sickness. This is not good.
No...we're about five or six counties from good, Wills. Buffy closed her mind, half afraid that she'd share some of what she'd just seen. She felt Willow react to this as she considered what to say. "There was a young slayer that was all sorts of interested in Xander. What was her name?"
"Was? Her name is, Julie," Willow replied, appearing very nervous.
Buffy took the redhead's hand and pulled her down on the couch. "Was, Will..."
Willow looked stunned. "How? Huh... What? She was fine yesterday. You're telling me one of the girls is dead?"
Buffy put her arm around the witch, rubbing her back. "Yes, she's dead. It's worse than that though..."
"What do you mean, Buffy?" Willow asked as she searched her partner's face for some indication of what might be wrong.
Buffy turned to face the witch. "Are you sure you? I mean I'd rather... I'm not sure I can say it..."
Willow continued the search, and as she did something broke. Buffy started to shake and sob. Putting her arms around the Slayer, Willow held her; wondering what could be so horrible.
Xander entered the house, taking in the scene. He stood at a distance, appearing worried.
Willow raised a hand and shook her head at Xander.