Thirteen Steps - 11 - Vanishing
by Valyssia
Out of the Ashes
[reviews]
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been. We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been. Spiral out. Keep going, going...
"Well...guess that's about it. I got the demon bits and spooky fluids we need. Can I add...that was disgusting...just for the record," Willow remarked, wrinkling her nose as she dropped a bag on the desk in the downstairs apartment.
Xander smirked. "Got the stinky herbs you asked for," he retorted, putting his bag next to hers.
Willow smiled softly, taking Xander's hand. "It'll be okay, Xander. Could I getcha to go get Angel and send him down in about ten minutes? I wanna talk with Buffy first."
"What're you up to, Will? I mean I know...huge changes and all, but there's somethin' here...somethin' big...and it bothers me when you don't share. Even though you're not really you...this is just confusing," Xander babbled, appearing anxious as he searched the face of the woman in front of him. My Will left...this...well like I said...confusing...big time.
"It'll be okay, Xander. I promise. Just do what I asked," Willow replied in a soothing voice. She left the room to make her way back to Buffy. Opening the cage, she flopped on the floor in front of the vampire.
Willow sat examining the vampire for a moment and then removed the gag by magick. "You know...it's sorta strange. When you sit for a long time...allowing yourself to be perfectly still...it can cause you to understand stuff."
"I understand nothin' 'cept if I could get down I'd gut you," the Buffy vampire snarled.
Willow smirked. "Now Buffy... You saw how far you got with that last night. Not that I wouldn't love ta see ya try again, but I just don't have the time," she chided in an amused voice. Fishing in her back pocket, she brought out a pencil. "Remember when I used to stake vamps with these? It was sorta geeky...but very effective." She extended her hand and the pencil floated into the air, leveling with the vampire's heart and circling around to her back. "Wouldn't be fun if ya saw it comin'...now would it?"
The Buffy vampire struggled to calm herself, looking nervous and agitated. "So let me get this straight. You brought me here...tortured me and now you're just gonna kill me. You coulda just done that last night and saved yourself a ton of trouble. Makes all kinda the sense that's not."
"It makes every kinda sense, Buffy. You've been a very bad girl. From what I hear the baddest... You needed to experience this. Frankly, you deserved it," Willow replied in a firm voice.
"So...this was your way of spankin' me? Will, you're still the same pathetic loser you always were. I mean the makeover's sorta impressive, but still..." the Buffy vampire spat, considering the witch with complete contempt.
"Glad you think so. Now close your eyes," Willow responded in a soothing voice. She waited a moment, allowing the vampire time to do as she requested. Finally, she just shoved the pencil in, watching the look of shock that came over Buffy's face as she fell to ash. Clearing the cables, she rose to await Angel's arrival.
Angel entered the room, taking in the scene. "You killed her?"
"I had to..." Willow replied, frankly.
Appearing completely befuddled, Angel managed, "But I thought you'd give her a soul...I mean that was the plan, right?"
Willow smiled warmly at the vampire. "You know I've always loved that coat. May I see it?" she inquired in a subtle voice.
"Sure," Angel replied, appearing completely baffled. He took his coat off and handed it to the witch.
"I'm sorry, Angel," Willow offered in a hushed tone as she jammed the pencil between his ribs. She watched as he exploded into a pile of ash. Taking the coat, she left the room. Just a few more things and I'll be ready.
**************
Buffy leaned back and flipped on the jets, stretching out in the tub, she regarded the pensive look on the witch's face. "Whatcha thinkin'?"
"Coupla things... First, I could live in this thing. The other well..." Willow mocked a pouty face. "We need to get ready and at least call Giles. He's prolly havin' kittens by now." Mr. Giles, she corrected herself. I need to get used to sayin' it.
"Odds are the coven knows we're back, and if they know, Giles knows," Buffy offered, looking completely unconcerned.
Willow smiled warmly, considering how to best put what she needed to say. Guess I should just say it. "Don't tell him anything when you talk with him...Kay."
"Hard ta have a conversation that way, Wills. You're gonna have to explain," Buffy replied, appearing amused.
Shaking her head, Willow added, "About me, silly... Just let him think what he wants about me."
A quizzical look settled over Buffy's features. "Oh...Kay, Will... You gonna tell me why?"
Willow shot the Slayer a serious glance. "She didn't trust him."
"Oh..." Buffy responded, her manner turned almost sullen.
"I'm sorry, Buffy. I had to tell you," Willow offered in a sympathetic tone.
Working to clear the unwanted emotions, Buffy said, "Sokay Wills... I get why you did."
Willow arched her back to stretch. She slumped back into place taking in the changed expression on her partner's face. "What's wrong, Buffy?"
"Is that my name?" Buffy inquired, moving around to the same side of the tub as the witch.
"Where...? Huh?" Willow stumbled for a moment trying to figure out what the Slayer was talking about. Looking over she saw that Buffy's eyes were fixed on her chest. "Oh... Yeah I guess it is, but well..." She leaned back again to expose the under side of her breast. "I got it the week you were turned. It's a memorial tattoo. I sorta had them hide that bit 'cause well...Kennedy. She eventually noticed it, but...it was too late. She got pretty mad, but I told her to get the hell over it."
The Slayer examined the design. In small script next to the vine it was her full name along with the dates '1981 - 2003'.
Willow settled back into the tub. "You never got a gravestone so... It just seemed like the thing."
"Wow...that's really beautiful, Will. I mean it was beautiful before, but... No one's ever done anything like that... Should I think for me? Back with the confusing," Buffy babbled softly.
Willow considered the Slayer for a moment, giving her a supple smile. "You can think for you...it's accurate after a fashion."
"I'd like you to get another one...if you want... I mean if you will. It's like your body after all," Buffy stumbled through the thought, appearing nervous for the effort.
"Okay...but if I do you're gonna get one too. It's only fair," Willow replied in a firm voice. "We can design it together or at least work out what it'll be. Oh and the healing...you're totally helpin' me. That is if...I'm not sure it'll work."
"Kay... That's sorta what I meant anyway," Buffy concluded. She lightly traced the vine down the witch's chest with her finger tip, watching the way the water beaded under her touch. A wicked smile crossed her lips as she remarked, "I should wear the necklace just to watch the tattoo guy flip out."
"Buffy!" Willow chided, appearing amused. She giggled, eventually adding, "It wasn't a guy. I got all this done by the same place in LA. The tattoo artist was a girl...really nice, kinda cute and very talented. The person that did the piercings was a girl too. It'd actually be good to go back to them."
"Might be hard, but... We could prolly pull it off," Buffy replied in a thoughtful manner.
"Kay...well... We'll talk about it. Who knows if they even exist here? There have to be differences. I'll try looking them up on the internet later. We should get moving though. There's something about a motorcycle, you need to call Giles and then there's the pups. I'm looking forward to meeting them. It'll be interesting to see if they notice," Willow prattled, stream of consciousness, absently picking up a washcloth as she spoke.
**************
Willow walked up behind Giles as he sat in his office. "It's time..." she whispered.
Giles nodded, following her out of the room. "You're positive this will work?"
Sliding the door to the elevator open, Willow replied in a firm voice, "I was positive long before I began collecting demon bits and stuffin' pieces of wood into chests. The request was made. The ritual is simply a formality."
Giles nodded, appearing anxious.
"In fact...I'm not even gonna use Latin. I hate it and I'd have to retranslate. The sprits know what I expect," Willow added in an offhanded manner, sliding the door open again she exited the elevator and moved purposefully to the back room.
Giles followed the witch, wondering what the hell he was getting into. As he entered the room the vampires turned to gaze ravenously at him. The cage shook as they tried to break free.
"We talked about this. Settle down or...I'll get cranky," Willow remarked, flashing them a wicked smile.
"And you're certain we can combine the rituals?" Giles queried still not certain the witch was correct.
Willow made her way around the room, lighting candles and herbs. "Don't stress, Giles. Just do your part...and trust me."
"Very well... I defer to your judgment," Giles confirmed.
"Good...now hush," Willow directed, pacing to the first point of the pentagram she'd drawn on the floor. She stood with her eyes closed for a moment, giving Giles time to settle before beginning. Finally she started to recite, "Five are without breath," in a distant, hollow voice.
"Yet they live," Giles responded.
Walking to the next point, Willow continued, "Five are without time."
Hearing clanking noises, Giles glanced nervously over at the vampires who were desperately trying to escape their prison. "Yet they live," he stated with a hint of panic.
The witch's body began to shimmer as she paced to the next point. "Five are without soul," she growled, focusing on the vampires, forcing them to be still.
Giles stood regarding the change, with marked curiosity as he intoned, "Yet they live."
As Willow moved to the next point the energy she was channeling seemed cascade off her in waves. "Five are without sun."
Appearing a little alarmed, Giles replied, "Yet they live."
Stepping to the final point of the pentagram the witch commanded, "Five are dead."
"Yet they live," Giles replied, composing himself.
Stepping into the center of the pentagram, Willow stretched out her arms. "And the ten shall be a sacrifice... and the two who are dead shall live..." The energy she had channeled during the ritual exploded, reducing the ten vampires instantly to dust.
Giles dove to the floor instinctively to escape the blast.
Dropping gracefully to the floor, kneeling on her heels, Willow intoned the final passage, "Even as life and death are not two things but one... in darkness is the light, in light is the darkness. Arise! Arise! Arise!" The room transformed into chaos, light and dust swirled in two separate vortexes.
Giles backed into the wall and huddled, trying to watch, but finding he didn't have the strength to witness. Finally succumbing, he put his arm over his face and tucked up tight, recoiling from the churning ash and the blinding light. The last thing he saw was a vision of serenity in a storm. Willow was sitting, perfectly still in the middle of the room, her eyes closed, and her hands clasped casually in her lap.
**************
"That's right, Giles. Somehow Wills got D'Hoffryn to put me back. Dunno how she managed it," Buffy lied, feeling only slightly guilty for the deception. Propping the phone on her shoulder, she began to pace, rolling her eyes as she listened.
"I would like to have a word with her."
Buffy cast a warm smile in the direction of the reclining witch, putting a finger up to her lips. "She's not here, Giles. Somethin' about a class? I dunno...she's been doing lots of extra stuff...hard to tell where she is. Oh...she recovered my memories last night. I still want some time to figure stuff out, but..."
"Very well...I'll cancel your appointments, then."
Buffy walked over to the desk chair where Willow was sitting. Leaning down, she pushed the witch away from her desk and sat in her lap. "Thanks, Giles. I need to jump offa here. I've got some things I need to do."
"Right... Good day to you."
"Yeah...take care, Giles," Buffy replied, hanging up the phone and setting it on the desk. She gently swung her body around so her legs were hanging over the arms of the chair and put her arms around her witch. "So...whatcha wanna do now, cutie?" she purred, capturing Willow in a passionate kiss.
Finally withdrawing from the kiss, Willow drew in a sharp breath before she spoke. "Honestly...I need to call and cancel a class. I'm not sure how she was doin' it all, but I'm thinkin' delegate. I want a life outside the work. Suppose I should feel guilty, but I don't."
"Wow...really? I felt like I never saw her...well...'cept when things were bad... I mean you're welcome to do whatever makes ya happy, but..." Buffy said, appearing a little stunned.
Willow put her arms around the Slayer. "Promise? 'Cause what makes me happy is you," she replied bluntly.
Buffy groaned.
Shooting her partner a wicked glance, the witch continued, "Seriously though...I'll keep her commitment to Shae. That seems pretty important. But I'd like to slowly scale back. Hopefully, no one'll notice. Anyway...I sorta wanna enjoy this. It's new to me...and I don't think it'll get old. You have no idea how much I wanted this. I used to dream about you. I mean even after the crazy I still dreamed that somehow things would work out. It's stupid...I know," she babbled, staring pensively across the room.
Buffy leaned in to give the witch another soft kiss. "It's not stupid...it's really sweet," she gently rebuffed. Sighing deeply she asked, "So we gonna tell everyone else the same thing we told Giles?"
"I'd like to tell Xander the truth. He and I were really close. I'd totally miss not having Xander time...and the bein' honest. There any reason I should be concerned?" Willow inquired, looking distant and thoughtful.
Buffy considered this for a moment before replying. "Xander's pretty much alright, but he's way into work. I think if you told him it'd be fine. I think Shae'll figure it out. She's way too demony not to notice. She'll be cool about it if we talk to her. Miss Hartness will notice too. At least I guess she will. I'd keep it quiet to everyone else."
"Oh...to like actually answer your question...I wanna go shopping. You almost died last night and that means shoes. It's an important ritual. Far too essential to ignore...besides...well...I-I..." Willow stammered, trying to complete the thought as her face flushed.
"Just say it, Will," Buffy coaxed, looking amused.
"You'll think I'm weird. Well, maybe not. I dunno... I didn't pack many clothes 'cause she said bring important stuff...and well...books or clothes... You can guess what I picked. It was only the rare stuff though...stuff I thought I might not be able to replace. I almost killed poor Xander getting' that case you carried down the steps. Course, you didn't notice." Willow breathed deeply, picking up steam to continue the babble.
"Anyway...wearin' someone else's clothing's okay... But I feel totally weird about wearing someone else's underwear. I know...I'm really strange. That and well...I-I dunno...I..." Willow stumbled, unable to finish, blushing so hard she was almost crimson. "I'm gonna shut up now," she added, burying her face against the Slayer's chest.
Buffy couldn't help but laugh. "Sokay Will...let's just fix it... And you're totally right about the shoes. Plus...like you said, I got a bike to pick up. You gonna have a problem with the bike thing?"
"Actually...no, I think it's kinda sexy. I never imagined you doin' it, but I'd love to share it with you. I've got all these memories of things you did with her. It's like I've actually done it, but...well...I've never really been on a motorcycle," Willow mumbled with her face still buried.
"Well lemme up and we'll fix that," Buffy said, wiggling to get free. "Make your call first," she reminded, getting up out of the chair.
**************
"Giles I want you to find a place for the girls. Once you're done, go back to England. You have a relationship to mend...Olivia still loves you. You've got 'til this evening. Put some of that Watcher's Council money to use and give the girls a good life. I'll be disappointed with anything less," Willow directed in a firm voice.
Giles appeared taken aback by the command. "What exactly is it you mean to do? I must know before I'll comply."
Willow stopped pacing and turned to glare at Giles, energy rippled off her form as she spoke in a low growl, "Mr. Giles, I am not the same Willow Rosenburg you've come to know. My path was a different one." As she spoke she drifted up off the floor, closing the distance between herself and the Watcher. "You're no doubt remembering the shy little girl, who in a fit of grief tried to destroy the world. Look at me...do you think I'm that girl?" she hissed.
"To be perfectly plain, I'm not certain what you are," Giles remarked, working with all his might to remain cold and impassive as he felt every eye in the room lock on him.
"Yes, you are," Willow replied, coming to a stop at eye level mere inches from the Watcher. She could feel his labored breath on her face, he was frightened. Noting the understanding that washed over his face when he realized he couldn't feel the same, she continued, "You knew I had the capacity to do this and it scared the hell out of you. The Willow here was too confused, too clouded by grief and uncertainty to pose a threat. As fate would have it, you got me." The witch winked, looking completely amused.
"I-I..." Giles stuttered, trying to form thoughts that wouldn't come.
"That's right, Giles... Look at me," Willow whispered. Narrowing her eyes, she concluded in a soft throaty voice, "I mean to end it." She backed slowly away, keeping eye contact.
Giles nodded. He retained the stare as long as he could bear it, finally looking away to anxiously gauge the reactions around the room.
Her demeanor changed. Turning to Faith, Willow offered in a friendly voice, "Faith...I sat down and expunged your record. There's nothin' keepin' you from choosing whatever life you wanna live." Pausing a moment to discharge the collected energies she remarked, "Oh, and Giles...a stipend for Faith, please...she's earned it."
Giles nodded again, still appearing quite ruffled by the encounter.
"Wow! That's really awesome. Sure there's nothin' I can do?" Faith replied in a cheerful voice.
"Be on a plane before sunset," Willow mandated in an even tone.
Faith nodded, turning to leave the room, she said, "A'right, Snow White, don't have ta tell me twice..."
Willow rolled her eyes, making shooing motions at Faith with her hands. "Go... Skedaddle..."
Faith bounced up the stairs, coming to a halt halfway up. "Hey!" Thanks a lot, Willow," she offered in a gruff voice.
The witch smiled, watching as Faith disappeared into the hallway above.
Observing the exchange, Giles collected himself, finally he asked in an amiable voice, "Has anyone seen Kennedy? It would seem, as I appear to have been elected benefactor for these girls, I should know their whereabouts."
Taking in the collected chorus of 'no' from the room, he was not in the least bit surprised to hear the witch say, 'yes'. Turning to Willow he spoke in an even tone, "Might I inquire where she is?"
Narrowing her eyes, Willow fixed her attention on Giles once again. "She's dead, Giles," the witch replied in a voice devoid of emotion. She dismissed the rising level of unrest in the room, focusing completely on Giles.
"And you killed her? How else would you know her fate?" Giles observed with an air of superiority.
Willow cast a look down at the floor, then returned her gaze to the Watcher. "Tell me Mr. Giles, have you ever considered how horrible it would be if one of your girls became a vengeance demon?"
"Yes, yes, of course I have. There are even records in the Council archive about just such an occurrence. By the account it was most unpleasant," Giles replied thoughtfully with an air of arrogant superiority.
Closing the distance between herself and the Watcher again, Willow growled, "I saved you from having to witness exactly just how unpleasant it was first hand. Now if that's all, I'd like to continue."
The blood seemed to flow out of Giles face. He opened his mouth to speak, but once again found he couldn't form words. Closing his mouth to avoid any further loss of dignity, he turned and swept out of the room.
Appearing horrified, Xander asked, "You mean Kennedy was a vengeance demon?"
"Yes," Willow answered in an even voice, turning to Xander to make eye contact, she added, "Xander, I set somethin' up for you. I'll pass it off once we're finished."
"Kay, Will... But do you have any idea how long? The vengeance demon thing that is..." Xander queried with marked interest.
"I assume it was recent. She tried to play me against Buffy. Not a very smart girl, all things considered. She was a threat. She's gone now. End of story," Willow remarked bluntly. Pausing to sigh, she added, "Are there any other questions, or may I continue?"
Listening to the silence for a moment, Willow turned to face Connor. She smiled warmly as she spoke. "Connor, go to Dawn. I know you guys had a thing...and I think she wants that thing to be more of a thing. Think you do too... It's fun playing cupid," she concluded, giggling softly to herself.
Looking a little embarrassed, Connor stole off out of the room.
"Buffy and Angel...I need you to follow me," Willow instructed, absently waving a hand. A portal sprang to life in front of her; she passed through without looking back.
Angel emerged from the portal onto a sandy beach. He couldn't help but stop and bask in the light, breathing in the salt air.
"Feels good doesn't it?" Willow remarked, watching Angel with vague amusement. "I need you to help her. If anyone knows something about living with their past, it's you. Help her to find peace."
"I'll try...she doesn't want to live now, though," Angel replied decisively, opening his eyes to offer the witch a meaningful glance.
"She gonna come or do I need to get her?" Willow asked, appearing concerned.
"I have no clue... I know what you're trying to do, but I'm not sure she wants it," Angel replied, staring at his feet, appearing sullen.
"She wants it...she just needs time," Willow said firmly, passing back through the portal. Emerging moments later carrying Buffy, she glided up the beach, collapsing the portal in her wake. She set her friend down, snapping her fingers to revive her.
"Why are you doing this, Will?" Buffy queried, starting to weep.
Willow stared pensively into her friend's face. "You want the truth?"
"Course..." Buffy replied, thickly through the tears.
"'Cause I don't want to live in a world without you... I love you, Buffy. Always have...always will," Willow stated simply, gently taking her friend into her arms. "You and Angel can have something you always dreamed about. No curses or grand destinies...nothing holding you back...totally human... I think you should give it a chance. Let Angel help you. Let me help you."
Buffy pulled away from the embrace, looking confused and agitated. "I don't deserve this, Will. I deserve what you gave me last night. I deserve death. I don't understand...why you brought me back," she observed in a hushed, gravelly voice.
"Because that's what I do. It's time for you to live now," Willow stated pointedly. Reaching out with both hands, she cupped her friend's cheeks. Buffy went limp at the touch. Scanning her memories, she erased every instance where she'd taken the life of a human being, rewriting her history. She'd recall being a vampire, but the only deaths she'd remember causing would be of other demons.
Willow stood up, taking her friend into her arms again; she drifted back down to where Angel was patiently waiting. "Take her and follow me," she directed, passing the limp body to Angel.
"Where we going...?" Angel asked, appearing curious.
"Home," the witch responded, walking up the deck stairs of a beach house.
Angel followed the witch up the stairs. "Where are we?"
"San Francisco or sorta...just north up the coast... It's close to Dawn and well...Buffy loves California," Willow replied, waving a hand to open the door. "Everything you need is here. It took me a bit of time to hack into the public records. This belonged to an old woman who left it to charity...no family. You know how that goes. I sorta had to steal it. It's no big...records and memories can be altered if you know how." She made her way into the living room, motioning for Angel to place Buffy on the couch.
"I'm not sure what to say," Angel said, placing Buffy gently on the couch and taking a seat just down from her. "What'd you do to her anyway?"
"Like I said...memories can be altered," Willow replied frankly, offering Angel a sobering glance. "There's nothing left to remember. She'll never know unless someone tells her. I'd encourage you not to. I wouldn't have done it, but you were right. She was suicidal and I needed to know she'd be safe. Anyway...I need to get outta here."
"You'll find everything you need on the kitchen table. Account numbers, ID's and such. I was a bit naughty. Good luck, Liam. Oh...and get a tan...you're way too pale," Willow concluded, disappearing in a flash of light.
**************
Resting her arm on the windowsill of the car, Buffy glanced over at the witch. She turned back to stare out the window, resting her face against the cool glass. She began to speak without really thinking. "You know Wills, there's a part of me that feels like...I dunno... I should have this gaping hole in my world. I just lost someone that meant more to me than life. I don't though...and I feel guilty that I don't. Suppose part of it is that she doesn't want me to."
Spying a rest area ahead, Willow pulled the car off the road and parked, patiently listening. This is best...driving on the wrong side of the road's totally weird. Factor in Buffy meltdown and...
Hardly noticing that they'd stopped; Buffy paused to wipe a tear. Continuing in a strained voice, she said, "I can still feel her, but it's fading. She's slowly breaking the connection. It's almost like she's tryin' to wean me. She wanted me to know. As she grew in power she wanted me to understand. She let me see because she knew it'd help me prepare." Taking the warm hand her partner was offering, she struggled to collect her thoughts to continue.
"I went to face myself... Weird to say...certain I'd win. But it wasn't because I knew I could...it was because I knew she'd come...she'd save me... That was what she does... What you were made to do." Buffy sat quietly steeling herself for what she had to say next.
"She wants you to know that...your Buffy...the other one... She's alive... She's human...not a slayer...just a girl...like she always wanted." Buffy listened to the soft gasp that escaped her lover's lips and waited patiently for her to settle.
Willow mouthed the words, 'she did it', but too lost in her own thoughts, Buffy didn't notice. Silently the redhead started to weep.
"I guess I should say like I always wanted, but not... I actually like my life. On a scale of one to ten on the weirdness meter it hits a solid eleven, but it's mine. She made me see it was something I should be proud of," Buffy whispered, staring fixedly out the window.
Smiling wistfully, Buffy continued, "She sent me this image of Angel standing on a beach. I think she knew it'd amuse me. She cleared her memories...your Buffy...made it easier for her to fix her head...and gave her to Angel. I can't imagine how hard that musta been. She wants you to know she'll keep her promise...no matter the cost." Pausing to give Willow time to reflect, she finally asked, "What was the promise, Wills?"
Peering over at Buffy through her tears, Willow replied in a thick voice, "She promised that my people would be well cared for and loved."
Hearing the tension, Buffy turned and took redhead into her arms, gently caressing her back.
Basking in the comfort the Slayer offered, Willow let go. She wept like a child. It'd been so long since she'd just let herself have a really good cry. Finally wearing herself out, she began, "Shanshu, Buffy."
Buffy stopped herself from answering, 'bless you.' Smiling softly, she replied instead, "Tell me." Settling in for a story, she gazed patiently back at the witch.
"The Scrolls of Aberjian spoke about making vampires into humans. There are actually a coupla separate things. The first, the actual Sanshu Prophecy outlines a gift. No effort, no weirdness... When the final battle's done, the vampire with a soul will Shanshu, the word literally means 'to live' and 'to die'. Who knows exactly what that means...doesn't so much matter. Prophecies are mostly vague and misleading," Willow whispered, staring down at her hands.
"Angel said something about that," Buffy mumbled to herself.
Not noticing the Slayer had spoken Willow fidgeted nervously as she continued, "The second one's really, really complicated. It would have to be, right? Otherwise, big balance wonkiness and hijynx would ensue. But the vampire has to be dead...like really dead...the ashy way." Sighing softly she added, "Out of the ashes a life is transformed."
Buffy took the witch's hand to calm her nerves.
"You know how nosey I can be. I found the prophecies after months of trying to force Buffy's soul on her. Well not the actual scrolls, but some transcriptions Wesley and Fred had made into English and lots of handwritten notes, looked to me like they'd all sorta had a hand at translating it. There were even some notes in Cordy's handwriting. I'd about given up and then suddenly there was this new hope. I was excited. It was a reason for me to live," Willow reflected quietly.
Growing sullen, the witch continued, "It was also...well... It made it worse. I had the answer sitting right there and it was useless. I gave up completely when I found Vi and Rona. She'd..." Shuddering, Willow stopped mid-thought, searching for a way to continue.
Buffy tightened her grip on the redhead's hand. "Sokay Will... I get it. You don't have to say it." She reached out and tenderly swept the light wisps of hair that were falling over her lover's eyes, soothingly caressing her cheek as she went.
Willow sighed, enjoying the gentle reassurance; she found the strength to continue. "The only one that ever faced her and lived was Faith. I asked her how and her answer was a throaty laugh and the words, 'pure dumb luck'. You know how Faith is. She was out for days and it took her weeks to recover. Buffy beat her to a bloody pulp, but she lived."
"I crawled deep in a hole and pulled the dirt in after me. I wanted to die, but couldn't find the courage to even do that. And then there was Kennedy. She's a bit bossy...in case you missed it." Willow glanced at the Slayer.
Buffy couldn't suppress a bitter laugh. "I hated Kennedy."
Willow turned to face forward, sighing deeply, continued in a distant voice, "I sorta fell into a role of being whatever she wanted me to be. The good little wife...to a domineering husband... She broke me of wearing clothes to bed so she could fuck me when it suited her. All these differences you seem so fascinated by...they were what she wanted. I guess it was her way of marking me. The only one that's just me's the tattoo. I'd started to withdraw from her before you showed up. It was all so empty and meaningless. She noticed and it made her sorta violent, but you can't hurt something that's already dead."
Buffy's face darkened as she listened. She sat silently waiting for a pause, when it arrived she said in a low, dangerous voice, "If I'd have known...I would've killed her."
A soft smile played at Willow's lips, she took the Slayer's cheek in her hand, turning her head until their eyes met. "I'm glad you didn't," she whispered. "I'm actually surprised Kennedy listened to me. She musta known she was playin' with fire." She punctuated the thought with a gentle kiss.
"Thing is though, Buffy...that's one extreme. The other is that I went along with it. I felt like total shit, so I let it happen. I knew it was bad, but part of me thought I totally deserved it. It's a double edged sword. I allowed this happen and truth is, part of me enjoyed the pain," Willow concluded, staring down at her lap trying to hide her embarrassment.
Buffy reached up, tenderly caressing the redhead's cheek, she asked in a low thoughtful voice, "So why don't you take them out?"
"You can't... Well you can, but the tissue's never the same. It never heals back like you'd think. Suppose I could try magick...fix it that way... Not sure I-I... There's a lot of nerve endings...it'd be really delicate work and I'm not sure I have the skill," Willow mumbled, appearing apprehensive.
Pausing to consider how to best continue, Willow sighed. "But I really wasn't lying...it does feel good. It's just not something I'd ever do on my own. The left nipple was first. I had to admit it looked kinda good with the tattoo. It just sorta snowballed from there. My addictive statement was true...but not the whole truth. She actually dragged me into the shop to get the final one. I was really scared. It was sorta playful and mean...but mean nonetheless. She started calling me names," she babbled growing more nervous and self conscious as she spoke.
Buffy reached out again to soothe her anxious partner. Speaking in a low thoughtful voice she suggested, "So how 'bout this? I know a place where we can get new jewelry. We can pick out stuff we both like or you can just get what you like. Whatever you want..."
Taking a deep breath, Buffy's face flushed as she proceeded, "I'll change them for you tonight...if you'll let me. I don't want you to ever think I'm forcing anything on you, but that might...I dunno...sorta make it feel different. Not sure if that'll help, but it's the best I have to offer."
"You'd do that?" Willow asked, blushing slightly as she spoke.
"Of course I'd do that," Buffy replied with a smirk. "I admit it's really not my thing, but... Well...there's somethin' kinda sexy about it. It's just you. I've seen pictures, of course. You can't surf the internet without seein' some porn. And it always just sorta made my skin crawl. Then there was you... It's part of you. And well...I'm pretty much addicted to Willow."
Smiling warmly, Willow started the car and resumed the journey. "It's getting late. We need to get if we're gonna. The motorcycle shop will be closed if we don't."
"Yeah... We can get the bike first. I'll just leave it parked there and we'll swing back through on the way home," Buffy confirmed.
"Know what's funny?" Willow baited.
"I've seen lots of funny... Like the look on Xander's face every time Anya said the word orgasm. Priceless... Who needs MasterCard?" Buffy quipped, smiling wryly.
Willow giggled, composing herself quickly, she said, "Not that sorta funny. I mean the ironic kind."
"Sensing another story... Tell me," Buffy replied, reclining back in her seat, slightly.
"She really got you trained. Wish I could thank her," Willow remarked with only a hint of sarcasm.
"Careful, witch... I bite," Buffy retorted in a low growling voice.
"Back to the funny before I get in trouble. Well...I have all these new memories and it's totally confusing. I've been trying to get a sense of timeline. Like what point, equals what point, but it's hard. Memory sorta doesn't work quite that way. I may have to write it down to really get a better idea," Willow commented offhandedly as she drove.
Glancing over she saw Buffy nod. "That's not the funny, of course. The funny is that her life after Sunnydale makes mine look like a total pity party. It makes me feel ashamed of myself."
"That's not fair," Buffy interjected, appearing slightly irritated.
"It's totally fair. I know she told you what she did, but she never gave you any real details. I have them now and I think you should know," Willow responded, in a firm voice.
Sighing deeply, Willow began in a soft thoughtful manner, "She told you about the monastery. She abbreviated the story by simply saying she threw her old life away. What she did was amazing. She worked up to...step by step...a long... I guess you'd say vision quest. That's the best way to put it. I remember waking up after passing out."
Looking a bit confused, the witch amended, "She passed out... She'd never felt as completely and unconditionally loved as she did when she woke up. The monks were caring for her like she was a part of them. Funny thing is she had no idea how long. It's so fuzzy I don't even know how long she...well... She was perfectly still, not eating or sleeping for days, in constant pain."
"The part that'll really getcha... After all that...guess what was left?" Willow queried, seeming quite amused.
Buffy smirked, taking in the excited appearance of her partner. "I'm afraid to ask," she remarked almost dryly.
"You," Willow said bluntly. Glancing over to see the effect the word had. "Yeah...I know. She thought it was a fluke at first too. She was so damned in love with you; she felt she was corrupting her results. That's why she beat the hell outta herself. Still there was the image of you."
"That's the funny...if there is one," Buffy offered with a smile on her face.
"You may be right," Willow responded pensively. "So yeah... She said you two were stronger together than apart. Like as a team. You were like a hammer and an anvil. Each one a powerful tool, but together well...you can make all kinda pretty stuff. I dunno that I like that analogy...she was too serious. I'm thinkin' peanut butter and jelly or... Oh! Mochas and those yummy hard cookies... What are those? Biscotti...yeah... Hungry now," Willow babbled, stopping only to catch her breath.
Fighting off the giggles Buffy noted, "Breathe, Will..." I missed this... Weird...it's almost like... I feel like someone rolled back the clock.
"So, yeah... After that, she played around learning what she could in China. She learned some really nifty stuff. She kept a very close eye on you after the monastery. Always...sorta makin' sure you were safe. Watching you became a practice for her. Like a ritual... She was waiting."
"Waiting?" Buffy asked, appearing slightly uncomfortable.
"There's no reason to be upset. She was doing her job. The one she was made to do. She told me she was your guardian. I know...sorta a weird stalker vibe. I should quit while I'm behind." Drawing silent, Willow waited for the Slayer to speak.
"No, it's okay... She told me she watched me. I didn't really understand how much or why," Buffy confirmed.
Appearing anxious, Willow added, "She didn't plan it. The fact that your relationship turned out the way it did was as much a surprise for her as you. She wasn't trying to seduce you."
"I know... It's just weird. So tell me what she was waiting for. I know, but I want to hear it anyway," Buffy queried. Propping her elbow against the windowsill, she took her head in her hand, turning slightly to face the redhead.
"You to show signs you needed her. She wanted to be needed before she came back into your life...thought it was important, 'cause she'd been away so long. She felt really miserable for the being gone. But she knew it was important too. She couldn't help it. It was kinda like when you went to LA. Same sorta thing," Willow said with a hint of sadness. "I wasn't even there and I feel bad for her. It broke her heart when you begged her to stay," she added in a voice just above a whisper.
"Yeah that was a rough night. The one after it was worse. I thought I was losing her...sorta brought things into focus. I just got her back and... Well, it almost killed me," Buffy whispered, seeming distant and sullen.
Willow cast a sympathetic glance at the Slayer. "I know it was bad. The next night was better though. She was actually nervous and a little frightened. Concerned that the choice be yours... Having anything jeopardize the friendship you two had...well... She thought it was a big risk, but in the end she felt more loved than she had with the monks so..."
"You need to take this next exit," Buffy interjected, smiling softly to herself as she spoke.
Willow began changing lanes, exiting the freeway where the Slayer indicated. "So yeah...felt like she was walking on eggshells for the next few weeks. Once she really understood, her focus changed...she wanted a life with you. But she also needed to teach you. That was part of what she learned while she was away. As friends, the whole teacher - student dynamic would've been fine, but as lovers...it made things complicated. She was really proud of you."
"Turn left here," Buffy instructed, trying to pay attention despite the fact that her mind was wandering. "You wanna be in the far left lane," she added as an afterthought
Negotiating the turn, Willow continued. "She spent a lot of time worrying about you. It sorta made her reluctant to share things. She didn't want to scare you...thought it was gentler to keep a lot of what was going on bottled up. She was just starting to understand what a major blunder that was." Signaling, she turned the car into the parking lot of the motorcycle shop, adding in a soft thoughtful voice, "So, yeah...hard to go through life without collecting regrets."
"Is that it?" Buffy asked, turning her attention to one of the motorcycles, parked out front.
"Dunno... Is it black?" Willow asked uncertain which one Buffy was pointing to. These things all look the same to me, she thought trying to recall all the research her counterpart had done.
"Yeah..." Buffy replied getting out of the car.
Willow followed her over, walking around the machine. "That'd be it. She had them totally rebuild it for you and send the plastic off to be painted in 'your color' as she put it. The shop guy can tell you all about it. They had to get parts machined to put the Ohlins suspension on it. Something about a new triple clamp. Whatever that is... Anyway...it all sounds like Greek to me. I just know she did it 'cause she loved you."
"Yeah...that'd be my Will. Playin' research girl to make me happy," Buffy reflected in a subtly morose tone as she made her way to the front door.
I have this feelin' that I'm gonna end up smilin' and noddin' lots just to keep up, Willow mused to herself as she followed the Slayer in the door.
**************
Waking into the cavern Lloyd purposefully made his way up to the pool. "Sir...? Sir...?! Wake up Sir? It's about to start," he said in hurried voice, tugging at D'Hoffryn's sleeve as he lay reclined in a fat comfy chair.
D'Hoffryn shook himself off, peering muzzily up in the direction of the noise, he began in a booming voice, "Who dares disturb D'Hoff...!?" He broke off, recognizing in the face of his minion, the demon settled. "Oh... It's you, Lloyd. How may I help you?"
Lloyd handed D'Hoffryn a cup of coffee. "It's about to begin. I may even need to commission a painting of this. Promises to be very amusing, sir..."
"Ahh... Very good, finally some quality violence... Not that the romance isn't sweet, but it's starting to wear a bit thin. The nerve of these two... Have you ever seen a pair of humans that were more irritating? I mean really?" D'Hoffryn remarked in an offhanded fashion.
Lloyd took a healthy sip off his own cup, peering down in the pool he commented, "Yes, yes, sir. It's been most distressing. We dare not touch the Rosenburg woman...the first one. But there's a chance that the second one could become quite useful if this Summers woman were to die. I mean they were discussing making her more vulnerable, and there's a lot of pain in that girl, along with all the power of the first."
D'Hoffryn put his hands together, forming a steeple, the tips of his index fingers brushed lightly at his lips. "That's an interesting idea, Lloyd. It'll give it some thought and get back to you. Not bucking for a promotion, are we?"
A supple smile crossed Lloyd's lips. "No, no, sir...just doin' my job..."