Ten Thousand Days - 2 - Viginti Tres
by Valyssia
Exsisto Patiens
[reviews]
Twirling 'round with this familiar parable. Spinning, weaving 'round each new experience. Recognize this as a holy gift and celebrate this chance to be alive and breathing. This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion.
Feeling her partner begin to stir, Buffy queried in a gentle voice, "Better?"
"Yeah...a bit..." Willow answered groggily. Rolling onto her stomach, she turned her head to face her partner as she mumbled. "What time is it anyway?"
Carefully sweeping locks of hair from her witch's face, Buffy replied, "Little after five. All this bouncing from time zone to time zone...well, it pretty much sucks."
Willow managed a feeble nod.
"Ready to get up or...? I'm thinking coffee...then I'd like to go watch the sunrise again," Buffy said, placing a tender kiss on her lover's forehead.
"'Kay..." Willow confirmed, starting to stir.
Quickly getting clean and dressed, they made their way into the kitchen. The coffee pot had been preloaded the night before and was awaiting them. Buffy flipped it on and quietly began searching for cups while it brewed. Once coffee was in hand, they made their way onto the back stone patio.
Buffy circled around the pool to face the dawning light. "Tell me about Giles. I need to know," she said in a soft thoughtful voice, taking a seat at the patio table.
Willow joined her partner, appearing thoughtful and withdrawn. She started to examine the implanted memories. "It's not so much anything specific. Sorta more like disturbing patterns. The one thing that jumps out is the meetings."
"Meetings?" Buffy prodded as an inquisitive look washed over her features. Taking a sip of her coffee, she took the witch's hand giving it a light squeeze.
"Yeah, well... You know, the 'watching' thing? She started doing that when she got suspicious," Willow offered, pausing to take a sip of coffee. She took in the curious look the slayer was giving her and smiled. "Not awake...sorry."
Buffy motioned the witch to keep going with her free hand.
"Giles had several secret meetings with upper level demons, exchanging information. At least, I guess upper level—big and scary looking usually means that... Nothing really spoken—like notes and stuff. Makes me nervous... But what do I know..." Willow babbled anxiously, staring pensively into her cup.
"More than I do," Buffy stated plainly. Pausing to take a deep sigh, she continued, "Well that's interesting and all, but not really beyond the questioning. I need more. Miss H. has been around him lots. I say we go see her...we sorta need to anyway. You okay with that?"
Faintly nodding her approval, Willow shrugged, continuing to peer thoughtfully into her cup.
The horizon turned golden as they sat in silence sipping their coffees. Eventually muffled noises could be heard from the house.
"Dawn's up...still graceful as ever. Good to know," Buffy commented, punctuating the sentiment with a smirk.
Willow responded with an amused grin that gave way to a cheerful smile as she watched the young woman stumble out the door and onto the patio. She couldn't suppress a snicker as Dawn spilled part of her coffee just making her way across the porch. "Morning's still not your thing?" she remarked brightly, feeling more awake as a result of the show.
"Yeah...I've been considering changing my name," Dawn grumbled, taking a seat, she placed her coffee on the table and shook her hand to dry it. "So what's up?" she asked with mock enthusiasm.
"Us...the sun...well, almost," Buffy commented dryly, avoiding what she needed to ask. Taking the last gulp of her coffee, she stood to get another. "More?" she inquired, motioning to Willow's cup. When the witch nodded, she collected their mugs and made her way into the house.
"Sleep okay?" Willow queried nervously.
"Yeah..." Dawn replied. Taking a sip of her coffee, she paused staring meditatively into the distance. "Look, Will...what you said last night made a lot of sense, but it's gonna take me some time..."
"I know," Willow confirmed.
Making her way back onto the patio with fresh cups, Buffy took a seat before she spoke. "Dawn, would you mind taking a room with the coven until things cool off?"
Dawn was taken aback. She knew exactly what was coming, but she didn't expect it to arrive as a question. Appearing mildly shocked, she confirmed, "I made arrangements last night when I dropped Xander off."
"Good...I need to know you're safe," Buffy replied in a soft thoughtful tone. "Wills and I can't stay long. Sorry to cut it short. We need to go see Miss Hartness."
"'Kay... Give me a few to wake up and I'll take you back," Dawn responded. Pausing to take another careful sip, she amended, "Sorry I got so upset last night."
Smiling softly, Buffy met her sister's gaze. "I didn't expect you to take it well. You weren't supposed to. I didn't... It's gonna take time."
Dawn nodded in silent agreement.
***********
After each gave Dawn a hug, they made their way through the portal, appearing as requested in the forest north of Miss Hartness's cabin.
Setting off through the woods at a brisk pace, Willow remarked, "She should be in her office by the time we get there."
"Yeah...as plans go...not a bad one. It's best we see as few people here as possible," Buffy confirmed. Matching pace with the witch, she reached out, seizing her hand.
"I just hope she's alone," Willow added, acting skittish.
Knocking at the door moments later, they were invited in by a cheery greeting from the elder witch.
They took both took their seats in the frumpy chintz armchairs, depositing their bags by the door as they went. Noticing the platter of pastries, a decanter, and mugs sitting on the table between them, they began to help themselves.
"Expecting us?" Buffy queried curiously as she poured coffee for herself and Willow.
Offering the slayer a warm smile, Miss Hartness remarked, "The sisters told me of your travels. You should know by now, not much goes unnoticed."
"Yeah...caught the trend... So you know why we're here?" Buffy asked bluntly, selecting a pastry and beginning to nibble gratefully.
Miss Hartness turned her attention to Willow. "I know that you are not the same Miss Rosenberg I came to know and regard as both a peer and a foster daughter." Returning her gaze to Buffy, she continued, "Furthermore, I know that a great many disturbing things have occurred since we were last in this room together."
"Nice we're on the same page. Doing that whole 'catching up' thing again mighta given me a headache," Buffy commented wryly. Pausing to take a bite of the pastry, she sat in patient silence for a moment, regarding the older witch. "So how much of this does Giles know?"
"Ahhh... Rupert Giles, I'd wondered how long it would take for us to arrive at that subject. Not long, as I'd suspected. I've told him nothing of what I know. Naturally, he's very inquisitive, given the events of the past few days," Miss Hartness remarked, a thoughtful smile played at her features as she spoke.
Looking up from her cup, Willow interjected flatly, "What do you know?"
"Your concerns are not unfounded," Miss Hartness replied candidly.
"Tell us," Buffy asked, her face darkened as she spoke.
Regarding the change in demeanor, Miss Hartness cleared her throat. She took a sip from her cup before she began in a low, careful voice, "Rupert Giles has been behaving peculiarly. He's not quite the same man I met years ago. It appears he may be returning to some of the patterns of his youth. Pity really."
Her attention shifted back to Willow as she continued, "Though you've seen as much yourself, Miss Rosenberg—or more specifically, your predecessor. I expect she passed that knowledge on to you?"
Meeting her elder's gaze, Willow nodded curtly.
Returning her attention to the slayer, Miss Hartness asked in a kindly voice, "Buffy, please come to me." Watching as the young woman approached, her manner went placid as called up the memory. Placing her hands on either side of the slayer's face, she gently coaxed her to kneel, offering in a soothing tone, "Relax," as she imparted the knowledge.
Wincing at the rush of sensation, Buffy watched the events unfold in her mind. Giles cleaning his glasses, looking all frustrated...that's new, she mused.
"It pains me to say this but, we should've eliminated her when we had the opportunity. I always suspected that was a mistake."
Listening to the voice of Miss Hartness in her head as she tried to calm the frustrated Giles, Buffy spat, "That mother fucker!" Rising to her feet she made her way back to her chair, taking a seat.
"Yes, well... That's not exactly how I would put it, but eloquent still. This is what you sought?" Miss Hartness responded thoughtfully.
"Yeah...that'll do. Thank you," Buffy responded in a scathing voice, trying desperately to calm herself.
Willow choked down the rising feelings of anger and the need to do violence she felt radiating off the slayer. Turning to give her partner a questioning glance, she inquired in a deliberately even tone, "Do I want to know?"
"No...no, really you don't," Buffy confirmed.
"Right... Finish your breakfast and return to the forest. I will go make arrangements for your return," Miss Hartness said in an amiable voice.
Buffy looked sullen as she answered automatically, "'Kay... Thanks, Miss H." She sat examining the memory for a few moments before she moved again.
"Good day to you, Willow," Miss Hartness added, sweeping out of the room.
Waiting until the elder witch was gone; Buffy commented flatly, "Well, we know what side of the fence she's on. That much is good." Rising to her feet, she made her way to the door, grabbing both overnight bags.
***********
Passing through the portal, Buffy said, "I'm gonna go get the pups. Do me a favor and lock Giles outta the house. Change the codes—don't really care to what. Okay?" She passed the bags off to the witch as she turned to make her way up the road.
Accepting the luggage, Willow replied, "Sure." Turning walk down the drive, she added, "You gonna talk to me?"
"Yeah...later," Buffy confirmed, breaking into a brisk run toward the castle.
Arriving at the house, Willow did as she'd been instructed. She made her way purposefully into the training room. Opening the weapons chest, she removed all the throwing knives and axes, placing them haphazardly around the room. When she was done, she went to the utility closet and brought out the gate they'd purchased to keep the pups out of parts of the house. Stringing it up to block the entrance, she patiently waited for Buffy to return, using the time to prepare. Sensing the slayer's approach, she made her way upstairs. Rifling through the dresser; she located the items she wanted.
"Where are you, Wills...and why the gate?" Buffy asked, letting the pups down in the living room. She tromped up the stairs, taking in the wicked grin on the witch's face. She flopped on the bed, giving her partner an expectant look.
"Wanna play a game, Buffy?" Willow purred, eyeing the blonde as though she might be a treat.
Buffy smirked. Then, returning the look, she replied exactly the opposite of what she was actually thinking just to be difficult, "Oh I dunno, Wills... What're the rules?"
"Simple... You make it an hour with me—and you're still dressed—you get me for two. I'll do anything you want for those two. I manage to rip your clothes off and I get you for two... Anything I want. I can ask questions...and you gotta tell the truth. I—well...the mind starts to get all fuzzy from there... You in?" Willow babbled appearing entirely too amused.
"So all I gotta do is keep my clothes on?" Buffy queried, grinning wolfishly.
"Uh huh," Willow intoned, nodding her head. She pointed to the clothing she'd picked out. "Those clothes."
Looking at the small pile of garment, Buffy nodded. "'Kay... Do I want to know how you plan to remove these?" she asked, picking up the thong, bra, undershirt, and satin athletic shorts.
"Oh...I'm gonna cut 'em offa you—no big. Strip and lemme see the necklace," Willow answered, holding out her hand expectantly. After Buffy handed her the charm, she threaded the chain out of it. She went into the bathroom to thoroughly clean it and inspect it for sharp edges. She did a nice job on this. Know she thought the same thing I'm thinking. She was just too— well, she never mentioned it. When she returned the room, she made her way to the dresser. Ignoring the nude slayer, she pulled a small piece of soft red ribbon out of a tray. She cut it to length and slid it into the loop on the charm, tying the ends in a hard knot.
"'Kay...this may freak you out a bit, but trust me. Lay down," Willow instructed, motioning to the bed. Settling between her lover's legs, she pressed them into the mattress. Running her tongue the length of the slayer's sex, she felt her tremble, ignoring the rising heat as her partner's body flushed. Inserting two fingers, she started to massage, falling naturally into a gentle rhythm. A tingle ran down her spine as she heard Buffy moan. Removing her fingers, she picked up the charm and slid in carefully inside, smiling at the piece of red silky ribbon. The slayer groaned as the attention abated. "If you're a good girl...I'll get that later," she purred, running her tongue over the engorged flesh one more time to illustrate her point. The slayer's body racked as she withdrew.
Rising off the bed, Willow looked down at her writhing lover. "Get dressed," she instructed in an amused voice.
"That was mean," Buffy remarked flatly. "And you want me to do what now?"
"Get dressed... Oh—and, Buffy? You may be thinking that you want me to win this... You don't... I'll meet you in the training room in ten minutes. Prepare yourself," Willow said dryly, starting for the bathroom to wash up.
"That was still mean," Buffy growled, beginning to dress.
"Say that again when I plant an axe in your naked chest," Willow replied matter-of-factly as she closed the door to the bathroom.
Exiting the bathroom, Willow felt the scathing glance the slayer was giving her. Dismissing it entirely, she went down to the training room to construct her shield and inspect the weapons. They were all sharp enough to shave with; she'd very carefully worked all the edges while her partner was gone. When she saw Buffy descending the stairs she motioned to the blindfold. "Your last clothing item... It doesn't count in the naked factor though... If you end up naked and blindfolded...all the better for me," she offered with an evil grin.
"More with the 'mean'," Buffy commented with a sulky pout, putting the blindfold on. She dropped into a combat stance, stretching out her senses to locate the weapons. "You know I never agreed to the blindfold, right?"
"I know, but... There's a point to this...and it's better with the blindfold," Willow mused wickedly. As she spoke, ten of the twenty weapons lifted into the air spinning in place.
"Point...?" Buffy inquired, sensing movement all around her. She pivoted on the ball off her foot trying to decide what would come first.
"Yeah...see, you tend to fight with your body. You have this wonderful new power and you never use when it counts," Willow replied, sending all ten blades toward their target at once at blinding speed. She watched as the slayer fluidly blocked eight of the ten. The remaining two left gashes in the thin material. "You don't want me to win, Buffy," she remarked, sending the next volley. Three of the ten made contact this time, one hitting the right strap of the tank top. The garment fell away, exposing the slayer's bra.
Willow began to randomly seize weapons from their resting places around the room, quickly honing the edges and hurling them at the slayer as quickly as concentration would allow. She had to admit Buffy was doing well enough, but her clothing wasn't. "Use your power or this isn't gonna last an hour," she suggested, appearing amused.
"Jesus, Will! Give me half a chance," Buffy snarled. Getting frustrated, she put her hands on her hips and faced the witch.
"You gonna use that line on the next big bad in the field?" Willow inquired, absently, launching another volley at the slayer. She watched in amusement as one knife connected, ripping through the other shoulder strap of the tank top. The garment fell down around Buffy's waist and finally slid to the floor as she moved to block the next round.
"That's not fair, Wills," Buffy responded, moving at incredible speed to block the next wave of knives. Missing one, she felt her bra strap pop. "Shit!" she spat, grumbling to herself about the fairness of the game.
"Concentrate, Buffy... This isn't about fair...it's about your reactions. Focus!" Willow barked watching in amusement as the slayer moved to block a series of knives and the bra strap gave, exposing her right breast. This is a good show. I think I want popcorn, she pondered as the evil smile returned.
"I thought you were supposed to be all rusty with the magicks, Wills?" Buffy griped, feeling another knife connect and the second bra strap pop.
Willow smirked, lobbing another set of knives, half of them aimed at the shorts this time. "Getting upset will only end the game sooner," she said in a silky voice, picking up the next set and firing them absently at her target. Damn she's fast, even without the magicks. Not fast enough though. She watched as one snuck by, hitting the slayer in the middle of the chest. "That would be the why...from earlier," she commented matter-of-factly, seizing the next set of projectiles and sending them home.
"Very cute, Wills," Buffy remarked blocking the volley with absolute precision. As she moved she felt the bra pop again and fall to the floor. Well...this is gonna be interesting. Don't think I've ever fought topless before. Hope Wills enjoys the show.
"You need to focus, Buffy," Willow prodded, sending another set of knives at the slayer. She seized the ones Buffy had just blocked as well, sending all twenty at her as once.
"Whatcha think I'm doing, Wills?" Buffy spat, desperately working to block the blows. She felt the shorts fall to the ground. Fuck!" she spat, spinning around to block the next wave. Grabbing one knife by magic as she parried the next volley, Buffy sent it spinning straight at the witch's head. "Better...?" she growled.
Willow seized the blade and sent it back at the slayer. "Very good...but... Remember me...I've watched you. More now...or the game's gonna end quick," she commented. The wicked grin settled over her features again as she picked up the next set, sending them toward their mark. Two thin pieces of material between me and... Yup...over thirty minutes left on the clock. She's screwed...and she knows it.
Buffy growled, moving at lightning speed to block the next volley. One slipped past, bouncing harmlessly off her chest. "Ouch," she moaned to herself.
Seizing all twenty weapons again, Willow was anxious for her reward. She sent them all spinning home, watching as the flimsy thong she'd selected hit the floor. "Game, set, match," she purred, standing up to claim her prize. "Better luck tomorrow."
"Tomorrow...?" Buffy asked, looking nervous. "Can I lose the blindfold?"
"Yes...tomorrow. Until you get it right...and 'no' on the blindfold. I kinda like it," Willow remarked. Opening the weapon's trunk, she fished out a pair of handcuffs, locking one manacle around the slayer's right wrist as she sent weapons flying into the chest.
Buffy gasped when the witch pulled her arms behind her, snapping the handcuffs tightly in place. "You're loving this, aren't you?"
Ignoring Buffy's question entirely, Willow instructed, "'Kay...now follow me," taking her lover's arm and leading her out of the room. She stopped to remove the gate, leaning it against the wall.
Willow led the slayer to the couch, leaving her standing near it. "Wait here for me," she commanded, bouncing up the stairs to get a blanket to cover the leather with. Returning moments later, she shook the blanket out, letting it flow over the sofa. Setting the alarm on her watch, she shed her clothing, guiding Buffy onto her knees between the coffee table and the couch. "Next game," she purred, looking down at the naked, bound slayer. Directing her to lay with her chest on the couch, the witch gently removed the ribbon-tethered charm, running her fingers over her lover's dripping sex. "I want you to feel all of this," she whispered.
Buffy quivered as the charm slid from her body. This is so weird...I feel helpless, but I'm so not... She went willingly when Willow guided her back onto the floor.
Sharing her empathy with the slayer, Willow took a seat in front of her. Guiding her lover's face to meet her sex, she whispered, "The next hour is mine. Make me cum as many times as you can. If you cum...the rules for the next hour change. You're not allowed to have an orgasm until I say, okay?"
Trembling just from the heat and the smell, Buffy nodded. Running her tongue the length of the witch's sex, she felt her body begin to clench and pushed the sensation down. Well, this is gonna be fun. Wonder what the change would be.
Willow pressed into her lover, adjusting her hips. She moaned, smiling as she felt the slayer tense. More with the control, she mused as she felt Buffy take the tiny ring in her mouth, teasing, tugging, and twisting it with her tongue. Reaching over her head, she grabbed the cushion behind her, arching her back as her body tensed and shook.
Adjusting her position again as Willow slid forward to plant her feet on the coffee table, Buffy released the ring. Allowing the witch to completely control the encounter, she drank her lover in. It was amazing. She felt completely helpless, but completely alive as her lover moved underneath her. She pushed all of her own needs aside and focused entirely on Willow. Willow was her world. She listened to all those wonderful noises and felt all the reactions. Being in effect blind made her see in a different way. She sensed each time her lover drew close to climax, helping to push her over the edge and working to draw it out. All the while, she forced her own desires back. It startled her when the alarm went off; she didn't want it to end. Once more...she was almost there. Ignoring the stupid little alarm, she continued until the witch seized her. As soon as she stopped, she realized how badly her own body ached.
Rising from the sofa, Willow gently helped the slayer to stand. She ripped the blindfold off, watching as her lover struggled to focus on her. She hushed the slayer, pressing a finger over her lips as she tried to speak. "Free yourself," she directed, watching as Buffy easily broke the chain between the cuffs. "Goddess, you're sexy," she remarked, capturing her lover in a lingering kiss. The taste of herself on the slayer's mouth made her skin tingle. "Go wash up and remove what's left of the cuffs," she whispered.
Watching as Buffy returned, Willow took her hand, leading her upstairs. "For the next hour...I want you to do everything you can to make me cum and I'll do the same to you. If you make it to the end of the hour, I'll reduce the number of weapons to half tomorrow. Only ten...you should be able to win no problem. If you do orgasm, the handcuffs go on at the start. No breaking them. All twenty knives and you'll have to totally shield yourself with magicks. 'Kay?" Willow instructed. Lying down on the bed, she pulled her lover down with her.
"Oh...kay... What about you?" Buffy queried. Sighing deeply, she strengthened her resolve. I'm not sure if I care so much about the winning. This is sorta fun. Suppose I gotta try...
"If you can make me cum, you win by default, regardless what happens tomorrow. And I'll reduce the number to weapons, just to make it total child's play for you. Sound fair?" Willow asked, smiling sweetly at her lover.
"Totally," Buffy confirmed. Gently turning the witch onto her back, she arrested her in a passionate kiss.
They played for the next hour, passing dominance freely back and forth. The slayer cheerfully yielding to the witch and visa versa, neither body giving up the struggle.
Buffy was stunned again to hear the alarm. Time had melted away once more. Her entire body was one large ache. The feeling of her own hands on her skin made her crazy.
Getting up, Willow started off into the bathroom to shower. She turned at the door, and asked, "You coming?"
"I'd sure like to," Buffy commented dryly.
"Then please do... I'd love to watch," Willow teased, leaning against the door frame.
Growling to herself, Buffy rolled out of bed, following the redhead into the bathroom. "I stand by the 'mean' thing...it's totally true," she grumbled, turning on the shower.
"Tonight... Right now, I want to know what Miss Hartness showed you," Willow said, appearing pensive. She adjusted the water temperature and climbed into the shower.
Grumbling, Buffy joined the redhead, she winced as the warm water cascaded over her skin. "Tonight...? You've gotta be kidding...right?" Buffy asked hopefully.
"Not kidding—wish I was—sorry, Buffy. You totally need to talk about this...and I need to know," Willow replied firmly as she took a sea sponge and started to work lather into it.
Shit! I woulda stayed in bed if— Buffy rallied her resolve. Pressing the sensations down again, she worked to take control. Finally regaining her composure, she cut straight to the chase, "Nothing much...just Giles—" Buffy broke off and roughly scrubbed at her face. Taking a deep breath, she spat out, "Giles saying that he shoulda killed you when he had the chance." She looked at Willow, trying to reassure her with her eyes. "No big... It made me want to go wrench his head off his body...but I controlled that urge too." Hesitating for a moment, she added, "Proud of me?" smiling brightly to punctuate.
Willow dropped the sponge, maintaining only a fraction of her calm with considerable effort. She was completely aghast at the news. Stuttering, she finally managed, "V-very... No w-wonder she was n-nervous."
"Yeah, low on my list of pillow talk subjects," Buffy confirmed. Stooping to grab the sponge, she began to gently bathe the witch. Oddly enough, talk about Giles and killing had caused her desire to completely shut down. "Thanks...that worked much better than a cold shower," she remarked sardonically.
Forcibly grounding herself, Willow met her partner's gaze. "Context, Buffy... When did he say this?"
Slightly stunned by how quickly the witch was able to restrain herself, Buffy answered automatically, "Ummm... There's something about killing demons so...it was just a few days ago."
"Okay...that's good," Willow responded, looking relieved.
"S'plainy?" Buffy asked, raising an eyebrow.
Appearing preoccupied, Willow simply stated, "'Cause...people say stupid stuff when they're scared...and you know she had him pissing himself."
Buffy began to quickly wash herself, making a gesture for Willow to continue with her hand.
"It's just, in the wrong context, that would be really bad. In this context, it means... Well...we're not gonna be packing... Watching—being careful...yes; packing—running...no," Willow babbled, stepping into the shower to rinse.
"It's hard for me to believe that. When Giles showed up while you were flipping out, he was all fatherly—with the good intentions... What he said about you changing or dying...was actually him considering... That's pretty horrible," Buffy offered. Rinsing quickly, she got out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around herself. "I'm gonna go make food. Any requests?" she asked in a dry tone. Hearing no reply, she exited the bathroom.
"Yeah...pretty horrible," Willow finally mumbled. Reaching down, she shut the shower off.
***********
The adjective 'wilted' was the one that Willow felt best described her at the moment. She was content to be in a place that felt like home, lying comfortably on the couch with Buffy and the pups. The last three days had passed with her feeling like she'd been in a runaway train car careening down a mountain pass. Never a dull moment—especially that bit at the bottom. Terrifying and new, but mostly good.
And then there's Buffy... Willow sighed contentedly, smiling lovingly at her partner. She pulled Lakta onto her chest and started to absently pet the puppy. That would be the good...the whole good actually...pretty much... She was right though...this place is complicated. I'm not sure about this new aspect. Well, has it really been long enough for me to even think that? No...but yes... Having all those memories dumped on me all at once lets me see patterns she didn't...or maybe didn't want to. That jealousy thing...she never did that again...but, wow, did Buffy ever love it. Guess it just didn't feel right without the jealousy.
I really didn't expect Buffy to react like she did to that spell. I mean sorta...just not as strongly... Then today...it was almost like she wanted it to go— Well, she didn't really want to win...sorta at least. Weird, 'cause I'd prefer she did. I'm curious what she'd come up with...and win would mean progress. I'll talk with her later about it...all of it. We at least need to set boundaries. I mean, there's a lot of this that feels like Kennedy. Like I'm falling back into that pit...but it's Buffy and...well, my role's changed. I'm more comfortable...but hurting Buffy really scares me...being gentle—giving her options...
Anyway, the idea was to train her to react to attacks by using magick too. Leave it to me to take a simple idea—she should change her clothes, 'cause—and go to the naughty place... Now if she's just gonna fold 'cause she likes the sex—makes the whole exercise pretty pointless. I thought it might be sorta a fun way for her to figure it out. Kinda sexy...well...really sexy... Considering the earlier events of the day, the witch reflected, 'Kay so...yeah... extremely sexy... Strange she left the ribbon on the necklace when she washed it up and put it back together. Yeah...she liked it...
Composing herself, Willow fell back into her reverie. Figures it'd get all twisted up. Hoped she'd actually use her talent instead of sticking with the beating. She did once...that was good at least...coulda been so much more though. I've seen her levitate five items...while in severe pain. She needs to tap into that...with the fighting. But she's a slayer...hitting things is the natural reaction. Changing that should be a challenge. The change is good though...she was right... That whole 'I can teach her to do it...I can't teach her to use it...'
Then there's Giles... Wonder if my Giles considered having me killed. I mean, our histories are a bit different—even before—at least from the talk, I've noticed a couple of things—but not so much. Makes me curious...it's weird looking back that far. There's no echo...it's just me...my choices. I sorta remember coming into the room when they were talking. I wonder how she controlled all that demonic energy. Just Rack's made me feel like I was nothing... Maybe Rack was different? Actually...I wanted to die...I wanted to be utterly consumed. That's the difference. I didn't want to be Willow anymore. Funny, I would've welcomed what Giles offered, then; now, it scares the hell out of me. Moving forward, Willow began to closely examine the new memories.
Just trying to sort between her two pasts took a great deal of concentration. It was hard not to say 'I' when referring to the new memories. They weren't hers, but they felt exactly like the authentic ones. She could recall sounds, both ambient and focused; the texture of things she'd touched; the smells of things around her; and, of course, the way they looked. The way things tasted was a minor annoyance. Being one who hadn't eaten meat in a great many years, some of those sensations left her a bit ill. For every one of these details, there was a residual emotional affect from their author and she was beginning to fill in her own, form her own ideas based on what she sensed. This is interesting...she said most of that just to comfort Buffy. Strange how people do that.
Glancing up, Buffy took in the distant expression on the witch's face. "Whatcha thinking...?"
"Not so much. I mean, lots—but nothing earth shattering," Willow replied. Focusing her attention on the slayer, she set Lakta on the floor.
A wry grin spread over Buffy's face. "Yeah...not buying it... That's not a 'nothing' face. That's an 'I'm figuring out the meaning of life, eliminating the national debt, and proofing Einstein's theories, all at the same time' face. Spill..."
Willow rolled her eyes and a warm smile settled over her features. "You remember that little bed and breakfast south of here?"
"Yeah, we—Crap!" Halting mid-thought, Buffy growled. Looking slightly frustrated, she began to grumble softly to herself, "You know what? We's a fine word...it's a good word... Playing the pronoun game's just a total bitch." Sighing deeply, she eventually managed, "We spent the night there several months ago after the mission with that Voll asshole... You mean that one?"
Willow took the slayer's hand to ease some of her annoyance and then simply followed her lead casually. "Remember the conversation we had when you woke up?" She's right...it's a pain in the ass to keep dancing around this.
"Yeah...I remember it well," Buffy confirmed, sort of understanding where the witch was headed.
Her expression darkening, Willow narrowed her eyes. "Pretty noble sentiment... You realize that, in the past couple weeks, things have spun so out of control that all that...well, we've managed to piss all over all that frilly little talk," she said in a low almost dangerous voice.
"Yeah...got that," Buffy answered the observation bluntly, sighing to punctuate her feelings.
"You still want me to share with you? 'Cause you're not gonna like this," Willow queried, furrowing her brow, her expression turned pensive as she spoke.
"Always..." Buffy replied firmly.
"'Kay...I need to differentiate, so back to the 'she.' Can't help it...won't make sense any other way," Willow offered, turning away from the slayer and lying in her lap. She smiled when her lover started absently playing with her hair. Her smile faded when she focused on the topic at hand. "There's always at least two sides to anything we experience. Usually more, but simpling it up for the sake of...not confusing... In debate, we say...argument and counterargument."
"Argument: allow me to tell you a story about a girl who loved another girl so much that she sacrificed herself to make the world a better place," Willow said, knowing that it would invoke all sorts of images and thoughts in her partner. "Don't need to say much more about that. Willow loved Buffy... Willow loves Buffy... The story lives on right here.
"You may hate me for this. I hope not. Counterargument..." Willow began, pausing to allow the slayer to protest.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "I'm not gonna hate you. Just—" she snapped impetuously, the timbre of her voice resembling a sigh. She cut the thought short to allow the witch to continue.
Willow asked in a neutral pitch, her manner betraying the implied message, "What do you call it when you exterminate an entire culture, Buffy?" Turning to gaze up at the expression on the slayer's face, she wasn't surprised when it darkened. "They called it genocide when Hitler tried to wipe out the Jewish people."
"That's not really fair...I mean we are talking about demons," Buffy retorted. Her expression remained thoughtful despite the tone of her voice.
Willow stalled to sense changes in her partner's disposition. Feeling nothing distressing, she continued, "Yes and no... Demons or not—evil or not... We're really talking about the same thing. Remember the conversation you had? Not all demons are evil? Same with humans. And even the evil ones have potential to make choices that place them in the good column. You know that's true. Now all that potential's gone..."
Buffy nodded not really knowing what to say.
Taking care to check the state of her lover again, Willow resumed, "See...she went through something that—the deaths of those slayers—especially the one she felt she failed... Anyway...she wasn't really herself when this hit. She was still pretty wrecked, in fact. If this had happened a few weeks earlier, it might've ended very differently."
"Are you saying she was looking—? You mean she was suicidal?" Buffy queried, feeling anxiety building.
Willow sighed deeply. "She just wasn't the same. I don't see anything that tells me she was gonna end up in the bath with a razor, but that experience changed her," she responded directly. Amending quickly, she added, "Sorry for the— Well, that may've sounded harsher than I meant it." Holding her peace for a few moments, she gave the slayer time to settle down and speak if she desired.
"Thing is, this was about revenge too. She wanted to punish D'Hoffryn for screwing with her life. And she did—like I said last night. It wasn't just about love. It took love to make it happen—she acted out of love, focused on the love—but part of her wanted to make the bastard pay. It was a mixed motive," Willow offered in a dry voice.
Patiently allowing the slayer time to consider what she said, the witch eventually redirected, "Let's focus on that icky 'g' word for just a minute." Still cautious about causing too much strife, she added an inquisitive, "'Kay?" to check the timbre of the slayer's voice.
"Sure...go on," Buffy responded in a flat emotionless tone, working to rally her tolerance.
"How do you think Jewish people feel when they see Nazi symbols?" Willow asked, controlling a chill.
"Well, they make me sick and I'm not Jewish so..." Buffy replied thoughtfully.
"'Sick' works... I'd add, 'anxious' and 'hostile' immediately to that list. I had trouble when I first starting working magick 'cause the swastika is actually a really common symbol. The word 'swastika' just means good fortune in Sanskrit. Harmless...until Hitler adopted the ancient symbol and rotated it forty-five degrees. Anyway, it used to make my skin crawl. No reason—it wasn't rational," Willow offered, appearing mildly perturbed.
"I'm really too young to know much about that except what I've read. I mean there are family stories, but no one's alive that experienced it firsthand." Working up the nerve to continue, Willow reached over, grabbing her bottled water off the coffee table. She sat up and took a drink, swinging her legs off the couch. "That's the power of that one little word... Genocide... She understood this as well as I do."
Steeling herself, Willow gathered her thoughts. "So, regardless how we feel about what she did, how do you think the demons are gonna react? What do you think they'll see when they look at me? My doppelganger turned an entire world into a gas chamber. They aren't human so the whole 'love of family and heritage' thing doesn't really apply...but they can perceive a threat. In fact, they're good at it. So, how long you think we have? D'Hoffryn knows...think he'll keep it quiet?"
Willow felt the slayer tense, but continued despite it, "Keeping me a secret was about buying time. It may gain us a couple of weeks. Enough if I work my ass off...I won't be a total basket case."
Rising to her feet, Willow began to pace. "And to make matters even more interesting, our family's fractured by betrayal."
Interesting, Buffy reasoned, but I'm not sure what it changes. Kinda the same shit, different spin... Demons want us dead; where's the new? We need to prepare for more badness... Still not seeing any new...knew all that, pre-speech-y-ness. The only change I see... I need to stay like I am for now. Not a change really...more a lengthy pause.
The instant the redhead turned her back, Buffy rose off the couch, noiselessly matching her stride. When Willow turned to pace back, Buffy was right there grinning. She tugged her witch into a tender embrace, whispering softly in her ear, "That was a whole of a lot of 'nothing important.' You know I won't let anything touch you, right?"
Willow nodded. Relaxing into the reassuring hug, she allowed the slayer's strength to wash over her.
Caressing her witch's back, Buffy whispered, "What we do is simple enough... We take the pups out and then we go to bed." Falling silent, she captured Willow in a brief, tender kiss. "Then we begin to research and prepare. We've done this, lots—nothing new. The past is just that. Can't change it; can learn from it... Regret is pretty much senseless...especially when they weren't your choices."
Allowing her words to hang in the air between them, Buffy took a moment to silently reflect. Chuckling softly, she finally amended in a soft, husky voice, "But honestly, everything you said just leads me to this: slay the demon, save the girl... No big. Sorta what I do. Nice to have a professional around when you need one," she finished, punctuating the thought with a mischievous smirk and a wink.
Unable to resist the playful allure, Willow drew the slayer into a lingering kiss steeped in adoration. Gently releasing her when she felt her lover's body begin respond, she whispered, "And then?"
A wicked grin played at Buffy's features. Controlling the flood of desire, she spoke in thoughtful, unruffled tone, "And then...we take the war to them. The slayers will follow me. Fuck Giles."
Drawing out of the embrace just enough to meet the witch's gaze, Buffy whispered, "That's tomorrow though... Tonight... Tonight we take pleasure in the fact that we're both alive and breathing."