Baby's Coming Back
by willow
Painful Explanation's
[reviews]
Chapter 2: Painful Explanation's
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"So, where do you want me to start?" Willow asked shakily, handing Joyce, who was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee. She sat down beside her as she spoke.
"How about the beginning?" she asked with a warming smile, squeezing Willow's hand gently.
Willow looked at the floor and nodded slightly, "Well, when I... after that night, with Dawnie and the car..." her voice broke a little, remembering the night she'd taken off. "I went to England. The first year... was a little rough. I stopped in a few run down hotels for the first few months, it was the only thing I could afford. Then, when I finally found a place to stay, I could only afford a flat in a dodgy neighbourhood up in Liverpool. The neighbours... weren't so great," Willow half-heartedly smiled, almost trying to comfort the worry off Joyce's face. "There was usually alot of shouting and screaming. Dealers coming round at ridiculous hours in the morning. I can remember thinking 'how could anyone live like that'." Willow closed her eyes, trying to shake her head of the awful memories which came screaming back to her all at once. "Then, a few weeks later, I became just like them. Drinking, taking drugs nearly every day, never being able to hold down a job... " she looked away from the only woman she ever considered to be a real mother to her, ashamed at what she was about to tell her. "Sleeping with a different person every night... not caring who they were or even whether they were male or female, then taking off early the next morning. Pretty much anything to take my mind off the magic... " she took another deep breath when she felt tears start to form. "One night got pretty bad. I couldn't afford to pay my dealer, so I... I slept with him... to pay off the debt," Willow was taking in several quick, shallow breaths. It was so hard for her to relive these terrible moments. Silent tears started to run down her cheek so Joyce ran her hand up and down Willow's arm, trying to comfort her. "I felt so... sleezy and disgusting. What I'd reduced myself to... just so I could feed my addiction... it was too much and I-I tried to..." Willow looked down and fiercely wiped the tears from her eyes. She couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't have to, Joyce knew what she was about say. Willow had tried to kill herself. She pulled the girl she considered her middle child into a tight motherly embrace, stroking down her hair to try and soothe the sobs. She figured Willow must have overdosed, there were no scars on her arms.
"It's ok, you don't have to go on if you don't want to," Joyce reassured her.
"N-no, it's ok, you need to know. I owe you that at least," she said through sobs. She calmed herself down a bit and continued. "My landlord found me. I was behind on the rent and he broke the door down because he knew I was in. He found me and called an ambulance. At the hospital, they... they told me I was pregnant... one month along. So I just stopped it all, everything I'd done for the past year I just stopped and I was kicking myself, realising how easily I could've done it before. I had to move out... to get away from the dealer... so I started staying in hotels again, pretty much right up until I had Paige. She was premature, I was only 6 months along when she made her appearance," Willow smiled through the tears remembering the day her daughter was born. "A friend from work said I could stay at her place until I got things sorted out. She helped out so much with Paige. I was there until I moved back here."
"When were you going to tell us you were back?" Joyce asked, still hugging Willow and rubbing down her back.
"Soon. Soon, I just... I was worried about telling you all, with everything that's happened, and with Paige, I-I couldn't... " Willow let little tears fall again.
"Shhh, it's ok," the blonde woman tried soothing her again. "It's over now."
Willow nodded against Joyce's shoulder's and dried her tears as she saw her little girl stroll into the kitchen.
"Hey, you, I told you to play in the living room," Willow said, lifting Paige up and sitting her on her knee.
"Mommy cryiiiin'," she said, with a sad face, wrapping her arms around her mommy's neck, and giving her a big hug.
Joyce smiled at the caring little girl and the bond she shared with Willow.
"No, mommy's not crying, sweetie," Willow told her, trying to loosen the death grip her two year old held. "Mommy's just happy to see her friend again."
Paige smiled at Joyce again, this time not hiding in her mother's shoulder afterwards.
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Joyce stayed with Willow and Paige for the next few hours. Willow had asked a load of questions about the scoobies, mainly Buffy, of course. And, Paige, warming to her mommy's friend had dragged Joyce from toy to toy, showing her how they worked. Willow smiled at her daughter. It usually took her more than a few hours to get used to a new person, but it was like she'd known Joyce her whole two years.
Joyce looked at her watch and realised it was already 4 o' clock.
"Oh, Willow, I'm sorry, I've got to go. I promised Buffy we'd go out for a meal tonight."
"That's ok," the brunette said, lifting up Paige and following Joyce to the door.
Joyce stopped suddenly and turned to face Willow.
"Do you want to come? I mean I'm sure Buffy would be pleased to see you again. She doesn't stop talking about you, wondering when or if you'll be back... she'd be so happy if she knew you were right up the street."
Willow looked down.
"Uh, maybe another time, I-I'm not... I can't... not after what I did... not yet," Willow was shaking a little.
"Willow, it's ok," Joyce smiled warmly at her, "I won't say anything to them, yet. But, they need to know."
"I know," Willow said, smiling back half-heartedly. "Just... in a few days, maybe."
Joyce nodded, "Ok. Is it ok if I come by tomorrow?"
"Yeah, of course. Please do!" Willow said quickly. They shared a smile and a hug before Joyce turned to Paige.
"Bye, Paige. I'll see you tomorrow."
Paige reached over for Joyce from her mother's arms and gave her one of those death grip hugs. Both women looked suprised by the little girl's actions, but soon smiled at how affectionate she was.
After a long hug, Joyce kissed Paige's rosy cheek and handed her back to Willow.
"I'll come by about two," she told Willow as she stepped out the door.
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow,"
"Bye,"
Willow stood in the doorway and waved with Paige as Joyce's car drove out of sight.
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