Shattered Hearts
by redbuffy
7
[reviews]
Chapter 7
"How could I be so stupid?", Buffy kept on asking herself for the millionth time this morning. She kept on replaying the scene in her head over and over again. Buffy knew she shouldn't had kissed Willow especially with Willow being involved with someone else, but Buffy was acting on impulse. Hearing her speak about leaving made her break down inside and she needed Willow to understand how she felt. "Stupid, stupid", she kept on repeating to herself not even noticing someone behind her.
"You're not stupid", she heard Xander say. Turning around she was met with a goofy grin from her friend. Feeling slightly uncomfortable around him ever since that night she waited for him to say something.
"What did you do? Did you crash into a parked car again?", he asked with a bemused expression.
Buffy slapped him on the arm. "Gosh that was one time and I was a student driver. Will no one ever let it go?"
"Not in this life time", he said. "So why are you calling yourself stupid", he said while beginning to walk again. Buffy hesitated on telling Xander about the situation. She didn't want him to feel hurt.
"Why don't you want to tell me?", he asked after noticing the hesitation on her face.
"I don't want you to feel hurt", she sincerely told him.
Xander pondered the events that could possible bring sorrow to his life and it hit him. "You and Willow", he whispered. Looking down while walking with Buffy. He sighed and knew he had to get pass this for his sake and his two best friends.
"Buffy I understand why you might feel that way", he said stopping to look at her, "but I took a chance and you were honest with your feelings, for that I'm grateful. It's better to know then to live a life of guessing. Now it's time for me to start moving on and I still want you to feel comfortable talking to me about anything. Including Willow. I just want you both to be happy."
Buffy smiled at his friend. "Thanks, Xan."
"So tell me", he inquired.
"I did something stupid", she said. "I kissed her", she told him.
Xander was shocked by the news. "Wow"
"Then she ran away", she explained.
"That can't be good."
"You think!", she said grunting at the sky. "Now she won't return my calls. I know she's probably hating me for kissing her. And she's going to leave to San Francisco and I'm going to live my whole life in this hell hole. I'm going to become old and bitter walking around the neighborhood screaming at all the couples. And their going to call me crazy Buffy and point at me-", she kept on ranting.
"Hold on their a second", Xander stopped her rant. "First, she doesn't hate you, you're her best friend. Second, what do you mean she's leaving to San Francisco? And third, I will beat anyone up with my cane if they dare call you crazy Buffy."
Buffy smirked at the comment. "Really?", she asked. Xander nodded yes to her question. "Thanks."
"So back to my other question. What do you mean she's leaving to San Francisco?"
"Tara's leaving with her family and Willow is set on going with her. I'm so stupid now she's going to leave without even saying goodbye and I'm never going to see her again."
Xander wrapped his arms around his friend. "Don't worry Buffy everything is going to be ok, I promise."
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Willow quickly came out of her English class and made her way outside to the bleachers. All day she's being trying to avoid Buffy not knowing what to say or how to act around her. Willow didn't know what all this meant and she kept on getting confused every time she thought of Buffy.
Willow had felt so guilty because of the kiss she had run straight to Tara's house. Willow told her about her idea and she absolutely loved it. Even her parent's were thrilled saying that Willow was the best thing that had ever happened to Tara. Willow felt horrible when they said that because only minutes ago she had been at Buffy's house, kissing her best friend. Willow in a way was glad that Tara had to stay home today otherwise she didn't know how she would have explained the situation to her. Willow closed her eyes and rubbed her head trying to sooth her headache.
Opening her eyes she saw Buffy come outside. Willow quickly made her way down and hid behind the bleachers. Willow could see Buffy looking around the football field and Willow knew Buffy was looking for her.
At the moment she didn't have the courage to talk to Buffy. Seeing Buffy head back inside she let out a sigh of relief.
"What's eating you?", she heard a familiar voice. Willow smelled smoked and followed the smell and voice, turning around she was met with Faith's presence.
"Great like I wasn't already having a bad day.", she said.
Faith took a drag from her cigarette. "Nice to see you too red."
"Don't worry I will leave, I will let you damage your own lungs, not mine."
Faith smirked at her comment and put the cigarette out. "You're hiding from Buffy?", she asked her.
Willow just gave her a hard expression. Faith shrugged at her accusing eyes. "I saw her come outside and then you came down here. Makes sense."
"It's none of your business", she said and began to walk away.
"Do you think Buffy would let me give her a good roll in the sack?", she asked Willow.
Willow stopped death in her tracks and turned around with fury in her eyes. "How dare you", she said through gritted teeth.
"Why do you care?", Faith asked her wanting to see just how much she could push Willow, after all she was having a boring day.
"Because", she began to say but found it difficult to come up with an answer.
"Because what? She's yours?", Faith asked her in a sarcastic tone. Hopping to bring out the rage and jealousy out of the redhead.
"Yes", Willow snapped at her.
Faith acted like she was surprised at her respond. "But I thought Tara was your girl?", she taunted her.
"That's not what I meant", Willow defended herself. "I meant as my best-", but her voice felled her at the moment because if she was really honest with herself. She didn't know what Buffy was to her anymore.
Faith began to laugh at Willow silence making the redhead more mad. "What's so funny?"
"B finally did it", she said between laughs, "so how did she do it? Did she buy you flowers? Write you a letter? Or, did she paint it on the wall?"
Willow looked at Faith with shock and anger. "How did you know?", she asked her making Faith laugh even harder.
"So, she did do it and here I thought I was having a boring day" Faith said finding the situation very entertaining.
Willow just kept on starring at Faith wanting an answer to her question. Faith noticed the look Willow was giving her. "Oh come on red anyone with eyes could see it, except you", she said and gave it a second though, "and Tara but you know what they say love is blind. So, how did B reveal her big secret, huh?"
Willow looked away from Faith and towards the direction she last saw Buffy. "She kissed me", she said barely above a whisper. It even surprised Faith that she was able to hear the answer but this just set Faith into another round of laughs. "Way to go Buffy!"
Willow just frowned at her. "Just forget it", she said and began to walk away from Faith.
"Wait", Faith called out to Willow. "Can I ask you a question?"
Willow just looked at her and nodded seeing as she didn't have anything else to lose. "Sure."
"Did you kiss her back?"
"What?", Willow asked enraged not liking whatever game Faith was playing. It was already bad enough she was having a bad day, Faith wasn't making it any better. "Why does that matter?"
Faith just snorted at Willow's question, rolling her eyes not believing how naïve Willow truly was. "You don't get it do you", she told her while looking her straight in the eyes. "Everything", she simple said. "It means everything."
Willow felt intrigued by Faith words, hopping to find some new insight into the situation. "Why?"
Faith saw the hope in Willow eyes and felt the need for a moment to take the situation serious. "Because", she began, "if you didn't kiss her back, then theirs nothing there. But if you did kiss her back, then it's time for you to open those eyes, you might like what you see."
Willow felt a connection to the words Faith had just said. Looking back at it, remembering herself in Buffy's arms and her lips kissing her. She remembered kissing her back, even if it was for a moment, her mind wanted it. She kissed Buffy back.
"Smoke", Faith asked her while shoving a box of cigarettes in front of her. Willow just made a disgusting face. "No!"
Faith just shrugged and took a cigarette out to light it. Willow looked at her and felt she needed to express her gratitude. "Thanks. For-", she said but Faith just waved her hand telling her to stop.
"No need. Remember, Want. Take. Have."
Willow just nodded and heard the bell ring signaling the end of lunch period.
Willow slowly made her way out of the school feeling really tired from all the thinking and avoiding. She didn't even feel she could lift her head but when she finally did look up her eyes connected with Buffy's. Buffy was standing a couple of feet away from her obviously waiting for her. Willow wanted to look away and keep on walking but the way Buffy was looking at her with such longing and intensity Willow was momentarily paralyzed. She couldn't move all she could do was just stare at Buffy.
Willow wanted to walk up to her and act like nothing had ever happened but the truth was something did happen. Willow could feel the changes already happening between her and Buffy and the changes happening inside of her because for those seconds when their eyes met she wasn't thinking about Tara. She was thinking about Buffy.
Willow was so in thrall that she didn't even notice Tara walking up to her until she felt someone hug her and kiss her on the cheek. Willow snapped out of her daze and looked at Tara. Tara seemed so happy not wanting to damper her mood Willow forced a smile and kissed Tara's hand.
Buffy had been trying to look for Willow all day wanting to talk to her and apologize for everything but it seemed like her best friend was avoiding her. Deciding that they needed to talk before she left Buffy waited for Willow to come out of school. Buffy at first thought maybe Willow had escaped from the back since she had been waiting outside for thirty minutes but when she finally saw the redhead her heart began to hum. Buffy could see how tired Willow looked and she mentally scowled herself for putting Willow through so much angst.
Willow kept her head down and Buffy for a moment hesitated going up to her, she didn't want to make things worse. Finally when Willow did look up Buffy stopped in her track and their eyes connected. Buffy could see the confusion and sadness in Willow's eyes. For what seemed like an eternity they just starred at each other. Time seemed to freeze and it was just them, then everything came back to reality when Buffy saw Tara come up to Willow. It seemed like Willow barely even noticed Tara and if Buffy could guess it seemed like she was forcing herself to smile. Which made Buffy frown a little because ever since Willow met Tara she never ones forced herself to smile.
Buffy watched as Willow kissed Tara's hand and Tara smile at the gesture. Buffy knew she should leave and just let them be happy but she couldn't move because this meant it might be the last day she ever saw her best friend. Deciding to just let Willow be Buffy got one last look at the woman she loves and whispered how much she loves her.
Walking away she never noticed Willow looking back at her nor did she see the yearning in her eyes because at the moment all Willow wanted to do was hold Buffy in her arms.