Fic: "Starlight", Parts 7 and 8

["jbstories _" <jbstories@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Part Seven
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Buffy watched the proceedings at the table around her with an unavoidable
discomfort. The kitchen table was covered with texts and maps, and they
were all gathered around trying to prepare a course of action. Giles had
narrowed down the area where they were most likely to find the demon and
they had to figure out how they wanted to approach the situation. The area
they were focused on were the caves on the concave of Sunnydale's shoreline.

"What do you think, Buffy?" Giles asked looking up and fixing his gaze on
the Slayer.

Buffy met his gaze but then quickly looked away.

"I don't know," she said slowly. She didn't need to look at Giles to know
that his eyebrow was arched and he was looking at her questioningly.

"Not even a suggestion?" the watcher asked in response.

Buffy shrugged.

Giles observed her for a moment, then stood up and straightened his back to
a rigidity anyone birthed outside of Europe would have thought to be
impossible. As he did this Buffy continued to avoid his eyes.

"Would you all be so kind as to give Buffy and I a moment alone?" Giles
asked turning to look at the other members of the table individually.

The members of the table shifted their attention from Giles to Buffy and
then back to Giles again. There was a moments hesitation, then slowly
Xander, Willow and Anya stood up and moved away from the table into the
sitting room.

"Would you like to get some fresh air?" Giles asked turning his attention
towards Buffy. With the other still in the house they wouldn't really be
able to talk privately.

"Would it matter if I said no?" Buffy asked finally looking up at him.

"Of course it would," Giles said looking down at Buffy gently. "But I would
prefer if we could take a short walk."

"Then I'd love to get some fresh air," Buffy responded dryly.

Giles merely nodded and walked behind Buffy's chair. Grasping the handles
he began to push her towards the door.

===============================================================

Buffy pointedly turned her face away from Giles, her lips were pressed
together tightly in an attempt to contain her growing anger. So much for
fresh air, she thought to herself, she was sitting in the middle of the
Spanish fucking Inquisition. The moment they had hit sunlight Giles had
started to lay into her about her behavior and she had just about had it.

"…and I know that being placed in this position has been difficult for you.
But you are still the Slayer, and you have responsibilities. This
non-committence can't happen Buffy. There'll be plenty of time to…"

"I think the word your looking for is 'wallow'," Buffy offered bitterly.

"There'll be plenty of time to REFLECT on what's happened later," Giles
continued ignoring Buffy's interjection. "But right now we need you."

"Was I not there at the table?" Buffy asked looking at him angrily. "Was I
not text reading girl? Was I not 'give a painfully descriptive account of
your near death experience and the beast that did it' girl? Yes, I think I
was all of those things, so please Giles, please because I'd really like to
know…enlighten me as to where you're getting this absentee Buffy idea from?"
the Slayer finished shooting a look at him that could've turn him into
stone.

"No Buffy, sitting at the table not paying attention to anyone or anything
does not constitute 'being there' where I come from."

"Yeah well, where you come from they call French fries chips, so you'll
excuse me if I don't take your definition at face value," Buffy retorted.

"You're being difficult," Giles responded.

"And you're being a jerk," Buffy shot back.

"I had hoped we could have a civilized conversation," Giles said softly as
he took off his glasses and began to rub his eyes.

"Yeah, and I once hoped to be given a bunny that would lay golden eggs,"
Buffy responded. "We don't always get what we hope for, in fact most of the
stuff we do get we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy," she continued looking
down at her legs pointedly.

"Yes, well life kicked you in the ass so I suppose we should all just give
up go home and drink some tea, and you can role over and commiserate with
yourself next decade or so. As for the rest of the poor wankers in this
town well they can just bloody well fend for themselves from now on, right?
Because we can't be bloody bothered to help the wincers, can we?" Giles said
finishing his derisive tirade.

"Oh, that's just fantastic," Buffy responded antagonistically. "I lose the
use of my legs, find out my friends are preparing to embark upon a suicide
mission, and I'm some sort of shallow asshole for being upset?" Buffy asked
in amazement. "Am I the only one that realizes this is a normal human
reaction? I know that we don't spend much time around actual honest to god
humans, but I was fairly certain that we still were."

"You're right of course," Giles responded. "It is a normal human
reaction…but Buffy, you are not a normal human," Giles continued. Buffy
looked at him sharply. "And I know that you don't want to hear that right
now. I know that in addition to being a Slayer you're a girl with normal
girl feelings, but you have responsibilities that can't be put aside because
you're sad. And I know that hand you've given can sometimes be horrible,
but it IS your hand to play out."

"Well…screw cards, I fold," Buffy said militantly. "It's my paralysis and
I'll cry if I want to."

"Buffy," Giles said in a more pleading tone. "Please, help us help you."

Giles waited, but Buffy didn't respond.

"Fine," the watcher responded. "Have it your way," he continued then he
walked around the fountain in his yard-that was curiously never on-and
headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked turning her head around to look at him.

"Inside," Giles responded.

"Wait! Giles ! You can't just leave me out here ! Giles…" Buffy finally
stopped calling it was no use. He was already inside.

Buffy turned her chair around angrily and started wheeling towards the door.
Once she reached the door she angled the chair so that she could reach the
handle, but it was of no use, the chair kept getting in the way of the door.

"Giles!" she yelled at the door.

There was no response.

================================================================

"Where's Buffy?" Willow asked as Giles walked back inside.

"She's enjoying the fresh air," the watcher responded. "Please, all of you
come back over here."

"But Giles," Willow said as the three of them headed over to the table.
"How's she going to get back in?"

"Buffy's a resourceful girl," Giles responded leaning over his map of the
shoreline.

"But…" it was Xander who tried to speak this time but Giles halted his
protest.

"I know what I'm doing," Giles responded. "She needs this."

They were silent for a moment, until a yell interrupted them. It was Buffy
calling Giles's name from outside the door.

================================================================

Part Eight
-----------

Willow sat on the floor at Buffy's feet undoing the laces of the Slayer's
running shoes. It was ten at night, and except for the sounds of their
breathing the room was quiet. Xander and Anya had left a few hours before,
and Giles and Buffy weren't currently on speaking terms.

That yell that they had heard while gathered around the table earlier had
only been the beginning. Buffy continued to scream at the top of her lungs
for fifteen minutes before Willow couldn't take anymore and went to get her.
Giles had managed to stop her five minutes before and tried to stop her
again, but she was determined.

Buffy had wheeled herself in silently and without looking at any of
them-except for Willow who she tenderly thanked-she rolled herself into the
bedroom where she remained for the rest of the day. Willow, who was less
than thrilled with Giles as well, spent most of the day in the bedroom with
Buffy, only leaving her to check up on the progress they were making in the
main room.

"Thank you," Buffy said softly, breaking the silence.

"For what?" Willow asked.

Buffy merely looked down at her feet, the feet Willow was currently pulling
shoes off of.

"I'm glad I can help," Willow responded before returning to her work.

"You're more than helping," Buffy responded. "Your saving. I don't know
what I would have done if you weren't here," she continued sincerely.

"Now you know how I feel on an almost daily basis," Willow responded with a
sweet smile.

"I guess I do," Buffy responded returning the smile.

They continued to look at each for a few more seconds before Willow finally
averted her gaze and started to remove Buffy's socks.

"You're going to have to talk to him again sometime," Willow commented
softly a moment later.

"No I don't," Buffy responded petulantly.

"He wasn't trying to be mean," Willow responded in a reasonable tone.

"If his intentions were so honorable then why haven't you been talking to
him all day either?" Buffy asked. "Protecting my honor, perhaps?" the
Slayer cleverly asked.

"He just…"

"Wanted to prove to me that I DO need your help, and that if I keep acting
the way I have been I'm going to be alone, and that I'm beyond vulnerable
the way that I am and I need to get my legs back or I'm dead, and that
feeling sorry for myself isn't going to get a damn thing done. Is that
'just' what he wanted?" Buffy asked looking down at Willow.

"Well, yeah," Willow responded grinning. "I guess it worked though."

"It was inhumane. If I was a dog there would be a network special dedicated
to the trial I had to go through. But I'm lower than a dog, I'm the Slayer!
I don't lick my own ass, or drink from the toilet, I just save the world
so who gives a flying fuck!" Buffy finished dramatically.

"I spoke too soon," Willow said softly sitting back on the floor.

"Please, Will…don't," Buffy said shaking her head as if to ward off the
oncoming attack. "I don't need to get the speech from you too."

"What speech?" Willow asked softly.

"The 'you're not allowed to have feelings because your Slayer' speech. The
'so you're paralyzed, suck it up speech', and any other variation on the
theme that you can think of," Buffy responded.

"Okay," Willow said slowly lifting her hand up to take Buffy's into hers.
"Would you consider hearing an 'I love you Buffy, and you and can lean on
me, cry on my shoulder and whatever else you want' speech?"

"Yeah, I think I could deal with that," Buffy responded smiling.

"Well, I love you," Willow said looking up at Buffy. "And you can lean on
me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry
on," Willow continued in an utterly serious voice, which only made Buffy's
smile widen. "And whenever you feel the need…or want to just for the heck
of it…you can cry on my shoulder, or pant leg, or any other part of my body,
and if there's something else that you can think of that would help…well,
you can do that too."

"That's the best speech I've ever heard in life," Buffy replied. "Look,
it's made me all misty-eyed," she continued blinking back some tears.

Willow raised up onto her knees so that she and Buffy were face to face.
Then she reached up with her right hand and brushed away a tear that Buffy
couldn't quite manage to contain-though she was giving it a valiant try.
Once she had done this Willow continued to reach around with her hand,
brushing a few strands of Buffy's hair behind her ear, before finally
leaving her hand to rest on Buffy's cheek.

Buffy leaned into the touch slightly, her eyes flickering closed as she
absorbed the sensations flooding through her body. She wanted to turn her
face around and softly kiss the palm of Willow's hand. She wanted to take
that hand in hers and rain a shower of kisses across it, and along her arm.
She wanted to take Willow into her arms and kiss her until nothing existed
in the entire world except for them. She wanted…

She needed to end this before it started, because she knew if it started she
wouldn't be able to end it.

"Willow," Buffy breathed in husky timbre she hadn't intended, but couldn't
help.

At the sound of Buffy's voice Willow became painfully aware of their
positioning and of what she herself was doing. She also noted with an
agonizing sluggishness that her heart was thundering in her chest, and she
became almost unnaturally aware of the blood that was madly coursing through
her veins. In short, she realized that her body had responded to Buffy's
muted utterance with a pure, unadulterated rush of
desire. She could feel the yearning burning in the pit of her stomach like
a wild fire, consuming her.

She felt like a thug, and was overcome by a moment of intense self-loathing.
She couldn't comprehend how she could be so selfish at a moment like this,
and it made her sick to think that at a time when Buffy needed her
friendship more than anything, all that she could think of was kissing her
friends lips-lips she had decided after careful consideration, years worth
at least, were the best, most lush, most kissable lips ever to be created.

Willow yanked her hand back and stood up abruptly. Buffy looked up at her
questioningly, her friends unexpected movements momentarily destabilizing
her equilibrium.

"We should go to bed," Willow said meeting Buffy's gaze.

"It's ten-thirty," Buffy responded giving a Willow an uncertain smile.

"It's been a long day," Willow responded.

"That it has," Buffy said a moment later, sighing. "Sleep sounds good
actually."

============================================================

Buffy held her position-facing the door, her back turned Willow-for a second
more before finally turning around. They had gotten in bed about half an
hour ago, but neither of them had managed to fall asleep. She could hear
Willow breathing and her breaths were still coming in the fast, erratic
pattern of consciousness.

"I knew ten thirty was too early to go to sleep," Buffy said into darkness.
"I'm really kind of night person."

She didn't need to open her eyes to know that Willow was laughing.

"I can't imagine why," Willow responded shifting so that she was facing
Buffy as well.

"Hey, if you're worried about the guy with a hook for a hand, don't. I'll
protect you," Buffy said, but as she said the last part her voice hollowed
out as if she only then realized that what she was saying was no longer
true.

"I know you will," Willow responded with absolutely certainty. She had
picked up on the change in Buffy's voice immediately and knew what caused
it. She shifted a little bit closer to Buffy and placed her hand on the
Slayer's shoulder. "You know that you're my hero, don't you?"

"Well, you might want to start checking the classifieds for a replacement,"
Buffy responded dropping her eyes though Willow couldn't see.

"Won't need to," Willow said. "You're going to be back on the job in no
time."

Buffy raised her eyes again after that, feeling an intense need to be close
to Willow. She couldn't even really describe what she feeling, only that
then, there, Willow was…Willow was… everything. She was shining and
shimmering and everything that was good and pure in her life, and in the
world. She was the one who could save her from the ranks of the freaks, the
suspect, and the lonely.

"I…" the Slayer started to say, but she couldn't think of the words.
"There's so much that I want to…" but she trailed off again not knowing how
to describe all that she was feeling. But she needed to do something, she
needed to…she needed to…kiss the girl.

So she did.

Buffy closed the small distance that remained between them, and touched her
lips to Willows, barely brushing the hackers full lips with her own.

Then she pulled back and observed Willow. The red heads eyes were closed,
her lips were slightly parted, and she didn't seem to be breathing.

"I just…this," Buffy said almost inaudibly, then she brought her lips back
to Willows. She pressed them together more firmly this time, but the kiss
was still chaste, and quickly over.

This time when Buffy pulled back Willow's eyes were open and she was
watching the Slayer with a kind of wide eyed wonder that Buffy was certain
was unique to Willow alone. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say
something, but no sound came out and she quickly closed her mouth.

"Do…do you think you'll be able to sleep now?" Buffy asked reaching out to
brush a strand of hair that had fallen over Willow's eyes out of her face.

"Yeah," Willow said softly, nodding her head as if the empathize the
truthfulness of her response.

"Good," Buffy responded, leaving her hand where it was for moment longer
before removing it and returning it to her side.

"Goodnight," Willow said, her voice was shaky.

"Night," Buffy responded contemplatively.

Willow shifted settling back into her former position, and was ready to try
and fall back asleep-which she seriously doubted she would be able to do-but
she stopped and turned back around to face Buffy.

"I love you," she said with a touch of awe in her voice.

"I love you too, Will," Buffy responded with a small smile.

With that both girls turned around and placed their heads back down on their
pillows and took up staring at the door and the window respectively. Both
of them began reviewing the events of the night, and the past few days.
Both of them began reviewing what they themselves had said and initiated,
and what the other had said and initiated. And as they did this both them
were left wondering, what the hell was going?

================================================================

End of Part Eight

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