Fic: Originals (1/?)

["Quindo Ma" <quindo.ma@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Originals part one: Substitution
Author: Quindo Ma
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Something Blue
Summary: Imagine a small change of words after Giles called for Buffy to catch Spike.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters commonly associated with Buffy the Vampire Slayer; they are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Feedback: Now this is something I really need. I know that I still make mistakes and if you guys don't point them out for me then I can't learn to be better. Praises are naturally also welcome. They always give me such a warm feeling around my heart. Flames are something you don't even have to waste your time to write, because I'm quite good in ignoring anything that kind, so it would simlpy be useless. Unless of course, you are a master in flaming, but if something that kind comes through, I'll simply report you to the moderators and you'll get kicked off the list, or something like that.
E-Mail: quindo-ma@xxxxxx


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The first part contains mostly transcribed text, but I needed to implement it this way to add a few of the thoughts I wanted to. Things that are necessary for the part after my own little timeline begins.


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Part one: Substitution

Willow let her eyes sweep a last time over the arrangements.

"Candles, check. Bowl, check. Herbs, check. Spell," she went through the words again in her mind, "check. Okay, seems I'm ready."

She closed her eyes and began the chant.

"Hark and will ye elements, I summon thee now." She placed her left hand over the bowl in front of her without stopping the flow of the words. "Control the outside," she opened the hand and dropped the contained herbs into it, "control within", she repeated the same actions with her right hand.

"Land and sea, fire and wind. Out of my passions, a web be spun. From this eve forth, my will be done." She picked up the goblet and added the liquid inside to the rest.

"So mote it be."

Lightning shot out of her, into all directions and closed the gaps between the, in a circle positioned, candles. Their flames instantly grew in intensity and reached almost the size of the wax-bars themselves. A ring of energy formed around her and with a bright flash the spell completed itself.


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Willow went to bed again after she thought the spell had worked, and the first thing she did next morning, was to try it and do what she had planned to do with the spell. She picked up her hand mirror and looked straight into it.

"It is my will, that my heart be healed... now."

No effect. She put the mirror back down and grabbed her psychology book.

"I will that this book speaks its words to me."

The room remained quiet. She tried again with a dejected Q-tip.

"I will that this Q-tip gets... unbendy?"

She sighed. 'Nice, really nice. Another failed spell.' Somebody knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Buffy's ex-watcher came in, a worried look on his face.

"Giles, what are you doing here?"

"I-I'm a bit concerned about you, actually."

"Did Buffy tell you about the beer? Cause-"

"Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything."

"Oh, well.. forget the beer part then."

"Happily. I-I came because we had an appointment the other day."

"Oh, righ-right, the truth spell."

He walked towards the bed and sat down next to Willow.

"Yes, umm.. Willow... I know that you are.. going through a very difficult time, but shirking your responsibilities-"

"But I didn't.. shirk," she stood up and fetched her backpack, "I did the research, a-and I.. I picked up the motherwort, I just forgot.. the doing the spell part", and gave Giles the said item.

He looked up at her and his concern could be clearly seen, even more than before.

"That isn't like you.. at all."

"I know. I.. I've been off. I-I even tried to do a spell last night. Tad my will done." Giles was standing by now. "I was hoping it would make me feel better. But it just went ka-blooey", she added with a rolling of her eyes.

"A spell? I don't think that it's wise for you to be doing that alone right now, your energy is still too unfocused."

"Well, that's not true. I sa-I said I was off, not incompetent."

"I only meant that you are grieving, and it might be wise if you took a break from doing spells without supervision."

"So I get punished cause I'm in pain?"

"It's not punishment. I'm only saying this because-"

"Oh you care. Yeah. Everybody cares. Nobody want's to be inconvenienced. You all want me to.. take the time and go through that pain. As long as you don't have to hear about it anymore."

"No, that's not fair."

"Isn't it? Cause I'm doing the best I can, an-and it doesn't seem to be enough for you guys."

"And I see you could feel that way, I do-"

"No, you don't. You say that you do, but you don't see anything."

And her will was done. Her eyes glowed for a split second and Giles vision suddenly got blurry. He took his glasses off and started to rub his eyes.

"Um.. oh, sorry. Umm, sorry. Ah, p-perhaps.. I'd better be going. Umm, let's.. ah, talk about this later."

Giles left the room and Willow was alone with her thoughts again.

"Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why does this damn spell have to not work? All I want is to get rid of this pain. It that too much to ask for?"

She dropped herself onto her bed and started to cry.


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The rest of the day had passed rather uneventfully. Xander had called once and asked if she had time to help him with cleaning out the basement. And Buffy had came home from classes late in the afternoon. All in all, Willow had more than enough time to cry out her pain --well at least a lot of it-- and regain her condition back, before her roommate showed up.

Then they had talked a little about this and that, mostly about what kind of witch she was, before the phone had began to ring.

Buffy answered. "Hello? I-I'll be right there." She hung the phone back up and started to pack her weapons. "Spike escaped."

"A-and you're going? Now?"

Buffy turned back to her friend. "Sorry, duty thing." But she wasn't happy to leave. She had really hoped she could spend the rest of the night with Willow, alone and undisturbed.

"Well.. I mean, what's the rush? Spike can't hurt anyone right? And I figured, since I'm kinda grievie, we could, uh.. you know, have a girls night", the Wicca said with a smile. "You know, eat sundaes and watch Steel Magnolias and you can tell me how, at least, I don't have diabetes."

"Will, I can't hang out with you until I get Spike back, you know that. Hey, I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise."

"Buffy please. Stay here with me. I don't want to be alone. Not now, not after Oz and all."

And her will was done. Again her eyes glowed for a split second and Buffy stopped in mid-motion. She turned around, dropped her bag and sat back down next to her friend.

"Okay", she said with a smile and in a very good mood.

"You mean you won't go out and catch Spike? But you promised Giles you would."

"Right... Giles. Just gimme a second."

Buffy stood up and went to the phone to call him back.

"Giles? Yeah, I just wanted to say I can't go out now. Will needs me here.. and Spike can't harm anyone anyway. I'll look for him tomorrow, ok? Ok, good. See ya tomorrow then. Night."

She placed the phone back onto the chest and went back to a totally surprised hacker.

"So? I think you suggested sundaes. Wanna start with those?" Buffy asked with an ear-to-ear smile and Willow felt happy again, at least for this night.


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"So, I went back to Oz' room and found it completely empty. He didn't even come himself. He sent Devon to do that. And all the while it was the only thing that kept me hoping, he'd come back. But enough of me now, what is this with Riley? I mean tell me what you think of him."

And her will was done.

"Riley? Riley isn't anything I really want. I'm just trying to find a substitute, because I can't have you." 

And in the same second the last word left her mouth, Buffy's hand flew up to cover it.

"Will, I'm sorry. I didn't intend to say that. I don't know why that came out. I'm so sorry, Will."

The look on the Wicca's face turned from sad to surprised to happy during the last few seconds and now it showed a hurt look.

"You didn't intend to say what? That you want me, although you don't mean it so? I don't think that this helps me in my current state."

She turned away and barely heard the voice from behind her back.

"No, I meant what I said. I just didn't want it to come out. I know how you think about such things and... I.... I think I'll go now."

Buffy stood up and headed for the door. Willow swirled around, "Buffy wait!... wait, please."

The Slayer stopped, still facing towards the exit of the room, and asked, "What do you want Willow? Can't you just forget this? I don't want to loose our friendship because of this. And I don't think I am able to talk about this thing right now."

She turned around and faced the person she loved more than anything else in the world, even more than her own life, and tears were welling in her eyes.

"Willow, I can't stand it in here any longer. I can't stand it to see you every day, knowing that I can't have you, knowing that I have to find somebody else, even though the only thing I want is you. I can't keep my feelings in check now if I don't leave. I need some time to calm down and I need this away from you. Otherwise I can't calm down and we can't forget this and-"

"Who said I want to forget this, Buffy? Who said that you could just leave and forget that this happened? Who said that I haven't changed? Buffy as far as I know I haven't ever put you down for anything and if this is a problem for you then I am sure we can solve it."

She stepped closer to the Slayer. "Come, sit down and tell me about this."

The first tears rolled over Buffy's cheeks but she did as told and sat down onto the bed. After a few minutes of almost creepy quietness, she spoke up.

"Well... where to start?" she muttered.

"I think a good start would be, since when do you know that you love me?" Willow asked, a warm smile spreading across her face.

Buffy looked up and lost herself in the beauty of her friend. Unsure of what she should do, but sure that she had to at least do one thing, she leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Willow's lips.

"Sorry, sorry Will. I-I j-just couldn't resist. C-can you forgive me?" she asked shyly after pulling back.

"It's ok, Buffy, just... next time, wait until you have my ok first, ok?"

A smile crept across the Slayer's face.

"Well... I think it.. started, I mean when I realized that my... feelings for you had... changed, I-I think that all happened about one and a half year ago, a few months after that whole Acathla incident. It was shortly before Angel returned."

"Oh. But then you ran back to Angel. And you even kissed him then. Why did you do that?"

"What would you do if Oz suddenly stood in front of the door, totally confused and in desperate need of help? I did what I thought was right then, but before I saw it coming, all those old feelings came back up. And you were involved with Oz so I couldn't just run to you for what I longed. I.. I just didn't know what to do."

"So the only reason you did the whole lip-locking thing with Angel, was because I was not available at that time?"

"Yeah, that's quite much it. In the meanwhile Angel and I have gotten over it. After he left for LA it was a little easier for me to deal with old and new feelings. He even helped me a little with my new feelings, after that whole thanksgiving/indian-revenge-ghost thing. It was-"

"You met Angel?!"

"I never said I didn't. But he told me that he let you believe we didn't meet. He didn't want you to worry about me."

"Kind of him", Willow muttered to herself.

"Don't blame him. At least he was the only one who knew about my feelings for you. But he also knew that I wouldn't tell you that. And up to now I didn't believe we would still be friends for any longer than I kept that secret a secret."

"I guess I have convinced you of the opposite, hah?" Willow said, again that smile on her face.

Buffy unconsciously began to lean forward a little, and before she even noticed it herself, Willow held up her finger and placed it over the blonde's lips.

"Not until I give you my ok", she said with a smirk.

Blushing heavily, Buffy let her head fall. "Sorry. Think I just couldn't resist."

"I guess I can even understand you. But I think we have discussed enough for now. How bout we sleep this over and talk again tomorrow?"

"Sounds nice. But don't be surprised if you wake up in the middle of the night, because I call out your name in my sleep", the Slayer said, a wide grin plastered on her face.

Willow gave her a look that said 'don't even try and do that intentionally' as she laid down onto her bed. Buffy, following the example of her roommate, slipped under the covers and turned the light off.

"Will?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Night, Buffy", came the reply, the smile clearly audible in the Wicca's voice.

And the last thought Buffy had before she fell asleep was, 'No, substitution is nothing. Not if I can have the original.'


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TBC, but for now, finis.

Hope you all enjoyed it. The next part is already in work, but it could take a while til I'm completely finished.

And shall the flamers burn in their own fire

Quin


___________________________________________________

Quindo Ma

Main E-Mail: quindo-ma@xxxxxx
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Amber Benson is a Hottie Campain (ABiaHC) member #106
The Cult of Amber (TCoA) member #26

Keeper of:
-Tara's touch of Willow's lips during the Netherealm spell in "Who are you?"
-Tara's grasping and holding of Willow's hand during the movement of the soda machine in "Hush"
-Tara's breath she uses to blow out the extra-flamey candle in "New Moon Rising"

Hopefully soon WPWP member and keeper of a few (other :-) things (still waiting for confirmation or declination)
Officially spoiler fanatic

Lover of all BtVS femslash, as long as the main characters are on the 'good' side

Inquiries for beta reading accepted

My opinion of relationships:

Shipper for (in this order): B/W, W/T, B/F, X/C, W/X, X/Anya, and the div. other f/f couples, as mentioned above
Neutral[1] about (from most appreciated to most disliked): B/A, B/R, F/A, W/O
Dislikes[2] (from least to most): B/S, W/A, W/S, B/O, Angelus/f, m/m

[1]: means I will read them if one of my shipper relationships is main part
[2]: Does *not* mean hate. I simply don't read them.