Still Struggling
by Red Willow
3
[reviews]
We kiss deeply for several minutes, the heat rising again between us. I am only acutely aware that the room has become dimmer since we first started this afternoon. I don't care what time it is though. Time has no place here with us. Right now, right here, this is Willow time and I give myself to her completely.
We break the kiss and she fully straddles me, each knee planted firmly on the bed. She sits up, resting on my abdomen. She looks down at me, a few locks of her hair hanging down oh so sexy like around her face. I'm looking up at her, just admiring. I place my hands on either knee and slowly start their ascent up her legs. I stop briefly at her stomach, tugging at her shirt while asking with my eyes if I can take it off. She just smiles and I slide my fingers underneath the fabric. Hot skin greets me and it's all I can do not to just rip it off. I slide her shirt up, my hands running their course on either side of her breasts. She leans forward, arms outstretched, as I pull it away.
God she's beautiful. I kiss her fingertips, then I run my hands up her stomach again, up her sides, then her breasts. The moment I touch them she moans softly, leaning her head back. I slowly massage them, trailing my fingertips over her nipples, amazed at how hard they are. She reaches behind her and unclasps the strap. I tug at the white cotton material and it falls freely. I just toss it on the floor and continue with my exploration of her round firm breasts.
I cup each breast in my hands, rubbing her nipples with my thumbs, in gentle, slow circles. She's moaning softly. She leans forward a little so that her hair falls in her face again, and touches my cheek while I continue to stroke her nipples, only now, applying a little more pressure. She runs her thumb along my wet lips and I lick the tip with my tongue. She runs her thumb over my lower lip, pulling it a little, before returning to where my tongue is waiting. She slips her thumb into my mouth and I suck on it briefly, nibbling the tip gently.
I move my hands away from her breasts and grab both of her arms then. Her eyes fly open and she looks at me, but I just grin at her mischievously. I lean her back enough so that she moves her legs out beside me, then I sit up, with her still on my lap. She wraps one arm around my back and the other she puts behind my head. Her neck is eye level and that's the first thing I go for. Tiny little teasing bites.
I pull at her nipples intermittently while nibbling, licking, and sucking her neck. Her moans grow louder as I pull and rub her nipples more. She slides her hands to my chest, unbuttoning my shirt. I pull away from her just for a second, and rip at it, breaking the buttons. I don't care. I want my skin to connect to hers. I want to feel her heart beating next to mine. She unclasps my bra as well and pulls it free. My breasts fall out and I give her a second to take them in with her eyes before I lean into her again, attacking hers. She strokes my breasts, finding my nipples quickly and going to work on them. She rolls them between her fingers and pulls at them, mostly softly, but sometimes hard, sending shivers straight to my...
"Oh god Willow!"
I work my way back down her neck, down her chest, leaving little, warm kisses along the way. I take one nipple in my mouth, running my tongue over it, licking it. I suck gently then hard, following her hand movements on my own breasts, while I continue to stroke the other with my hand. I go back and forth, licking and sucking one while stroking the other.
She pulls my face up and our lips meet again, kissing hungrily, groping each other furiously. I have this deep burning need to touch her, every inch of her, inside and out. I flip us over, strutting my slayer strength, until she's on her back and I'm on top now, her legs wrapped around me. I look down at her half unclad form and just take a moment to admire her. I smile widely and look in her eyes. She meets them and blushes.
"Aww, I start, putting my hand on her cheek.
She moves her head a bit and kisses my hand.
"Are you scared?" I ask her.
She shakes her head and reaches up to my face with her hand, placing her fingers on my lips. I kiss them before she trails them down my neck, and back down my chest to my waist.
"But these... off... would help." She finally says, grinning.
"Yes ma'am...!" I say hopping up.
I pull of my jeans, tearing off my satin panties in the process. I give her no time to admire however as I snatch at her belt-buckle, loosening the stud and pulling away her own pants and panties. I look down at her. She's a little embarrassed, I know.
I just smile and say, "I've seen you practically naked before you know."
"You have?" She asks, pulling me on top of her.
"Well, in P.E. anyway..." I say grinning widely.
"You were checking me out!" She exclaims in mock shock.
"Oh, like you weren't!?"
"I don't know what you're talking about..." She responds, shrugging. "I'm seldom naughty."
I just look at her with my eyebrow cocked.
"Come here you."
I bring her right leg up so that my right thigh is nestled in her crotch. She moans, biting her lower lip as all thoughts of P.E. are forgotten. She mimics my movement, nudging my crotch with her own leg. We lay like this for several minutes as we kiss, our tongues once again exploring each other's mouths. Her hands go up and down my back, scraping tiny fingernails over my shoulders, while I scrape my own down the back of her leg to her butt cheek, where I grip it briefly before climbing back up. I begin to push my thigh against her in a slow rhythm with our kissing and she lets out a loud moan, breaking the kiss, while digging her nails into my back. She reacts By bouncing her leg up slightly where it makes contact with my own throbbing self and I hang my head low, my face on her shoulder.
"Oh... Jesus Willow..."
I begin to slide my hand along her inner thigh to that point of no return. I'm aware that we're both sweating now. I can feel the hair around my neck damp with it, as I can feel Willow's inner thigh almost slick. She moans in anticipation, running her hand down to my ass. I know she wants me to, but I feel compelled to ask anyway.
"Can I...?
"Oh, Buffy... I'm so wet..." She whispers in my ear and that's all I need.
I plunge my fingers between soft, swollen lips into hot, syrupy, Willowy goodness and I'm lost there.
"OH MY GOOOO......mmmm"
Biting her lower lip again, she grabs my shoulders, holding me close as I move my fingers in small circles. Her leg moves against me and I can't help but create my own rhythm against her thigh. We're moaning together. She reaches down and rubs my nipple while her other hand stays firmly clasped onto my shoulder. I kiss her neck, her chest, working my way back up to her ear.
She turns her head slightly and whispers, "I love you..." between moans before latching onto my ear and nibbling the earlobe.
Her saying those words with me between her legs becomes like a surge shot straight to my heart, and then to my hand. I slide two fingers insider her, slowly at first, which is followed by her plea for more. I stop my own rhythm on her thigh, feeling myself get close, and not wanting to before she even has a chance to touch me. I tease her a bit with my thumb then thrust my fingers in deep. She bucks. Both hands on my shoulders again, she arches her back and begins riding my hand as I thrust into her deeply.
I quicken my pace, although I'm scared to hurt her. Her moans of pleasure and movements below me assure me that I'm not, however, and I pour my heart and emotions into making her feel good. I wrap my left arm around her, sliding it between her sweaty back and the bed, raising her up towards me some as I get a better position on my knees. In and out I thrust as our breasts rub together and our lips brush occasionally, until a second before she explodes she pulls my mouth to hers, plunging her tongue in. She holds on like that, moaning so loudly through our kiss I think I will lose her but she holds on, never leaving my lips as her hips buck against my hand and her own hands create tiny half-moon cuts along my shoulders.
She finally breaks off the kiss, hanging her head back, panting. I lay her back on the bed and lay on top of her, my face nuzzled against her neck.
"That... was... oh... so... good..." She manages to get out between breaths.
"I love you Willow... I love you so much" I breathe into her ear.
"I know you do. I love you like no one I've ever loved."
I start to nuzzle her neck but without warning she grabs the front of my thigh, scratching her nails into it, though not enough to hurt... bad. I look at her surprised and she looks back with nothing but lust in her eyes.
"I want to touch."
And who am I to argue? I move to get off her, to let her have room, but she stops me putting her hand on my chest. She guides me back down to her as I feel her hand stroke the inside of my thigh. I hold myself up by my hands, one on either side of her. She wraps her left arm around my waist as I feel her fingers slide between my...
"OH MY GOD!"
ohmygodohmygodtimes3
I spread my legs a bit wider, allowing her total access and am overwhelmed by the sensations that flood my body. She's tender at first, exploring every wet crease and curve. Driving me crazy.
"You feel so good..." She tells me almost in wonder.
"Uh-HUH..." is all I can get out because she starts to begin a rhythm of small circles-
She likes those small circles.
-sending waves of pleasure and urgency down my legs and into my stomach.
I know it won't be long. I was already ready to burst when I was riding her thigh. And I feel it build, rotating my hips to match her rhythm. Then down and away until I feel her thrust up deep inside me, and it's all I can do not to scream. I bury my face in her chest, moaning her name, moving my right hand to her neck, my thumb on her cheek. I move my hips up and down meeting her new thrusts until she slides her fingers out and returns to those small circles, only now they're more heated, faster. And then the explosion. This ultimate release of pent up lust and emotion that could only be tapped by Willow. It feels like a thousand tiny energy bolts shooting through me and I wonder if my orgasms have ever felt this good.
I slump on top of her, her hand dancing across my thigh to my back where she wraps her other arm around me as well and holds me tight.
"Willow..."
I nuzzle her now, holding her as tight as she is holding me.
"Yeah..."
She strokes my hair with one hand, and kisses me lightly on my forehead.
"Can we do that again?" I ask smiling.
She giggles and hugs me tight.
"I-I'd like to... just lay here for a little while if... if that's ok..."
"Ok... as long as I'm with you... I don't care."
"Good."
"But Will?"
"Yeah Buff?"
"Can we still do that again... later on?"
"If you're good..." she says teasingly.
So this is what it all means then. This is what it all comes down to. Struggling with a realization, a need, a love that consumes... pain, anger, fear, passion... want, desire... but most of all, pure love. True love. A connecting of minds and a touch of hearts. I love her completely, wholly... As she does me. All these years of fear, of doubt, shame and guilt. All these unbidden emotions, struggling to break free. And here, finally it all sits, bundled up into a great ball of passion on the verge of release... and we release it. The dream becomes a reality. My prison door has swung wide open and there she stands before me, holding out her hands, baring her heart and soul for me. I walk into her arms and I am free. I finally come home.
"I love you Willow."
***
I'm waking up now. I can feel it. Waking up from a dream I've dreamt so many times before. A confession, an acceptance, and...
Someone else in your bed?
My eyes flutter open and I'm met with the wall staring coldly back at me. The wall. The wrong side of the wall.
That's because this isn't your bed...
I must have this huge shit-eating grin on my face as I realize that there is a very warm body snuggled against my back. I start to turn over but the arm grips me tighter, pulling me in. I continue to smile. Not a dream. I'm mentally doing back flips of glee, which if it weren't for this delicious red head holding me so tight, I could literally be doing right on down the hall. But, I'd rather lay here basking in this...
She stirs a bit and mumbles something I can't quite understand.
"Will...? I ask quietly, attempting to turn over again.
I'm a little more successful this time and manage a better position on my back. I turn my head and look at her. She's got the cutest expression on her face. Not quite smiling, and in no way frowning either. Just looking cute. I reach my arm up, trailing a finger along her arm that's now draped across my bare stomach, and gently stroke her cheek.
"Will...? Hey Willow..."
I'm looking right at her, our faces not even a few inches apart. She stirs a bit more, not wanting to be wakened during such a good dream I imagine. She's so beautiful like this. When she sleeps she is so at peace, free from worry. I know she worries a lot. Her little head is so busy. From now on I'll be there for her whenever she needs me, just like I used to be. I won't let her down again. I smile because this is how it's supposed to be every morning. How it's always supposed to be. The two of us in each other's arms, sleeping peacefully...
"...they took the carrots..."
...mumbling stuff I don't understand...? I stroke her chin with my thumb.
"Hey sleepy head, what are you dreaming about?"
She doesn't respond so I opt for a different tactic instead. I lean closer to her, brushing her lips with my own, tickling her lips slightly before I kiss her firmly.
"...mmm... morning..." She sighs after I regretfully break off the kiss. She smiles broadly at me, focusing with only half open eyes.
Yup, knew that would do the trick.
"Morning. Dream much?" I ask placing my hand on her cheek again, absently stroking the warm softness there with my thumb.
She smiles up at me, snuggling closer, her legs wrapping around mine.
"Always." She says.
She pushes up on her elbow and eyes me.
"This i-isn't a dream... right?"
"Nope, it's real... real good Buffy Willowy goodness."
I pull her closer to me, determined to not let her leave my arms for a long time, maybe even forever. Her skin is so soft and warm, I never want to be without the comfort of these arms, this body, this beautiful, loving, redhead holding me as strong as I'm holding her.
So much has changed in the last-
How long has it been? What the hell time is it?
-day between us, yet it all feels so perfect. This is what I've always wanted. This is the person, the woman, I've been wanting to share my life with. I realize now, that despite the love, the lust, the friendship, and the feelings I've squashed down for so long, that this is it. This is what it all comes down to. I'm in love with my best friend and I know that I always will be. I want to be with her for the rest of our lives. I want to go out there and fight the good fight and come home to her tender hands and wake up to her the next morning, every morning. I don't want to go one day without seeing her, hearing her voice, feeling her...
Hand on your boob!
"Will..." I grin at her, realizing she's got that cute cat-that-ate-the-canary look on her face. "W-what... ooh... what are you... d-doing...?"
"What do you think, silly?" She asks as she begins kissing my neck.
"Umm, uhh...ok, but... uh... oh... that feels... so good..."
I let her hands caress my bare skin, aware of the arousal building between us. I pull her face up to mine, capturing those tasty lips in my mouth, just as she slides on top of me a bit.
She is so hot...
We continue to kiss, as our hands explore each other's bodies, slow now, taking our time.
OH what the fu-?
I break off the kiss and realize the phone is ringing shrilly in my ear. I reach for it, but Willow grabs my hand.
"Let the machine get it."
"Okay."
Duh Summers.
We continue kissing as the answering machine picks up, Willow's voice asking for the caller to leave a name and number.
"Buffy. Hey it's me, Riley. Just wanted to see if we were still on for today."
This time it's Willow's turn to break off the kiss. She glances at the answering machine as Riley's voice penetrates the silence in the room, before glancing back at me. I just look up at her-
Look how beautiful her hair is in that light.
-with this kind of worried/annoyed look on my face.
"You, uh, you said you'd call around noon and uh... it's going on 1 now." He continues. "So, um, I guess if you get this, give me a call back. I can't wait to see you. Bye."
Willow lays her head on my shoulder, apparently not as in the mood as she was before Riley so rudely interrupted. I'm not sure what to say. She's quiet, contemplative I think.
"Willow..." I start, but I'm not sure what she needs to hear.
Reassure her. You're not going to see Riley again. You only want to be with her.
"Buffy... y-you have to tell him. I mean, that is... if you still, I mean, if you want to..."
I know exactly where she's going with this.
"I want you. Only you, Will. I'll tell Riley, you have not a thing in the world to worry about where that's concerned. Just..." I bring her lips to mine, "not..." light kisses "right... now..."
We start again, easing into each other's embrace, caressing and kissing each other until we are the only two people that exist. Everything melts away, becomes distant, except for the touch of our bodies and the passion between us. Just us, until-
That damn phone!
Again with the ringing.
Willow sighs deeply, slumping back down against me, frustrated as hell.
The answering machine relays Willow's message again as we try to ignore it and burrow deeper into the bed, under the sheet. No such luck.
"Hey Buffy. It's me again. Where are you? It's about 20 after 1. I, uh... hope nothing's wrong. Do me a favor, when you get this message, stay put. I'll come over there... I..."
I can't take it anymore. I reach back and grab the phone cord, yanking it out of the wall, disconnecting Riley.
Just as you will soon be doing from your life.
"Buffy!" Willow yells out in shock, which is then quickly replaced by joy. "Thank the..." She starts, but I don't let her finish.
There is only one thing left to finish right now and I have no intention of stopping until we are both satisfied.
***
"Oh... my... God..." I blurt out, turning over and falling onto the bed.
Panting, the two of us slick with sweat, we simply lay staring at the ceiling.
"Talk about... pent up frustration."
"Pent up... very pent... yes..." Willow pants out, wiping the beads of sweat off her forehead.
We lay like this for a very long time, our bodies coming back down from that sexual high that moments ago had us riding waves of pleasure. I roll over on my side, facing her, and put my hand on her chest, above her heart. It's steadily slowing as is mine. I'm aware of the shadows crossing the room now, the light shifting, changing directions. Time stretching out around us as if we weren't apart of it. But I know better. Soon we will have to leave this sanctuary. Soon we will have to get up out of this bed that we've made ours. Get up, probably shower.
Yeah, you could definitely use one sticky-icky.
Maybe even face people.
I make a noise similar to a grunt and throw my arm up, my forearm resting on my forehead.
"You ok?" She asks tilting her head towards me.
"Nmm... no..."
"What...?"
"I don't want to get up. Don't wanna leave here... ever." I tell her, putting on my pouty face.
"I-I know... Grumble grumble."
"But I guess we have to get up... and... do things..."
I sit up, attempting to wrap the sheet around my body.
"Aww, poor slayer..."
"...like... like see other people... and I guess at some point, I need to... patrol."
"Yep, that would be of the good."
"But I don't have to like it!"
I continue pouting as I finish wrapping the sheet around me and crawl over her almost completely exposed body to get out of bed. Sure I could have gotten out on my side, but what would have been the fun in that? And so, here I stand in the middle of our dim dorm room wrapped in nothing but Willow's cool cotton sheet. I grin down at her and she's got this huge smile on her face.
"See something you like?" I ask semi-seductively.
I couldn't go another round. Well, not right this minute anyway. Give me a few minutes and I might...
"Mmm hmm." She starts, sitting up and pulling the blanket off the floor to cover her legs and tummy. "Y-you look good in just my sheet."
"Yeah well, you know me... always stylishly dressed... no matter what the occasion!"
And with that I pull up some of the excess, exposing a bare leg, and twirl around, only half aware of how giddy I feel. She laughs, covering her mouth slightly as I almost bust my butt.
KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK
At the sound of the knocking on our door we both stop in mid-laugh, a deer caught in headlights look on our faces as we turn our heads, looking at the door.
Another short knock and "Riley"
HaHa! Perfect timing. Why not tell him now?
"O-oh Geeze, yeah... Buffy... he said he was going to... come over here..."
A huge grin spreads across my face before I even realize what I'm thinking about.
Just open that door and see you and Willow like this and let him figure it out.
No way!
That's, that's... so...
So very naughty!
"Buffy...?"
I turn and cross the distance between where sanity lays and the wooden door leading to the insane things I always find myself doing.
"Buffy! W-what are you doing?!" I hear Willow shout behind me.
I'm vaguely aware of her scrambling for better coverage of her naked skin.
I open the door in all my naked-except-for-Will's-sheet glory, about to tell Riley a head full when I stop dead on, my mouth hung open for words that died somewhere before fed sound. Staring back at me in a wave of shock was...
"Tara." I finally breathe.
"Uh... uhh... I w-was looking for W-w-willow..." She finally gets out.
It's too late however, as her eyes move past mine to Willow's bed, to Willow, naked except for the blanket she had hastily tried to cover herself with. Her eyes go even wider, if it's even possible, and she steps back, mouth hung open wide as I'm sure mine still is.
"I-I... uh.... " But nothing more comes out.
She shakes her head in disbelief.
"Tara!" Willow shouts, trying desperately to break free of the bed and it's linen without disrobing or falling.
I take a couple steps away from the door, looking down at how I must look, before glancing at Willow's pained attempt to make everything all right.
"Tara... I... we..."
I can't say anymore, however.
And what good would it do... haven't you done enough already?
But I...
Look how hurt she is!
I didn't mean to... I was just going to... Riley... But what's the use in trying to argue my way out of it. I opened that door, only thinking of how funny it would be to see Riley's face. I never thought though, that it could be someone else. That it could be Tara.
"Tara... wait..." I hear Willow say to Tara through the doorway as the brunette turns in a daze.
"Tara..." Willow's voice again. "Please stop."
She reaches out touching an arm, attempting to stop the distraught woman. But Tara pulls free and whirls around on Willow.
"W-why? So you can tell me how it's not w-w-what it looks like?!" Tara practically yells at Willow, raking her eyes up and down my beautiful redhead's disheveled and obviously has been having sex recently body.
"N-no... " Willow begins but can't seem to find words.
I snap out of my momentary haze and walk to the doorway where the two are facing each other, one pleading for forgiveness or understanding. The other shooting daggers. I glance around the hallway, and realize that there are two guys and a girl a couple doors down that are staring at us.
"Please..." I start, coming up right behind Will, facing Tara now. "Don't hate her. You can hate me, take your anger out on me all you want. B-but don't hate Will..."
She just stares at me briefly, disbelieving, then glances back at Willow.
"I c-can't believe this...."
Willow glances back at me, a plea etched into her features. But I'm not sure how to help.
"T-Tara... I... I'm in love with her." Willow finally says looking back at Tara, whose gaze shoots to me, then down to the floor. "I-I just... we finally... yesterday..."
"So..." Tara starts, "you just-"
"WHAT?!" Riley's angry outburst cuts Tara's words short as we all turn to face a very angry and confused soldier.
Shit.
I guess this is where it gets even better. And me with only sheet on.
Nice Summers, real nice.
Ever been caught cheating? In only a sheet? By both your lover's girlfriend and your boyfriend?
I suddenly find myself very nauseous. My palms are sweaty, my head hurts, and I have these annoying black spots in front of my face. I have this feeling that my knees are not going to hold me anymore and somewhere far away I hear a very angry male voice yelling.
"What in the hell is this? You got to be kidding me!"
"Riley..." Willow's voice, I'm sure of it.
"Wh-who?"
Willow glances at Tara.
"Buffy's boyfriend."
"Oh."
"Is someone going to explain all... this... to me" I hear him say and am vaguely aware of a sweeping motion with his arm.
I have hold on to the wall for support as I realize my body doesn't want to stand up on it's own anymore. Everything starts to fade.
"Buffy! What is going on?!" He roars, grabbing my arm.
"Hey!"
Willow's at my side now, holding my body up. "Get your hands off her!"
"W-will... I think she's..."
"Oh Goddess! Buffy!" I hear Willow scream as everything goes dim and I feel myself slide away from them.