Stones In The Road
by Boo
Stones In The Road Part 3
[reviews]
Stones In The Road
PART THREE
"I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do" - Sarah Mclachlan
*****
"You're kidding. Right?" blinked Dawn.
"Nope. That's my answer," nodded Buffy.
"But..."
Buffy smiled and crossed her arms in front of herself.
"You're letting me go?" asked Dawn, saying the words slowly.
"Any reason I shouldn't?" sighed Buffy.
"Because you never let me do anything!" said Dawn.
"Dawn, you said it was important to you. It's time I cut the apron strings...um, not that I actually cook or anything," frowned Buffy.
"Wow! This is so cool! Hey, how soon can I take driving lessons?" asked Dawn excitedly.
"Don't push it," warned Buffy. "After the party you're staying over at Kit's house, right?"
"Yeah," nodded Dawn. "Carlos said he'd walk us home."
"Fine. Just remember to wear a cross. And no drinking!" glared Buffy.
"Thank you! Oh, I gotta go call Kit!"
Dawn took two steps out of the kitchen, stopped and turned around.
"Thank you!"
Dawn ran upstairs to her room and Buffy looked over at Willow, sitting at the kitchen table and pretending to read the morning paper.
"You did the right thing," said Willow without looking up.
"Maybe. Still doesn't mean I have to be happy about it," replied Buffy, putting her hands on her hips and looking in the direction Dawn had gone.
Willow covered her mouth with one hand to hide her smile.
*****
Willow knocked on the door but no one answered. She knocked again and Anya finally opened the door, waving her in while talking into the phone. Willow waved hello and shut the door behind her.
"So, tell me what it looks like."
Anya motioned for Willow to sit down.
"Really?"
Willow took a seat, politely trying to not listen to Anya's conversation.
"It's rising. Okay, touch it and describe it to me."
Willow raised one eyebrow but didn't look at Anya.
"Hot but not really firm yet...hmm."
Willow raised both eyebrows and tried to find something to read, a magazine or even the TV Guide.
"No, wait a little longer. You're almost ready to..."
Willow dropped the magazine she was fumbling through and glanced nervously at Anya.
"Hold on, Willow might be better at this than me," laughed Anya.
"Huh? What are you...that isn't Xander, is it?" asked Willow fearfully.
"What? No! Willow, Dawn's making brownies for some party she's going to. How do you tell if they're done?" said Anya, holding out the phone towards Willow.
"Huh? Oh, um, look on the box. It should say how long to bake them for. Then stick a toothpick in them. If stuff sticks to it she needs to keep it in a little longer."
"You hear that? Okay. Let me know how they came out. Bye," said Anya, hanging up the phone. She didn't see Willow as she let out a sigh.
"So...can I get you anything?" asked Anya.
"No, thank you. I just wanted to ask you something," explained Willow.
Anya sat down on the couch across from Willow, the smallest of smiles on her face.
"Wow. Isn't this awkward? Okay, I didn't get a chance to thank you before," said Anya, somewhat hesitantly. "Anyway...thanks."
"Huh?"
"For trying to help me. With D'Hoffryn. And, and what I did. You know," added Anya, lowering her voice almost to a whisper, "with the Vengeance and those boys."
"Oh. Oh! Yeah, um, that's why I'm here. To see how you're doing," nodded Willow.
"Thought so," smiled Anya. "I should've called. Sorry you had to come all the way over here."
"No, that's...I don't mind. Really," smiled Willow, glancing at the clock on the wall behind Anya.
"I get it now. It's like a business transaction."
"Yeah, it...huh?" blinked Willow.
"Like when I had a business to run. An exchange of either goods or services provided by the retailer requires compensation from the customer, usually in the form of monetary remuneration or barter," explained Anya confidently.
Willow stared blankly at Anya for a moment but Anya's expression didn't change.
"Oh, I see what you mean. I did something for you and in return..."
Anya smiled and nodded.
"And now our transaction is done. It's more satisfying this way, like...like selling an item at full markup and yet still having the customer happy with the purchase," grinned Anya.
Willow again stared at Anya.
"Um, you know, that's not exactly..."
Anya tilted her head slightly, wondering what Willow was getting at. And Willow reconsidered her explanation.
"Even after all this time, you're still struggling a bit with human customs," smiled Willow, amused rather than judgmental.
"Sometimes," whispered Anya, lowering her head.
"Anya," said Willow softly. Anya looked up, pouting. "Your analogy with the business transaction...it's a good one."
"It is, isn't it?" grinned Anya..
"Though sometimes friends do things for the people they care about simply because...because the reward is in the giving," smiled Willow.
Anya tilted her head, thinking about that.
"Um...think of it as giving someone an employee discount even when they don't work for you," tried Willow. "Because...because you like them."
"Oh," nodded Anya, smiling again. "So you like me?"
"Of course! You're my friend, Anya."
"Thanks. Um, are you going to ask me to do a spell with you now? 'Cause I really liked the last..."
"What? No. That's not...never mind," sighed Willow. "But there is something else I wanted to ask. Anya, do you know of any demons that use embalming fluid for, well, for anything?"
"Embalming fluid? Hmm, let's see. Well, there is one I remember, the Chandlerlings."
"Really?" said Willow excitedly, sitting up straighter in her chair.
"Yes. Their young use it," nodded Anya.
"What for?"
"Well, the Chandlerlings like to talk. A lot. But they have this monotone voice and they tend to go on and on and on and they always put their verbs at the end of the sentence so you have to listen to them like forever so by the time you get to the verb you've forgotten what their talking about in the first place making them have to repeat the whole thing over and now you know what the verb is but it's rude to interrupt so you have to listen all the way through again," said Anya, finally pausing to take a breath.
"Huh?" mumbled Willow, her eyes glazing over.
"It's really annoying! Not unlike Germans."
"Right, it's...huh? Germans?" repeated Willow.
"Sure. They put their verbs at the end of their sentences. And you can imagine how difficult that makes casting spells in that language. Ever hear of a proficient German spell caster? I don't think so! And I've been around a while, you know? Plus their women never shave their armpits. Oh, um, sorry," cringed Anya. "Maybe you go for that sorta thing?"
"What? Uh, well, you know, I never really thought about...Anya, can we get back to the Chandlerlings here?" sighed Willow.
"Sure. Let's see, where was I? Oh, you can imagine what happens. After a while the other Chandlerlings get lulled to sleep by this constant, um, monotonousness."
Willow again stared at Anya. Anya shrugged.
"To them, the embalming fluid is like coffee. It keeps them awake," explained Anya.
"Oh. So only their young use it?" asked Willow.
"Yes. The older Chandlerites..."
"Wait. Chandlerites?" interrupted Willow.
"Yes. The ling is for the young, the ite is for the old. Got that?" asked Anya.
"Um, I guess," frowned Willow.
"So, the Chandlerites are so boring that no amount of embalming fluid keeps them awake. As you can imagine, they don't talk much as they get older."
"Oookaaay. Um, are there any of these Chandlerlitelings in Sunnydale?"
"Probably not. Other demons find them so boring that they tend to get picked on. The Hellmouth tends to attract demons. More demons means getting picked on more. Hence the lack of Chandlerlings around here. Why do you ask?" asked Anya.
"Oh, a few funeral homes have been broken into recently. Only thing that seems to be missing is small amounts of embalming fluid. I was worried that some new type of demon might be in town but I couldn't find any demons that might want that stuff in the books we have," explained Willow.
"Well, I wouldn't worry too much if a Chandlerling or two is in town. They're really quite harmless and keep to themselves. In fact, they're vegetarians," added Anya.
"Thanks," said Willow, standing up. "I have to get going. And Anya?"
"Yes?" answered Anya. Willow reached out and put a hand on Anya's shoulder.
"How are you doing?" asked Willow softly. Anya smiled but suddenly looked like she might cry.
"Okay. Thanks for asking," nodded Anya, her voice faltering. "How about you?"
"Okay about covers it. You know, if you want to talk, about anything, just call. I'm a good listener," smiled Willow.
"No. More than that. You're a good friend," replied Anya.
"Aw, thanks!"
"Sure you don't wanna do a spell?" beamed Anya. "Because the last time, well, that was kinda..."
"Uh, maybe next time. Gotta go," added Willow quickly as she turned and ran for the door.
*****
Keeping her eyes closed, Willow allowed an image of Buffy to form, yet from this point of view it was as if she was floating above, looking down at her. The image expanded and Willow saw herself now, holding Buffy's hands, each of them sitting cross-legged and facing one another, eyes closed and both slightly swaying. Buffy's lips parted as her breath became shallow and more forceful. Willow responded in turn, her face taut in concentration. She drew air in through her nose, struggling to keep her breathing deep and steady.
Buffy's head tilted downwards and she seemed to lean on Willow more now for support. Her breath was rapid, ragged...and then she opened her eyes. This astonished Willow as she knew Buffy's state of mind, could feel her still deep within the trance. Just before she withdrew into herself again, Willow saw Buffy smile.
Willow opened her eyes...and blinked, suddenly confused. The room around them was grainy, almost in sepia tone. It took a moment for her to recognize that her breathing, or panting for a better word, now matched Buffy's own, struggling as she was with it. Willow slowly raised her eyes, past Buffy's smile, focusing on her eyes, locking onto them. Buffy flinched but never blinked. And now Willow was smiling with her, but in awe, in wonder.
It was as if Willow felt lighter somehow, like when she really nailed a difficult spell. And just like her craft, all the preparation, the effort that came before melted away, forgotten as her tired muscles basked in the afterglow of the task, any worries placated by this sense of accomplishment. And Willow realized that Buffy must feel this way after a strenuous workout...or after a hunt that ended with a successful kill. Yet this feeling, here and now, was more than that. So much more and so difficult to describe. There was a soothing warmth, an embrace that felt familiar, as if...as if...
"Buffy?"
That name. It sounded far away, muted. Buffy let go of Willow's hands and Willow, suddenly dizzy, had to put her hands on the mat to balance herself. She watched Buffy as she stood up and the room seemed clearer, sharper, more in focus.
"Down here, Xander!" called Buffy, breaking the last impressions of the trance.
Willow looked up at her, questioning, and Buffy simply smiled.
"You're not the only one with some experience with deep trance states," whispered Buffy.
"Buffy, wait! I sorta get the how but I'm wrestling with the what. You know, the what as in what just happened?" whispered Willow. But Buffy only smiled.
"Hey guys, whatcha doin'?" asked Xander, stopping halfway down the stairs. He looked first at Buffy then at Willow. The girls glanced at one another and then looked at Xander. Buffy was still smiling but Willow stared at Xander with her mouth slightly open, as if she had just woken up.
And now Xander smiled.
"Excuse the naughty implications, but have you two been doing spells together?" grinned Xander.
"Xander! We were meditating. Willow's been teaching me some techniques to deepen the experience, make it more...fulfilling," nodded Buffy.
"I see. And if Willow is doing the teaching, what's with the flummoxed look?" laughed Xander.
"I'm not...there was no flummoxing! I haven't flummoxed in like...well, just you never mind! And, and what she said! We were meditating," harumphed Willow, standing up and crossing her arms indignantly.
"My bad. Still, I didn't realize that...meditating...was such hard work. I mean, you there with the glistening skin and her with the tousled hair," teased Xander.
Willow narrowed her eyes in a warning glare.
"Oh, and now the furrowed brow! Seems I hit a nerve," chuckled Xander, though with less confidence than before.
"Speaking of hitting," muttered Willow loud enough for Buffy to hear.
"Um, Xander? Give us a minute here, okay? We'll be right up," said Buffy.
"Sure thing. But if I hear a pillow fight start I'm coming down here with Dawn's camera in hand!" warned Xander.
"Hey, you up for the Bronze tonight? I could use some serious down time with my buds" suggested Buffy.
"Hmm, let me check my social calendar," said Xander, lamely searching his shirt and pants pockets. "Can't seem to find it but I'm sure I can clear my schedule."
"Thanks."
Xander stood there for a moment but no one spoke.
"Oh, right! I was exiting," nodded Xander as he turned and walked back up the stairs. Buffy turned to face Willow.
"Hey, don't pout. He was only being..."
"A male?" interjected Willow.
"Okay, I was going to go with only being Xander, but that fits too."
"Sorry. Just...I was kinda in the moment, ya know?" sighed Willow.
"I know! So, where were we?" puzzled Buffy. "Oh, I remember! Something about flummoxing."
At least that got a smile out of Willow.
"Buffy, I, I felt something. But I'm not sure what," frowned Willow.
"Sit," suggested Buffy, sitting down even before Willow did. Once again they faced one another like before.
"Tell me what you felt," said Buffy.
"In words?" laughed Willow. "Wow. That was...have you been casting spells?"
And now Buffy laughed.
"Willow, it was me. I wasn't sure if words would be enough, so I had to let you feel this. See, about what happened to us, they way we fought in the Magic Box..."
Willow cringed but kept her eyes on Buffy.
"I needed you to know, to understand that I forgive you. Don't dwell on it. It's in the past now. You were in pain, the real serious kind. I don't blame you for what happened. Anyway, that's what you felt. I opened myself up to you, so that you would believe me."
"Like what I did for you," nodded Willow absently.
"Yeah. Like that," smiled Buffy. Willow took another deep breath and focused on the smoke curling up from the candle by her side. Buffy reached over and touched her hand, startling Willow.
"We should go upstairs before Xander gets any more ideas in that male head of his," grinned Buffy. "So you up for the Bronze tonight?"
"Yeah, I guess. I mean, we need a night out, right?"
"I know I do! This meditating, it's like coffee! I'm all pumped up, with a need to release some serious energy," smiled Buffy enthusiastically.
"You go up. I need a minute. I need to, um, blow out these candles and, and stuff," shrugged Willow.
"Okay," agreed Buffy, standing up. "Willow?"
Willow looked up but just waited for Buffy to speak.
"Thanks again. With the meditating. It, um...I think it's helping. Really," smiled Buffy.
"I think it is," smiled Willow. Buffy nodded and turned for the stairs, noticing that Willow had made no attempt to blow the candles out. Glancing once back over her shoulder at the top of the stairs, she was surprised to see Willow rubbing her worrystone between thumb and forefinger, a far away look in her eyes. Buffy closed the cellar door behind her.
"Hey, Buff. Isn't Willow coming up?" asked Xander, looking up from peering into the refrigerator.
"Yeah, she's just straightening up a bit down there," said Buffy, suddenly hungry herself. She made her way over to stand behind Xander but didn't see anything she wanted.
"Guess I need to go shopping again," sighed Buffy.
"Buffy, you've been spending a lot of time with Willow lately," said Xander, closing the refrigerator.
"I guess," shrugged Buffy.
"So how's she doing?" asked Xander.
"Doing? Whataya mean?"
"I mean she doesn't talk to me much anymore," said Xander, glancing back at the cellar door as he lowered his voice. "She's keeping a lot of stuff bottled up inside."
"Like what?" asked Buffy, somewhat uncomfortable to be bringing this up with Xander.
"Like her struggling with the magic usage, her fear of hurting people again...and let's not forget about Tara. You know, the big elephant in the room that everyone sees but no one talks about? Oh! Not that I'm comparing...well, you know," sighed Xander.
"I know. And I think she's doing better. Yeah, she has her moments, but overall? Our Willow's coming around," nodded Buffy, now glancing at the cellar door herself.
"I know it's way too soon for Will to get into a relationship again, but you know what she needs?"
"What?" ventured Buffy suspiciously.
"A rebound girl. And not even something as serious as a date. Just...just someone to let her know she's still special. Let her know that she is still alive, that she can have an impact on another person. Preferably a girl, of course, in keeping with the boosting of what's left of her bruised ego. Am I making any kind of sense?" frowned Xander.
Buffy looked at Xander and then her eyes drifted back to the cellar door.
"I'm not, am I?" sighed Xander. "I'm just a big dummy when it comes to matters of the heart."
"What? Oh, actually you are."
Xander raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Making sense, I mean! Not the other part," corrected Buffy. "And you know what? Maybe Will needs a night out even more than I do. And you need to tell her that."
"Thanks. That's...what? I need to tell her? Tell her what, exactly?" asked Xander nervously.
"Xander, don't look so flummoxed. This is just the thing! Hell, we all need a night out. Our egos don't need just a little boost, they need a big kick in the ass!"
"Huh? Buffy, I'm not so sure my ass needs any more kicking."
"I said your ego, not your ass! Here's the plan. We go to the Bronze, have a few beers, meet some total strangers for a dance or two, have a good time and leave. No strings attached, just some harmless fun," smiled Buffy enthusiastically.
"Buffy, I don't know..."
"What were you saying about kicking your ass?" threatened Buffy.
"Okay, I get the message. But what do I tell Will?"
"We'll both tell her. Just follow my lead. But stress that she needs to dress like she's out to break some hearts. This might be harmless flirting but if you're going to do it ya might as well do it up right!"
Xander frowned, unconvinced.
"And you too! You clean up nicely. Go buy yourself some new duds. We need a break in our routines," said Buffy.
"Hard to argue with that," agreed Xander. Just then the front door opened and Dawn walked in, making her way over to the refrigerator.
"Hey. What's up? And why isn't there anything in here to eat?" sighed Dawn.
"Okay, I get the hint. Xander, can you take me to the grocery store?" asked Buffy.
"No problem. Don't you wanna talk to Willow first?"
"Willow's here?" asked Dawn.
"Yeah, she's downstairs," nodded Buffy.
"Good, I have to ask her something," smiled Dawn.
Buffy almost asked what Dawn wanted to know but her sister quickly, and somewhat excitedly, walked away. She reached the bottom stair just as Willow was blowing out the last candle.
"Hey, Dawnie," smiled Willow.
"Hi, Willow! Did you...hey, have you been crying?" asked Dawn.
"Oh, um, yeah, but it's nothing. Happy tears. Buffy and I, we were meditating and it, um, was pretty intense," explained Willow, wiping her eyes. She slipped her worrystone back into her pocket as she stood up.
"Intense? I thought meditating was all peaceful and relaxing."
"Sometimes. Depends on...well, let's just say it can also be a real eye-opener. If you allow yourself, you can stir up some powerful emotions. And this state you attain heightens and sharpens your senses, so you can...uh, never mind. I think you get the idea," said Willow, blushing slightly.
"Oh. So, uh, did you learn anything demon-wise from Anya?"
"Not really. There may be these demons that are fans of the TV show Friends that use embalming fluid, but I guess they're fairly uncommon and kinda harmless," said Willow.
"Huh?"
"See, they're called...oh, it doesn't matter. There hasn't been any more reports about funeral home thefts and this doesn't really seem to be turning into such a big threat. Guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens," shrugged Willow.
"I guess," agreed Dawn. "But hey, it was fun. Doing research with you again, I mean."
"Yeah," smiled Willow. "It really was. Almost seems like old times."
"It did, didn't it? I miss that," smiled Dawn as she left. Willow thought about that.
"Me too," whispered Willow to herself.
*****
Willow adjusted the towel wrapped around her head a little and sat down in front of her dresser. Opening a drawer, she picked up first one lipstick and then another, finally settling on a color. She smiled, remembering that Tara had always liked this color.
Tara. Had she actually made it through almost an entire hour without thinking about her? Wincing, Willow glanced at the photo on her dresser. Tara was sitting in front of her and she was holding her from behind, arms wrapped so tightly around her, both smiling, her red hair pressed against her girl's shoulder.
Willow took a deep breath and looked away. Do what makes you happy. Isn't that what Tara would say to her now? Isn't that what she would want? Willow put her elbow up on the dresser and leaned her chin against her hand, playing with the lipstick in her hand, rolling it between her fingers.
"All done in the shower?" called Buffy, sticking her head into Willow's room.
"What? Oh, yeah. It's all yours," answered Willow. Buffy walked up behind Willow and put a hand on her shoulder, watching her in the mirror.
"You okay?" whispered Buffy, giving Will's shoulder a little squeeze. Willow looked up and met Buffy's smiling eyes.
"Yeah. I think I am," nodded Willow.
"We're going to have a good time tonight. Or else...well, there is no else. We just are," grinned Buffy.
"Well if you want hot water then you better get into the shower before Dawnie does!" warned Willow. "Girl thinks half an hour is a quick shower."
Buffy nodded and left. Glancing once more at the photograph, Willow put on her lipstick.
*****
Buffy, arms crossed, stared at the clothes she had laid out on her bed. She walked back to stand in front of her closet, shaking her head at her wardrobe and glancing back at the bed. Reaching into the closet, she pulled out a pair of leather pants, studied them, held them up in front of herself, looked into the mirror...and hung the pants back up, again shaking her head.
Walking back towards the bed, her eyes settled on a framed photograph on her dresser. Buffy reached for it and immediately smiled. Xander, Willow and herself, arms around one another, all smiling. She had owned this photograph for a long time now. Had Xander even started dating Cordelia when this was taken? Had Willow even started dating Oz? How long ago that seemed.
But they had all been smiling. When was the last time she had seen her friends smile? Xander? He laughed and smiled even now, most of the time too, though Buffy knew that was just his way of hiding his pain. But Willow, when was the last time she had been happy, the last time she had enjoyed herself enough to simply smile?
Tonight would be different. If only for a little while, they would at least try to have a good time. And perhaps even smile.
Buffy tenderly placed the photograph back on her dresser, walked back to the closet and, smiling, took her leather pants off the hanger.
*****
Willow held up a blouse in front of her and smirked at the mirror. Switching hands and holding up another blouse, she groaned and shook her head.
"Who's the lucky girl?"
Willow turned to see Dawn looking at her with a wide grin on her face. She crossed her arms and leaned against the door, not once taking her eyes off of Willow.
"Girl? What girl?" replied Willow, almost convincingly.
"Come on, Willow! Fess up! You've been primping and preening for the last hour and you can't even decide what to wear. You must be trying to impress someone. Got a date tonight?" teased Dawn.
"Date? Pfft! There's no date. And no primping nor preening either, I might add. I'm primpless and preen-free! Just, well, you never know, you know? Girl's gotta look presentable if she goes out in public," defended Willow indignantly, tossing one of the blouses onto the bed and again holding up the other one in front of herself. Dawn rolled her eyes.
"Willow, I know you and Buffy are going to the Bronze tonight! Okay, so you don't have a date. Still, I gotta believe you're hoping someone notices you," said Dawn, this time almost sympathetically. "So...who's the someone?"
"Just trying to change my luck, Dawnie. Ya mighta noticed I've been in kind of a funk lately," admitted Willow.
"Understandably so," interjected Dawn as she stepped into the room.
"Well, yeah. Thanks. See, I need to feel good about myself again before I can even think about...okay, backing up. That's a biggie right there. One step at a time. Besides, who would notice me?" sighed Willow.
"If you unbutton another button on that blouse, even I'm going to be interested," winked Dawn, trying not to laugh. Willow quickly tossed the blouse in her hand onto the bed and turned her back to Dawn as she buttoned up her shirt.
"Forget the poofy blouse. Go with the skirt and the top you have on."
"Really?" answered Willow appreciatively.
"Yeah. And skip the tights, show a little leg," added.
"How many dates have you been on?" asked Willow fearfully.
"What I lack in experience I make up for with common sense. Speaking of which...Willow, Buffy and Spike, you don't think..."
"No. No way," answered Willow firmly.
"Whew! Good. Maybe she'll meet someone tonight. She so needs to! Have fun."
"Thanks," smiled Willow. "Hey, what are you wearing to that party."
"Haven't decided yet. I'll borrow something from Buffy while she's out tonight. Oh, and if you don't want me to tell Buffy about all this non-preening then I expect to hear some juicy details tomorrow," said Dawn, leaving before Willow could respond.
Willow pouted and shook her head, once again looking into the mirror. Glancing back over her shoulder, she unbuttoned the top button on her blouse. Hesitating a moment, Willow undid another button with a hint of mischief in her smile.
END OF PART THREE