Red Skies at Morning
by TheBear
Chapter 5
[reviews]
Part 5
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"You had sex with Xander?!" Joyce Summers tried to keep her voice down, but it came out as a sort of strangled shout.
Buffy covered her face with her hands, shaking her head. She really, really didn't want to have this conversation, but unfortunately, her brain had failed to censor her mouth, and she had made a comment about waking up to having sex with her best friend while she was still sleeping.
Just then Buffy's words finished filtering through Joyce's mind and she caught the 'in her sleep' part. She wasn't quite as successful at keeping the shout strangled, "YOU HAD SEX WITH *WILLOW?!*"
"God! Mom! Could you shout it a little louder? I don't think they heard you in *China!*" Buffy hissed sarcastically as she walked into the living room and sat down, grabbing a pillow and holding it to her chest as though she could hide behind it.
Joyce sat down on the coffee table in front of her. She could see that her daughter was upset and not a little confused herself. She wanted and explanation, but didn't want to break the fragile detanté they had achieved recently. "Buffy?" she asked gently.
Buffy had been running all the hows and whys through her mind all morning and they began to spill out of her. "I know, mom. 'How could this happen?' 'what's wrong with you?' 'What will people say?'"
Joyce couldn't believe she was actually going to say this, but she had to address at least the last comment before Buffy's self recrimination took over, "Buffy, what ever is going on with you... you can't let it be about what others think. If you ever want to be happy, you have to do what's right for you."
Buffy goggled at this strange creature the aliens had replaced her mother with.
Joyce smiled at the stunned look on her daughter's face, "Didn't think you'd ever hear that from me, huh?"
Buffy shook her head, "Not about this..."
Joyce's brief foray into the realm of supporto-gal ended with a crash as she recalled the subject at hand. "Honey, I meant what I said, but..."
Buffy just raised her brows
"...are you sure this is what is best? You and Willow..."
"I don't know!" Buffy almost wailed. She began pacing back and forth, her aggravation clearly demonstrated.
Joyce was torn between wanting to help, and her own fears and prejudices. She had never had anything against lesbians in general, but she had never imagined her daughter would be a lesbian, either. She was suddenly struck with the memory of their conversation only last night, and she blurted out without thinking, "I thought you liked boys, Buffy. What about that Angel boy you..." she trailed off, unable to say the words- 'had sex with' or even 'slept with' as though saying them out loud would somehow make it more real.
Buffy stopped pacing and whirled on her mother. "That's just it, I *do* like boys. I *did* love Angel, and if he hadn't gone psycho, I still would."
"But now you like girls too?" Joyce asked, confused.
Buffy flopped down on the couch. She was confused too. Plus she couldn't believe that she was having this conversation with her mother. "I don't know, mom. Lately I've been really touchy-feely with Willow..." she trailed off seeing her mother's blush and feeling her own. "No! not... I mean... no sexy, no kissy... just casual stuff- hugs, holding hands..."
Joyce frowned a bit at that, "but you and Willow always hug and hold hands. I thought it was just girlfriends stuff, not *girlfriends* stuff... I mean... you know what I mean!"
Buffy jumped on that, gesturing in agreement, "Exactly! Just best-friends stuff! But, lately... I don't know... hugs last longer, we hold hands longer..." she paused, only just then realizing how much time they spend in physical contact of some kind or other. "Yesterday when she slept over, we woke up holding each other. Nothing happened!" she was quick to point out. "But, we didn't let go right away either." Buffy smiled, remembering the feelings. "It was nice. Really nice. I felt happy holding her."
Joyce couldn't help but ask, "And this morning?"
Buffy ducked her head- she was deeply embarrassed about this morning. Even more mortifying was the fact that it wasn't the being felt up part that she felt bad about. It was the fact that she didn't feel bad about it that made her feel bad. "God, issues much?" she thought, channeling the spirit of Cordelia, apparently.
Plus, she still couldn't believe she was going to tell her mom this. But, she had to tell someone or she would self-destruct.
She began slowly, not meeting her mother's gaze, "We were sleeping, and I woke up. Willow was... touching me." Buffy paused, waiting to see if her mother would have any comment.
Joyce could tell this was very difficult for her daughter. She remained silent, just waiting for her to share what she could. She was surprised to get anything- expecting Buffy to close her out as usual.
Buffy went on after a moment, "I heard her- she was talking in her sleep. Obviously she was dreaming about someone... I was about to wake her up when she said my name. She started talking and I realized she was dreaming about me, and... acting out her dream, I guess."
Joyce, not really wanting specifics, asked, "What happened when she woke up?"
Buffy was happy not to go into any more detail, she couldn't imagine telling her mother that Willow made her cum so hard she was screaming into a pillow. "She wigged, she ran into the bathroom... I wigged and took off running."
"Buffy!" Joyce said, concerned. "Poor Willow, she must be devastated!"
Buffy was upset with herself for that as well. "I know, I know. I shouldn't have taken off, but... I don't know what I would have said! I still don't know for sure. Do I want a relationship with Willow?" the nervous energy was back and she jumped up and began pacing again. "I mean, I love Willow- I couldn't imagine her not being in my life! And we're just the best of friends, and I never thought about girls like that before. I imagined myself kissing Cordelia and was just like, 'Eww, not even going there,' but then I pictured my self kissing Willow and I was all, 'Mmmm!' and shivery; and this morning I... she made me... Wow! I mean, blew Angel clean out of the water! And...
Buffy saw the deer-in-the-headlights look on her mom's face and trailed off. She realized just how much she had shared and gulped loudly. "Uh, can you ignore that last bit? Please? Just forget I ever said it."
Joyce said, "I'm trying to, I really am."
Buffy collapsed once again into the couch and put her head into her hands. "Oooohhh! What am I gonna do?" she whined.
Buffy would later tell Giles that the combination of guilt, confusion, frustration and exhaustion- plus the flu bug that everyone else at school seemed to be suffering from- had led to the verbal hemorrhaging her brain was doing.
Joyce had leaned forward to comfort her daughter, when she heard something that would change both of their lives forever.
"God! How sad is my life? It's not enough that I screw Angel's soul right out of him so he goes on a killing spree. No! I've got to have sex with my best friend on the same night he murders my watcher's girlfriend and almost kills him too! *This* is why I hate being the slayer!" Buffy moaned in aggrandized self-pity.
Hearing a startled gasp, and looking up to find herself almost nose to nose with her mother, who's eyes were wide and glazed, Buffy found one more reason to hate her life.
========== BtVS ==========
Buffy never made it to school that day, and her mother never made it to the gallery.
Heated words had been exchanged, voices had been raised and tears had been shed. Buffy felt sorry for her mom- in the space of less than 24 hours she had learned that her daughter had sex with her best, and also female, friend, who she was now considering having a relationship with. That she'd had sex with an older man. And- oh, by the way- he was really a vampire who had killed several of Buffy's classmates and her computer teacher. Plus, her daughter was really The Slayer- the one girl in all the world chosen to fight the vampires... blah, blah, blah.
She knew her mom still wasn't completely accepting the whole vampire thing. She'd reminded her mom of all the times she had washed blood out of her clothes, and showed her her weapons trunk. She tacked up a playing card to the door frame in her room and threw three knives in rapid succession into the center of the ace of diamonds, and still her mom was in denial. Finally, watching Buffy turn the fire poker into a corkscrew with out braking a sweat convinced her that there had to be some truth to her outrageous story. She had left her sitting on the couch with a tall glass of wine and the corkscrewed fireplace implement. She promised that she and Giles would sit down with her after the funeral tomorrow and try and explain everything.
She just hoped Giles didn't wig too badly when she told him.
Right now though, she needed to go find Willow, throw herself at the girl's feet and beg for mercy for being such a terrible friend that morning.
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Buffy had walked slowly to Willow's house. Thinking about what she was going to say, rehearsing possible opening lines. She had decided that she wanted to try a relationship- a girlfriend relationship. She was plenty scared, but she felt something there; and it felt good- it felt right. She just hoped Willow could forgive her for bailing this morning.
As she approached the front door, she heard Willow talking to Xander- slayer hearing working in her favor- apparently they were in the kitchen. She couldn't help but listen to the tail end of the conversation as she neared the door.
========== BtVS ==========
Willow and Xander had been talking for about an hour by the time Buffy got there. True to his word, he had prepared a scrumptious feast of scrambled eggs and toast. He'd had to cajole her to eat any of it, as she was still quite upset, and her stomach felt all rumbly. She did feel better after she got it down.
Xander had let her set the tone of the conversation, wincing when her first question was about his and Cordelia's relationship.
"What do you see in her, Xander?" she asked, somewhat forlornly.
Xander realized it was crunch time. They could dance around the issue like always, but what she really wanted to know was why he didn't want her.
"You mean, why would I rather be with someone I hate, than be with you?" he asked as gently as he could.
Willow ducked her head, not wanting to admit that, but not denying it either.
Xander hopped up onto the counter across from where Willow was leaning. He looked at his best friend silently until she lifted her head so he could see her eyes. "No matter what I say, Willow, it's going to sound like a bunch of crap- like I'm blowing you off. But, I'm gonna say it anyway, 'cause it's the truth." He paused for a moment, waiting for some response from her.
Finally, Willow nodded her head once.
"You are like my sister, Wills. I know that's cliché, but I swear it's true. I love you with my whole soul. You saved me. Every day we were friends together, you saved me from my crappy family, and from this crappy town. You and Jesse were like the only thing that kept me from losing it. I would risk my life to save yours, Wills. I'd die for you. Without even a thought. Cordy called me on it one night- she was whining that I'd die for you or Buffy, and what would I do for her? And she's right. I love you way more than I love her."
Willow crossed her arms and said with some bitterness, "But..."
Xander sighed deeply. "Yeah, 'but.' I know you won't believe it, but I think you are beautiful when you want to be. That outfit you wore under your ghost costume was hot! I've checked you out on occasion... and I like what I see. It's just... maybe because I've always seen you as my best friend... like a sister..." He threw up his hands in frustration, his brain failing to give him the words to adequately convey his feelings. "I don't know, whatever! All I know is, I want you as my best friend forever. But..."
"But you don't want me as your girlfriend." Willow said resignedly, her arms falling to her sides.
Xander slid down off of the counter and stepped over to Willow. He tucked her hair behind her ear on the right side and looked into her eyes. With tears streaming down from his own eyes he said, "I wished I did, Willow. So many times I wished that I felt that way about you. You would have been the perfect girlfriend, and you deserve to be loved, and I hate that I hurt you so much."
Willow couldn't help but cry when she saw how much he hurt for her. Her pain was his pain, and even though they would never be in love with each other, she felt closer to him at that moment than she had ever felt with anyone in her life. Even if it wasn't exactly what she used to crave from him, she knew his love for her was real and strong. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and felt him envelop her in a fierce hug as well.
They stood there for several minutes, crying in each other's arms.
Finally Xander dropped his arms and took a step back. Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, he joked, "So, you've dropped the ol' Xan-man like a bad habit, and now you're in love with Buffy the vampire slayer."
Willow slapped Xander on the arm, saying, "Jeez, Xander! Cordelia much? Her tactlessness rubbing off on you?"
Xander just chuckled. "I don't hear a denial..."
Willow couldn't deny it of course. "It doesn't give you the wiggins?" she asked, still scared of being rejected by Xander as well as Buffy.
Xander hopped back up onto the counter. "Seriously, Willow- I never thought of you deciding to play for the home team, but... no. no wig here." He grinned, "If you told me you were falling for Harmony..."
Willow quickly interrupted, "Ugh! Xander! Please, I just ate!"
Xander laughed at the look of disgust on her face.
Willow did a full-body shudder at the thought of kissing the chief Cordette. A cruel thought came to mind and she couldn't stop herself from saying it out loud- "Besides, if I wanted to make time with a cruel, evil bitch... Oh, wait, I forgot. She's already taken." She waited for his reaction.
It took Xander a moment to catch the reference. Then, "Hey!"
Willow laughed delightedly at the look on Xander's face. "Sorry, Xan, I just call 'em like I see 'em!"
Xander shook his head ruefully, knowing he deserved that for the Harmony reference. "Only I could date the most popular girl in school and get grief from my friends for it.
They both laughed at that.
After a moment, Willow's face fell and she plaintively asked, "What am I going to do, Xander? After I... after..." she gestured helplessly for a moment, trying to find the right words. Giving up, she said, "After this morning... She must hate me, Xander."
"No way, Wills. Buffy could never hate you!" Xander interrupted.
"Well, she took off fast enough, and she hasn't called..."
Xander tried to reassure her, "I'm sure she's confused too, Wills."
Just then they both jumped when there was a knock at the door.
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