I'll see you in my heart
by Norwalker
Part 14
[reviews]
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I'll see you in my heart
Part 14
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Buffy is pacing back and forth at the airline terminal gate.
Her flight to San Francisco has been delayed due to weather. The snow has closed Hopkins International Airport, and all flights have been delayed anywhere from two to four hours. Buffy is restless, and needs some way to dissipate her nervous energy. Just when things seem to be going right, just when all the little bits seem to be coming together, this has to happen.
The last week has been particularly stressful for Buffy. She's been working extra long days to try to clear up her work enough so that she can take some time off. Why is it, when something important comes up in your life, hundreds of little obstacles seem to get in the way? At least, that's the way it seems to Buffy. For everything that she accomplished, five more things would pop up needing attention. For every problem that was resolved, a bunch more would come up. With the pressure the job, and anticipation of seeing Willow again, by the end of the week Buffy was a nervous wreck. Faith, seeing her bud slowly turning into a bundle of nerves, finally intervened towards the end the week.
Buffy was sitting at her desk, looking at the mountain of paper work that seemed to keep growing, rather than getting smaller. The matter how much time she put in his last week, no matter how much she worked, she just couldn't get caught up. it was driving her nuts. She was going to leave for San Francisco in two days, but she couldn't get this done she wouldn't be able to go. That's so wasn't going to happen. Nothing, nothing was going to keep her from going to San Francisco on time.
At that moment, her office door bangs open. Faith is standing in the doorway, hands on hips. She was staring at her sister slayer, a mischievous grin on her face.
"Faith, what's up?" Buffy asks. "Is an important? I really kinda busy right now".
"You bet your ass it's important. Get your butt up, B. We're getting out of here!" Faith says, her tone brooking no argument.
"Faith! I'm up to my eyeballs here! I can't just take off and go play with you!" Buffy complains. "Why don't you give me a hand here, and maybe I can get done faster"
"Sure, B." Faith smiles, putting on an innocent look. "You need to clear your desk, right ?"
"Yeah, I do" Buffy says, getting a little is suspicious.
"Alrighty, then. Let me help ya out." Faith says. She walks over to Buffy's desk, calmly picks up a stack of papers and tosses them into the air. "There. All done. Let's go"
"FAITH!!! What the hell are ya doing? Oh God, I'm so screwed. I'll never get done now!" Buffy moans.
"B.! I've been watching ya make yourself nuts here. This so stops right now. Believe me, there are eager beaver paper pushers around here that be more than glad to wade through this mess. You're done, as of now. And we're going out dancin'. You need to blow off some steam, and I'm gonna see ya do!" Faith has her patented don't give me no crap girlfriend look on.
Buffy, exasperated, looks at Faith. Then she looks at the papers scattered all over office. Then she looks at Faith again, and she starts to giggle. The giggle builds into a laugh, and pretty soon she's leaning back in her chair, laughing like an idiot. Faith, seeing Buffy finally relax for the first time in what seems like months, starts laughing with her. Pretty soon the both of them, acting like kids, are dancing and jumping around the office, just having a good old time. Buffy hasn't felt this lighthearted in... well, she can't remember when. Finally, the two women, having a total mess of the place, walk out the door and slam it behind them. They're going dancing, they're gonna blow off some steam, and frankly, right now, they don't give a damn it this place falls into hell dimension, and burns down. They want fun; they need fun; and they're damn well gonna have fun!
Buffy slows her pacing. "This is so no good. I'm making myself worse, pacing like a caged lioness. Sit, Buffy, relax. It's not going to get the plane up in the air any faster if you wear a hole in the cheap airport carpeting." Buffy sits, trying to settle down. She starts tapping unconsciously on the chair. Tap, tap, tappety tap. Pretty soon the other passengers are looking at her, annoyed. She finally realizes what she's doing, and blushes. " Sorry, sorry!" She says, as she gets up to pace again. Realizing she's back to pacing, she stands stock still... but that doesn't last long. She is like one huge nerve ending, and staying still seems impossible. Finally, in exasperation, she starts to wander around a bit, anything to try to settle herself down
"Why am I so damned hyper? God, you'd think I downed a dozen double mocha lattes. It was only two...wasn't it? Yeah, two. So, why am I jumping out of my skin, already?" She huffs, and sits herself back down. That lasts for all of 5 minutes until her body needs to be moving again. Somehow, she just can't settle herself down.
What she may not be realizing is that the thought of seeing Willow again is pulling her in opposite directions. On the one hand, she all excited and happy. This is what's she been wanting since Willow left Cleveland. Not only did Will seem to want to see her, but also admitted she'd been just as lonely for Buffy as Buffy had been for her. It seems that there was a real chance for them this time. If she's real careful, if she's more sensitive to Will's needs, maybe this time they can make a go of it. She'd have to be real careful this time to make sure the Will understood that she was wanted, needed, and loved. She knew that if she blew it this time, it would be her last chance. And that was the other thing that was pulling at her. In a way, seeing Will was terrifying for her. These last six months have really changed her. Her self-confidence is not what it used to be. She is still full of unresolved issues concerning intimacy. She's been working hard, really hard, to try to overcome the feelings of rejection she's had in previous relationships. But there's still a lot of work to do. She knows in her heart there's no magic wand that will just make everything perfect. She knows she deeply hurt Willow last time. Until she got up the guts to call her, she thought she'd lost her forever. She was still amazed that Willow was taking her back. She had to be perfect this time. And if she lost Willow again, she didn't know what she would do. And that scared her.
"Four more hours of this? God, I'm gonna be ready for the padded room. I wonder if Will is going as crazy on her end? Geeze, Will! Damn, Willow is supposed to meet my plane at San Francisco international. She'll get nuts when my plane is late. I'd better call her, tell her not to come. Bad enough one of us is bouncing off the walls." Buffy pulls out her cell phone, and dials Willow's home phone number. The number rings and rings, and finally Willow's machine picks it up.
"Hi, you've reached the residence of Willow Rosenberg. I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now but if you leave your name, phone number, and a brief message, I'll call you back as soon as I can. Blessed be!"
"Hi, Will, this is Buffy. 555-7725. Just calling to let you know that the planes are grounded in Cleveland because of bad weather. Right now they're saying we have a two to four hour delay. There's no use for you to go to the airport and wait for me. I'll just come to your place, catch a cab or something. Love you honey."
She's not home. Great. I hope she's not already on her way. Man, if she has to wait for my plane, not knowing what's going on, she's gonna be all upset and worried by the time I get there. Lets see if she gave me her cell number. Ahhh... it's here. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Buffy dials Willow's cell, but it's turned off, as voice mail comes right up. She leaves her a message anyway, hoping she'll get it. Damn...where IS she, anyway? Buffy, a little worried, sits down and tries to wait out delay. But she's still on edge, and retries Willow's cell phone every five or ten minutes, without success. Finally she gives up, and sits quietly, nervously clenching and unclenching her hands.
Oh, man, this is so not going well!
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Willow, at the moment, is dead to the world.
About 45 minutes ago, exhausted, she fell into a deep sleep. She'd been running around like mad for the last week, trying to prepare for Buffy's arrival. She wanted everything to be just perfect. Between work, housecleaning, shopping and all the other 1000 sundry details she needed to take care of, she'd pooped out. She knew she had to meet Buffy at the airport in a few hours, but she figured, I'll just take a short nap, and be rested. Yeah...
" C'mon, we're gonna be late!" Buffy calls out. Willow opens her eyes at the sound of Buffy's voice. Buffy? HERE? When did she get here? She starts to sit up, and notices she's covered in a sticky wetness... and the room has a coppery smell to it. She looks down at herself, and she's covered in BLOOD!!!! She jumps out of the bed, and backs away from it. Lying in the bed is Dawn, and she's covered in blood too... but she's not moving. Her eyes are fixed, like she's... Oh, god...NO.... Willow backs into a corner, looking around for the fiend that did this. She scans the room, then her eyes stop, The mirror...the full length mirror on the closet door...she can't see herself in it! But, she's directly opposite it, and should be able to... she puts her hands to her face...and feels the brow ridges...oh...no....
At that moment, Buffy bursts into the room. She's carrying a stake. She sees Dawn, and moves towards her. She cries out "Nooo" , and her face is grief stricken. She goes to Dawn, feeling for a pulse. None is present. She looks up, and looks at Willow, her face contorted in rage.
"You!" She screams. " You did this to her! I'm so gonna kill you now!" Buffy advances on her, but Willow backs away...they're no longer in a bedroom, but outside
" No, Buffy, no" Willow pleads. " I didn't kill Dawnie, honest!"
" C'mon, Will. Do you think I'm stupid? You're covered in her blood. I know what you did. You're jealous of me, always been jealous 'cause I'm the slayer, and your nothing. Well, now I'm really gonna make you nothin... but dust!" Buffy threatens her, and comes at her with the stake.
"No...Buffy, please I didn't do it. Honest. I'd never hurt ... " but she doesn't get to finish, as at that moment, Buffy drives the stake home, and she turns to dust....
"Quiet Down, Class" The teacher calls out. She turns to the class, and says" We'll now hear Ms. Rosenberg's book report on " Huckleberry Finn".
Willow is back in Sunnydale high. She's dressed in a jumper and top, like the first day she met Buffy. She looks nervous. She doesn't have her book report. She never read the book. Matter of fact, she never knew there was an assignment. She stands there, shifting her weight from foot to foot, trying to think of something to say.
In the class are all the people she's ever known. Her parents, Buffy, her mom, Dawn, Riley, Tara, Oz, Xander, and all the rest. They sit at their desk's , their hands patiently folded on top. Some are looking at her, whispering to each other, and giggling.
"Well, Ms. Rosenberg? You're report?" The teacher says, sternly.
"Uhhh... I ...I don't have it. I... never read the book" Willow confesses, nervously." I didn't know there was an assignment".
"I must say, I'm VERY disappointed . Well, class, you know what we do to slackers, don't you?" The teacher says, turning to the classroom.
"YAAAAY!!!! Pie her, Pie her!" They yell out. They reach under their desks, and pull out a stack of pies. Each takes a pie, and throws it at Willow. The first pie hits, then another, and another, and another. Willow stands there, weeping, trying to cover herself as pie after pie strikes her. She's being hit by pie after pie. She can't see the audience anymore, being covered in meringue, but she can hear them. They're laughing at her, calling her names.
"Hey, this is fun!" Buffy says. She takes another pie, and aims it at Willow.
"Well, we only get the best and biggest geeks at targets" Xander says, throwing his pie.
"You mean...." Buffy starts, but both she and Xander finish." WILLOW!!!!" They both launch another pie at the stunned and crying Willow.
She falls on the slippery mess on the floor, and curls up into a ball....
She finds herself in Buffy's living room at Revello drive. She's preparing for a movie night. She has the popcorn out, and is bringing out some other munchy goodness. On the table are all of hers and Buffy's favorites. She's been looking forward to this night for awhile. It's been a long time since they spent some time together watching videos and just hanging out.
Buffy descends the stairs, dressed to the nines. She is wearing a black cocktail dress, patent heels and a gold chain-belt is cinching her waist. She is wearing a velvet choker with a cameo at the throat. Her makeup is perfect, and her hair is swept up into a bun on her head. She looks gorgeous. Willow sees her, and she just goes "Wow" to herself.
"Buffy? What's up? Why the fancy dress?" Willow asks, confused.
"Goin' out, Will." Buffy says, descending the stairs." See ya"
"But... but I thought we were spending tonight together. Having a movie night. I got everything ready..." Willow says, feeling a little hurt.
Buffy turns to her, and looks at her like she's some bug on a slide.
"Stay in? With YOU? C'mon, Will, you're kidding, right?" Buffy says, her tone sarcastic.
"Buffy?" Willow says, not understanding.
"PUH-lease, Willow! Spend time with YOU? You gotta be kidding!" Buffy laughs, her tone mocking." I'm goin' out, have some REAL fun. God, why would I want to be with YOU? I can have anyone I want. And that isn't you, Will!" Buffy says, her tone just this side of harsh. She looks at Willow's crestfallen face, and her expression changes. She comes over to Willow and puts an arm on her shoulder." There, there Will. It's ok. I'm sure there's someone for you." Buffy says, her tone a little too syrupy." Some nice little geekazoid just you're style" She smiles at Will, but it's a mocking smile. At that moment, there's a knock at the door. " I'll get that" Buffy says, walking to the door, and opening it.
Willow feels like someone just kicked her in the tummy. She stands there, feeling like something you wipe off your shoe, listening as Buffy talks to the person at the door. " Hey, Will, here's someone to see you now!" Buffy calls out, in a light tone.
Buffy opens the door wide, and in staggers the flayed corpse of Warren Mears. It turns, and starts to move towards Willow. Willow backs up, clearly frightened and upset.
"Now, you kids behave while I'm gone, ok?" Buffy calls out, her tone lightly mocking. " Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Ta Ta" Buffy walks out the door, slamming it behind her.
Willow stands frozen in shock and horror, as the corpse of Warren moves closer and closer to her.
"Willow" the corpse gasps out." God, this hurts. Why'd you flay me, Willow?"
It's upon Willow, who's too much in shock to move. It's hands surround Willow's neck, and it starts to choke her.
"Let's see how you like being dead" Warren's corpse utters, as it squeezes Willow's neck. Willow feels herself gasping, then growing faint, the pain of the choking lessening as the lights grow dimmer...and dimmer...then she passes out.
She wakes up in a dark place. Very dark. There is no light but a single spotlight at the other end of the room. A cloud of smoke appears in the light, and D'Hoffryn is standing there, his arms upraised, looking heavenwards.
"I am the Lord of Arashmaharr. Worship me, for I'm the Lord of Vengeance and Pain. Fear me for I bring pain and suffering. Bow to me, and I will grant your heart's desire...."
"Oh, it's you again, Ms. Rosenberg!" D'Hoffryn, noticing Willow, smiles. Or the closest thing he can manage. " How've you been?"
"F-F- Fine... you?" Willow asks, clearly afraid of the Vengeance Lord.
"Oh, well. You know how it goes. Things are up and down. Since you and the Slayer defeated the First, and sealed the Hellmouth, things have been a bit down. But, fear not. Knowing humankind, things will be picking up soon." D'Hoffryn says, chatting along like this is the most natural thing in the ...well, Hell dimension for him. " So, have you reconsidered my offer?"
"Offer? ....Oh, to become a Vengeance Demon. No, sorry" Willow says. D'Hoffryn really looks disappointed.
"That's really too bad. I still say you'd be an excellent Vengeance demon. Ah well, so, why ARE you here, then?" D'Hoffryn asks.
" I... I really don't know. I just sorta appeared here." Willow says, puzzled herself.
"Hmmm... Odd. Oh, I know, you must be dreaming again. You're a very powerful Witch. Well" D'Hoffryn says, waving his hand in front of her. " It's time for you to wake up, Willow"
" Wake up, Willow."
Wake UP, Willow. Now!"
WAKE UP, WILLOW. You're gonna be late!!!"
Dawn is shaking Willow, who is still in the grip of her dreams. She wakes up, and looks around
"God, Dawnie!. How long have I been asleep?" Willow asks, jumping off the couch. She is a bit sore from sleeping awkwardly.
"I dunno. It's like 7 p.m." Dawn says, checking her watch.
"Oh, goddess, I've been asleep for HOURS. I'm so late, I'll never make it to the airport on time. Buffy's gonna be freaking!" Willow says, starting to run around like mad.
"Willow. Wait! Chill! There's a message on the machine!" Dawn says, trying to stop the witch from going nuts." It's from Buffy. Her plane was grounded in Cleveland. All flights have been delayed. She's gonna come here by cab. She was afraid you'd be stuck at the airport for hours waiting for her."
"Really?" Willow says, relieved. She was so afraid she'd miss Buffy... and the possible consequences of that.
As you can see, gentle reader, our Willow has her own issues when it comes to our favorite blonde slayer. Despite all she's been through, despite how she's matured, and how much confidence she's gained about herself, she still has lingering doubts and insecurities when it comes to Buffy.
Ever since she met her, Buffy hasn't only been her friend. No, Buffy has been her hero, too. An example of what she, Willow, would like to be. Brave, strong, socially adept... and being totally cute doesn't hurt, either. Many times she's wished SHE were Buffy, the slayer, the chosen one. Being the one out front, battling the Big Bad, doin the slayer thing, and getting the kudos and admiration. In large part, it's because of Buffy that Willow started studying magic, becoming powerful in her own right. Enjoying the good parts of that, and paying in pain for the dark parts of that.
But it's more than that. It seems like forever she's admired Buffy, and crushed on Buffy. I think that probably is the sweetest thing about Willow. Despite her experiences, despite her own remarkable power, despite everything about her, when it comes to the diminutive slayer, she still feels like the 16 year old computer geek, crushing badly on the popular cheerleader. Despite the lovers she's had over the years, Buffy has always held a special place in her heart. Buffy ... has touched Willow in a way that no one else can touch her, has a part of Willow that no one else can touch.
But it's always the way in these kind of things. Willow, despite her strength, her power, her maturity and intelligence, still feels like she's unworthy of Buffy. Go figure. She still carries a low self-image, despite how far she's come. She always feels she has to be better, stronger, and well, sexier to measure up to her friend. Yes, you and I know it's nonsense. We know that Buffy adores Willow just as she is. But, try to convince the Red-head of that. Sigh.
So, you can see how Buffy's...reluctance(or fear of intimacy) could be interpreted by Willow as rejection. Of herself. How much it would hurt Willow, who isn't all that convinced of her own cuteness and sexiness. And, after loving Buffy for like, forever, how that would cut her deep, very deep.
So, while our blonde slayer has been getting help for her relationship problems, Willow has been working to overcome her own fears. She meditates more, and has been going to a therapist twice a week to work on her self esteem issues. Like Buffy, she's made progress, but still has a ways to go.
Willow sits down, just starting to relax again, when Dawn enters the room. Dawn walks over to Willow.
" Maybe I should do my disappearing act now, before Buffy gets here" Dawn says to Willow." I was going to wait 'til you went to the airport, but since that's not going to happen now...."
"Dawn. You really don't have to go. We can tell Buffy you're here on holiday...and then talk to her later about you staying" Willow says. She likes the slayer's sister, a lot. She feels bad keeping secrets from Buffy. When did life get so complicated, anyway? Willow asks herself.
"Nawww...What, and watch you two make googly eyes at each other? Please! I like my tummy, don't like making it go weird" Dawn chides Willow, gently. " Anyway, you two probably want some privacy, and...frankly I so don't want to watch" She laughs.
Willow can't help but chuckle.
"Ok, Dawnie. If that's really what you want. Give me a call tomorrow, and we'll start plotting on " Operation, Win Over Buffy" , ok?" Willow says, conspiratorially.
" You betcha. I love keeping secrets from Sister dearest" Dawn giggles. She gets up, and heads for the door." Oh, and play nice now... make Buffy all nice and feel- good so she'll be more amenable, ok?" Dawn smiles, opening the door.
" That's the plan, Dawnie" Willow giggles. " And not JUST for your benefit"
"K. Later, Auntie Will" Dawn says, heading out the door.
"HEY, knock that off. God, make me feel old, why don't ya?" Willow laughs, as the door closes.
Willow is kicking back on the couch, thinking about all the things she wants to say to, and do with, Buffy. Her eyes get a soft , and her face gets a little glow going. This is going to be so good, so sweet, she thinks to herself. It's going to be perfect! She smiles to herself, and at that moment she hears a soft knock.
Showtime! Moment of truth, Will. Get up, and let her in. Willow, now that the moment is here, is a total bundle of nerves, of course. She goes to the mirror, and checks herself out, making sure she looks perfect. She straightens herself out, and walks to the front door. She stands for a second, working up her courage. She opens the door, saying:
"Hi, Baby, I've missed you...." and the words freeze in her throat.
Buffy isn't standing at the door.
Instead, it's a taller woman, with long, straight dark hair, and piercing dark eyes. She is dressed in form-fitting jeans, a denim jacket, and a red blouse. She smiles at Willow.
"Hey, Wills. How ya been?" She says.
Willow nearly chokes. " K-K-Kennedy? What are YOU doing here?" Willow says, her heart sinking. Where the hell did SHE come from... and why NOW?????
"Gee, Wills. Aren't you the least bit happy to see me?" Kennedy frowns.
"Ummm... not particularly. As I remember, we parted on not the best terms...and I think that was all you're doing." Willow says.
Kennedy looks down." I know, Wills. I so deserve that. I... said awful things to both you and to Buffy. I ... I'm terribly sorry about that. I've changed Willow. That girl, that girl at the hotel doesn't exist anymore".
"Why do I find that hard to believe, Kenny?" Willow says." People don't change that easily, or that often"
" I really have changed, Wills" Kennedy says, quietly." I've been through a lot since then. Seen a lot. It hasn't been pretty."
" Still, Kenny. That doesn't mean that you've really changed." Willow says, not unkindly. But, not believing, either.
"It does when you watch you're friends die around you. It does when , because of your own pride and foolishness, watch as a nest of demons tear apart those who you're leading. It does, when your best friend is torn apart in front of your eyes" Kennedy says, her eyes misting over. The memories are painful, as is the guilt. She stands, arms at her side, looking small and sorrowful.
"Oh , goddess, Kenny, I didn't know! That must have been terrible" Willow says, commiserating.
"It was, Wills." Kennedy says, quietly, but her voice full of emotion." And it was all my fault, Will. They told me I was too green to take on these demons. They told me I needed more experience, more training. But, as you know all too well, Wills, I let my pride and bravado get in the way. I got a group of friends and some of the younger, foolhardier slayers together, and formed a demon posse. We went hunting. And we found them. The nest. We had weapons, and surprise on our side. At first, it looked good, it looked like we would take them. But they were too much for us, Wills. They were too much. Slowly, the tide turned, and one by one, my friends, and those young slayers died. God, Wills, one was barely 15 years old!" Kennedy stops, a sob going through her." Only me and one other slayer got out. We ran, Wills. We ran, and left them. I — I such a fucking coward, Wills. I left them to be eaten by those monsters. I should have stayed, Wills. I shoulda died with them. But I was scared. I didn't want to die. So I ran. I've been running since" Kennedy stares at the ground. It's plain to see that she's not the same cocksure, brash girl she used to be.
Willow looks at the broken girl, and feels an empathy for her. It wouldn't be human not to. She never hated Kennedy, not really. She just never liked her particularly. She thought at one time she loved her, but that was shattered that morning in the hotel garden. But now, the girl was different. Very different. Will, being her sweet self, gathers the sobbing girl in her arms, and hugs her, trying to comfort her.
Out of the darkness comes a familiar, and not too happy voice.
"Ummm... what exactly is going on here?" Buffy says, coming into the light of the porch.
She sees who Willow is hugging, and her stomach lurches.
"Kennedy!"
Willow, holding Kennedy in her arms, the girl crying on her shoulder, looks at Buffy. Buffy doesn't look exactly pleased.
"Oh, ... poop" She thinks.
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TBC