Encounter
by Norwalker
Part 6
[reviews]
Encounter
By Norwalker
Part 6 of
Summary: A little tale of Buffy and Willow post "Chosen" (like about 10 years after). Really don't like writing too much about the story in the summary, but it's been a long time since the old best friends have seen each other. What happens? Read on.
Rating: R probably for language, adult themes, and some sex stuff.
Category: It's Willow and Buffy... you gotta ask? Ok, Angst/Romance/Drama.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own the characters. I get nothing from this except the pure satisfaction of telling a story. Don't blame them if the story sucks.
Warning: Adult themes, suggested violence, sexual situations. Lovemaking between members of the same gender. Not for children... if you're ten, you really shouldn't be reading this!
Author's note: Ok, I think I've tortured the two enough. Some of the stuff below is gonna stretch credibility a bit, but hey...lets have some fun, ok? I wanna see them together in the worst way!
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Willow is in total panic mode.
She's up in her room, after just leaving Buffy downstairs to contemplate the mysteries of Willowosity. The problem is, at least from Willow's perspective, is that she doesn't understand WHY she just did that.
What the hell am I doing? Willow scolds herself, pacing around her room. I've so blown this! What's with the "hard to get" act, Will? God, like that's so gonna drive her away! What do I think? This is high school? We gotta play games or something? "Chase me Buffy, Woo me Buffy. Make me feel important, Buffy!" Am I going totally insane? What makes me even think she's gonna give a rat's patootie. Ok, she said she had feelings for me, big deal. That means she gonna go around like some lovesick puppy and sit up and beg? Not that begging would be bad. Buffy begging, and panting ... and oh... WILLOW,STOP! Get a grip. Buffy's not gonna beg. She's not gonna woo. She's probably gonna just write me off, and then go find someone else. And I want that? ARE YOU NUTS? I get her delivered into my lap, she's obviously changed in her feelings towards me, wants ME, and what do I do? Throw her out of my lap and say " Not good enough, skywrite it for me now, ok?". Dumb, dumb, dummy! Maybe if I go back downstairs, plead temporary insanity, we can get to the smoochies. We can get to hugging and yummy parts!
But is that what I really want? I mean, ok, I'm not a little Jewish nun, here. I want smoochies, lots and lots of smoochies, followed by hugs and petting and lots of yummies. But is that really all I want? Don't think so! I want Buffy, but I want her to be more than a one-nighter. I want her to be an every-nighter. I love her so much, I get butterflies in my tummy when I think about her for too long, my heart gets all achy and pitty-patty and it gets really hard to breathe. God, you'd think I was still 16, the way she makes me feel. But it's a good feel, too. And I don't want it to be ruined by hopping in bed with her, and then finding that she only wanted me because she was lonely. God, I'd die if after we touched, she decided that there wasn't anymore to it. As it is , it's tough to take. But at least if we don't get all hot and sweaty, I can deal. Sorta. But if I give her everything now, before I really know how she feels, and It goes blewy, I think I'd just die.
So, I gotta know. She's gotta prove to me that she really wants me. Not just for now, but forever. That I'm the one she really loves, really wants. For her sake, too! I mean, if we do it, and it's... wrong, don't you think she's gonna be weirded, too? And... what'll it mean to our friendship? God, no matter what, I don't want to lose that! NOT AGAIN!!! No, gotta be tough girl here. Gotta make her earn it. It'll be good for both of us. I gotta hang in there, not get all melty when she looks at me with those sweet hazel eyes. Not get all tingly when she touches me. Not get all nervy when she looks at me. Shoot this is so gonna be tough. I'm ready right now to strip naked and call out " Take me Buffy". How'm I gonna act cool when she starts putting on the press? When she gives me that lost puppy look she's so damned good at? Why the heck am I made of marshmallow, and not steel?
Why can't they make it easy? Why does love, being in love, gotta suck so much?
Willow lies on the bed, half pouting, and half sighing. Knowing it's gonna be another lonely night. And it's probably gonna be that way for awhile.
You so better get that cute lil butt of yours in gear, Buffy, Willow thinks, I'm not waiting forever, you know. I'm giving you one, two years tops. Got it?
God Will. You're too easy!
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"What have I gotten myself into?" Buffy mutters out loud as she climbs the stairs to her room. She reaches the top of the stairs, and makes a left, passing her own room to look in on Joy. The young girl is sleeping, clutching her favorite( at least, this week) stuffed toy. A smile tugs at her lips; she remembers how long she slept with Mr. Gordo clutched under her arm. She walks in, and adjusts the little girls covers. She leans over, and softly kisses her forehead. She pads quietly out of the room, not to wake her.
In her own room, she sits on the bed, not bothering to undress. She just stares out the window, lost in thought.
She has to admit it to herself: She's at a loss here.
Buffy's a slayer. Her 'natural' instincts make her a hunter. But in the romance department, it's different. She's the one pursued, not the pursuer. She's the woo-ee, not the woo-er. Now, in the blink of an eye( or the throwing of a kiss ), she finds the tables turned on her. Suddenly she has to be the one chasing after the elusive, wily Willow, and she's at a loss of what exactly to do. She feels dumb; Clem the slack-jawed yokel has nothing on her at the moment. C'mon, Buff. This is like slaying. Find the target, pursue the target, slay the target? No...that's not right... but it's gotta be the same idea. She wants you to chase her, catch her. Make her feel important and sexy and wanted. Kinda I guess like the nymph, being followed by that goat legged guy...what is that? Satyr...right... ummm... dunno 'bout that image though. Hairy legs? Ewww... growing horns? Ewww... Ewww. Buffy shudders.
Buffy sighs. So I guess it's like, dating and flowers and stuff. But... isn't dating about getting to know someone? Aren't we kinda past that? I mean we've been friends forever. Best friends, right? So, what's more to know? Duh! Like, you've been out of touch what? 10 years, girl? Don't you think she's changed, just a little. I mean, look around. Obviously not only is she like, super smart. She's so ... business gal too. Who're her friends now? Does she still like old movies? Somehow I can't see her tossing popcorn at the screen anymore( God, I know I can't... Joy would so bust me for it, after I get after her to be neater!). She still has her own language that sometimes defies the laws of English. I know she liked puppies... used to, anyway. But when she and Tara were together, they had a kitty. Maybe she likes cats better now? Does drinking coffee still make her a little goofy? What kinda music does she like now? Face it, Buffy. There's lots you don't know about her now. She's changed, you've changed. Maybe...
No... don't want to think that. I really can't believe that after all our years together, we've grown too far apart for us to be an * us *. I know we gotta still have some common ground. Sure, we change, but the core person, the stuff that makes us ...well, us, that doesn't change, does it? What we believe, that stays pretty much the same. The important stuff I'm thinking, that's gonna be the same.
Buffy gets up and paces a little. She knows she getting close, but there's more. 'k , I'm starting to get it a little, I think. I need to learn more about who she is now. See if we still fit somewhat that way. Also, I need to make her feel important. As if she's not, but she has to know I feel that way. But how'm I gonna do that? how do I let her know that she's the one, the only one? I mean, I kinda dropped anvils... but I'm thinking she's thinking that's only about sex and comfort. She wants proof of more. How do I do that? Buffy makes a whimpering impatient noise. This is senseless... it has no sense! Why can't it be easy? Like when you were a kid. And a boy, if he liked you, came up and punched you on the arm... then ran back to his friends Then you knew. Easy.
Well, Buffy, you did this to yourself, you know, don't you? Huh? Maybe, all those years ago, if you hadn't run away, if you'd turned to your friends, and especially Willow, for help, she wouldn't have these doubts now. Buffy sits on her bed, starting to undress, almost not realizing what she's doing. She's finally gotten to a kernel of truth, and it's dominating her thoughts. She thinks that you don't need her. That when the chips are down, you won't turn to her with your problems. You'll run away again, leaving her alone and worried ... like you did before. Buffy slips into her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. Not because she's cold, but because she wants to hide. How do I do that? How do I get her to trust me again? Buffy sighs miserably, feeling discouraged. Moron. I'm such a total moron. I can't do that. I can't make her trust me. I've totally blown it big time. Stupid. I'm so stupid.
But, I gotta try. I gotta try. I've got no choice, I gotta try.
Buffy lies in her bed, trying to sleep. But sleep doesn't come.
Her mind just plays the same phrase over and over again.
"Gotta try"
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Willow loves Saturday mornings. She can sleep late, waiting for the sun rather than the alarm to wake her. Even though she's more than half awake, she keeps her eyes closed, enjoying this time in the morning when there's no rush to wake up. She stretches under the covers, enjoying the feeling of laziness. Sighing contentedly, she rolls over.
Her hand brushes against something unexpected, and she opens her eyes. On the pillow next to where she's lying, there is the most beautiful red rose. It's a hothouse long stemmed rose, no thorns. Tied around its stem is a red ribbon with a note attached. Smiling, she picks up the rose, and opens the note.
My darling Willow,
This rose symbolizes my love for you. Mature, in bloom, with no thorns. The petals are soft, like your lips. They're smooth, but not as smooth as your skin. They're red, like the fire burning in my heart. I pray you grant me but two wishes, my delightful one. That you accept this small gift of my love and affection, and that you'll join me for romantic dinner next Saturday night. If you say yes, my heart will beat for another day, my love will last forever.
I breathlessly await your answer
Yours always,
Buffy
(Sealed with a kiss)
Willow brings the rose to her nose, her lips bowed in a soft smile. Her cheeks are nearly as red as the rose itself. She sighs quietly, and a tiny little thrill rushes through her. Oh, my. Oh my, oh my. Willow giggles to herself. She catches a scent that is not the rose, and brings the note to her nose. She inhales the soft perfume sprinkled on the paper; it's Buffy's scent. Sitting up, she reads the note over and over, each time feeling her heart go pitty pat in her chest. She brings the note to her lips, touching Buffy's lip mark with her own. She can almost taste Buffy's sweet lips, and she's feeling things she hasn't felt for a long, long time. She brushes the rose against her cheek, pretending it's Buffy's lips pressing against her. Oh my goddess, you little vixen. Already you've got me in your spell. Who's the witch here, anyway? Hmmm... just enough naughty, just enough nice.
Willow jumps out of bed, and looks around her room. She finally finds a box of stationery, and taking one of the lavender sheets, she writes three words on it. Walking over to her dresser/vanity, she picks up a tube of lipstick, and applies it to her lips. She brings the stationery to her lips, applying a kiss to the paper. Folding it carefully, she opens the door to her room, and walks into the hall. Seeing the hall empty, she quickly moves to Buffy's room. Seeing the door closed, she slips the note underneath the door. Giggling to herself like a schoolgirl, she runs back to her own room, and dives into her bed. Picking up her rose, she clutches it to her chest. Sighing happily, she smells the soft sweet scent of the rose, and the subtle hint of Buffy's perfume. Feeling warm, and ah so loved, she drifts quietly into a gentle sleep.
Buffy, still tired from a long almost sleepless night, hears the note being shoved under her door. Lying there, she feels tremors of fear and thrills of anticipation. Curiosity is nagging at her to go get the note, fear is holding her bound to the bed. Yes or no? Yes or no? She's almost afraid to know. Finally curiosity wins, and she slips out of bed, grabbing the folded sheet of stationery. She quietly returns to the bed, holding the letter in her hand. Waiting. Her heart beating frantically in her chest, her anxiety building. Her fingers nervously slide around the edge of the fold, picking at it, but not pulling on it. Oh, c'mon, Buffy. You've faced all sorts of monsters in your life. Don't tell me a little red-headed witch is gonna make you lose it! Yeah, well... none of them meant what this means, either! Well, then, stop acting like a kid, and open it! Geeze ok, ok, doing it! She opens the letter.
Three words appear on the page
YES
YES
YES
Ok, one word, three times. But Buffy feels her heart even out, her breathing return to somewhat normal, and she feels... giddy. She sees the kiss Willow put on the paper, and she brings it to her lips, almost tasting Willow's soft lips. She falls back in her bed, sighing happily, and for the first time that night/near morning, she feels herself drift into a peaceful sleep. She knows she has lots to do today, and Joy will be up in a couple of hours. But for now, she can just lay back and enjoy the sleep....
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You would've thought it was high school, all over again. At least watching the way a certain blonde slayer and red-headed witch were acting.
They set the 'date' for the following Saturday, giving them each a week to prepare. And being rational, reasonable adults, they kept it all in perspective, acting with mature calm as the day approached.
Uh-huh.
Buffy tore through her entire wardrobe( Still prodigious, even if she wasn't the clothes horse she once was) and declared she had ' absolutely nothing to wear'! Taking Joy firmly in hand, she hit the malls. Going from store to store, they searched for 'the perfect dress'. Joy was having a ball, because she got to help her mom pick out the dress. Buffy would retreat to the dressing room, and do a fashion parade for her. Joy sat straight in her chair, as Buffy would come out in a dress, posing with a hopeful look on her face. No. Shake of the head. Thumbs down. An expression that said ' you're kidding, right?'. Sometimes she'd give a thumbs up, but Buffy would check herself out and just go " No!" " No Way" " Hi, I'm selling bibles" " Hi, looking for a date, mister?" When they both agreed on a dress, Buffy took a look at the price tag, and blanched.
" But mom, you look great in that!" Joy said, when Buffy started to return a cream colored three quarter length back to the rack.
" I know honey, " Buffy said wistfully, " But even if we didn't eat for a month, moved into a cardboard box, and I took out a bank loan, I still couldn't swing it" Buffy looked at the dress, sighed, and returned it to the rack.
" But I got money, mom!" Joy said. She pulled out her purse, dug around a little, and pulled out some bills. About 10 dollars. Buffy smiled, and hugged her little girl close.
" You hold onto that honey. We'll find something, just gonna have to get a little more creative" And she did. She left the malls, and started hitting the smaller retailers in the little out of the way stores that dot San Francisco. They lowered their sights a few notches, and went to the less trendy, more... discount stores. Pretty much the same results, except no 'winner', at any price. Buffy was getting a little desperate. Ok, a lot desperate. What she could afford on her budget ... well, awful was a kind word for it. And the dresses that she really liked? Just no way she could afford it. She was about to give up, try to make something she already had at home work. She and Joy were walking to her car when they passed a tiny little shop, and in the window was " THE DRESS!!!"
It was an iridescent pearl gray knee length dress. It had a sleeveless bodice with thin straps which crossed over on the back, giving it a low scooped back look. It was accessorized with a matching shawl, thin silver rope belt, and silver clutch, and high heeled silver gray sandals. Mother and daughter just stood outside the window, and stared.
"It's beautiful" Joys said, finally.
" Uh-huh," her mother agreed, then came back to reality, " And we so can't afford it!"
"How do you know that? " Joy asked, " We haven't even been inside!"
"Joy, sweetie, " Buffy says, " Anything that pretty is ... priceless. Trust me, we can't afford it."
"Aw, mom!" Joy said, " You won't know 'til you ask!"
" Joy, we can't afford it, " Buffy replied, but still has a hard time taking her eyes off the dress. She turned to her daughter and said, " Let's go home...." But she saw her daughter entering the shop. " Joy! Joy! Joyce Marie Price... you get your ..." but Joy was already in the shop. Sighing in exasperation, she follows her in.
Maggie James, owner/ proprietor of the shop, looked down over her glasses at what must be the cutest little girl she'd seen in awhile.
"Hi, honey, can I help you?" She said, putting down her paper and smiling.
" My mom likes that dress," Joy replied, pointing to the dress in the window.
Buffy, looking more than a little flustered, runs up and takes Joy by the hand.
" Joyce Marie? Didn't you hear me calling you?" Buffy scolded.
Joy, feeling a little scared, nonetheless sets her jaw.
" You wouldn't have come in if I didn't" She said, firmly.
God, she looks so much like Willow when she does that! Buffy thought, then, straining not to smile, took Joy's hand.
"Let's go home, Joy, " Buffy said. She then addresses Maggie, " I'm sorry, I don't know what got into her". She frowns down at her daughter.
" It's ok," Maggie chuckled, " She certainly is a cutie".
" Well, Ms. Cutie is going to find a time out waiting for her at home," Buffy said. But she knew she probably wouldn't punish Joy too much.
" She said you liked the dress in the window?" Maggie asked." It probably would look great on you," She continued, giving Buffy the once over.
"It really is pretty, " Buffy said, wistfully, " but I so can't afford that!"
"How do you know?" Maggie countered, " You haven't even asked the price."
Buffy, looking embarrassed, replied, " I just know." She turns to Joy, and takes her hand, " C'mon, munchkin. Time to go home." She looked at Maggie again, " Sorry we bothered you. Thanks for being so nice to Joy." She turned to leave.
"Wait a minute!" Maggie said, " I've had that dress in the window for months. People love it, but no one ever tries it on. I'd really like to see it on a living, breathing human being." She sizes up Buffy again, " it looks to be your size... would you try it on for me?"
" I couldn't!" Buffy said, feeling totally embarrassed. She knew if she tried it on, she'll fall in love with it. Better not to.
"C'mon, mom, do it! Please?" Joy whined.
Aw, what's it gonna hurt to try it on, huh?
"Ok, ok, " Buffy said, sounding reluctant. But she really wants, just for a second, to see what she looks like in it.
Maggie fetches the dress, and Buffy retires to the tiny dressing room in the back of the shop. She tries on the dress. It's a perfect fit! She thinks, and then looks at herself in the mirror. God, it's gorgeous! She twirls around checking herself out from all sides. Perfect, just perfect She sighs. She knows she can't afford it, but it's so pretty. Let's get this over with. Sooner I get it off, the better! Pulling back the curtain, she walks to the front of the shop.
" Wow!" is all Joy said, seeing her mom in the dress, " Wow!"
" It's like it was made for you, " Maggie agreed with Joy's assessment.
" It's gorgeous, isn't it?" Buffy gushed. Then reality returned, " Well, thanks for letting me try it on."
" So, what's it for?" Maggie asked, " I mean, if you don't mind me asking?"
"Kinda special date, you know?" Buffy smiled, already liking this woman.
" Serious?" Maggie inquired.
" Oh, yeah, " Buffy said, then blushed, " hopin' so, anyway"
Maggie gazed at her with a knowing smile. Buffy blushed deeper, and Maggie just chuckled a little.
" That dress is perfect on you," Maggie said. " You know what bothers me? I can't sell that dress to anyone. Either it's the wrong size, or they think they can't afford it... just like you." Maggie looked at Buffy , weighing it over . "Look, I really need to get rid of that dress. I mean, I really want to clear the space in the window for something I can sell. And you've got to admit, it's perfect on you!"
" I know, but I can't afford it, " Buffy said, a little sadly.
" You still haven't asked the price, have you?" Maggie asked, " So, how do you know?"
Buffy sighs, " Ok, what's the price?" She asked, bracing herself for mega sticker shock.
Maggie walked over, and quietly whispered a figure to her. Buffy looked at her as if she's gone mad.
" Get out! There's no way!" Buffy said.
" You in the trade?" Maggie said, gently mocking her.
" No... but I've bought enough dresses to know that there's no way you can sell this at that price!"
" Look... I've been stuck with that dress for months. I can't sell the silly thing, and I've already lost money on it, " Maggie says, " Believe me, I can afford to sell it at that price. I get a lot of the tony trade in here. They pay a premium. So, when I get a non seller like that one, I don't mind losing on it, " Maggie paused, " Ok, I mind, but better than having to give it away, you know? At least this way I get back part of my costs". She looked Buffy over again, " And you did say this was for a special occasion, right?".
" Yeah, " Buffy said. Despite herself, her voice got a hopeful note in it.
"So, you wanna help me out here, and stop telling me my business?" Maggie chided her gently.
Buffy looked at the dress. It's just so beautiful! She looked at Joy, who's nodding eagerly, then back at Maggie, who'd crossed her arms, with an expression of " Make up your mind, ok?".
"Sold" Buffy says, not believing her luck. Impulsively, she hugs Maggie.
Maggie, looking surprised, gently pats her on the back. And then gently disengages her.
" Ok, princess, enough!" She chuckles, " Better go change before you wrinkle it."
Buffy, as eager as a schoolgirl, rushed back to the changing room. A few minutes later she reemerged, carrying the dress on a hanger.
Maggie, all business now, sold her the accessories to go with the dress, but insisted the shawl is part of the original dress. Buffy's still a little in shock, but happily so. She handed Maggie her credit card, and stood there, looking dazed. After the sale was completed, and Buffy gushed thanks about 10 times more, She and Joy left the shop.
Maggie watched them go, and then walked over to the telephone. She dialed a number, and waited.
" Hello, this is Maggie James calling for Willow Rosenberg, " Maggie said into the phone, " Yes, I'll wait." She waited for a minute or two, then continued, " Hi, Willow, yeah, it' s me, Maggie. Yeah... she came in, just like you said. How'd you manage that?... Oh... the little girl... Joy? Right! She is a charmer. You got her in on it.... You sly cat!... oh...yeah, she loved it. Goddess, she nearly died when I suggested she try it on, so I could see it on a " living breathing human being"." Maggie laughed. " Well...so, is she the one then? C'mon, Willow, don't be playing coy with me. I don't care how much money you're making, you don't go buying every girl a thousand dollar dress just for giggles... yeah, she was a little suspicious, but I came up with a pretty good story to cover. No...she doesn't have a clue you're involved. Yes, I'm sure. I didn't mention you at all! Geeze, what do you take me for?... Oh, yeah...she was gorgeous in it, trust me. If I weren't in a committed relationship, I might date her myself... Uh-huh ... yeah... yeah, I think she's serious. She got all blushy when I asked what it was for...and she said she wanted it to be serious... oh yeah... you know you owe me big time for this, Willow. Yeah, well, I'm saying I want you to teach me that spell I've been bugging you about. No more excuses, ok?" Maggie laughs, " I promise, I'll only use it for good. I swear you take the fun out of everything!" She listens for a second," no... I'm only kidding. Yeah...so, see you in Wicca group next Wednesday? Good... yeah... ok, honey, take care. Blessed be". Maggie hung up the phone.
That Willow. What a sweetie. I hope this one works out for her. She's been alone way too long now.
Maggie, feeling like the matchmaker, returned to her counter, and her paper.
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Late Friday afternoon, Jana Gray slips into Willow Rosenberg's office.
Willow, on the phone, waves her into a chair. Jana sits, quietly waiting for Willow to finish her call. As she waits, she looks around her boss's office, and for the first time notices something odd. Its neat and efficient, decorated modestly but stylishly, very modern and high tech. The furniture is... well, useful, but doesn't really scream comfort. But what she finds odd is that nothing in the office really says "Willow". The art on the wall, very nice, very trendy, but very sterile. It reflects no one's taste in particular... except perhaps the decorator's. The office has all the necessities of a modern office: computers(well, duh), printers, phones, and the usual office supplies. But there's no odd notes stuck here and there, no knick knacks, gauche or tasteful, anywhere. No pictures on the desk, no " Kiss me, I'm a geek" coffee mugs. In short, the office looks as if no one in particular uses it; rather, anyone one could be occupying it. It's all very professional, and in a way, very sad.
Jana wonders why, in all the years she's worked with Willow, she's never noticed it before. It's not like she's never been in here, just that in all that time, she's never come in here except really for a purpose. Then her full attention is focused on Willow, and she's never really let herself absorb the space around here. If she didn't know Willow as well as she does, she would think the person in this office was driven, efficient and cold. But you can say a lot about Willow( and Jana has, to her face), but cold is not an adjective you could fit to her. She takes a keen interest in her employees, and not just their work. She's interested in them; in their lives, their families, and the whole nine yards. She can't count how many times Willow, on learning someone is having financial difficulties, has taken money from her own funds to help them out. Or has lent an ear, or shoulder, to someone hurting. Or a thousand other little kindnesses she's done over the years. All the books say she spoils her employees, she should distance herself from their personal lives, but she can't do that. She thinks of them as family.
That's why Jana is here. It's not about the business, but Willow herself. Something is bugging her, and Jana can't get to the bottom of it. It's not as if she's changed towards anyone, it's more as if she's distracted. Her focus just isn't in the business like it's always been. She's not slacking or anything. She does her job as she always has. But her heart doesn't seem to be in it anymore. It all started in New Orleans, with that Buffy Summers woman. That night when she found Willow crying her heart out on the floor, Jana had been shocked. She'd never seen Willow react to anyone or anything like that before. It was obvious to anyone with eyes that Willow cared deeply for that woman, and was hurt terribly. Even after Willow explained it all, it puzzled her, but she kept quiet. When she brought the woman and her child back from New Orleans with her, Jana had expected something to happen between them. But nothing did. That was even MORE puzzling.
And now, thing seem to be getting worse. Lately, Willow has been delegating decisions she used to reserve for herself. She still meets with clients initially, and does her bit to sell the services, but she no longer seems to have interest in the accounts beyond that initial stage. Her interest in the business as a whole seems to have waned. Even planning doesn't seem to interest her; she's offloaded most of that to Jana. Not that Jana minds, but it... it's creepy. It's so not like Willow.
" Jana? Was there something you wanted?" Willow asks, intruding on Jana's thoughts, " Or did you just want to sit there and let me ogle you for awhile?" Willow teases her.
"Puh-lease!" Jana retorts, her wit reasserting itself, " Like you don't ogle me enough already, you lech"
" Nice way to talk to your boss!" Willow, getting into the game, pretends hurt, " After all I've done for you, you won't let me drool a little?"
" That sexual harassment, you know" Jana says lightly, " Gee... I'd love owning the company. Go ahead, keep it up!"
" Bite me!' Willow retorts, the giggles.
" In your dreams, girl!" Jana replies.
" In my nightmares, you mean!" Willow ripostes, then turns half-serious, " Ok, now, I know you too well. What're you in here to scold me about THIS time?"
Jana takes a second to look at Willow straight on, then she asks, " Are you ok? I mean, is everything ok in your life?"
Willow looks at Jana as if she's a newly discovered species. " Ok, who ARE you, and what've you done with Jana?" she jokes, fending off the question. But something in Jana's expression tells Willow she's serious, and it kinda wigs her. Jana, as caring den mother? She shudders internally.
" I mean it, Willow, " Jana says, as if confirming Willow's suspicions, " Is everything ok?"
"Well... yeah, " Willow says, lightly, " I mean, what shouldn't be alright?"
Jana scrutinizes her. Something's not right, something just doesn't fit, she thinks to herself. She's out and out lying to me!
" You're lying to me, " Jana declares, " You're good at a lot of things, but honey? Lying aint one of them!"
" You're so wrong, it's hardly funny, " Willow says, " I mean, c'mon, what reason would I have to lie to you? Are you my mommy, and I did a naughty or something? Geeze, Jana, get real here!" Willow says, feeling a little irritation rising, " Who do you think you are? Comin' in here, pretending to be all concerned, then telling me I'm a liar?"
" I'm not pretending to care!" Jana says, stung by Willow's comment, but holding her temper, " I do care Willow. Something's bothering you, eating at you, and it's been going on for awhile now. But lately, it's been getting worse. So, yeah, I want to know what's bothering you!".
" Ummm. As I remember, you're not boss of me, " Willow says, defensively, " matter of fact, I'm boss of you. So, I'm telling you in no uncertain words, nothings wrong. So let it go!"
" Yeah, you're my boss, " Jana says, " but you're also my friend. And I don't like to see my friend hurting. So, get a clue, Willow. I'm not letting it go, and I'm not leaving 'til you tell me what's up!"
"Nothing's 'up', Jana, " Willow says, using a dismissive tone, " So if you don't mind, I've got a lot to do..."
" I do mind, Willow, " Jana says, firmly, " I mind a lot that you don't come to me with your problem, but rather try to tell me I'm nuts, and that nothing's wrong, when it's obvious something IS wrong! I don't like you doing that!"
" Well, gee. Sometimes you gotta do things you don't like. Life sucks, right?" Willow says, her tone edging towards sarcastic, " Bye now. Don't forget to write, 'K?"
" Not going anywhere, " Jana says firmly. She sits.
" You so are going, " Willow insists, standing up. " Get out, please!"
" Nope," Jana refuses, stubbornly.
" Ok," Willow says, getting red faced," You're fired"
"I'm what?" Jana says, disbelieving
" Fired. Terminated. Payday the last" Willow says." Get out!"
" You can't do that!" Jana says, " What's the cause?"
" Insubordination, " Willow says," Nice knowin' ya. Don't let the door hit ya on the ass on you're way out."
" What the HELL is wrong with you?" Jana says, now getting angry too," If you were in your right mind, you'd never do this!"
" Probably just getting into my right mind, " Willow says, "probably should've done this a long time ago".
" For what?" Jana says
"For being a nosy, pushy bitch!" Willow growls." Now get the hell outta my office!"
" Fine!" Jana, thoroughly mad, starts for the door. Stops. Turns around and sneers." Hey, you fired me. You can't do squat to me now. Aint goin' nowhere!"
" I'll have you thrown out!" Willow threatens.
" Try it!" Jana says, arms folded, " Just try it!"
Willow backs off. She's just fired the best employee she's ever had, and is losing a good friend. She doesn't want this, but why can't Jana just back off?
" What's your problem, Jana? Why do you gotta know every goddamn thing that goes on? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Willow barks.
" Because I hate to see you this way, " Jana says softly.
Willow doesn't know if it's the tone, or the words, or the sincere look in Jana's eyes, but something inside breaks. She sits down, leans her head on her hands, and starts to sob.
Jana immediately comes around and holds her, letting Willow sob on her shoulder. After awhile, Willow regains control, and gently pushes away from Jana.
" I dunno what to do, " Willow says, her voice low but for now, in control, " I'm an idiot, I know I'm an idiot, " She laments, " but I love her so much, it aches. It hurts so bad. But ... I don't know If I can trust her again. She... just left, left me alone for so long... why didn't she trust me? God. Now I've made her 'prove' her love to me, and I don't want that! I want her! I want her now! I want to touch her so bad, ... and I can't because of this stupid thing, this stupid " Woo me, chase me". God, am I a teenager still? I too old for games! But what if I let myself love her , really love her, give in and let it start... and she leaves me again? God I couldn't take that. I'd wanna die. God I wanna die anyway. What the hell is wrong with me???"
" It's pretty serious, Will," Jana teases her gently, " You got it bad. You're in love."
" Not funny," Willow grumbles," Not funny at all!"
"No, it's not funny," Jana agrees, turning serious.
"what'm I gonna do?" Willow looks at Jana hopefully.
" You're asking me?" Jana asks, surprised, " me? Who doesn't do relationships? Queen of the one -nighters? Do I look like Dr. Laura?"
"Please?" Willow begs, looking so sad." Please? Tell me what to do?"
"Oh, god, " Jana replies, not liking this, " Ok, I'll say this, but if it blows up in your face, don't you dare come after me about it, " Jana looks at Willow sideways, then continues, " I figure, you gotta ask yourself two questions. First, can you trust her? I mean, over your whole relationship, everything. Yes or no? If Yes, then nothing to worry about, if No...then is she worth worrying about?" Jana looks at Willow pointedly. To herself, what she knows about Buffy, her answer would be in the negatory. But It's not my decision. She continues, " Ok, the other question. Does she make you happy? When you think about her, do you have a happy, or is it anxiety time? I don't think I need to tell you which one you want."
" So, depending on how you answer those questions, " Jana adds," I think you'll know what to do."
Willow looks at Jana, then away. What she said made sense. She knows she's gotta lotta thinking to do before tomorrow night. And she has to come to a decision... because it's not fair to either Buffy or herself otherwise.
"You know you're not really fired, right?" Willow says, contritely.
" Oh yeah, I know. Only one moron in this office, " Jana replies, " And she has red hair".
They both stand around, awkwardly, not knowing what to say to each other.
" Goodnight, Willow," Jana finally says. She turns to go.
" Goodnight, Jana, " Willow says. " Thank you".
" Yeah, whatever," Jana says, feeling burnt. For the first time ever, she just wants to get far away from here. She leaves.
Willow follows her to the door, and shuts it. She leans against the doorjamb, and sighs.
When did life get so damned complicated?
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To Be continued