More pieces to her puzzle
by Norwalker
Chapter 4 A
[reviews]
More pieces to her puzzle
By Norwalker
Part 4A of 4
Summary: A sequel to " All the little pieces", this is a rewrite of "More pieces to the puzzle". I guess a bit of a re-titling too. Set after the series, the slayer and the witch have finally 'found' each other. So, things should be smooth sailing from here, right? Happy every after. But, what little secrets are hiding under the surface? Stay tuned.
Spoilers/ setting: This story is set after " Chosen", the end of the BtVS series. There are possible spoilers from any of the seasons. However, if your reading this, I'm taking it you're a fan and have seen the entire series. If not, you might want to stop reading now( I hope you won't).
Rating: R for some sexual content, and some controversial themes.
Warnings: This story contains scenes of child abuse and it's consequences. The author does not find it amusing in any way, it's not for 'entertainment' purposes. Unfortunately, all too often it happens. If you suspect child abuse is occurring, I hope you will find help for the victim. Once such resource is the National Child Abuse hotline at 1-800- 4 A Child.
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The next morning at breakfast, things seem to be normal. At least, things have calmed down. Buffy and Dawn came to a mutual silent agreement that fighting, at least in front of Willow, is a big no — no. Anyway, Buffy doesn't want to stay mad at her sister. After all, they'll be living under the same roof again, and fighting with Dawn for any length of time becomes a war of wills... one that Buffy, strangely enough, hardly ever wins against Dawn. Better to just let things go, and see how they work out. Buffy thinks to herself.
Dawn, for her part, is just glad to have things settled. She's still stinging a little from last night's fight, but after thinking about it, realizes she said some pretty harsh things to Buffy last night. And Willow was really peed off at her. When she came down this morning, she found Buffy fussing around the kitchen. Buffy greeted her warmly, as if last night hadn't happened, and Dawn decided to play along. If she can just let it go, well so can ! Like, she's better than me or something? In the upshot, Dawn's feeling pretty embarrassed, and isn't about to challenge Buffy's letting it slide.
Willow comes downstairs, wound up tighter than an old pocket watch. She's afraid Dawn and Buffy would either be fighting, or staring at each other in stony silence. So, she's immensely relieved when the first sound she hears out of the kitchen coming down the stairs is laughter. She quietly looks in the kitchen, and finds Buffy and Dawn engaging in some harmless horseplay... a very good sign. Feeling a huge grin spread across her face, she enters the kitchen.
" Morning, guys, " Willow says brightly. " Something smells nice".
" Mornin', sweet pea, " Buffy says, from the stove. She comes over and gives Willow a hug and kiss," made omelets. Want my girls to start the morning right". Buffy wanders back to the stove, turning the omelet in the pan.
" Oh, baby, I... gosh, sweetie, " Willow says, a little contritely, " not sure I've got time for much breakfast. Running a little late... got to get school to work out my course plan for this semester. Classes start next week, you know."
" You're going to work?" Buffy asks, looking a little lost and hurt. " I thought we'd spend the day together, do a little wandering around, maybe a little shopping?"
" I'm sorry, baby, but I've really got to start the course planning, " Willow says, " I've been gone for nearly a month, and Spring semester starts next week. I've really got to get back."
" Oh, ok, " Buffy says, disappointed but trying the put the best face on it she can. She turns to Dawn, " How about you and me, Dawnie? Doin' the mall thing, spending some sisterly-bonding time ?"
" Gee, Buffy, sorry, " Dawn says, " But I gotta get registered at school. I'm already late registering, and I won't get any of the classes I need if I don't do it today, " Dawn says, " maybe another time?"
" Yeah, sure, " Buffy says, quietly. " I think... well, maybe I should start looking for a job anyway. Not saying I don't like being leisure girl, but really, gotta contribute. Probably go crazy with nothing to do, anyway."
" Buffy, we're doing ok, money wise" Willow says, " I mean, there's no rush for you to go to work or anything..."
" No, Will, I need to do something. I mean, just sitting around all day, being the haus-frau? So not me!" Buffy smiles, " Anyway, be good for me to get out and about, don't you think?"
" Ok, sweetie, if you want to, " Willow says, " Oh, goodness, gotta fly. Sorry about the omelet, sweetie" Willow looks at the now cooling breakfast.
" No big, " Buffy says, smiling.
" We could meet for lunch if you like, Buffy, " Willow says.
" Naw... you'll be busy, and so will I, " Buffy says. She comes over and gives Willow a peck on the lips, " I'll see you tonight".
" Hey, gotta motor, " Dawn says, " I don't know how long registration's going to take. I might be late tonight".
" Ok, Dawnie, see ya when we see ya then, " Buffy says.
" Later" Dawn calls over her shoulder as she leaves. She disappears out the back door.
" You're sure your going to be ok?" Willow says, a little worried, " I mean, if you need me to, I can ..."
" Don't be silly, Will. I just got it messed up is all. Geeze, not a kid. Don't need constant attention, " Buffy says, a little edge to her voice, " I'll see you tonight."
"Ok honey, " Willow says, coming over to give Buffy another kiss. Buffy offers up her cheek instead of her lips. Willow kisses her cheek, looking a little puzzled. Glancing briefly at Buffy, she leaves.
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Buffy finds herself alone, kind of at odds of what to do now. She starts washing the dishes, and starts planning on doing a job search. Gotta start being adult girl here, and pull my weight. Figure I'll scan the papers, maybe do some online job searches. Somethin's gotta turn up.
But in the back of her mind, fear is nibbling at the false front she's putting up. Being alone gives her time to think. To remember. To ... relive the past. Things she doesn't like to do. Lately, it's been getting worse. Her carefully built persona has been cracking. The hurt, angry child inside has been making more and more appearances...taking her to awful places she doesn't want to go.
Back to her childhood. Back to a time that should've been happy and secure, and instead was a nightmare of abuse and rejection. Back to a time when her Daddy was still in her life, when he used her and abused her, and made her think it was her fault. Back to the game, the game she shuts out from her mind, because it's too upsetting to think about. Back to the time when she was locked in the dark attic, kept there as punishment for being a bad girl.
Buffy fights to keep it together. That's past, it's in the past. He's gone, he can't hurt me anymore. I... I wasn't bad, it wasn't my fault. She grabs the newspaper, determined to do some job hunting. If I'm working, I can't think about it. I gotta find something... But despite her best efforts, her mind drifts...
"Who's my girl?" Hank asks, hugging his daughter tightly.
" I'm your girl, Daddy, " Buffy says, throwing her arms around his neck.
Hank looks at Buffy, a strange expression on his face.
" You're growing up so fast, honey," Hank says softly, " you're becoming quite the beautiful girl".
Buffy, pleased with her father's attentions, blushes and smiles shyly. He's always so busy, always so tied up with work, or something, that she hardly sees him. His attentions are welcome, and appreciated.
" You know I love you, don't you Buffy?" Hank asks, his voice throaty.
" Yes, Daddy, I know" Buffy smiles at him, hugging him and snuggling in his arms.
" You're just so special, Buffy, " Hank says, beginning to caress Buffy. " You're daddy's special girl".
Buffy feels funny at the way her daddy is touching her, but accepts it as part of his affection for her. Still, some part of her feels ... uneasy about it all.
" Buffy, do you want to play a game with daddy?" Hank asks, quietly, " A special game for Daddy's and their daughters?".
"What kind of game, Daddy?" Buffy asks, puzzled and excited at the same time.
" A game that shows how much I love you, and how much you love me" Hank says.
" I love you, Daddy, " Buffy says, beginning to feel excited and ... scared by Hank's touches. But Daddy would never hurt me.
" I love you too, punkin" Hank says, pulling Buffy closer. He begins to kiss her face. " This is a special game, only for Daddy's and their daughters. It has to be a secret game, Buffy. Just our secret. Ok?"
"Y-Yes, Daddy, " Buffy says, despite the warm feeling Hank's caresses and kisses are giving her. She feels an unease, as if something's wrong. But she can't quite understand what.
" It's ok, Buffy, " Hank says, his voice low and slightly hoarse. " It's a fun game, a good game for good girls like my baby."
Buffy, still feeling a little scared, doesn't want to upset her Daddy. She loves her Daddy. Despite the unease and strangeness she's feeling, she simply nods her acquiescence.
" That's a good girl," Hank says.
He begins to undress her....
Buffy wakes from her reverie shaking and bathed in cold sweat. All the old feelings come back. Her heart is beating fast, and her breathing is short and ragged. Most of all, the fear, the shame, and the humiliation slam into her like a truck. She feels frozen, unable to move. The little voices, the nasty little whispers, begin in her mind.
You're Daddy's little dirty girl, aren't you?
Touch it, Buffy. It's ok, I want you to. It's ok to touch it.
I don't want to touch it, Daddy. Buffy sounds frightened.
Not nice to tease Daddy, Buffy. That's being bad. Hank sounds angry, and frustrated. You know what happens to bad girls.
No... no, I don't wanna be bad, Daddy. Buffy says, frightened, I wanna be a good girl for you.
Then do it, Buffy . Touch it! It won't hurt you! Hank is sounding more impatient.
I... I can't, Daddy. I can't!
Hank hits her bottom, hard. It leaves a red welt.
Do it, Buffy... or I've gotta put you in the bad place!
I... I can't , Daddy, please, I can't Buffy cries, really frightened. Please don't put me in the bad place!
Do it, Buffy, or.....
Nooo
Hank lifts the naked little girl, and carries her to the attic. He sets her down, and stands over her.
Then you stay here. Where bad girls go. Until you do it! Hank starts to leave.
No, Daddy... please... don't leave me here!
But Hank has already gone, closing the attic door after himself. Buffy is alone, in the dark...and she can hear them... she knows the bad things are there... waiting for her....
You were bad Buffy.
A bad, bad girl. Very bad, making Daddy angry.
Bad... you should be punished.
"Bad girl, bad girl, you're such a little bad girl"
" No, no , no ! Stop it, stop it!" Buffy yells to herself, hitting herself. " Stop it. I wasn't bad. It was him. He was bad...he hurt me!"
" Bad girl, bad girl, you're such a silly sad girl, bad girl!"
"Stop it, stop it. Please stop it!" Buffy cries, using her fists to shut out the voices. But she can't stop it, it won't stop. She has to get out, get away... away from the voices that won't leave her alone.
Not seeing, not thinking, not caring, she bolts out the front door, running away...
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Willow looks over her lecture notes. The first page of her lecture notes. For the fifth time. She tosses it away impatiently, and just gives up, staring out the window of her office.
This morning is still bothering her. We didn't fight... exactly. But what changed her mood so suddenly? She went from cheerful Buffy to frowny Buffy in an instant. I know she was miffed because Me and Dawnie couldn't hang with her today, but... that doesn't even seem to be it. I mean, I could understand that. Not like it, but understand it. But she got all defensive after I offered to blow today off. More like she thought I was babying her. Something like that. I just don't get her sometimes.
There was more than that bothering her, however. It was a gradual accumulation of things that just seemed odd. Like, last night, when she went postal on Dawnie. I mean, ok, Dawnie can really be annoying at times, no question about that. But she got upset all out of proportion. And where the HELL was she for so long, when she left? I mean, I can see her walking out for a bit to cool off... but 3 hours? That just doesn't make sense.
Lots of stuff not making sense. That demon attack... what she said was a demon attack, anyway. Her clothes weren't ripped... yet she was covered with cuts and bruises. When I tried to help her 'patch up', she just got all weird and said she'd do it herself. God, she was so strange when I suggested going to a hospital. I mean I know she doesn't like hospitals, but this was different. Like she was afraid they'd find something out.
She's been strange about a lot of things. She avoids talking about the last two years, as if she's hiding something. Sometimes, when she thinks I don't see it, I'll catch her looking at me, and I swear she looks afraid. Like I'm going to hurt her or something. The weirdest is when we make love. Sometimes she just withdraws... we've got to stop, because she's... panicky. I put it down, first couple of times, to the newness of what's happening. But even now, after we've been together awhile, I've got to be kinda careful of what I do, or she starts getting all nervous.
She shakes her head, and gets up, going to the window. C'mon, Will, you're makin a big deal out of nothing. It's just the jitters from a new relationship. Things will change, accommodations gonna be made. You're getting paranoid for no good reason. She continues to look out the window, the little fears niggling at the back of her mind. No, not buying that. We've known each other for a long time. We've never had this kind of... strangeness about each other before. Ok, not been lovers til recently, but that shouldn't change THAT much. Something's not right... and she's hiding something, I can feel it.
At that moment, her telephone rings. She goes over and answers it.
" Yes... this is Willow Rosenberg... yes, I know a Buffy Summers...." She listens for a bit, then Willow's face goes white, " What? Where? Is she.... " Willow seems to start breathing again," Yes, yes... I'm on my way over. Yes...ok, thank you...." Willow hangs up the phone. Looking dazed, she grabs her coat and purse, and leaves her office.
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Run, Buffy!
Her breathing harsh and ragged, her lungs feeling like fire, her heart hammering her chest, Buffy keeps running. Her feet pelting the in a rhythmic tattoo, she keeps going. She can't stop or she'll be caught; what she fears most will snatch her up like a wolf. She runs, not looking left or right, only ahead
Run, Buffy, hurry. He's coming. He's mad. You've been bad, and he's mad.
Buffy is unaware of her surroundings. All she can see is ahead, all she can hear is his breathing, like a wounded animal. You scratched him, Buffy, trying to get away. You angered him, and now he's going to make you pay.
Run, run, run!!! He'll catch you, and you know what that means. The bad place for you, dirty girl. The bad place.
"Come back here, Buffy Summers! You come here now! You get back here, or it's only going to be worse1"
She hears his voice, harsh and angry, behind her. She can't let him catch her. The bad place, oh, not the bad place, nooo. She runs faster, she has to get away. She runs like her life depends on it.
"Come back, Buffy. It's ok, Daddy's not mad! Come back, I won't hurt you, I promise!"
But Buffy knows better. Daddy's furious, because she didn't want to play the game. When she tried to break away, he hit her, and tore her clothing. Frightened, she clawed at his face, scratching him. He roared his anger, and Buffy, temporarily freed, runs away.
Buffy's scared. His face was red, and all scrunched up. He looked like a monster, and now he was coming for her. He'll beat her, she knows this. He'll... put her in that place. The dark place. With the bad things in it. The things that bite and scratch...
Run, run, Buffy. Hide. Find a place to hide. Look around, find somewhere. Run, Buffy, and hide. Hide from the monster... the monster that wants to hurt you!
Buffy sees some trees, some bushes. I can hide there! He'll never find me there! Safe. I'm safe! She veers her off towards the park, not looking. All she sees is her haven, her hidey-hole, a place to escape from the monster. The monster named Daddy.
He was late, in a hurry. The boss threw a report at him that had to be revised NOW! It was at the last minute, and he worked over, knowing all the time his wife was waiting. He'd gotten tickets to the show she'd wanted to see, and he knew if he hurried, he might still make it. If he didn't, he could expect to be sleeping alone for a week or so.
He looked down to adjust the radio. Only for a second. When he looked up, a young woman was in front of him, frozen by his headlights. Too late, way too late, he jammed on his brakes.
He hit her doing about 30 miles an hour. She rolled over his car, and fell off it behind him. The car behind him barely braked in time not to hit her also.
He jumped out of his car, and ran back to her. She was laying in the road, her arm twisted at a funny angle. She only stared up at him, her expression dazed, going into shock.
" I didn't see her. Oh, my god, she jumped out of nowhere. Oh god, oh god, oh god" The man said, looking down at the young woman lying there, looking so broken and fragile.
Buffy saw the crowd gathering around her. She couldn't move, she felt icky and hurt and helpless. She couldn't do anything. She stared up at them, not understanding. All she could do was say over and over:
" Don't hurt me, please. Please, don't hurt me!"
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Willow is sitting in the waiting room at Memorial General Hospital, waiting for some news. Anything. She's been here an hour, and no one will tell her about Buffy.
All she knows is Buffy had been in an accident. A car hit her while she was crossing the street. She was in surgery; they were checking for internal damage. All she could do was wait. And look at the clock, and wring her hands.
The police had been by earlier. From what they could piece together, evidently Buffy had been running, and had run into the road without looking. A car hit her. They were holding the driver pending completion of their investigation. However, witnesses at the scene say she just ran out into the street, without stopping. Right now, it was their opinion that the driver was faultless.
They way the put it was so clinical, so cold. As if she were just another statistic. But that statistic is right now in the operating room, fighting for her life. That statistic has friends, family; people who love her and care about her. Willow can't help wondering how impersonal they would be if it'd been their spouse in there? Wondered if they would be so ready to let the driver off it it'd been a member of their family?
Willow paces the waiting room, growing more and more agitated. All she can think is, Why aren't they telling me anything? Normally calm and rational, Willow feels her temper rising and her nerves becoming jangled and raw. She nearly jumps out her skin when she hears her name.
" Willow?"
Willow whirls around and sees Dawn standing at the other end of the room, looking confused and scared. Without a word, she walks over and takes Dawn in her arms, trying to soothe her.
" What happened, Willow?" Dawn asks, returning Willow's hug, " All they told me on campus was that Buffy had been in an accident".
" I'm not sure myself, Dawnie, " Willow says, breaking the embrace, " The police were here earlier. According to them, Buffy was running alongside the road and for some reason ran out into the street, and was hit by a car!" Willow's voice reflects her disbelief.
" That's bogus. I mean, my sister isn't exactly genius material, sure. But she's not dumb enough to do that!" Dawn says, angrily, " they gotta be wrong."
" There were witnesses, Dawn, " Willow says, " but I'm kinda not so believing it myself. I mean, why would Buffy do that? And, why was she out running, anyway? It doesn't make sense."
" How is she, do you know?" Dawn asks.
" She's in surgery right now, Dawn. They're checking for internal injuries. They haven't told me anything!" Willow says, mournfully.
At that moment, a surgeon dressed in hospital greens walks up behind the women.
" Willow Rosenberg?" He calls out to the women. Willow turns towards him
" Ms. Rosenberg? I'm Dr. Klein. I was attending your friend's surgery, " Dr. Klein introduces himself.
" How is she?" Dawn blurts out, ahead of Willow.
" This is Buffy's sister, " Willow says, " How is she?"
"Ms. Rosenberg, Ms. Summers, " Dr. Klein says, " Buffy is very lucky. Remarkably so. She has no internal injuries that we can find, and she's got a broken arm, and some cracked ribs. A few contusions, and some lacerations. Considering she was hit by a car, she's very lucky."
" Can we see her?" Dawn asks.
" Well, she's still sedated...."
"Please?" Willow asks, her concern evident.
" All right, but only for a few minutes. She really needs her rest" Dr. Klein says. " We want to keep her for a couple of days, for observation. After that, you'll be able to take her home."
Dr. Klein leads Willow and Dawn to the recovery room, and they look at Buffy through the window. She is laying in bed, her arm in a cast on a sling, keeping it elevated. She is connected up to vitals monitor, and has tubes running out of her stomach and arms.
Willow wonders how many times she's seen Buffy like this. Laying in a hospital bed, recovering from a serious wound. Too many times, she thinks, looking at the petite blond lying quietly in bed. Every time it made Willow's gut knot, for she always feared one day she wouldn't recover from her wounds. She's so small... so fragile looking... it's hard to believe she's carried the fate of the world on her slim shoulders. God, I was so hoping when she 'retired' she wouldn't be here again, I wouldn't be here again, looking at her like this!
"She looks so fragile," Dawn says quietly, almost as if she's reading Willow's thoughts.
Willow hears the catch in Dawn's voice, and looks at the younger woman. Her eyes are wide, and her expression looks scared.
" Dawn, honey, it's going to be alright, " Willow says, trying to reassure her. Dawn tries to smile, but it's forced.
" How long will she be in recovery, Dr. Klein?" Willow asks, turning to the surgeon.
" At least 2 hours here, and probably another couple of hours before she wakes up" Dr. Klein says." You're welcome to wait, of course, but it probably would be better if you left and came back. Take a break, get some rest. There's really nothing you can do here now, and we'll call you if there's any change."
At first, neither one wants to leave. They hang on by the recovery room, watching as Buffy sleeps. Both are lost in their individual thoughts, and conversation is limited, at best. Finally, Willow speaks up.
"Dawn, the doctor's right. Probably best if we leave and come back. Not gonna help Buffy much to have two zoned out, starving visitors when she wakes up," Willow says, " I'll buy you some dinner, how's that sound?"
" Not really hungry, " Dawn says, looking at her sister. Her face looks stressed.
" Dawn, honey, there's nothing we can do right now for her, " Willow says, " it'd be better if we go and come back. I left my cell number with the nurse, so if anything comes up, we can come right back. Ok?".
" Ok, " Dawn agrees, reluctantly. Still, she stares in the recovery room window at her sister, her face anxious.
" She's going to be ok, Dawn. I promise, " Willow says, putting her arm around Dawn's shoulders, " remember, slayer healing. Heck, she'll be outrunning us in a week or so".
" Yeah, I guess you're right, " Dawn admits, a small smile coming to her face. They turn away from the room and start towards the elevators.
As they walk along, Willow thinks about her lover in the bed, tubes, and casts and everything attached to her. I know I'm right. Buffy will heal up just fine. Buffy will be just fine.
As she pushes the button for the elevator, Willow wonders why she has such a hard time convincing herself of that.
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To Be continued in 4 B