Stupid Girl
by dawnm
Touched
[reviews]
Touched - barmy, batty, bizarre, bonkers, cuckoo, daft, eccentric, fanatic, flighty, insane, neurotic, not right, nuts, nutty, obsessed, odd, peculiar, pixilated, queer, screwy, unhinged. Roget's New Millennium™ Thesaurus © 2004
Previously on Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
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"I mean yes. YES, I can accept it. No, it doesn't bother me." I blurt out. She looks at me confused and I can see in her eyes that she doesn't believe me. She really thinks I'm abandoning her because she likes a girl? I take a deep breath, trying to think of a way to convince her. Then my mind registers the music still playing, the same song still repeating. I look over at the CD player in disbelief. It's taunting me I think.
You stupid girl.
You stupid girl.
Can't believe you fake it.
Can't believe you fake it.
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Touched
The irony of it all hits me and I start to laugh. When I glance back at Willow, she has this look on her face like she thinks I've lost my mind. And I laugh harder as the tears run down my face. She just stares at me with worry in her sweet green eyes. I can't talk, so I just point at the stereo helplessly. She looks from me to the CD player and back again with a blank expression.
"Sorry." I finally manage to say, trying desperately to stop the flood of laughter and tears. "It just struck me funny." She's still looking at me like I'm nuts.
"I'm worried about you, Buffy." She says seriously. "I've never seen you like this."
"I'm okay. Really." I say, finally working my face into a more normal expression. "Can we sit? I can explain." I tell her, though I'm not really sure if I can explain. Maybe I have flipped. She nods and takes a seat on her bed. I start to sit down next to her, reconsider, and sit across from her on my own bed.
Another mistake. I curse inwardly when I see the look in her eyes. She thinks I don't want to be near her because of the kinda gay thing. I have to stifle a laugh again at the irony. It's hard, but I manage to hold it in. I'm pretty sure at this point that if I make one more stupid mistake, even with slayer speed I couldn't beat her to the door.
I have no idea what to say, but I know I have to say something... "It's not what you think." I tell her. "I have no problem with you being...you know..."
GREAT! I can't even say it?
The way I feel when she's around...every part of my body hums. When she touches me, even looks at me, it's like sticking my finger in a light socket. Not very romantic, granted, but that's what it feels like. I never felt like that with Angel. Riley...yeah, right. It's just Willow though, not all people of the female variety. But still...she is a girl. With the curves and the breasts and the softest lips...at least they look really soft. And the lavender shampoo she uses...her hair is like heaven. Silky, lavender-scented heaven. Ugh. I am sooooo gay. So very gay.
Her voice interrupts my little private coming out party. "You can't even say it, Buffy." My eyes fly up to meet hers and there's the hurt. She looks like she's going to start crying again. I really can't stand it when she cries, let alone when it's because of me. I've gotta fix this.
Again with the slayer speed. I'm by her side, sitting on her bed, holding her hand before she even sees me coming. "Gay. I can say it. See. GAY! I have no problem with you being gay." Again with the look like she thinks I'm crazy. Of course, I am practically sitting on her lap now, squeezing her hand, saying gay, gay, gay over and over in a manic kind of voice. Maybe I should clarify...
"I mean, you are gay, right? What with the liking a girl and you being a girl, I guess I just sort of assumed...but you know what they say about assuming... If you're not - gay that is - that'd be okay too." She smiles for the first time and my brain comes to a screeching halt.
"Now you can't stop saying it." She says with a soft laugh. I'm dangerously close to losing control so I casually let go of her hand and put a few more inches of space between us.
"I can stop. Really, I can." I say, returning her smile. "But are you...you know...the thing I'm not saying?" This makes her smile again. This time her eyes smile too and I hope she doesn't see me melting here...
"Uh huh." She says with a goofy little grin. And just like that, I'm lost in quiet celebration, suddenly thrilled that I have two X-chromosomes. Yay, me! Is that pathetic?
Now, if I just had everything else that Tara has...
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