Reactions and Admissions
by DawnBTVS
Chapter 13
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I stood in my parents' living room. The blood was still everywhere. I gazed down at my mother and father, now dressed respectably. I glanced at Buffy, who had just come in from the backyard. I had woken up back in the library. I had stayed quiet. I could tell that Buffy, and the others were worried. I couldn't tell them what I was going through though. They could never understand. It was like wearing a mask. I show them one side while hiding the other.
"We're ready," she said. I nodded my head, and walked outside. Giles and Xander stepped past me, going to help Buffy move the bodies. I walked out onto the porch, stepped down the steps, and walked onto the grass. The graves were large. I think Giles and Xander overcompensated. Jenny wrapped an arm around me. I smiled at her, but it felt empty. I looked up as Giles and Xander carried my mother out first. I could feel the tears falling now. I wonder if I'll ever stop crying. Giles and Xander stepped down into the grave, and lowered my mother's body down gently. I looked at her and smiled. I remember the better days. Giles stepped out of the grave, and entered the house again. Soon, he reappeared. He carried my father with Buffy's help. The same scene played out in the other grave. Giles, Xander, and Cordelia stood next to each other. Buffy gave me a hug. She just held me as I looked down at my parents.
"Okay," I said. I could've talked about their past. How they were great parents, which they were, sometimes. Instead, I cherished their memories. The gang knew my feelings towards them. Saying it out loud would mean nothing. I will always love them. I turned away, and listened to the dirt being poured on their bodies. Buffy wrapped an arm around me, and walked me away.
~~~BTVS~~~
It was night when I heard what had happened. I'm still a little hazy on the details. Buffy had come into our room and I noticed the phone in her hand. Her hand seemed so small, fragile, like it was part of a china doll. Buffy was pale, reminded me of a grim reaper. I let out a hysterical giggle then. I don't think Buffy even noticed. She handed me the phone, and I just listened. Even if I could've spoken, my mouth was hanging like wires hinged together by silly putty. They wouldn't have worked. All I heard was that Jenny was in the hospital. Lucky me. Here I was struggling with my parents' death and yet the world moved on, completely oblivious of my pain and suffering. I mean, I had just buried my parents this morning and suddenly I was moving onto how Jenny was harmed. Couldn't God or Fate or whomever just give me some time to mourn? I know I was being selfish there but...I feel like I'm the only one who's endured something and hasn't been given time to mourn, at all. I want to be strong, for Buffy, for Joyce, and for the Gang but I'm only Willow. I don't know if I can handle it. I look up at Buffy. She looks catatonic, and I know she's accumulating guilt upon herself. I want to help her, I do, but I have to grieve first.