And You Know It's No Fun
by DawnBTVS
Chapter 8
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It's quiet around me. I can see the sneering faces aimed at me. Everything's slowed down. The clothes rip off so easily, like I wasn't even wearing them in the first place. Xander seemed to have practice at ripping clothes off. Cordelia's giggling rings in my ears, starting out as a tinny sound but slowly growing louder with each removal of cloth protecting my body from...them. I feel a hand caress but it's rough and firm. Not soft and gentle as I remembered Buffy to be. When did she change? Xander's turned into Buffy. She smiles down at me, whispering inaudible assurances or maybe they're threats. Suddenly I see a flash of red in my vision. Red everywhere, some fading into a pink hue, and others fading into a darker crimson. I snap open my eyes, now aware that I'm in a hospital room. I glance to my right at the IV tube dripping morphine into my bloodstream. I blink my eyes, looking down at the white sheets pulled up over my body, stopping just beneath my chin. I can feel the itchiness of the white gown and try to sit up but my body screams at me its defeat. I sigh softly, glancing up sharply at the opening door. A brunette nurse walks in holding a clipboard. It takes all I can to not scramble backwards at the sight of...somebody who's not Cordelia. I glance over her shoulder, relaxing just the tiniest bit when Mom, Dad, Giles, and two British guys follow the nurse in. Giles gives me a soft wave, an occurrence that I wasn't aware he could completely do. I glance around, trying to spot Buffy. Is she hiding?
"Where's Buffy?" I ask, worry filling me. She looked like she had been beaten up when she...saved me? Did she save me? I can't remember anything except the shame and humiliation. "Where is she?" I nearly scream, concerned now that maybe she abandoned me. M-maybe she left because she saw that I was just a shell of myself and not her damsel in armor anymore. Mom places a hand on my shoulder to try and comfort her but I just stare at her.
"She's waiting outside. She wanted to let us see you first," Dad says. I swallow and nod my head in understanding. I glance at the two British guys standing next to Giles. The guy on the left, Lilly going by his nametag, is a scrawny looking figure. His black hair hangs loosely around his shoulders and reminds me of that Eric Draven guy who came back from the dead. His skin's a little lighter in tone though. The guy looks spry but I'm sure he's a lot more dangerous than me if Giles hired him. The other guy, Phillip, looks like the stereotypical bodyguard. He has a stone cold look in his hazel eyes but his brown hair is swept to the side reminiscent of Ray Combs maybe. He cracks a small smile, as I seem to be lingering my stare at him. I turn my eyes back to Mom and Dad.
"Hi," I whisper at Mom. She smiles down at me and looks to be on the verge of tears already although she's trying to be strong in my presence. Dad looks like he'll kill but Mom wouldn't let him. I'm sure Buffy's handled it already though. I remember the spark of anger in her eyes at the sight of me. Was she angry with me? Does she hate me now? I frown as Giles clears his throat, earning my look of worry.
"I think it's best if we let Buffy and Willow see each other," Giles calmly says. I give him a small nod, grateful that I can see Buffy now. I love my parents but Buffy is kind of my top priority right now. Mom kisses me on the cheek while Dad squeezes my hand before departing. Giles places a vase of white roses on the table in the corner and gives me a sheepish smile.
"Thanks," I whisper. He nods his head, following Lilly, and Phillip out into the hallway. The room is silent now. Except for the nurse who's busy scribbling stuff down. I glare at her a little and she takes the hint. She gives me a bit of a huff as she exits but I ignore her attitude. She clearly doesn't understand what I went through. The door opens with nary a hint of noise.
~~~BTVS~~~
I close the door quietly. My hand's still bloody since I refused treatment and threatened to sock anybody who tried to force me. Giles and Willow's parents knew to stay out of the way. Phillip grabbed my arm and received a hard punch to the shoulder for his troubles. He gasped in pain and sat back down after I glared at him. Willow's so pale. She's a chalky white and looks fragile. I don't think I've ever seen her this fragile, except for the interruption by Cordelia and Xander that morning. Her hair's a little matted but she's quiet alert. I pull the chair up next to her, a little surprised at how coherent she sounds with the morphine drip still in her.
"You're bleeding," Willow states, eyes fixated on my hand. I instinctively cover my bloody hand with my other one so as to not remind Willow but it's already too late. "Isn't blood fascinating?" Willow asks me, honest sincerity in her eyes. A child asking a question that they don't understand hurts so much. I wipe a tear away with a trembling hand.
"It's us," I answer, taking her hand with my bloody one, not wanting to hide anything from her ever again. She glances up at me with wide eyes. She tilts her head to the side, as if taking me in all over again.
"Not me. Not anymore. All gone down the drain," Willow whispers with a small shake of her head. "Bandages," Willow says, her thumb just circling over and over on the top of my hand. The blood coats her thumb, like it coated the white tile in the locker room.
"I went through some things while you were here," I sigh, flashing back to what had happened. Willow nods her head, the barest of smiles on her lips.
"Big and brave. Think I'll be that way again?" Willow asks me softly. I nod my head, giving her my strongest smile despite the heartbreak I'm feeling.
"You'll always be my star in the sky," I answer, kissing her on the forehead. I glance at the bed, desperately wanting to be by her side but knowing what happened, I'm afraid I'd terrify her even more.
"Star. I shine, don't I?" Willow asks, eyes searching mine. She's suffering and I have to save her.
"Shining brighter than anybody else I've ever known," I answer quietly, eyes wandering over the blanket covering her form.
"You saved me," Willow whispers. I bring my eyes back to hers, tears falling now. I give her a smile through them.
"Forever," I reply. Willow gives me a look, just surveying me. She manages a smile, eyes still dull, but a spark here and there appears at times.
"What'd you do?" Willow asks, eyes on my bloody hand again. I sigh, not sure if she wants to hear this in her condition. She stares at me and I can tell she won't take no for an answer.
"I strangled Cordelia and threw Xander through a window. They aren't dead but Cordelia's likely in the hospital and could have brain damage," I whisper, turning my head away in embarrassment. I don't want Willow to see me as the same as those...monsters.
"A re-enactment?" Willow asks me. I nod my head, surprised at how quick she is. She nods her head in silent thanks. "No blood?" Willow asks, almost disappointment there. I glance at her.
"No. Except for me," I say, flexing my hand for her. She glances over my shoulder at the door, then returns her gaze to mine.
"What's my diagnosis?" Willow asks me. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. Willow just watches me. I sigh, lowering my eyes to the floor as I tell her.
"Some tearing inside the vaginal walls. Loss of blood but the doctor said you should be fine in a few weeks," I reply, not wanting to go further into the negative repercussions of what happened once she's healthy. Her eyes drift down to her blanket covered feet.
"I wanted to save it, for you. It was my gift," Willow whispers. I nod my head.
"I know," I reply. She smiles at me, almost as if I'm a child and she's the mother. It's not condescending but almost one of amusement.
"We need to get a Christmas tree," Willow says with a firm nod of her head as if confirming it for me. I glance up at her in surprise.
"Will?" I ask, not sure if it's the morphine or if she's being serious. She gives me a quizzical look back.
"We can't have the presents sitting under a table," Willow mutters. I give her a small smile.
"No, I guess we can't. We'll pick out a tree when you're released," I say. She smiles at me. That night's becoming an undisturbed silence between us.
"Will it be a big tree?" Willow asks me, a soft grin appearing before me. It's nice to see Willow relaxing a little bit, even if her body still shows the tension.
"Big as you want," I answer. She yawns. I smile, standing up, and moving the chair back to its original position. She glances up at me.
"Good," she answers. I bend down, kissing her on the forehead, then on the lips for good measure. She closes her eyes as I turn away, quietly exiting the room. Giles, Ira, Sheila, Lilly, and Phillip all look up at me. I just give them a shy smile in return.
~~~BTVS~~~
I'm standing beside a flowing river of red. Snow blankets the surrounding embankments and ground. I'm wearing black jeans and a white top. My hair is tied back in a ponytail. Buffy's standing on the other embankment wearing blue jeans and a gray Sunnydale sweatshirt. Her blonde hair blows in the wind but the wind is silent on my side. I frown at her.
"Why aren't you here?" I ask, not happy that Buffy's not by my side. She shrugs her shoulders, pushing her hands into her pockets. I wrap my arms around my waist. The river and snow seem to go on for vast acres.
"I'm just waiting," Buffy answers with a nonchalant smile. Huh? Waiting for whom?
"Waiting? Are you waiting for me?" I ask, staring at her with confusion. Buffy giggles back at me.
"That's kind of selfish thinking there, Will. You've already been taken," Buffy replies, gesturing at my lower region. I glance down as I feel a growing dampness in the crotch of my jeans. I frown and start shaking my head rapidly. I glance back up at Buffy in fear.
"It's for you," I plead at her. She calmly shakes her head, staring at me like I've lost my mind now.
"It's for me, huh? I don't know, Willow. That outfit you're wearing is kind of juvenile. I'm a prim and proper girl now. Being seen with you after what happened?" Buffy trails, not finishing. The wetness is dripping onto the white snow now. Staining it red, the circle slowly growing larger. I whimper, stepping backwards. I look up at Buffy.
"I love you," I scream. Buffy glances at me, confusion clouding her features now. She takes a couple steps forward, reaching the edge of the embankment but stays on her side still.
"Love? I remember what love was once. A redhead found me and saved me from my mother. My mother loved me. You stole her from me, Willow. Good girls don't punch mommies," Buffy answers with a shake of her head and a soft wagging of her finger at me. I just look at her in surprise.
"What?" I stammer out in disbelief. Buffy sighs, shaking her head at my evident stupidity.
"I thought you were strong, Willow. I mean, look at you now, just dripping like you release it everyday," Buffy says, pointing again at my crotch. I cover the front of my soaked jeans with a hand, glaring at her now. She laughs at me.
"Why are you doing this?" I ask quietly. Buffy sighs, suddenly appearing next to me. I look up at her in surprise. She places a hand on my shoulder and leans forward.
"I'm waiting, Willow. So, finish up already," Buffy whispers into my ear. A second later she's gone. I'm surrounded by snow as the river of crimson changes to one of a dark blue stream.