Leaving Her
by Salix
Needing Her
[reviews]
Emily's been gone for two whole days now. She called to let Buffy know where she is, but she also said that she doesn't want to see her yet and when she's ready she'll go back to the apartment. 'Back to the apartment,' that's what she had said. Not 'When I'm ready I'll come home.' Buffy couldn't believe everything that had happened. Things just got so out of hand so fast, and she regretted so much. She wished that Emily would come home, but so far the girl was putting up a pretty big fight against that.
She's staying with Lorelai and Rory. Buffy's glad that she's staying there and surprised by it. She would have thought of all the people in the world to go to when you're in pain and need a place she would have picked her boyfriend, Mike. But now that Buffy is thinking about Emily hasn't really said much about him, and he hasn't called in weeks, or come over or taken her out on a date. Hmm, maybe they broke up. No, because Emily would have told her if something like that had happened. Wouldn't she?
It just seemed like there was so much they needed to talk about. Things that they've both been avoiding that need to be addressed. She doesn't even know where to begin. The Tara situation might be a good place to start. After Buffy had a very long talk with her they both knew that they wouldn't work as a couple. Tara lives over on the West coast and she doesn't plan on moving anytime soon. Plus, she can see how much Buffy still loves Willow and she refuses to get in the way of that. She agrees with Emily, if only silently because she doesn't want the slayer to be unleashed on her, that the two should go back to Sunnydale and try to work out their differences with the redhead.
It was on the evening of the third night when Buffy heard something outside of the front door. She concentrated on it, and she could hear two voices. One of them was her daughter, she knew that right away, but another was of a boy, a boy who she had never met before. She listened for a while, glad that she had slayer hearing and she was doing this spying from her comfortable spot on the couch. At least this way when they walk in she can just act like she was watching T.V.
From what she could hear her daughter was trying to get the boy to come inside with her, but he was reluctant to do so. He kept saying that her mom is home and she'll probably be mad if she just walks in with some guy that her mom's never met before. Buffy thought that he was a very wise boy because if they did walk into the apartment and expect any type of privacy then he would be introduced to the slayer and not just a pissed off mother, also something that can be very scary.
She heard her daughter, her daughter her little baby girl who used to beg Buffy and Willow to read her bedtime stories and take her to the park and go out for ice cream, press the boy up against the wall start to kiss him. Buffy heard him trying to gently reject her advances, but she was persistent. After about fifteen minutes of convincing him that everything would be fine, they finally walked into the front door. Buffy was surprised at the way her daughter was acting, but she's been upset for the last couple of days and is probably doing this just to piss Buffy off.
She stood up from her spot on the couch. The boy looked over at her, but Emily completely ignored her. She didn't even send an evil death glare her way. She just kept walking, leading the stranger towards the hallway that leads to the bedrooms and the bathroom. To Buffy, she didn't look too good. She was a lot thinner then normal, and she had really dark bags under her eyes, and she looked like she hadn't slept in days. As bad as Buffy felt for her, she was still pissed. She was mad about the fight, about the things they had both said. She was mad that her daughter had taken off, and mad that she brought this kid into their house and didn't even bother to introduce him to her mother.
"Stop," Buffy said sternly. The boy stood in place, causing Emily to stop because she was holding onto his hand. She turned around and looked at her mom for the fist time in almost three days. Buffy could tell she was pissed. She could tell that she needed an outlet for the anger, she needed to be comforted, but she would damned before she let her daughter use sex as that outlet. "Out," she said to the boy and he whispered a 'see ya later,' to Emily before practically running out the front door. Buffy picked up the remote off of the coffee table and then turned off the T.V. before slamming the remote back down. She saw Emily roll her eyes and then fold her arms over her chest.
"If you're going to act all dramatic then I'm just going to go to bed. I don't feel like putting up with it right now," she said and started to walk off towards the bedroom. For a second Buffy thought about letting her go. She thought about just letting her walk away and they could avoid this conversation altogether and go on and pretend like they were happy and normal. But she knew she couldn't do that. She didn't want to be that kind of parent. She didn't want to ignore all of the problems in her life and in her daughter's life. No, they had to deal with this.
"Look, I'm not going to yell, and I'm going to try and stay as calm as possible, but we have got to talk about this," she said and Emily turned around. She looked defiant, and also like she couldn't care any less. "What is going on with you? Not just the last couple of days, but the last month or so. It's like, you've completely cut me off. You never show any type of emotion except for anger, you don't talk about school, or if you have any plans. And you haven't gone out with Mike in a long time. Did you two break up? Did something happen that I should know about?" She watched as Emily took in a deep breath and let it out quickly. She also shook her head from side to side and got this sad look in her eyes. Buffy was starting to become really concerned about her, and she was letting go of the anger that she had been feeling. Now she was just scared. Scared for her daughter and worried that something bad had happened between her and her boyfriend. Or ex-boyfriend, whatever he may be.
"I'm going to bed. You can play the concerned parent to make yourself feel better, but I'm done. You don't wanna go back to Sunnydale, you don't want to get back together with mom...I don't care anymore. If you want to stay here in this stupid little town and be miserable that's your business. I'm just...I'm done," she said and walked off. Buffy slowly followed her. She didn't want Emily to feel threatened or anything.
When she got to the last door at the very end of the hallway she looked in and saw that Emily was indeed getting ready for bed. She saw that the pretty blue eyes of her baby were filling up with tears. And her nose was starting to turn red as she sniffled and held back all of the sobs that wanted to come pouring out. She waited until she had the light turned off and had crawled under the covers and laid with her back to Buffy, facing the wall. She kept sniffling and she coughed, probably in hopes of getting rid of the lump that was forming in the throat.
Buffy waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, which took about thirty seconds, and then she slowly walked into the room. She quietly shut the door and walked up the bed. She slowly pulled back the covers and laid down in the bed next to her daughter. She covered herself up and wrapped her arms around her little girl. She felt Emily tense and she stopped breathing for a few seconds. Then she felt her start to shake as she tried to hold back the tears, keeps the sobs in. Keep all of the anger and sadness inside. Buffy gently rolled her over so that they were facing each other and she wrapped her arms around her and gently pulled Emily down so that her head was resting on her mom's shoulder. Then Buffy started to gently rub her back and make a soft shushing sound. That's all it took, and Emily broke down.
She started to sob harder then Buffy has ever seen her sob before. Harder then when they left Sunnydale, harder then after that very first phone call to Willow, harder then when they left Rome to move back to the states. And Buffy was right there, rubbing her back and making the soft shushing sounds. She almost started to cry herself, but she knew that she had to stay strong, her daughter needed her. The reason why was still unknown, but as long as she was this upset she would set aside her anger and just be there for her.
"I got you, baby. Let it all out, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, just let it all out," she said and then she kissed the top of her daughter's head. She noticed that after she did that the girl started to cry even harder. Her body was shaking violently, and she was gasping for breath between large sobs and Buffy knew that she would be hoarse for the next couple of days. For two hours she cried, she screamed, until her voice finally just disappeared. She fell asleep not long after that, and she was still clinging to Buffy as if her life depended on it.
Buffy was concerned, very concerned, but she was also glad that Emily finally let go and got out all of the emotions that she's been holding inside. All of the sadness that she hid from everyone was finally expressed in a safe way tha didn't involve someone that Buffy has never met before, and Buffy hoped that she felt a little better in the morning. They still had a lot to talk about, a lot that they had to deal with, but they could deal with it later.
~~~
Buffy woke up wrapped around a harm body. It felt good to not wake up alone, and her first thought in her sleepy state was 'Mmmm, Willow.' She kept her eyes closed, she could feel the sun pouring in through a window and she didn't want to get a headache by opening them too soon. She felt the warm body move and she smiled. Willow always moved around in the morning like that, tried to stretch without waking Buffy. It hardly ever worked, but the blonde always played possum and pretended to be sleeping, that way she could catch the redhead off guard.
She started to kiss the warm flesh beneath her mouth. It felt like the back of a neck and she tried not to smile. Willow has a very soft spot on the back of her neck and whenever it's kissed just right she'll moan despite her efforts to keep it in. But this morning the reaction was something that she's never done before. Instead of moaning and then leaning more into Buffy's body she jumped out of bed, and confused turned to realization in about thirty seconds, and Buffy felt not only embarrassed, but also dirty. Yep, a very long shower would be needed this morning.
"What the hell?!" she heard Emily yell. She rolled over onto her side and saw that the girl was touching the back of her neck where her mother had been kissing it and then looking at her hand, like she was expecting to see blood or something. Buffy sat up, as she did she remembered everything that had happened last night, but she tried to ignore. Her daughter would never let her change the subject, at least not when the subject is something like this.
"I'm sorry. I was still half asleep and I thought you were..." she trailed off at the end. She wanted to say 'I thought you were Willow,' but she didn't. She thought that it had been about sex. That she was still feeling the desire for her ex-wife because it had been so long since she's felt her touch, that was mostly the reason why she had slept with Tara. But it turns out that it wasn't about sex at all. "Someone else. Sorry. Why don't we get dressed, I'll take a quick shower and we'll go get some breakfast at Luke's, ok?" she asked and Emily just let out a 'whatever,' and walked off to the bathroom to get a shower, using up all of the hot water on purpose.
They got to Luke's and ordered their usual meal. Emily always gets the buttermilk pancakes with a side of bacon and a cup of coffee, while Buffy gets the chocolate chip pancakes and a cup of coffee. Sometimes they'll spice things up a little bit and order something else but for the most part they like their routine. They know all of the people that come in, in the morning and they'll exchange a wave and a good morning. Sometimes they'll stop and chat for a few seconds but mostly they'll just eat their breakfast, talk about non-important things so they don't fall into an uncomfortable silence and go about their daily business, either work or school.
But this morning things were a little off, and they both knew it. They could feel this type of energy flowing through the place. It seemed so familiar but a little different somehow. They sat in silence, slowly chewing their food while they tried to figure it out. It dawned on Emily first and her eyes grew wide when she realized what it was. She quickly swallowed her food and had to fight to keep from jumping up and searching out the source of the energy. Buffy noticed that she seemed to be shaking with excitement and sent her a questioning look.
"It's Mom," she said, keeping her voice low so no one would overhear them. So far no one knows about slayers and demons and witches and all of that other kind of stuff. There's never any evil so they never have to worry about it. "That feeling, I know you feel it to so don't deny it, it's her power; her magic. We've always been able to feel it and now is no different. Don't look at me like that, I know you feel it too," she said and couldn't help but notice that Luke was looking at her strangely, but she ignored him.
"Ok, I'll admit that I do feel something. But we don't even know that it's her, it could be another powerful witch. If she were going to come here for a visit she would have called me first to give me a heads up. She wouldn't just drop by unannounced." She wouldn't, Buffy knew. But she also knew that she was lying to her daughter, the feeling that she was getting wasn't from another witch, it was from Willow. The problem is that Willow is all the way over on the West coast, back in Sunnydale so how could they be feeling her now? Has she gotten that powerful?
"No, I know it's her. I can smell her perfume," Emily said and then started to look around. Buffy let her slayer senses go for a few seconds wanting to know if Emily was telling the truth or if her imagination was just getting the best of her. But she was right, Buffy could clearly smell the fragrance of apples and cinnamon. Willow was here, but why would she come out here without calling first? What kind of plan was running through that mind this time?
Buffy was snapped back from her little mental babble when she heard Emily jump out of her seat. She watched as the teen ran over to another table and practically jumped into the redhead's lap. They hugged and Willow gave her feather light kisses all over her face. They smiled and then Emily stood up and dragged Willow over to their table. Buffy felt nervous, it's been a long time since she talked to the redhead and she knew that she wasn't looking her best right now. 'Why am I worried about that? It's not like I'm trying to impress her or anything,' she thought and subconsciously ran her fingers through her hair.
"Hi Willow. This is certainly a surprise," she said, and was surprised that her voice actually sounded happy to see the redhead. It seemed like her body was betraying her today and in really big ways because as soon as the redhead sat down and Buffy got a really big whiff of the apple cinnamon perfume she became very aroused. She tried to ignore it as best she could, but her body betrayed her again and as an outlet from all of the sudden energy she acquired her leg started to shake very quickly, her foot lightly tapped on the ground.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I was going to call but things have been a little crazy lately. There's actually something I need to tell you guys," she said and then paused for dramatic affect like only Willow can do. "I moved here. Well, not here here like Stars Hollow, but here as in Connecticut. The company I'm working for offered a transfer and I got to pick between Seattle, Detroit and Hartford, so I decided on Hartford. It was really sudden, the decision was made yesterday and they wanted me there as soon as possible. I only had time to pack a couple of bags so Xander is going to bring out the rest of my stuff. Him and Anya are going to come out for a couple of weeks until I get settled."
While absolute joy could be heard from across the table from the squeal that Emily had just let out, Buffy had conflicting emotions. She was mad that Willow hadn't called her last night and told her that she was coming. She was still holding onto all of those bad feelings that she had felt a year ago when they had left. But she was also feeling excited that Willow would be so close, only a half hour drive away. She was aroused at just seeing her again, not to mention the perfume doing bad things to her body, and she was tempted to just jump the redhead right there and ravish her for all to see.
"It isn't going to be a forever thing, at least I don't think so. They said that I could transfer back to Sunnydale whenever I want, but if the guy who got promoted last week gets fired or quits or something like that then I'll have to go back," she explained. Buffy felt a little twinge of anger run her at the moment. Her voice betrayed her again and it made her words come out nice instead of mean like she had originally wanted, at least at the time that's what she wanted.
"Did you get promoted too? I mean a big move across the country they don't usually do that unless you get a promotion right?" she asked and then Willow smiled at her and she just kept going, unable to shut up. "Big promotion, longer hours, more responsibility. How long do you work anyway? I know you told me three days a week but that was like a year ago right? Your hours have probably changed since then." She was stopped when she felt something hard and painful connect with her shin. She looked up and sat Emily glaring at her and she took the message which was 'shut the hell up.'
"Actually, they moved me because I didn't take the promotion. It would have been longer hours and more responsibility, and a lot higher pay, but I turned them down. Because Russell got promoted instead they gave him more to do and they didn't need as many people because of it. They didn't to fire me because apparently I'm an asset to the company or something, so they picked the three highest offices where things seem to be lacking and gave me a choice. So, I'm still working three days week, eight hours a day. But this time difference thing is going to kill me. How did you two get used to it?" she asked and they both looked at each other, questioning looks on their faces.
"I have no idea. When did we get used to it?" Buffy asked, mostly to herself. She shrugged her shoulders and deemed it unimportant. She had to concentrate on not concentrating on Willow's lips, her hair, her soft skin that was still milky white. The blouse that was hugging her body in all of the right places, the soft spot on her neck that was just calling out to be kissed. Buffy internally groaned, Willow living so close to them was going to kill her, she just knew it.