Leaving Her
by Salix
Gotta Have Faith
[reviews]
It's been a month, an entire month since Willow was kicked out of the apartment. Emily had to get a part-time at Andrew's bookstore so she can help pay for the bills without using up all of the money they have in the bank right away. Buffy still hasn't left the apartment. It's been a month and three days and she still hasn't left. The car is still out in front of the building, all smashed up on the one side, and it seems like the entire town is curious as to what happened. They ask Emily everyday what's going on with her parents, and they are plenty of rumors going around about what might have been the cause of the breakup, let alone the car.
The one person she never thought would stick up for her and her mother is Luke. After Buffy had explained what happened at the doctor's office the two cried there in Buffy's bedroom. Emily didn't think it was a good idea for her mom not to eat even though she kept saying that she wasn't hungry. So Emily ran down to Luke's to get some food. She was upset, still crying a little, and had asked her what happened, and because they were the only two people in the diner she told him. She poured her heart out, and he even hugged her until she calmed down. Ever since then whenever he seems someone bothering her in the diner, asking questions they have no right asking, he'll throw them out and tell them to back off.
She isn't really sure of what to do. She's tried to get Buffy to leave the apartment, she really has, but nothing is working. The blonde just lies in bed all day, either sleeping or crying. She barely eats anything, and what she does eat she has a hard time keeping down. She's getting unbelievable thin, she hasn't even bothered with dying her hair and her dark natural color has taken over most of her head. She goes three to four days without showering, and she only gets in the shower in the first place when Emily finally annoys her so much she does it just to shut her up. She knows that she shouldn't be mad at her daughter, she knows it, but she can't help it. She just feels nothing. There's nothing there anymore at all and for her daughter to keep insisting that she go on is complete lunacy because there's just nothing.
Emily has finally reached her breaking point. She doesn't know what else to do. So was saving this for a complete last resort and it's getting to be about that time. If her mom doesn't get better soon then she might just waste away, and Emily doesn't want to come home one day from school or from work and find her mother dead. It's a nightmare that she's been frequently having and also a large motivator to call Giles. She told him what happened, and he was shocked. He never thought that Willow would do such a thing and Emily agreed with him. He told her that he would send someone out, that he couldn't go himself because they were having too big a crisis at the new Council and he was needed there. They ended the very sad conversation with a promise that help was on the way.
That was about fifteen hours ago. She had to leave for school since then.. She called him at an obscene hour in the morning, forgetting that when it's six in the morning in Connecticut it's three in the morning in California. But she did as she does every morning when she wakes up. She gets dressed and brushes her hair and teeth and then applies the make-up. She puts fresh cat food in the two bowls and puts fresh water in the large water bowl. She gathers up her books and homework and puts them in her bag, and then she goes into her mother's bedroom, and gives her a kiss on the forehead, she whispers to her that everything will be ok again, and with a very emotion filled 'I love you' she leaves the apartment for school. But this morning she did as Giles asked and she left the apartment door unlocked in case the help there before Emily did.
Unfortunately that wasn't the case. When she got home from school there was no way there but Buffy. She was crying again, asking the gods and goddesses why this had happened. That was one of the questions that Buffy would often ask herself. The other was who is the father of the child? Who was so great that Willow had to fuck around on her, break her heart? And finally, was he worth it? Buffy doesn't even acknowledge Emily's presence anymore. The only time the teen can get her attention is when she's dragging her into the bathroom and forcing her to get a shower. Other then that Emily might as well be dead.
Buffy rolled over in her bed. Why couldn't Emily just go to Rory's house for a couple of nights? Why does she insist on coming home every damn day? She tried her best to ignore the sounds of footsteps walking through her living room, and then in the hall. She did notice that they sounded a little different. They didn't sound like the person was wearing a pair of Vanz sneakers. These sounded like boots, if she had to guess. The other thing that was different was this person knocked on her door and waited for a response. Emily had given up knocking weeks ago. The girl knows that no matter how many times she knocks and no matter how loud she gets Buffy won't answer her. She pulled her pillow over her head and groaned when she heard the door open. She didn't care who was standing out there, she just didn't care. All she wanted to do was lay here and die. Without Willow, she's nothing, but she can never be with Willow again because she had betrayed Buffy's trust, again.
She could feel that whoever was standing in the doorway was just staring at her. Gawking at her like some kind of freak show. She hated it. She hated it and it was starting to piss her off. But she was too tired to do anything about it. She was too weak, and even she's willing to admit that she's frightfully thin. But she just doesn't care enough to do anything to change. She doesn't want to eat, she doesn't want anything to drink, she doesn't want to get up and watch television, and she doesn't want to leave the apartment. She just wants to be left alone so she can suffer in peace. She wants to wallow in this misery until it finally consumes her and there's nothing left.
"God damn, B," was all the person said, in a faint barely-there whisper that only her slayer hearing could pick up. She pulled her head out from under her pillow and rested on top of it, but she didn't look at the younger slayer. She tried as hard as she could not to cry. She really did. She tried to bite back the sobs, she tried to hold in the tears, but she couldn't. She started to cry, softly at first but as Faith got closer to the bed her sobs were becoming more violent as her body quaked as she tried to hold it all in. She felt a warm, gentle hand on her back, and then the other hand was on her stomach and she felt herself being lifted off of the bed. She finally gave in, she finally let go and she let out all of her sobs while she buried her face in Faith's neck as the younger woman held her like a crying child.
"That's it B, just let it all out. It's gonna be ok, just get it out," the other woman whispered into her ear. Does Faith not know that she's been crying for the last month? Does she not know that she's been trying to get it out but it just won't go away? Granted she hasn't tried very hard, she's done nothing but lay here in self-pity, dying in the irony of it: she had been the one who convinced Willow to see the doctor, and it was there she learned that Willow was fucking someone else. She's with him right now, no doubt about it. "Come on B, I know this isn't enough, let it out. Really let it out. Come on, you gotta get it outta ya if you're gonna get better." Get better? Get better! How the hell is she supposed to get better? Willow's off, pregnant with some bastard child, living with the man who created the thing and she's supposed to get better! She can't, it isn't possible. There is no getting better.
"It hurts," she said and Faith rubbed her back some more. She started talking in between sobs, letting go, like Faith had said. "It hurts so much.....it's like I'm dead inside.....Faith, it hurts......make it stop.....I want it to stop.......why did she do it?......why doesn't she love me anymore?........I thought she loved me......how am I supposed to get better?......there's nothing left......I'm nothing without Willow......how could she do this?" She started to cry harder after that. She asked why a couple more times before she started to calm down. Faith never stopped rubbing her back, she never stopped encouraging her to just let it go. When she felt her eyes becoming heavy with exhaustion she crawled out of Faith's lap and laid down on the bed. She pulled Faith under the covers with her, and clung to her like a teddy bear not yet ready to give her up yet, and she fell asleep, feeling a little better for the first time in what felt like a million life times.
When Buffy woke up the following afternoon she felt something that she hasn't felt in a very long time: rested. She felt like she finally got a good night's sleep. She finally felt like she had some type of energy. She also felt the warm body lying in her bed next to her. She thought back to the previous day and it took her a few minutes to remember that Faith came into her room. Why? She doesn't know. Did Faith know that she needed help or was she just stopping by? Stopping by, yeah right. The younger slayer has avoided her ever since they went to Sunnydale to get Emily back. Ever since she saw that she and Willow were going to work out. HA! That's a good one right there. Maybe that's why Faith is here. Maybe she heard about what happened and is here to take Willow's place.
She unwrapped herself from the warm slumbering body and went into the bathroom. She the usual business whenever someone goes into a bathroom, and she brushed her teeth. She felt like she hasn't done that in forever, and she was pretty sure that she'd be able to light a fire with her bad breath, so she brushed them seven times in a row. Her gums bled a little, but other then that she didn't cause any damage. She thought about going into the kitchen, seeing what's in the fridge, but she felt a little dizzy spell coming on and she just wanted to go back to bed. Now that she's actually been up and moving around a little she's exhausted, that new found energy left about three minutes ago. On her way back into her bedroom she noticed a note taped to her bedroom door and she couldn't help but wonder where the hell Emily is getting all of this scotch tape. It's not like they buy it at the store on a regular basis.
Anyway, the note said: Mom- I'll go shopping after I get off work. I left some money on the counter so have Faith go to Luke's and buy you some food. Tell her she's welcome to get whatever she wants, I left plenty. I have to work late tonight because we're getting in a new shipment of books and Andrew wants me to shelve them before I go. I'm expecting a call from Giles so please get up if the phone rings. Don't forget to take a shower. I'll see you when I get home. Love your one and only, Em. 'When the hell did she get a job?' Buffy asked herself as she crumbled the note up and threw it somewhere down the hall. She went back into her bedroom and plopped down on the bed. Surprisingly she didn't wake Faith up.
She snuggled up to the sleeping body of the other woman. She needed to feel the physical contact. She wasn't too sure why. Sure she's been lonely, she's been missing Willow, and she's been upset, but she never actually reaches out to other people when she's like this. She never had comfort sex when she left Willow, she was gone a year before she met Tara, and even then she had moved on. So why was she feeling this way now? Why was she feeling like if she didn't have someone inside of her she would die? She doesn't really know, and she doesn't really care, but it's what motivated her to do what she's about to do.
She started to gently push on Faith's shoulder, trying to get the younger woman to wake up. It took her while but she was finally getting some type of movement. But Faith just rolled over onto her other side, facing away from Buffy and went back to sleep. This growing need inside of her would not go away, if anything it was growing by the second, and having Faith in the bed with her was only making it worst. She pulled on Faith's shoulder so that the brunette was lying on her back. Buffy could see that she was starting to wake up a little more. She propped herself up with one of her elbows as she leaned down and softly kissed Faith's lips. They were soft, and just what she needed right now. She kept up her soft kissing until she felt Faith start to respond. That's when she deepened the kiss, running the tip of her tongue along Faith's bottom lip. She was allowed entrance, which she gladly took. She explored the unknown cavern of Faith's mouth until the need for oxygen became greater then the need to fill this empty hole inside of her. But as soon as her lungs were satisfied the need for contact was too much.
She climbed on top of Faith. She could tell that the other slayer was still very groggy and had no clue as to what was going on. Buffy wondered for a split of a second if this could qualify as rape, having sex with someone while they're half asleep, but she stopped caring. She started to run her hands up and down Faiths' curving body and it was only then that she realized Faith was wearing a pair of her pajamas, well, what Buffy considers pajamas anyway: a pair of boxers and a black wife beater. She kissed Faith again, and this time she didn't ask for entrance she just took it. She could tell that Faith was starting to come to her senses, she was starting to become way more aware, and she wondered what her reaction was going to be. What would Faith do now that she finally has Buffy lying on top of her, kissing her and wanting her so badly that it hurts? This is everything that Faith's wanted, right? So Buffy doesn't see a problem with this.
She started to grind her hips against Faith's. She heard the other woman groan, and she pulled back from the kiss. Buffy was a little confused, why did Faith pull back? Oh well, who cares? She started to kiss the brunette's neck and her hand made its way under her shirt and she cupped one of the other woman's full breasts. She rolled the stiff nipple between her fingers and then she pulled her hand back down a little and let it rest on Faith's stomach. Since the brunette wasn't really doing anything other then kissing her, she decided to move things along, quicken the pace, make this empty feeling go far, far away. She grabbed onto one of Faith's hand and brought it between their bodies. She slowly led it down into her pajama pants and then placed the two middle fingers on her clit. She gasped out at the feeling, having almost forgotten what it's like to be touched there, and that's when things started to go wrong.
Faith pulled back. She pulled her hand out of Buffy's pants, and she sat up in the bed and gently pushed Buffy off of her. Finally having decided that what the blonde was doing wasn't a dream, she needed to make it stop because Buffy will only hate her later if she lets her continue. Buffy looked confused, and hurt, and the feeling was just getting stronger. She needed to make it stop, she needed to make it go away or else she might die. She was sure that she would die if she didn't make it stop. But when she leaned in to kiss Faith the brunette pulled away and held out a hand in front of Buffy, motioning for her to just stop what she was doing.
"Look B, I know you're upset, I know you're grieving, and what Red did is fucked up and now you're hurting like hell, but I can't sleep with you. You'll hate me for it later, trust me. I can be here for you any way you want, but not that way," she said and ran a hand through her unruly locks of hair. Buffy looked pissed. How the fuck does Faith know what she's feeling? Faith's never gone through something like this before. She's never loved anyone like Buffy loved Willow, so how the fuck does she know what Buffy needs and what she doesn't?
"What the hell do you know about grieving? What do you know about loss, or pain? I'm nothing without her. She's gone and I can't ever take her back. What am I? Without her, the answer is nothing. She made me, me. Don't you see it? Without Willow I'm nothing." She was angry and she was hurt and she was trying not to cry. She felt Faith wrap her arms around her and they sat like that for a few minutes. They were quiet and still and Faith thought for a second that maybe she was making some progress, anger was just another step, right? That's when she felt Buffy pull back and the small woman's lips were on hers again. She pulled back, even though she didn't want to, she had to. Sleeping with Buffy would only make things worst, even though it's something she's wanted to do since she first met the blonde.
"Buffy, no. Sleeping with me or anyone else isn't going to make the pain go away. You need to deal with it a different way. You don't want to end up like I was do you?" she asked and Buffy looked down. She looked like she was seriously thinking about the questions and then she looked up at Faith. She looked into the dark brown eyes of her slayer sister, her own hazel ones reflecting all of the pain, and angry and hopelessness that she's feeling inside. She looked down at her hands, picking at some dirt under her fingernails.
"I don't care, I just want to make it stop," she said and quickly leaned forward and pressed her lips against Faith's. She seriously thought that if she tried enough Faith would give in. This is Faith we're talking about here, the 'get some get gone' slayer who used and abused almost everyone around her. Yeah, that was the old Faith. Buffy is now dealing with the not so new and very much improved Faith that doesn't live like that anymore. This is the Faith that has the strength to push Buffy away. And boy oh boy was the blonde pissed off about that. "I get it, you can spread your legs to half of Sunnydale but you won't sleep with me? Am I that fucking repulsive? I must be. Willow went out and fucked some guy, probably over there right now taking it from him. And not even you will sleep with me." Faith sighed, but there was no way she was going to back down. Anger is just another one of the steps, right?
"I'm going to ignore that considering it's almost true, and you're pissed off. Look B, you're going to get over this. Wanna know how I know? Because you're Buffy. Buf-fy. Better then thou Buffy with a stick constantly up her ass, never willing to let loose and have any fun Buffy. You're strong, you're capable, you get the job done when you need to, and you don't give in to shit like this. You're a mother, with a daughter who needs her. Did you even know that she's working part time at a bookstore just to get the fuckin bills paid on time? You gotta get up, B. You gotta get up and get better if not for yourself, then for her. And I didn't' sleep with half of Sunnydale. Maybe a fourth but definitely not half." That got a small smile out of the blonde. "See blondie, already on the road to recovery. Now, get your ass up and get a shower. We need to get some food in you cuz you look like a walkin skeleton. Your brat talked Luke's up made it sound like it's the best food in the all the land. Now, hurry, I'm starving." But Buffy just sat there. She looked down at herself, and Faith was right, she did look like walking death.
"I don't want anyone to see me like this Faith. Will you just go and pick up some food? Tell him it's an order for Buffy he'll know what to make," she said and then got up and stretched. Her ribs could be seen easily through her skin. You could count each one standing six feet away. She was thin enough to look like she had a drug problem or something. But she wasn't going to worry about that now. Faith was actually able to talk some sense into her, and she actually felt like getting a shower for the first time in a month. She was on her way to the bathroom when the phone started to ring. 'Oh, that's right, Emily's note said something about Giles calling. I better get that or else she'll get pissed,' she thought and went out into the living room. She avoided looking over at the door. The hole that she made with the door the day she kicked Willow out is still there. They haven't bothered to call the manager of the building to have him come and fix it.
"Hello," she answered and then waited. Yep, it was Giles alright. He sounded a little distressed and he was stuttering a little, making it hard for her to understand what he was saying. "Giles, slow down, what are you talking about?......Necklace, what necklace?......Oh! Right, the one with the dove. Yeah I still have it, what about it?......It's the what?......But that's just a myth, I mean those weren't real, were they?......Willow's not here. Willow's gone. Willow cheated on me and now she's pregnant with some bastard child. I kicked her out as soon as I found out about it. And she had the nerve to continue to lie about it and say that she didn't cheat! Well how the hell else did she get pregnant?......That was supposed to be rhetorical......Ok, I'm listening, what?......Wait, let me get this straight, when I wore the dove necklace and then made love to Willow the necklace did some weird mojo to our bodies so that we would be able to create life?......No, that can't be, because that would mean," she stopped talking, and she got a really cold shiver down her spine when she realized what she had done. She didn't even bother saying goodbye to Giles she just hung up the phone and ran back into the bedroom, quickly changing into some jeans and a t-shirt.
"Wow, what's the rush? I thought you said you didn't want people seeing you lookin like death's little sister," Faith said and pulled on her boots. Buffy didn't look over at her as she started to dig through the bedside table, searching for the piece of paper that had Willow's new cell phone number on it. Ok, so maybe not very new, she had gotten a new one two months ago after her old phone was stolen.
"I just got off the phone with Giles. He knows what happened between me and Willow, some Seer over in England had a vision about it and she called him this morning. Apparently she's the one that sent us that necklace that you gave us when you were playing delivery girl for Giles. It's not just a normal necklace, it's the amulet of Aphrodite. And when two women who love each other have sex while one of them is wearing the necklace it allows them to create life. Willow didn't cheat on me, she's pregnant with my baby!"
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Ok people, I've given you three chapters in less then 48 hours, the least you can do is write a simple one or two lined review. For those of you who usually do review, write as much as you normally would, I know some people usually get in three or four sentences. My sanity is pretty much resting on getting a lot of reviews. Ok, maybe not a lot, five at least. Five reviews to keep Paige sane, how does that sound? Ok, I really need some fuckin sleep, I've been up for so long and typing for so long the tips of my fingers are completely numb. And when I close my eyes I see a little green fairy chasing a unicorn, trying to light it on fire with a flame thrower. No, I don't really see that, but that would be pretty badass if I did. hehehe, ok, it's bedtime for me! Remember to review.