Leaving Her
by Salix
This is Buffy's?
[reviews]
Dying: that's what it feels like. That's what it has felt like inside for the passed month. She felt like she was slowly dying inside, but she wasn't going to let it get to her. She wasn't about to let it control her. She didn't just have only herself to think about now. If that were the case she would be in bed, not moving, just sleeping all day and doing nothing. But that isn't the case, and it probably won't ever be again. Even if she is depressed, she needs to stay healthy because her baby will suffer if she gives in to the sickening feeling.
Buffy kicked her out, just like that. She didn't even listen to reason. She just packed a bag and pushed her out the door. She would never cheat on Buffy. She never has cheated on Buffy. She didn't even sleep with that girl Xander tried to hook her up with, and that woman was about as easy as Faith used to be. But no, she held out because she knew that no one else would be able to make her feel the way Buffy does. No one will ever be able to make her feel as special, as loved and with that comes a price. In return no one will ever be able to make her feel so heartbroken, so empty inside.
How did she become pregnant? She doesn't know. But she's looking into it. She hasn't called Giles yet, or Xander or anyone else from the Council. She doesn't want them to think any less of her, she has Buffy for that. 'No, I shouldn't blame her. Doing that won't help,' she said as she walked into work. The large office building was a nice change. She's been working from her apartment in Hartford that she was able to get back, after she begged her boss to let her have it back. It was demeaning and she had to agree to up her hours, so now instead of working eight hours a day for three days a week, she's working nine hours a day for five days a week, on the same pay! She does get paid a lot, more then she should she knows, and she isn't worried about being able to afford anything for the baby or herself, but a little raise would have been nice.
"Hey Willow, haven't seen you in a while," Joey said as she walked by and Willow just smiled and waved. She wasn't known for being friendly in the workplace. She used to just want to get it done as quickly as possible, so she could get back to her wife and daughter, and now...now the only thing she has to look forward to is a quiet dinner with her and the baby. She walked into her office, glad that the morning sickness has finally gone away. She's in her second trimester now. She's starting to show, and she's been covering it up. She doesn't want anyone to know about it until she's sure of how it happened. It'll be far less confusing that way.
This baby is some kind of miracle, she knows that. How else would it come into being if it were anything short of a miracle? Even if Buffy doesn't believe her she knows that this baby is something good. She sat down in her chair in her medium sized office, the heater at a perfect temperature as she turned on her computer at her workstation and logged on. As she started skimming through the files making sure everything was on the up and up, she started to zone out. Like she's been doing for a while now.
'I wonder what it's going to look like. Will it be a boy or a girl? I don't see how it could be a boy what with the lack of a Y chromosome. So what will she look like? Will she look anything like me? And what if she is Buffy's? Will she have Buffy's brown hair? 'Cause I know for a fact she isn't a natural blonde. Mmm, Buffy. God I miss her so much. I wanna run into that apartment and throw her down on the bed and rip her clothes off. Boy would she be surprised. She'd probably be so wet. Dripping and just waiting for me to touch her, mmmmm....Dammit! Stupid pregnancy hormones getting me all hot and bothered when I'm supposed to be working. Wait, I'm supposed to be working. I can't get fired, I need this job. What's that noise? Oh! Cell phone!' she was snapped out of her little daze by the sound of her cell phone ringing. She pulled it out of her purse and looked at the caller i.d. screen. She didn't recognize the number and she was a little confused as she answered.
"Hello?" she asked and then waited. Who was on the other end of the line surprised her and made her panic a little bit. "Faith? Why are you calling me? Did something happen to Buffy? Something happened to Buffy didn't it? I can't calm down, something happened to Buffy!......Ok, so nothing happened? Buffy's fine?......Don't scare me like that! If nothing bad happened to her then why are you calling me? And how did you get this number?......But why? We've never been friends, in fact I distinctly remember you holding a knife to my throat......Ok, I know that was a long time ago and you're better now, but you've never called to just check up on me so what's up?......Yeah, I'm at work, and I've been living at my old apartment in Hartford. Look Faith, I need to get back to work. If you want to stop by to see how I'm doing, why I don't know, but if you feel like you have to I'll be back at around seven, maybe seven thirty. Ok, see you then, bye." She hung up and put the phone back in her purse thinking to herself: 'that was fucking weird.'
She tried as hard as she could to focus on her work. The burning between her legs was almost unbearable and she almost started to panic when she caught herself slighting rocking her hips, grinding herself against her chair. 'God Willow, you're as bad as a dog in heat,' she chastised herself and forced herself to focus on the computer screen. She typed in what she needed to and then turned off the computer, thinking that maybe the more hands on work would help distract her from this feeling. She left her office and headed towards the back, a little earlier then she would normally do, which earned her a couple of strange looks from the other employees. But she ignored them as she walked over to one computer and started to read the little chart. She tossed it back on the table and started to take the computer apart, quickly locating the problem and fixing it within half an hour. Once she finished with that one she moved on to the next.
She did that until her brow started to break out in a small sweat. She stopped her work and took her lunch break. She declined the offer to go out and get something to eat with some of the other employees. She really doesn't want to have to explain why she doesn't want to eat a greasy hamburger and French fries, like she would normally eat three and a half months ago. Nope, she stayed back in the break room eating a low-fat yogurt, a roast beef sandwich, and some almonds because her doctor said that almonds are a good source of calcium, and she needs more calcium. 'God this is depressing. It wasn't even three months ago and I would drive over to the Inn during Buffy's break and have her for lunch.'
She finished eating and threw away the wrappers and containers and then went into the bathroom to wash her hands. She decided to just go home. She didn't want to be here, she could have Douglass send over some more computers for her to fix later. Right now she just needs to get out of this place. So on her way back to her office she stopped by Douglass' desk and wrote him a little note telling him to stop by later to drop off six more of the computers that weren't due back to the clients until next week. Then she grabbed her purse and left. She sped back to her apartment and slowly walked into the living room, dropping her purse in the foyer and closing the door behind her with her foot. She took off her jacket and dropped it on the living room floor and then plopped down on the couch. She kicked off her shoes and sat with her feet under her, leaning against the back of the couch and she started to pull at the button on her shirt, the one that was directly above her bellybutton.
"Things weren't always like this, Baby. Things used to be better. You're other mommy is just too stubborn right now to listen to reason. Here I am, all alone in this big apartment, way bigger then hers, way cleaner then hers, the management is better then hers, the neighbors aren't as nosey, and the hot water lasts longer, but all of that didn't matter because we were together, so all of those little things weren't important. I remember when I was younger, we had a big house, and lots of other things that a lot of people don't have but my parents never paid attention. My mom didn't even know that I cut my hair until like three months after I got it cut. I was happy when I was friends your uncle Xander, he was there for me, but I was still really lonely and things didn't start looking up until I met your other mom, and I was so happy. Now all of this is happening, and I don't know if we're ever going to see her.
"Things will get better. When you get here things will be so much better. I'll take care of you, no matter what. Your mom may be mad because you're in me but I'm not giving you up. It'll be you and me kid, how does that sound? It won't be as depressing as it sounds, trust me. There's lots of stuff that we'll do. There's so much I can teach you. I can teach you how to hack into the computer system and give yourself an A if you ever get an A-. I'll teach you how to read all of those big books that I have stored in the bedroom. And I'll teach you how to do magic. You could be floating pencils by the time you're two. Let's go see if there's any ice cream left in the freezer," she said and while she talked she gently rubbed the tips of her fingers over the small bulge in her belly.
She walked into the spacious kitchen and opened up the freezer door. She pulled out the container of Cookies N' Cream ice cream and then a spoon out of the drawer and walked back out the living room and started to eat. She didn't even bother to put down her little after work treat when there was knocking at the door. She knew that it would probably look pathetic: single pregnant woman, depressed because she was thrown out of her house, answering the door while eating ice cream straight out of the carton. Then again, who cares? Who could possibly be on the other side of that door that's so damn important that she can't answer the door like this? Who? Well, she's about to find out.
"Wait just a minute," she said, sounding a little irritated because the person who was knocking was not showing any patience at all. She opened the door, the spoon still in her mouth. This better be damn important because it's cutting into her sitting around time. Her mouth dropped open, the spoon clattered to the floor. "Xander? What are you doing here?" she asked, sounding surprised, and confused. She stepped back to let him in and he enveloped her in a big hug. They were like that for a few minutes before he stepped back and looked her in the eyes.
"Giles told me what happened. God Will, I'm sorry," he said his voice full of compassion and he hugged her again. She quietly took the hugs, not wanting to say anything for fear of breaking down. "How are you doing? How's the baby? Have you been to a doctor? You should really see a doctor, just in case. I'll go with you if you want. I'm here as long as you need me. Anya's coming next week and she's going to stay for a while, but she can only stay for a week because she can't leave the Magic Box alone for long, but I'll stay longer if you need me to. Anything you need, anything at all I'll get it for you." He kept on talking, telling her the same thing over and over again just wording it differently. She was starting to become a little irritated.
"Xander, Xander, Xander! I'm fine. Really. I'm glad you came, I really am and I appreciate that you want to help, but you don't need to stay for very long. I've already been to a doctor. I have another appointment in a couple of weeks. If you want to stay until then and go with me you can. Now, come on in, get your stuff out of the hall before the neighbors start complaining. Faith is going to stop by some time between seven and eight, so I'll make dinner tonight, you rest. You had a long flight, I can tell you're jet lagged. So after you get your stuff out of the hall, lie down and take a nap. No arguing mister." Xander smiled a small sad smile. He could tell that Willow was putting on a brave face, holding back the tears and the hurt. He grabbed his three suitcases and hauled them into the guest bedroom and then he sat down on the couch with Willow, refusing to take a nap.
"Have you seen her since...?" he asked and her defenses started to crumble a little bit. She didn't want to talk about Buffy, not with Xander. Not after everything he did to help her when Buffy left Sunnydale. He had told her she needed to move on, that there was a small chance that Buffy would take her back. He wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, he was just being honest, which she hated him for at the time. And now that all of this is happening she knows that he's right, Buffy isn't going to take her back, not this time.
"No. I tried calling her at least a million times but I think she unplugged the phone. I haven't tried stopping by the apartment, I'm too afraid of what she'll do if she sees me, especially now that I'm starting to show. She was so angry Xander. When we got back from the doctor she slammed the car door so hard it folded in half. She told me to stay away from Emily, but I just can't, she's mine too ya know? I've had lunch with her a couple of times, and she won't tell me anything about Buffy. I don't think it's too good or else she would say something. I can tell that Emily wants to believe me. She's really trying to think that maybe this baby was made by some type of magic or something, but she doesn't. I know she doesn't. I don't even know what to believe anymore," she told him and set the container of ice cream down on the coffee, forgetting that she was holding it in the first place. Xander got a very questioning look on his face and he looked deeply into her eyes.
"You didn't get Giles' message?" he asked and Willow looked over at the answering machine. She had three messages, but she hadn't bothered checking. She knew that they were just going to be from her boss in Sunnydale, telling her what a good job she's doing and then trying to get her to take the promotion he's offering. She looked over at him, confused so he explained. "Giles called you, he got a call this morning from a witch in a coven over in England. A Seer over there got a vision about you and Buffy, and she said that the necklace she sent you guys a couple of months ago made the baby. From what Giles said, Buffy wore it without you two knowing what it does and then you two were...intimate. Call Giles, he can explain it better then I can." Willow had to think back. When did a witch from England send her a necklace? It took her a few minutes but she finally remembered. 'That dove necklace with that letter we couldn't read! God, how could we be so stupid? We should know better by now to put on jewelry given to us by people that we don't know without knowing if they're magical or not!'
"So, this," she placed both of her hands over her belly. "This is Buffy's? I'm going to have Buffy's baby?" her voice sounded distant as she started to become overwhelmed. Sure she had thought about it, she thought that maybe the baby is Buffy's, but that was mostly just wishful thinking so she could get the blonde to take her back because if Willow is pregnant with her baby then Buffy would have no reason not to take her back. But to actually learn that it's true, to learn that she really is pregnant with her wife's, with her wife's baby...it was just too much to take all at once. Everything went hazy, she couldn't focus, she couldn't say anything, and then it started to get dark. When she was able to focus and hear what was going on around her, she saw Xander and Faith kneeling over her, both of them telling her to wake up.
"Faith, what are you doing here so soon? I haven't even made dinner yet. Why am I in my bedroom? Where's Buffy? I need to tell Buffy about the baby," she tried to sit up but she got really dizzy and lightheaded and fell back on the bed. She groaned and held a hand over her eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning. She felt movement on the bed, like someone getting up but she didn't want to look to see what was happening, at least not until this sickening feeling went away.
"Ok, we need ta get her to a hospital. B said she'd kill me if anything bad happens to her or the kid," she heard Faith say and then she felt herself being lifted off of the bed and cradled bridal style in the arms of the slayer. She tried to struggle to get Faith to put her down, but it was no use. Slayers can be very, very stubborn when they want to be, and Faith was a naturally stubborn person before being called so she's twice as bad. "No Red, you're going to a doctor. We need ta make sure you're ok. Xander my car keys are in my front pocket get 'em out for me." There was silence and no movement what so ever. "God Xander grow up, I locked my car up before I ran up here, now get the keys out." Willow could almost hear the blood rushing to Xander's face as he blushed. He looked up at the ceiling, keeping all thoughts of a naked Faith out of his mind as he dug in her right front pants pocket to retrieve her keys.
They managed to walk down the two flights of stairs and make it outside without any bad incidents. Xander unlocked the passenger door and then folded the front seat up and crawled into the back. He carefully helped Faith lay Willow down in the backseat of the car and then handed the brunette the keys. She shut the door and then ran around to the other side of the car and got in, and they were off. Faith smoothly maneuvered the Camaro through the back streets of Hartford, knowing that if they took the freeway there would be a heavy flow of traffic.
By the time they got to the hospital she was fine. She was awake and wasn't dizzy, and she wasn't in pain for anything, so it made sense just to go home. But Faith wouldn't turn the car around. She said that they were going to the hospital and Willow was going to get checked out whether she liked it or not. The brunette said that she wasn't willing to take any chances because Buffy would kill her if something happened to Willow and she could have done something to help. Xander agreed with Faith, on the going to the hospital part, so the redhead gave in. The doctor told her that she would be fine, but she needed to avoid any type of stress because if something like that happens again the baby could miscarriage. He told her to go on bed rest for two weeks as a precaution, and she agreed but she wasn't happy about it.
Faith drove them back to the apartment and fussed over Willow. The redhead knew something was up, that Faith must have talked to Buffy or something recently. They all know that if anything were to happen to Willow and someone could have prevented it or done something to help then Buffy would kill them for not doing anything because Buffy still cares about Willow, and the redhead knows this. But Faith is acting like Buffy had pointed a gun to her head and threatened her or something. In all of her years of knowing her Willow has never seen Faith act so caring towards anyone. Sure there was the occasional thing she'd do for Buffy, get her a drink of water after they spar, grab her a fresh towel, little things like that, but she was never outwardly nice to Willow.
Willow had changed into some pajamas, Xander was in the kitchen cooking dinner and Faith was keeping the redhead company. While Willow laid under the covers, sitting up again resting against the headboard, Faith sat at the foot of the bed. She wasn't too sure what she was supposed to do. She's never really done the whole 'girl talk' thing before so a course of action is a little lost on her. Willow had been putting off asking the question that she's about to ask. She's been a little afraid to find out but she thinks that it's important.
"I know you've seen her so don't lie to me. How's Buffy doing?" she didn't sound mean or anything, just...stern. She wanted an answer from Faith and she was going to get one even if she had to use magic to do so. She watched as the brunette started to fidget a little, which is so unlike Faith. The brunette took in a deep breath and let it out very slowly. Buffy had told her to keep quiet about it, but she knew that she couldn't lie to Willow. For one thing, she's a bad liar, and for another, if she does lie Willow might do some weird magic on her, turn her into a frog or something. So could handle an ass beating but she doesn't know if she'd be the same after being turned into something else.
"Not good. Hasn't left the apartment since she kicked ya out. Doesn't wanna eat anything, looks like a fuckin skeleton. She was gonna come over here herself but she's too weak, almost fainted when she was lookin for your cell number. Your brat's takin care of her now and she told me to make sure you're doing ok. She said if anything bad happens to ya she'll beat me to death with a shovel and then bury me in someone's backyard." Willow sat there, and thought about what Faith had told her. Then she looked over at the brunette with a questioning look on her face and was about to speak but Faith already knew, well she had a good idea, what Willow was going to ask. "She knows about the baby. Giles called this mornin that's why she was freakin out and had me come over. I'm under very strict orders not to let anything bad happen to you or baby." Willow looked down at her stomach, and started to rub the back of her hand over the little bulge. She looked back up at Faith, continuing her hand movement, and she saw that the slayer seemed a little...sad.
"Look Faith, I know that we've never been friends, like ever or at all. And I know over the years I've been a very big bitch to you, and I'm sorry for the way I've acted. I really appreciate that you're here. I know that you still care a lot about Buffy, and if the circumstances were different then maybe you'd try to get together with her, I don't know. What I'm trying to say is: I'm willing to play nice if you can forgive me. Whatta say, truce?" she asked, her voice gave her away so Faith knew exactly how nervous the redhead really was.
"Yeah, truce," she said and then looked over towards the door. "I'll be right back, need ta go check on Xander." She got up and left the room, leaving Willow on her own with a lot to think about. So Buffy wasn't doing good? Willow could only assume that she was doing horrible. Willow knows that Faith has a tendency to exaggerate, but would she really try to make Buffy sound worst then she really is? Willow didn't think so because Faith respects Buffy way too much to do something like that, at least on purpose. So if Faith said it was bad then it was probably really bad.
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Sorry for the lack of updates and that this one isn't very good, but whatever. I stayed up all night slaving away and now I need sleep. I think I'm going to suffer some time of long term memory loss thing for staying up all the time like this. Hmmm, what was I gonna say? Oh right, please review, they're greatly appreciated, and very much needed at this point. Should I go on or has it gotten stupid and pointless? Is it too long? Has it gotten boring? These are some questions that I would really like the answers to.