The Princess Bride
by Whedonist
Chapter 3
[reviews]
Chapter 3
The two girls raced along the ravine floor looking up and around every few minutes. Willow noticed that Spike and his entourage were backing away from the hillside.
"Ha, your pig fiancé is to late! A few more steps and we'll be safe inside the Hellmouth."
"Will, we'll never survive."
"PPFFFFFFTTTT, you're only saying that 'cuz no one ever has before." Willow took a firmer grip on Buffy's hand and led them in to the swamp. Sure it wasn't the premier place to be, Willow decided, but it was okay. Definitely better than what she had anticipated. The two moved slowly and cautiously along. Willow handed Buffy a small dagger that she kept in her boot and took her sword to cut through some the vines hanging in their path. It was apparent as they moved through that no one had been through here in ages, if at all. The trees were thick and over grown. Barely any sunlight filtered through the canopy and the sounds were just a tad on the scary side. Willow didn't mind and it seemed that Buffy had relaxed enough to release the death grip she had on the redhead's hand.
Trying for levity, Willow said, "It's no that bad. I'm not saying I'd want to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.'
Buffy looked at her love and quirked a brow. Just as they were passing over a layer of roots there was a popping sound and Buffy's dress caught fire. Willow acted quickly stomping the flames out.
She blew hair out of her face and checked Buffy, "Well that was an adventure. Singed a bit were you?"
"A bit? Are you ok?"
"Fine, one thing I will say Buff, the hellmouth does keep you on your toes."
"So since we have the time, would you like to explain to me how my farm hand became the Dread Pirate Roberts?"
Willow smiled and began her tale. "Well Robert's ship Revenge is docked at the far end of the bay and I, as you know am Roberts."
"But how is that possible. He or eh Roberts has been marauding for over 20 years and you only left me 5 years ago."
"I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks." Willow offered Buffy her hand as the blonde jumped to a smaller piece of land. "What I told you before about saying please is true. It intrigued Roberts as did my description of your beauty. Finally Roberts decided something. She said to me one day, 'Willow, I've never had a valet. You can try if you like, but I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' 3 years she said that, 'Goodnight Willow, good work, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a fine time for me, I was learning to fence, fight, anything anyone would teach me. Roberts and I eventually became friends and then it happened."
"What?"
"Roberts had grown so rich that she wanted to retire. She took me to her cabin and told me her secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,' she said. 'I am Tara, Tara McClay. I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts just as you will inherit it from me. The person I inherited it from was not the real Roberts either. Her name was Faith. The real Roberts has been retired for 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.' The name was the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see no one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Willow. So we sailed ashore, took on an entirely new crew and she stayed aboard for a while as first mate all the while calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed, she left the ship and I have been Roberts ever since. Except that now that we're together, I'll retire and hand the ship over to someone else. Is everything clear now?"
Buffy nodded lost in thought of all that was revealed to her. Deeper they moved and still Buffy couldn't shake the disbelief of Willow's tale. As she was about to turn and talk more with her love, she found herself being sucked in to the ground. A small eeep was heard before her head completely disappeared below the sand.
"Buffy!" The pirate looked around and saw some vine hanging down. Chopping it in half with her sword, she tugged on it and with a firm hold and deep breath dived into the pit of sand. Her sword laid by the side of the hole and for a few minutes the only thing that was heard were the chirping of the birds and the occasional rumble or growl. The vine went taught and Willow was pulling herself and Buffy out of the sand. As they broke the surface, both girls gasped for air. Resting on their backs, they sucked in as much as air as possible.
Buffy let the despair get to her, "Wills we'll never succeed. We may as well die here."
Willow rolled over and took Buffy in her arms. "No, no, no we have already. Come lets move on." She pulled them both up to their feet and dusted the sand off. Taking a firm grip on Buffy with her left hand and picking up her sword with her right she led them deeper. "What are the terrors of the hellmouth? The fire spurt, no problem there's that popping sound before it lights up. You were clever enough to discover that along with the lightning sand. So thank you for your assistance. We can avoid both in the future."
"What about the B.S.V.F's?"
"Blood Sucking Vampiric Fiends? I don't think they exist." Just as Willow finished her sentence a BSVF attacked. It hit the girl in the left shoulder and they rolled to the ground. Willow smelt the putrid breath before getting a look at the mouth. The creature had blood stained fangs and it's brow was rigged. Yellow angry eyes stared down at her and before she had a chance to push it away, it sank it's fangs into her shoulder. The girl howled out in pain and tried to dislodge her attacker. In the back of her mind, she seemed to be dimly aware that this thing was truly sucking her blood.
Willow was able to dislodge the vampire and throw him against a tree where upon impct his nect made a satisfied chunk. Willow stood and brushed herself off.
"See Buff, no big...ooomphhh" Willow said as she was once again attacked from behind. They rolled over tree roots and passed a flame spurt and Willow couldn't seem to find the strength to kill this thing.
"Hey you!" Buffy yelled and then before she knew what was happening she had a rotten piece of wood in her hand. She stalked over to the two wrestling and rammed the wood through the back and in to the heart of Willow's attacker. She hadn't intended to lose her balance, but the force of her stake and immediate dusting of the vampire caused her to. She landed solidly on top of Willow and smiled. Both were spitting dust out of their mouth and grinning stupidly at each other. Buffy placed a light kiss on Willow's lips, "No one gets to suck on you but me."
Willow blushed and Buffy quickly followed suit.
"Thanks Buff." Willow picked them up and they finished brushing off the rest of the debris. "Come on we don't have much farther to go." They clasped their hands together and made their way towards the other side of the forest.
Coming out of the hellmouth, Buffy couldn't contain her excitement, "We did it!"
"Now was that so terrible?"
Buffy tugged on the pirate and spun her around. Taking the back of her hand she brushed it over Willow's cheek and asked, "How do you do that?"
"Wh-Wh-what?" Willow stuttered.
"Make some of my darkest moments brighter?"
Willow smiled, "It's a gift." The redhead leaned in and sucked the blonde's lower lip into her mouth. Buffy deepened the embrace slid her tongue in Willow's mouth.
"Surrender!"
The two broke away quickly and looked around. They were standing in front of Prince Spike and his minions.
"You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well I accept." Willow bowed graciously.
Spike scoffed, "I give you full marks for bravery. Don't make yourself a fool."
"Ah, but how will you capture us? We know the dangers of the hellmouth we could live quite happily there." Willow had her hand wrapped around Buffy's waist and began walking them backwards. "So when you feel like dying feel free to visit."
"I tell you once again surrender!"
"Not gonna happen!"
"For the last time surrender!"
"Death first!
Buffy noticed men coming out of the trees, crossbows armed. She could see where this was going and wanted it to stop before Willow really did die. "Will you promise not to hurt her?"
Spike gaped, "What was that?"
Willow repeated, "What was that?"
Buffy clarified, "If we surrender and I promise to return with you, will you promise not to hurt her?"
Spike smiled, "May I live to a 1000 years and never hunt again."
Satisfied, Buffy said, "She's a sailor on the pirate ship Revenge. Promise to return her to her ship."
"I swear it will be done!" Spike leaned in to the countess and dropped his voice, "Once we are out of sight take her back to Sunnydale and throw her in the pit of despair."
Darla smiled, "I swear it will be done."
Buffy turned to Willow and looked into her eyes trying to convey why she did what she did. "I thought you were dead once and it almost destroyed me. I couldn't bare it if you died again not when I could save you." She was scooped up before Willow had a chance to respond.
Willow suppressed a scream as she watched her love ride off with Spike. Instead she turned her attentions to the rest of the people on horse back. Willow took in the person before her and noticed the 6 fingers on the right hand.
Darla noticed Willow eyeing her hand and said, "Come my dear we must get you to your ship."
Willow just shook her head, "We are women of action. Lies do not become us."
The countess nodded, "Well spoken." Again she noticed Willow staring at her right hand. "What is it?"
She smirked and said, "You have 6 fingers on your right hand. I know someone who is looking for you."
Willow didn't notice the hilt of the sword rushing down to meet the top of her head, but she felt it and then there was blackness. Two men scooped the unconscious redhead up and carried her off.
The redhead awoke sore and in a considerable amount of pain. Her shoulder throbbed where she was bitten and her head felt as if it would split open at any moment. She glanced around despite the protest from her head and realized she was in some type of torture chamber. Her feet and arms were bound and her wounded shoulder was exposed.
"Ah you're finally awake," came a raspy voice off to the side.
"What? Who are you? Where are you?"
The man came in to sight carrying a bowl of something and a rag. "I'm Andrew." It's voice was hoarse. Coughing and clearing the phlegm from it's throat he said again, "I'm Andrew and you are in the pit of despair. Don't even think about trying to escape or about being rescued. The only way in is secret and only Spike, Darla and I know how to get in." Andrew said all of this while cleaning the bite mark on Willow's shoulder and than applying some type of ointment.
"Then I'm here to till I die?"
"'Till they kill you yeah."
"Then why bother curing me?"
Andrew shrugged and smiled, 'They insist on everyone being healthy before their broken."
"So it's to be torture? I can cope with torture." Willow noticed the look Andrew was giving her. "What don't believe me?"
"You survived the Hellmouth you must be very brave, but nobody withstands the machine." He smiled cruelly and finished dressing the wound
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Inside Spike's castle, Buffy was passing by the prince's chambers and didn't even brother acknowledging either person sitting inside his chambers.
Spike sighed, "She's been like that ever since the Hellmouth."
Darla turned to her prince and said, "You're fathers health is upsetting her."
"Of course." Spike looked down at his desk and continued writing.
The king died that very night and before dawn Buffy and Spike married. At noon she met her subjects again, this time as their queen.
Spike was once again looking out on the balcony at his country men, "My father's dying words were..."
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"Hold it, hold it!" Rupert interrupted. "Grandpa you read that wrong. She doesn't marry Spike. She marries Willow." Rupert's voice was strained and high pitched. "I'm sure of it. After all that Willow did for her she has to."
Tara interjected, "Yeah pappap. If momma didn't marry mommy, it wouldn't be right or fair." The girl noticed her brother's distress and put her arm around his shoulder. They had both moved to Tara's bed a short while after Giles started the story.
Giles retorted, "And who said life was fair dear? Where is that written? Life isn't always fair."
Tara pouted, "I'm just sayin' your messing up the story."
"Get it right pappap."
"Do you two want me to continue?"
They both said yes and waited.
"Alright no more interruptions."
As Giles was about to start up again, a soft knock came at the door. Willow poked her head around the corner and smiled. Both children broke into smiles and went careening off the bed. Willow came in to the room and crouched down gathering both kids in her arms.
"Mommy mommy, you're missing it. Grandpa Giles is reading us a story about you and momma."
Willow picked both kids up and carried them to the bed. "Is he now? Well then I'll just leave you three to it. Momma's gonna come in and bring drinks and medicine for you two."
Rupert pouted, "Is it that gross tasting syrup?"
"It could be, but I'll make you a promise. You two take your medicine and get all better and then when everyone is well enough. Momma and I will take you out to the lake."
Both children's eyes lit up. "Really?" They both said.
"Really, really. Now get back in bed."
Buffy came around the corner with medicine and drinks in hand. "I've got hot tea, water and water and juice. Who wants what?"
"Ah Buffy dear thank you." Giles said scooping up the tea.
The blonde handed the kids their medicine and then pulled Willow off the bed. "Come on hun, let's leave Grandpa Giles to do grandpaie things. I've got to show you something anyhow."
Willow noticed her lover's smile and went along willingly. They waved goodbye to their kids and to Giles and shut the door.
"Now," Giles huffed out, "Where was I?"
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Spike's voice rang out in the courtyard, "My father's final words were, lover her as I have loved her and there will be joy! I present to you your queen! Queen Buffy!"
Buffy entered through the back of the courtyard and made her way through the mass of people. She had a difficult time holding her head up and avoided meeting anyone's gaze. As she approached the front a woman in a long black dress stood up.
"Boo!. Boo! Boo!" the woman cried out.
Buffy stopped and looked at the woman, "Who are you and why do you do this?"
"I am Drusilla a wise woman in this village and you dare ask me why I do this? Shame. I do this because you, you had true love. It was in your hands and you gave it up!"
"But Willow would have been killed!"
Drusilla pointed an accusing finger at Buffy and yelled, "Your true love lives and you marry another." Speaking to the shocked crowd she bellowed, "True love saved her in the Hellmouth and she treated it like garbage! That's what she is, the queen of refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the queen of Slime, the queen of filth, the queen of Putrescence. Boo! Boo! Rubbish, filth, slime, muck." Drusilla began throwing garbage at Buffy and continued, "Boo! Boo! Boo!"
Buffy's head snapped up. She was covered in sweat and sighed, mildly relieved when she realized it was nothing more than a horrible nightmare. In reality, it was 10 days to the wedding and the king still lived, but Buffy's nightmares were growing steadily worse.
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Rupert smiled, "See didn't I tell you she'd never marry that rotten Spike."
Giles shushed the boy, "Yes, yes, you're very smart."
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Buffy marched into Spike's office determined to not marry the man. She had thought long and hard about how to stop the wedding from happening. A certain resolved had blossomed in the blonde once she found out that Willow was alive and well. She couldn't live the lie the prince had asked her to anymore. She wouldn't. She would rather die than let that happen.
She told him so, "It comes to this: I love Willow, I always have and I know I always will. If you tell me I must marry you in 10 days time, please believe I will be dead by morning."
Spike stood and mimicked a pained expression, "I could never cause you grief. Consider our wedding off." Turning to Darla, he asked, "You returned this Willow to her ship?"
"Yes, sire."
"Then we'll alert them. Pet, are you sure she still wants you. After all it was you who did the leaving in the Hellmouth. Not to mention pirates are not known to be people of their word." He let the last part in hoping that the thoughts would at least poison the blonde's decision.
"My Willow will always come for me." She said meeting Spike's glare and forcing him to back down.
Turning away, Spike suggested, "A deal then. You write four copies of a letter and I'll send my four fastest ships. One in each direction. The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year. We'll run up the white flag and deliver your message. If Willow wants you, bless you both. If not, please consider me as alternative to suicide. Are we agreed?"
Buffy nodded and left to write the letter.
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Spike and Darla were walking through the woods shortly after Buffy's declaration.
Darla smirked, "Your princess is quite the winning creature. Trifle, simple perhaps, but the appeal is undeniable."
"Oh yes the people are quite taken with her. It is odd, but when I hired Riley to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Gilder is blamed, the nation will be truly outraged and they'll demand we go to war."
Darla was next to a tree feeling the bark, "Now where is that knot. It's impossible to find." She pressed down on a piece of bark and a door popped open. "Ah, are you coming? Willow's got her strength back. I'm starting her on the machine tonight."
"Darla dear, you know how much I love to watch you work, but I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder and Gilder to frame for it. I'm simply swamped."
"Get some rest. If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." Darla said and disappeared in the tree.
In the pit of despair, Willow laid there and watched as Countess Darla circled her. The woman tightened the straps holding Willow down and then walked behind a desk. Sitting Darla began, "Beautiful isn't it." She was pointing at a wooden machine. It appeared to be a small scale watermill with wires coming from it. "Took me half a lifetime to invent it. I'm sure you've discovered my deep and abiding interest in pain. At present, I'm writing the definitive work on the subject. So I want you to be totally honest with me on how the machine makes you feel. This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting." Darla walked up and shoved a lever up to level 1.
Willow's body arched up off the wooden slab and even through her gag her screams rang out. She convulsed and cried and then stopped as the lever was brought back down to 0.
"As you now the concept of the suction pump is centuries old. Apparently that's all this is, but instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life. I've just sucked one year of your life away. I might one day go as high as 5, but I don't really know what that would do to you." She walked over to the desk and began to write. "So let's just start with what we have. What did this do to you? Tell me and remember this for posterity so be honest. How do you feel?"
Willow was incapable of speech. Her body hurt like nothing she had ever felt before and she began crying.
"Interesting." The other woman said and began writing again.
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Spike was at his desk over looking a map when he heard a cough in the door. "Come in." He looked up and saw Warren his, chief command, step through the door.
"Sire?"
"As chief enforcer of all Sunnydale, killers from Gilder have infiltrated the Thieves forest and are planning to murder my bride on our wedding night."
Warren stepped back shocked, "My spy network had heard nothing."
Buffy walked in at that moment and ignored the officer. "Any word from Willow?"
"To soon pet, patience."
"She will come for me."
"Of course pet," Before Spike could say anymore she left. He turned his attention back to Warren, "She will not be murdered. On the day of the wedding, I want Thieves forest emptied and any of the inhabitants arrested."
"Many of the thieves will resist. My regular enforcers will be inadequate sire."
"Form a brute squad then. I want the forest emptied before I wed."
"It won't be easy."
Spike just grinned, "Try ruling the world sometime."
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The day of the wedding arrived and the Brute Squad was currently carrying out Spike's orders.
One of the officers commanding the squad asked, "Is everybody out?'
"Almost, there's an Irishman giving us some trouble." A second officer informed.
They were standing near a shack. Sitting down by the door a drunk held a sword in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other.
The commander let out a viscous kick and screamed, "Move!"
Drunkenly the swordsman mumbled, "I am waiting for you Riley. You told me go back to the beginning. So here I am, this is where I am and this is where I'll stay. I will not be moved."
The officer turned and saw a giant, "You there," He pointed to the giant and then to the drunk, "move him."
The drunk said, "I wouldn't bother. Keep your order."
"But the prince gave his orders." The officer whined.
The drunk let his sword slash out, "When the job went, I went back to the beginning. Well this is where we got the job. So this is the beginning and I'm staying until Riley comes."
"Get him will you."
The giant walked over and picked the drunk up.
Angel looked at the giant, "I am waiting on Riley."
Xander smiled, "You surely are a meanie."
The drunk did a double take and looked at the hand of his captor. He raised his own hand and squinted at the size difference. He smiled up at Xander drunkenly. "Hello." Xander grinned.
"It's you!" Angel slurred.
Xander reached over and knocked the officer out. To Angel he said, "You don't look so good."
"Pfffttfffftttt."
"You don't smell so good either."
Angel smiled once again, "Perhaps not, but I feel fine." He stumbled and then passed out.
Xander carried Angel to his home and nursed his inebriated friend back to health. During the day, he told Angel of Riley's death and the existence of the Countess Darla Rugen, the six fingered woman. Considering he ended Angel's life long search, the sobering man handled the news pretty well. He passed out in the stew Xander was feeding him.
Xander shook his head and gathered Angel up once again. Taking him out back, he proceeded to dunk Angel's head in a bucket of water. As the swordsman revived and sobered, he screamed, "Enough! Enough!" He straightened and wiped the water from his face. "Where is this countess so I may kill her?"
"She's with the prince in the castle, but the castle is guarded by 30 men."
Angel began pacing and talking, "How many can you handle?"
"I don't think I can take more than 10."
"Leaving 20 for me. At me best I could never defeat that many. I need Riley to plan. I don't have a head for strategy."
"But Riley's dead."
"No, not Riley. I need the Black Mask."
"What?"
"Look, she bested you in strength, She bested me with steel, and she must have out thought Riley. Anyone that can do that can plan my castle onslaught any day. Let's go" Angel picked up his sword and began striding purposefully out of the woods.
"Where?"
"To find the woman in black obviously!"
"We don't' know where she is."
Angel dismissed the observation, "Don't bother me with trifles. After 20 years my father's soul will be at peace. There will be blood tonight!"
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Spike was once again at his desk. This time he was sharpening his knife when Warren came in.
"The Thieves forest is emptied. I also have 30 men guarding the castle gate."
"Double it, my pet must be safe."
"S-S-sire the gate has but one key and I carry that."
Spike turned his attention to Buffy as she entered the room, "Am my dulcet darling. Tonight we marry! Warren, tomorrow your men will escort us to Sunnydale Dock where every ship in my armada awaits to accompany us."
Catching the lie, "Every ship, but your four fastest. Every ship but the 4 you sent."
"Naturally" Spike covered up. "Pet naturally not those 4."
"Your majesty" Warren interrupted.
"You never sent the ships, don't bother lying. It doesn't matter, Willow wil come for me anyway."
"You're a silly girl." Spike retorted.
"Yes, I am a silly girl for not having seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward with a heart full of fear."
"I would not say such things if I were you."
"Why not? You can't hurt me. Willow and I are joined by the nods of love and you cannot track that. Not with a 1000 bloodhounds, not with a 1000 swords and when I say you're a coward that is only because you are the slimiest weakling ever to crawl the earth. You're beneath me!"
Through gritted teeth, Spike yelled, "I would not say such things if I were you!"
Buffy walked away with a triumphant smile on her face. Spike quickly followed and went straight to the pit. He came rushing down the steps and moved right in to Willow's face.
"You truly love each other so you might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance no matter what the story books say and so I think no person in a century will suffer as greatly as you." Spike walked over and threw the lever on the machine to 50.
Darla shocked cried out, "Not to 50!"
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Angel and Xander where walking though the town square surrounded by a throng of villagers when everyone stopped dead as an earth shattering scream tore through the area.
"Do you hear that Xander? Listen that is the sound of ultimate suffering, my heart made that sound the day Darla slaughtered my father. The woman in black makes it now."
"The woman in black?"
"her true love is marring another tonight. So who else has the cause for ultimate suffering?" Angel reasoned and tried to move through the mass of people. He was trying to follow the screams. "Xander?" He indicated to the crowd.
"Everybody move!" The giant bellowed and the sea of people parted much like the red sea did if Moses really did part the red sea.
They rushed towards the forest and stopped when the screams did. They moved slowly and say a small blonde haired man carrying a wheelbarrow. Angel asked, "Where's the woman in black? Did you get that from this forest?" Pointing to the wheelbarrow, he waited. "Xander job his memory."
Xander thumped Andrew on the head knocking him unconscious. "Sorry Angel, I didn't mean to jog him so hard."
Angel knelt in the clearing. He held is sword up and began a prayer, "Father, I have failed you for 20 years. Now the misery can end. Somewhere, somewhere close by is someone who can help us. I cannot find her alone. I need you, I need you to guide my sword. Please guide my sword." Angel stood slowly. Eyes closed, he pointed his sword out and stumbled to his feet. He wandered a moment and then the sword pointed to a tree. It hit a knot and a door appeared. The two rushed in to the opening and down the steps. They saw Willow lying motionless on the table. Angel walked up and lifted an arm. It fell with no resistance.
Xander whined, "She's dead."
Angel let his head rest on the table, "It's not fair."
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"Pappap, Pappap!" Tara cried out. "What did Xander mean she's dead? I mean he didn't mean dead, dead. Willow's only faking right?"
"Yeah, pap, mommy can't die she has to save momma."
"Would you two like me to continue or not?"
Rupert was outraged. "Who gets Spike?"
"Yeah, that sniveling twerp, who get's the ponce!?" Tara chimed in.
"I don't understand." Giles removed his glasses and began cleaning them.
"Who kills Prince Spike at the end?" Rupert inquired.
His sister quickly followed, "Yeah, someone's got to do it! Is it Angel, who?"
"Nobody does kids."
The redhead was outraged, "You mean he wins? Jesus grandpa what did you read this to us for?"
Giles put his glasses back on and made to get up, "you know you two have been very sick and you're taking this story very seriously. I think we ought to stop now."
"no, no. I'm, we're okay, right sis?"
"Yeah pappap. We're alright."
He looked between the two and conceded. He sat down and picked the book back up. "Ok now let's see where were we? Ah yes, the pit of despair."